The other day, I had the thought “I don’t want to do anything anymore. I quit.”
Kind of funny.
I was sharing on the eating peace webinar how the mind, even when we do The Work regularly, runs and has commentary, and sometimes grand blanket-statement commentary.
It’ll come up with the goofiest things.
As if we have an insane aunt or uncle hanging out in the corner saying things just out of the blue.
I was doing The Work recently with the dearest inquirer.
She said in the middle of her work; “life is just a series of distractions made until we reach the end and can finally die.”
It was the very same kind of thought as the one I told you about a second ago, the one that said “just quit everything” with bravado, like it’s a real idea, or even one that’s possible to follow. (Whatever “everything” is, I’m not even sure).
This kind of grand statement about all of life can show up in more subtle ways, too, about one topic, or an experience.
For example, speaking of holidays….
In my family, there are already texts running around suggesting the location, time, menu and expectations for Thanksgiving. I may have even been the one who started it with a question about who was doing what to someone in the family.
Today in the USA it’s Halloween. If we’re “fun” people, we’ll wear costumes, right? (Another thought I’ve had in the past).
Perhaps we’re even attending a party, or trick-or-treating with kids or grandkids.
The mind is so creative, it immediately can see visions of past tables of food, people having discussions, living rooms, traditions, lights, decorations, meals, activities.
It says “oh no! It’s going to be hard!” or “I won’t like it!”
The mind supplies these past experiences to imagine what’s to come in the near future.
Even as I write this, I just imagined kids coming to the door at 6 pm when it’s beginning to get dark, and I just had the thought “Oh no, I didn’t buy any treats!” Followed by the thought to turn off the porch lights and hide, as my husband and I joked last night. Or go out to a movie.
Is it true the best option is quitting?
Is it true that not going is easier than going?
Is it true you won’t have fun once you get there? Or have a great time even? Or be entertained by life, family, people, atmosphere, no expectations?
No.
I once learned from a wise therapist I saw for quite awhile that if I wanted to go to a large gathering like a party, but felt afraid, I could enter and say to the first person I saw “I don’t really feel comfortable coming to parties….I’m kind of shy.”
It would be so honest, she advised, that I wouldn’t feel like I have to pretend anything.
I tried it at the next gathering I was invited to.
She was right. I had the best conversation.
I started telling the truth at parties or larger gatherings or groups, including my own family-of-origin gatherings. Adding The Work to the process seemed to really help.
Who would I be without the belief that what I’m invited to is going to be dangerous, anxiety-provoking, boring, dumb, a waste of time, hard work, or Not Fun?
Who would I be without the belief that I need to “quit” something, especially something that hasn’t even happened yet?
Ahhhhhh.
I’d feel relaxed.
I’d notice this quiet moment. I’d notice how much fun I have both in silence, and with other people.
Turning the thought around: I don’t have to quit. I can’t actually “quit” everything. And wouldn’t want to.
Quitting will happen eventually, for everything I do now (in the form of death). Reality will take care of the quitting, starting, stopping, going, moving, thinking, ending, being.
Still turning it around: my thinking should quit. Yes, it could quit ruminating on the future. I could quit believing the thoughts about quitting are even true (I notice they aren’t).
My thinking can run, the voices in my mind can speak, and it doesn’t mean I’ll stay home. Maybe I will….and maybe I won’t! I might have a whole heck of a lot of fun if I go.
And that idea feels more fun, right in this moment. And easy, since nothing is required right now. I don’t have to “know” exactly what will happen, what to decide, or what to do.
That which comes and goes, rises and sets, is born and dies is the ego. That which always abides, never changes, and is devoid of qualities is the Self. ~ Ramana Maharshi
Much love,
Grace
P.S. At Breitenbush, we’ll be dancing on Saturday night in the great lodge–open to everyone staying at Breitenbush (not just our group). A wonderful option for movement without speaking, being as you are.