Last minute 2 people had to cancel attending Breitenbush so space is open. They are holding some housing options today only for anyone wanting to attend. We begin next week on Weds evening 6/24. Can’t wait to do The Work with you.
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Don’t you love when people get on their high horse?
I love that saying “she’s on her high horse!”
It comes from history where the social rank of someone included higher and bigger horses. Those with the highest horses were the wealthiest and had greatest power.
Sometimes we say this about someone with irritation, sometimes with some laughter.
We might joke about ourselves “gosh, sorry I just got all up on my high horse on that topic!” if we express a lengthy opinion.
And then sometimes, when you look closely….
…you’re really full of judgment about that crazy passionate irritating person up there on that horse so high in the air.
I wish she’d quit saying what she’s saying. What an opinionated arrogant person!
I wish he’d quit being such a primadonna, criticizing all those who disagree with him, going on and on about this issue in the world.
Trouble is, suddenly you may notice you don’t agree….with those disagreeable people who are not agreeing.
Oh. Right.
Time for the work.
So let’s explore a little first.
What does it mean that the person in question is so on their high horse anyway? What do you think is actually annoying about it?
What’s dangerous about it? Why do you want them to stop?
Because.
They’re showing what someone looks like who is AGAINST. I don’t like seeing it.
Why don’t you like seeing it? Hello?
It scares me. She’s saying she’s against. She’s a fighter. She’s not a listener. She doesn’t accept people. She’s opinionated and willing to reject, or cut off, or start a fight over it.
He’s harsh, angry. He thinks everyone needs to do it his way. And I myself am not doing it his way. So he will hate me.
And why is THAT difficult?
Why are you disturbed if someone hates you?
Be honest.
Images come to mind as I sit in this wondering. Why don’t I like it if someone is contrary, gruff with me, says “you suck” or “what you speak of is too confusing, or wrong.”
Why is it troubling if you think someone doesn’t care about you or your request opinion, approach, experience?
Something just rises up within that feels like fear. It feels like an emergency. People need to like me, to accept me.
I never thought to question the times people don’t like me, or they cut me off, or they leave, to see how it could be OK.
Long ago when fairly new to The Work I personally had one of the best situations I could have ever dreamed up to teach me how to look closely. (You can read that Grace Note right here).
But let’s look at a lighter-weight kind of criticism, where you have no idea if that person dislikes you or rejects you….you just feel like they’re dismissive, uncaring, not paying attention, not safe.
Maybe they’ve said something they don’t like about you, or confront you on something.
Adrenaline. Zam. It’s coursing through your system.
Stop a sec.
You are not safe when that person does that behavior, expresses that opinion….is it true?
Wow.
Well.
Yeah. Something feels very unsafe. My heart is racing.
Now that I think about it, I know this person loves me….and yet, still, I feel unsafe. On alert, worried. Not happy with the disagreement.
Can you be absolutely sure you aren’t safe?
No.
How do you react when she or he says those words, or looks away, or starts talking about how they disagree with you?
Anger! I put up my dukes!
Or I hold it together and write them off. I back away slowly, out of the room, then run for miles.
There’s an instant urgency to escape or defend (you may be hooked up to defend/attack, or defend/run). Or both.
So who would you be without the belief that you’re not safe when someone pokes into your opinions, when they disagree with you, when they confront you, when they zing in with something that feels painful?
Political discussions are awesome for this process.
Do you notice how freaked out everyone can get on occasion? How riled up and emotional?
Who would I be without the belief that they shouldn’t get so intense over there?
I’d be holding still a minute. I’d be connected, wondering the purpose of their presence here, for my own awareness. I wouldn’t jump.
I’d be entirely here, listening. Watching the part that doesn’t want to hear any more.
(I might simply move away if there was a huge storm, but not with that emergency wild I-hate-this determination).
Turning the thoughts around:
They have a right to their life, their opinion. It is safe.
How could this be just as true, or even truer?
Really look.
How is it a good thing that these people hold their beliefs, their opinions, or behave in the way they’re behaving?
How is it of benefit, even, to you that they have spoken out, or called YOU out?
One helpful way to find your truth in this is to see what is being done or said and write it down.
For example, one person said once “you are all idiots if you don’t show up at that event!” to an audience of listeners. I was in the audience.
Instead of saying “what a jerk!” I can take a look….have I been an idiot ever?
Ha ha. Well. YEAH.
He was right.
I could also see the pain in that person’s words, that he felt frightened and upset.
How would it work more easy for me in the world…..to give that objectional person my righteous opinion, and join in the fear…..or to relax in their presence?
I notice relaxing and connecting is more beautiful. For ME.
I don’t like wars that much (working on it)!
The thing is….when you have a disagreement with someone, it’s not going to feel glorious and like floating on clouds. You will have energy rise up. I always do, every time.
But you don’t have to throw your energy at the other person like a hand grenade. You don’t’ have to run for the hills.
You can remain standing on the field and say “I’d like to hear more, and it would help me feel calmer if you stopped yelling or calling names” or “I see you’re wanting to get a point across, and I’m listening” or (and this I learned from the late Marshall Rosenberg) “it sounds like you have a need for everyone to join you and to feel more connected, is that true?”
“One of the things that I understood about thoughts appearing inside me was that I was someone to be trusted with them. I was the vessel that they could appear in and finally be met with unconditional love. The same thoughts also came to me through my children, when they wer free to tell me how they felt. They came through every other form of communication. They couldn’t come fast enough for me, because I knew what to do with them. From my children’s mouths or from my mind I put the on paper, and I inquired. I treated them as what they wer: visting friend, neighbors I had misunderstood, who were kind enough to knock on my door again. Everyone is welcome here.” ` Byron Katie in Loving What Is
Could that intensity I have judged so strongly, be my intensity?
Turning the thoughts around again: My thinking is wrong. My intensity is too intense to keep inside. My intensity is an alarm ringing to examine and feel fear. My opinions about myself are not important, they are incorrect, they are too low, they are too high.
Wow. All this has been true.
What is here, without any thought about what should or shouldn’t be said?
Can I notice the beauty of this empty spacious moment, even when someone sticks a sharp word at me?
Yes.
Summer Camp For The Mind is coming next month!! I am sooooo excited!!
