In the Year of Inquiry program, we’re embarking on our last month as a private group (although everyone continues with Summer Camp for The Mind for July and August).
The topic?
The worst that we believe could happen (our fears), shame, guilt and the turnaround to #6.
Not exactly light reading.
The Turnaround to #6 is profoundly mind-bending. There are good reasons why we’re invited not to jump to that special kind of #6 turnaround inquiry before we spend time answering the four simple questions around a topic or person we’ve found painful.
What everyone will get to do in Year of Inquiry is return to investigate further someone they’ve done The Work on, perhaps last autumn when we all began together.
Someone who we repeatedly have a thing with (you know, THAT person) is so great to sit with for this #6 deal
They might also choose to dig into their shame and guilt about something they themselves did, or a way they acted in the past.
Choose one of these people right now. Can you see him/her/them in your mind?
Now see one of the most disturbing or irritating dynamics you’ve had rise when it comes to that person.
What is it you never, ever want to experience again with them, if you really had your way? What is it you’d like to have vanish from your interactions? What would you like to erase, like wiping away chalk on a blackboard?
I don’t ever want…..(this is what you write down when you’re filling out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet question #6).
I don’t ever want:
- to be abandoned
- to feel such terror, or rage
- this person I love to die
- to be hungry, fat, injured, ugly
- to lose something so important to me
- to be betrayed by a friend
- him to hate me
- her to criticize me
- not have enough (money, time, clarity, enlightenment)
You’ve looked at that moment, you’ve explored with the four questions. You’ve learned so much from what happened.
And now….the profound #6 turnarounds.
I am willing….
I look forward….
This is not a sadistic or masochistic wish to be mean to yourself or others. It’s not a anihilistic urge to destroy everything, or give up all hope for happiness.
It really is something to contemplate with a tone of peace, awareness of how you are OK. How life goes on, love is possible, and you might not know the full reason for anything with your mind.
So try it on right now, with something you’ve noticed you wrote or that you say you never, ever want to experience again:
I am willing:
- to be abandoned
- to feel such terror, or rage
- that this person I love dies
- to be hungry, fat, injured, ugly
- to lose something so important to me
- to be betrayed by a friend
- for him to hate me
- for her to criticize me
- to not have enough (money, time, clarity, enlightenment)
How could this be true? Why would you be willing to experience this again?
See if you can find even a tiny example that’s loving, genuine, and kind to yourself. This isn’t about inflicting further pain.
For example, I am willing for him to hate me, because I’d know I said something deep and courageous and he’s simply responding. I’d return to my own inner preference or truth, without needing him to like me. I’d become aware of who not to hang out with. I’d have the chance to talk it out and hold us both lovingly. I’d learn even more powerfully how to be kind as well as direct.
When you turnaround your #6, you’re flipping your own command to the universe that you’re too tiny to handle something happening again.
You’re turning around your conviction that the world is dangerous and things should be divided into Good and Bad so you can make sure to get as many of the good crumbs as possible. You’re turning around an image of yourself and others, including Reality, as uncaring.
And then we turn around our #6 even further, upping the ante.
This can really freak some people out. They think of their minds as so powerful they’ll re-create or birth this experience, just by saying or thinking it.
(In fact, it’s the complete opposite to wonder about your greatest fears. A lightness comes, you don’t give so much power to your fear).
I look forward:
- to being abandoned
- to feeling such terror, or rage
- to a person I love dying
- to being hungry, fat, injured, ugly
- to losing something so important to me
- to a friend betraying me
- to him hating me
- to her criticism
- to not having enough (money, time, clarity, enlightenment)
Can you feel the humor in simply first not allowing your mind to be so terrified that you’d brace yourself against these common experiences in human life?
Can you feel the relief in noticing every up has a down, every life has a death, every hate has a love, every criticism has acceptance?
What would actually be interesting, entertaining, bittersweet, heart-breakingly beautiful about experiencing your world fully without demanding Reality change so you can be happy?
For example: I look forward to getting cancer again because….
People will surprise me with their words of love and incredibly generous help, I’ll meet new practitioners, I’ll notice how amazing sensations are in the body like pain, and absence of pain. I’ll get to lie in bed and read, and watch fabulous movies. I’ll get to do The Work on my identification with the body and thinking it’s all I am and all I need. I’ll hold peoples’ hands. I’ll speak very honestly about how I feel about people. I’ll have wonderful conversations with visitors. I’ll be a model of someone who’s questioning their beliefs on the Titanic. I’ll no longer have to earn money, fix my house, or weed the yard.
What are your reasons for entering into the thing you thought you never wanted to experience?
Is it exciting yet?
And if it isn’t, all is well. You’re doing it just right, in perfect timing.
If you can’t do this work yourself, don’t worry.
You don’t even have to make a decision,
one way or another. The Friend, who knows
a lot more than you do, will bring difficulties,
and grief, and sickness,
as medicine, as happiness,
as the essence of the moment when you’re beaten,
when you hear Checkmate, and can finally say,
with Hallaj’s voice,
I trust you to kill me.
~ Jallaludin Rumi
P.S. Just found out there are 3 more spots in Breitenbush retreat in 2 weeks. Join us for The Work and turning it all fully around.
Much love,
Grace