OMG that person is soooooo gushing, over-the-top full of praise, way too complimentary, ingratiating, very needy. They must want something.
Have you ever had that inner feeling about someone, like they’re Pepe Le Pew?
I have. Then I did The Work on them.
And guess what?
Perhaps even worse….have you ever had the feeling YOU were being too clingy, needy, desperate, grabby about someone, or about a relationship you were attracted to?
The thing is, compensating for your own needy feelings, your own wants and desires, or trying to suppress them….
….doesn’t really work.
This is what it’s like.
OMG I really want to hang out with that person. He’s awesome. Uh oh. I better not ever be needy. Being needy is gross. He said he doesn’t like dependency in others. I did The Work on that other guys neediness, which was gross. I’ll act nonchalant. I’ll be easy-going.
They want to cancel last-minute plans? No problem. They want to go to that restaurant, even though I don’t like the big screen TVs inside? No problem. They chose that movie with lots of scenes of blowing things to smithereens? OK with me. They want to see the play with the crying, sad ending? Sure thing.
I just won’t appear to need their love.
I’ve read the book.
Cool as a cucumber over here.
This is called skipping over the next step in The Work and avoiding the feelings of grief, sadness, dread, loss, or heart-wrenching disappointment.
I understand it. I’ve done it.
In one love interest, I already had The Work in my life, but I would “do” The Work over and over again on the man being totally uninterested in me (who I felt interested in) so I could be MORE detached, laissez-faire, and relaxed in his presence….
….all with the secret inside hope that therefor he’d propose, be more attracted, or want to betogetherforeverfortherestofourlives.
(No spaces between the words on purpose).
So if you notice yourself doing ANYTHING to try to be NOT what you are, or what you feel….
….good little hiding place for self-inquiry.
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
In this case: NEEDINESS!
Here’s how it unfolded for me.
First, with a quality (like “neediness”) you’ll probably already have noticed how someone else has it, and you found it repulsive.
The next thing that happened is you maybe did The Work, and discovered YOU had this quality, and found it repulsive (ahem, like my example, “neediness”, just saying).
You vowed without even knowing it that you would start working immediately (or continue “working” on yourself) on this quality. I will never, ever, ever be needy.
Oh, rats.
I realize something.
I am still totally 100% against neediness. I did The Work on that other person being needy, it pointed back to me, and now I’m determined not to be needy myself.
Important bulletin: I’m still against neediness.
This work is about the Truth. Noticing reality. Noticing what I’m at war with. Noticing my own pain, stress, suffering.
I myself shouldn’t ever be needy, make requests, ask for help, for food, for attention, for love.
Is that true?
Sigh. Yes! Aren’t enlightened people Non-Needy?
But can you absolutely know it’s true you shouldn’t ever be needy?
No. Because sometimes, I have been.
How do you react when you believe you shouldn’t act needy, detached, clingy or have any agenda whatsoever?
See above. I do things I don’t even like to do. I don’t hang up the phone.
Who would you be without the belief you shouldn’t be needy?
I’d just be here, with myself, noticing the desire for attention or support or security, and relax a little.
I’d maybe even….giggle.
I’d observe how brilliantly everything goes, even relationships, without my knowing a thing. I’d be so very aware of the part of me, as a beautiful inquirer said yesterday in the Eating Peace Process group, that’s very grounded.
Like a tree the way it blows wildly about, maybe loses a branch or two, but is rooted in the ground no matter what it’s winding up thinking or believing.
“You’re working at a deeper level. You’re not working with your psychology, to suppress, hold together, do affirmations, get the energy nicer. You’re going deep. You’re working with the blockages themselves, rather than the result of the blockages. Deep is the only place a solution exists. All the energy, attention, consciousness can now go to seeing the rock, on seeing, seeing, seeing…..If you center the energy back in the witness, in yourself, all these things will fall off like a snake, they will shed. You’ll start feeling peace where you felt disturbance. You are an extremely beautiful being, who needs nothing from anyone. The flower when it blossoms and opens in the morning naturally opens. It doesn’t need to receive, or to give. You are like this.” ~ Michael Singer
Much love,
Grace