Tuesday night, at the closing of a beautiful four day retreat, all the people assembled gathered in a circle to share their take-aways from the time together.
We had just completed four full days of watching Byron Katie, and the awesome people in her live audience, streamed from Switzerland. Eighteen people from our local community in the Pacific Northwest joined me.
We copied the pace and structure of the event in Switzerland, and held complete silence in between all the video sessions with Katie.
There is no comparison to watching this online retreat with the group who gathered here in my neighborhood….
….vs watching by myself at home and attempting (not) to remain in silence in between sessions, and do my own inquiry work on disturbing situations I’ve encountered in life.
My mind is a bit tricky to hold silence for 4 days, relax, listen, and do in-depth work on my own.
(Although, I could question that).
But here’s one of the coolest things that happened. It’s not the first time, but oh so sweet to feel and see it occur again.
Everyone felt close, felt loving, and felt connected even though some people didn’t even know other peoples’ names until our closing circle.
People drove from Canada, from Oregon, from all around Washington state. People have flown before from California. All to share the silence, and drinking in Katie’s words AND the words of all the beautiful people who share live at the retreat.
I already can’t wait until next year.
So here’s the thing.
Sharing the time together is incredibly helpful if you get stuck in thought-loops when you’re on your own. If you feel isolated, or introverted about your inner world. Or shame about what you’ve been feeling and thinking.
The way my mind used to work.
(Well, it still races off in this direction, it’s just I’m totally getting what Katie talks about, that I don’t believe what it’s saying! Halleluia!)
But this is the way it went before:
1) Something happened that felt a little uncomfortable, or really awful. Shocking. Or mildly irritating. Doesn’t matter. I don’t like it. It’s a bother. I’d rather it was different.
In other words, Reality is not perfect, in this situation.
2) KABAM. Mind is crunching down around the “problem” trying to fix it, adjust it, change it, get away from it, destroy it, rip it to shreds, complain about it, run away from it, avoid it, solve it, erase it.
Never questioning for One Minute that there’s a problem. It assumes there IS one. And it’s here! No doubt whatsoever.
3) Huge amounts of energy, fear and terror, lack of sleep, isolation, loneliness, depression, anger, waiting, sadness and suffering follow.
4) Things cools off (but they aren’t really forgotten, they’re in the files).
5) Something happens. Go back to #1.
When I first learned to do The Work, I inserted a step between 3 and 4.
It went like this:
3a) Consider I might be wrong about this terrible situation. It woudl be good if I was mistaken about this. It would potentially mean less stress and fear, less worry and upset. I might feel better. But my mind can’t actually be WRONG! Wait! That would be terrible! Go back to #4 and continue.
But then I got together with other people.
Other people also interested in questioning their thoughts and beliefs.
Instead of pausing for 5 seconds at 3a and moving to #4, my thought process began to add 3b.
3b) Take out a piece of paper and start writing down a few thoughts, wildly, with passion, with nervousness. Maybe get all the way to questioning a stressful belief using The Work, starting with the first question “is it true?”
Ditch this process. Too boring. Too slow. Too cumbersome. Too ridiculous. It doesn’t work, and it’s not going to work in the future.
Go back to #4.
Ahhhhhh, but then came The School for The Work.
Sitting slowly with a whole group of people, and Katie facilitating. There, together, we sat for 9 days over and over again questioning stressful situations. Seeing what I had objected to, in some cases since childhood. Going through all four questions of The Work, and finding turnarounds.
If it hadn’t been for being in a group program, I would have left for a movie.
The kind where you eat popcorn and it’s about someone else’s life, not mine. Preferably with a happy ending.
After The School, I really got that connecting with other people, sharing in the discoveries, telling the truth about my thinking, does something so deep. It created intimacy and dissolved shame, fear and embarrassment at what I had been calling “my” thoughts.
Wow! I thought. There aren’t new thoughts, and I’m not a Special Case (like the only person The Work doesn’t work for, or the only person who had “x” happen and can’t get over it).
After seeing and experiencing the power of the group spending time together to question and BE in inquiry, I noticed something interesting had happened.
2a) The paper comes out, and a pen is fetched, and I remember and consider doing The Work after #2. I get some insight. I feel relief. I step back from my “problem”. I maybe even get excited. I do not necessarily move on to #3!
Then….after more practice and more time spent partnering with other people, sharing The Work, facilitating and receiving facilitation from other human beings….something VERY interesting happened.
#1 occurs. Something troubling happens.
