The third question in the four primary questions of The Work of Byron Katie is….
…”How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?”
Wow, what an interesting question, you know?
How do I react? What happens? When I’m thinking ______ (fill in the troubling thought) what is it like? What goes on inside me? How do I actually behave on the outside? What’s it like being in the world, when I’m thinking this thought, and feeling it to be true?
Good lord.
It’s a big huge question, even if you only ask it about ONE single stressful thought.
This past week, the new Year of Inquiry inquirers gathered to listen to whomever was speaking, and to contemplate their own answers, even if they didn’t talk out loud.
Who are you, without your stressful belief?
Often, sitting with this question, we consider what images appear, what we remember, what this reminds of us.
One inquirer had a really stressful thought.
I should go to work.
(Even though I’m in physical pain and basically can’t).
Wow. I remembered having this thought about so many jobs. Extreme guilt. Feeling like I should go. Not wanting to. Am I sick enough to stay home? I should buck up and go. People will be disappointed. What if I feel better in two hours? Then I’ll really be guilty.
Agonizing debate on the inside.
During question three (how do you react, what happens when you think this stressful thought?) the inquirer remembered, just like it happens so often, a moment in childhood.
Mom wants me to do something, wants to force me to do something, is verbally sharp and abrasive and abusive. I have the very same feeling, standing in the presence of mother as I do with employer. I should do it, even though I don’t want to. I’m being forced. I can’t really discover what I want, or what’s right for me, I have to do the “right” thing. For them. There’s no good outcome or solution that works for everyone. I feel small and powerless.
Ouch.
An incredibly powerful exercise, when these flash images come in, sometimes traumatic, sometimes long forgotten, sometimes very painful:
Become willing to sit with that memory, that situation, that feeling, and write a worksheet on it.
Go back.
I like to call it FOO.
If you say it, it lightens things a little. FOO. Family of Origin.
I know these memories are sometimes very foggy, dark, uncertain.
You’re happy it’s been so long since they happened.
But these origin stories are very powerful for inquiry, if they set you off into patterns or imprints where you suffered with the same flavor of story over and over again.
Just remember, it’s safe to look at them now. It may even be safer to look than to not look.
As Byron Katie invites, so many times I’ve heard her say this: Mother, Father, Sister, Brother.
Watch your personal history movie.
Do The Work on those people who influenced you early. See what happens.
It will be good.
“Babies are not born into this world of illusion until they attach. When you’re clear, it’s wonderful fun to observe it. I love being with my grandbabies. I love hearing all my lies! ‘That’s a tree.’ ‘That’s a sky.’ ‘I love you.’ ‘You’re Grandma’s precious.’ ‘You’re the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.’ All these lies, and I’m having a wonderful time. If it doesn’t work for them, they can question their stressful thoughts. I am joy. I’m not going to censor any of it.” ~ Byron Katie on Parents and Children
I love finding out what I started believing, that wasn’t true. And of course, the great thing about The Work is….you only have to question the stressful thoughts.
Keep the fun ones, just like Katie.
If you’re interested in entering four days of The Work in north Seattle at my Goldilocks Cottage, we’ll be questioning thoughts from start to finish, and throwing in exercises to help us all go back, back, back, back.
(Can you hear the cheerleaders shouting? Back! Back! Back! Back!)
October 13-16, 2016.
This one is non-residential, but if you’ve coming from afar, we’ll help you find a close by hotel or place to stay with others. Seattle is a special, sweet place in mid-October. The weather is mild, the summer crowds are thinning. Everything smells like rich earth and dew. When the sun comes out, it’s brilliant orange.
When we go in together, gathered in a circle, we share the most amazing insights as we do The Work. Everyone is welcome, beginners to experienced. You get to start from exactly where you are, with whatever disturbs you in your life. You’ll get to go back, in your mind, to previous history or memories to take a look, but only if you want to.
Present issues, past issues….all are welcome. We’ll have some special invitations to take a look at the old ones, if you’re ready.
Read all about it here.
Much love,
Grace