There’s nothing so difficult as missing a person, or longing for them (especially if they’ve died or are no longer speaking to you).
The mind will think about all the ways it used to be, when it was “good” or “fun” or “loving”.
This absence is NOT loving, we think.
I’ve written about a friend who enacted a great betrayal once, according to me of course. She never spoke to me again.
This can happen with family members, parents, siblings, children, lovers.
They’re gone, and we’re hurt.
It’s fascinating, however, to study why we feel “hurt” and what exactly IS hurt, and why it occurs to us to feel upset and troubled when the body and presence of that person apparently is not in our vicinity.
Are we feeling useless? Unwanted? Betrayed? Rejected? Guilty? All of the above?
Ahhhh….what a good time for inquiry.
Who would we be without our story of their departure filled with the meaning “I am hurt” (because they’re gone)?
I talked about it in the most recent Peace Talk Episode 143, so join me there to question “they hurt me”.
I’ll also be heading to Facebook Live today to ponder with you the experience of questioning this sometimes profoundly painful story called They Left Me and I’m Hurting.
If you’d like to join me on Facebook live, come on over here at 10:15 am Pacific Time today (May 23) or watch the replay later.
Much love,
Grace
June 3rd East West Books on healing eating issues with self-inquiry 1-4 pm. Also June 10th last half-day retreat of the year Living Inquiries Group 2-6 pm (last one of the year).
I am throughly engaged with the parenting workshop….just witnessing the stories and similar uncertanities around how best to respond when our children appear to be collapsing in some way,….its so helpful not to feel alone and hear such candid honesty.
my mother died at 49…..I thought I had explored every feeling…judgement….story I had, But this work sheet was different….much more spare in content, and revealed an almost singular emotional orientation that I seem to have innocently….on both our parts….inhereted. But the lens feels different,… there is a revealation in it….it feels like new ground
This is so powerful to hear, Nicola. I’d love to share your comment of appreciating hearing how NOT alone you are with the group–would that be OK? Thanks for letting me know, it’s very sweet to hear of your process with both children and your mother. –Much love, Grace