If you are willing to answer two questions (anonymously) about what you’d like more of, and what you’d like less of in Grace Notes in 2017, I’d LOVE to hear your stressful thoughts you’d like to see worked, learn what’s most helpful, hear what doesn’t work for you and any questions you have about The Work. Please click here to share with me what works and what doesn’t.
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*Ping!*
An email came in and it was so short I didn’t even need to open it, I could already see the full content.
Two words.
“Dingbat Extraordinaire”.
It was about me, under an 11 minute Eating Peace video I made on the stressful thought of doing something compulsive (again) and believing the thought you’ll never stop, you’ve been doing the same thing forever, you’re at a holiday party and you overeat or over-drink when you promised yourself you wouldn’t.
Such a short comment, who knows what exactly it was referring to.
But it had a little pinch in it. A disappointment. A deflation. Too bad. A “dingbat” isn’t a good thing, is it? People will see that comment and agree.
Fortunately, the phrase I heard from Katie long ago, early on in meeting her and doing The Work arose in my mind….
….”the gift of criticism”.
Criticism is a gift? What?! Because it doesn’t feel like it right in this moment when a stranger writes those words.
Maybe you have your own moment of feeling criticized.
This is an incredible place to inquire, to sink into the feeling of hurt or judgment towards you from someone else, and identify and question your beliefs.
Who would I be without the thought that what I’ve just read is “critical” and means…..WHAT?
I love discovering what I think criticism actually means.
It means I’m not liked! It means I wasn’t helpful. It means the person is disgusted, which means they have no use for me, which means I’m abandoned and alone. It means they’ll influence other people and they will ditch me.
But is this actually true that criticism means I’ll be abandoned and alone, that there’s something wrong with me, that I’m not good enough?
If someone gets upset and stops communicating with me, does it mean I’m threatened or there’s something wrong with it? If a stranger makes a statement like the one I read, does it actually mean anything about me?
Hmmm.
It SEEMS like it means something about me. They are arriving at an opinion of what they are seeing and hearing, which they think and I think is “me”. Although this little snippet of “me” is not the fullness of what I am.
I notice I like it better when someone writes a comment that suggests they’re very happy they found that video, they loved watching it, and it was helpful.
But who would I be without this story of needing to be likable, intelligent, appealing, helpful, or understood by others?
Who would I be without the thought those words mean something “bad” or that I’ll be abandoned and dismissed and all alone?
Lighter. More spacious.
In this case, laughing.
The words are pretty funny “dingbat extraordinaire”.
I’ve called myself a dingbat before, so it’s not that surprising, and I’ve completely acted like an absent minded professor and lost details and forgotten obvious things (to some). The word “dingbat” actually means (according to the dictionary) someone eccentric or stupid.
OK, hand raised. Especially the “eccentric” part. LOL. But I can deal with “stupid” too. I can find it.
Turning it entirely around: I am willing to be labeled by someone in the world, on the internet, as a dingbat extraordinaire. I look forward to it.
How could this be just as true, or truer?
Well, for one thing, it already happened. For another, it makes me curious about what is being seen. It inspires me to improve my message. I’m aware of how many people still say they love listening, watching or reading. Maybe it weeds out those who are better served elsewhere.
I also have a flash image of seeing messages or comments on the internet about people I very deeply admire who are leaders in the world of mindfulness and healing, who are wanting to be in service of peace, like I do.
Not so long ago I read a stranger’s abrasive comment on one of my favorite teacher’s feeds in facebook, and remembered having the thought “wow, even the most respected authors and teachers sometimes have aggression appear around what they’re expressing…I wonder how he handles these kinds of comments?”
How could it be a good thing, that you hear or read those words about you?
Wow. Just being willing to allow everything to be as it is, to even celebrate or respect those words, is a completely different feeling than the immediate defensive reaction.
And I notice, without my stressful thoughts about what should or shouldn’t be, about what it means….
….”dingbat extraordinaire” is pretty funny.
“I love receiving what the world calls criticism. It’s a very, very fast way to know yourself. Just in case you don’t, the world does. To be a true seeker, open your minds. Could they be right?” ~ Byron Katie
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The Gift of Criticism Byron Katie
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Much love,
Grace