1a) The paper comes out, I get a pen (or open my laptop) and I’m writing down my judgments and answering all the questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet RIGHT AFTER #1.
I realize I might have been over-reacting. A new way to handle the situation pops in my head. I feel calmer. I get the sense in not such a scary way that I might not know what’s really going on. I might laugh.
And then…..
….I bet you can guess what happened next.
I began to sit down with pen and paper, before anything appears to have happened (#1) and actually go through memories ON PURPOSE to find events, disturbances, situations I thought I forgot all about after #4.
I no longer wished I had forgotten about those things.
I notice I hadn’t, even when I wanted to. Not really.
This unraveling and uncovering all the dark corners of my past, and diving into inquiry to address these memories, have mostly happened during retreats and partner work with others.
Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to do on your own.
I have LOVED sitting now, and doing The Work all by myself.
But hands down….the best is when I am supported by the energy of other human beings (or just one other partner) sharing the inquiry together.
Sometimes you just want someone to hold your hand, or give you a hand up, or take your arm as you’re walking along the path, or laugh with you. It allows you to notice you’re not mad.
It’s made all the difference in the world to me.
Who would I be without my stressful thoughts?
Grateful beyond measure to everyone (and to Katie) for coming along for the ride, and noticing….
….I’ve had support, connection, others and life sharing All This with me the whole time.
I just didn’t see it.
If you feel isolated and stuck, or lost when you try to inquire, or you get obsessive and aggravated with your own thinking, or you think you’re the only one not getting this….
….then you may be ready to join the next and newest brilliant version of Year of Inquiry.
I am so touched and excited by each and every person who says “yes” to this adventure.
There are several new components to Year of Inquiry, but one primary thread: doing The Work together. Not leaving you on Planet Mars to fend for yourself in outer space without the four questions or without your own answers.
The most amazing people show up for inquiry together for a year.
You may make a friend you’ll know when you’re 85 years old. People in Year of Inquiry from previous years continue to partner and share with people they met in their first YOI. I get notes all the time from participants. Some people return over and over to YOI, as this work has become part of their transformational life practice and they know they want community for it over time.
Registration is open for early bird Year of Inquiry 2016-2017. If you’re curious about what it’s like, read on:
We meet three times a week via telesession (free for anyone from all over the world through the internet). You come to one session a week, or all three–you get to choose.
We’ll do immersion into deep partner work, especially for everyone interested in credit with Institute for The Work of Byron Katie. while this is optional, it’s an amazing process for people who want to learn the one-for-one way of partnering taught in the Institute for The Work (ITW).
We meet twice in Seattle, Washington (optional) for 4 days for two retreats. People fly from all over to be together. We also have a monthly webinar (new) on our topic and to review best practices for The Work and going deep into Q &A.
While we have ten powerful topics for inquiry during our year together, everyone in YOI also has access for free to at least 2 other teleclasses I teach on some of the same topics (money, eating, relationships, sexuality, pain/sickness, parenting) for no charge. Local YOI folks enrolled in the FULL program can also come to my monthly Deep Divers Sunday closed group that meets October through June.
It’s quite simply, a HUGE INCLUSIVE WELCOME to everyone who wants to stay connected throughout the entire year to all the brilliant people who show up to do The Work together under the apparent umbrella organization of Work With Grace.
I do this because I love The Work and I love exploring the truth and I love waking up.
I couldn’t do it without you.
If you’d like all the information about Year of Inquiry, please visit and read this page. You can scroll down for the logistical details to the bottom of the page including dates, times, and the fee schedule.
You can choose the Whole Shebang (everything including retreats) or Everything Except Retreats (for those more available online via phone/computer).
So excited to see who joins the new YOI. You are already part of my heart and soul. Everyone who has gone before you, all the other participants, have helped make this a better and better program over time, with improvements and sharp clarity, and a brilliant awareness of what works.
I can’t wait. This is gonna be better than ever.
And I’m talking about what we’ll discover about Reality.
If you’re not up for this huge commitment of an entire year, or you don’t have the funding….look for a meetup in your area, find a partner, go over to my facebook page Work With Grace and share that you’re looking to trade The Work with someone (I might be able to pair you up), call the Help Line, come to a retreat.
This work doesn’t require anything, except a willing, open mind….and I know if you’re here, you’ve got one!
“Take thoughts in as if you were a lover. Thoughts are the Beloved. If you don’t love them, you’re at war. Invite them in, put them on paper, make love….Fear is a trance. Inquiry wakes you up.” ~ Byron Katie during Being With Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace