There’s a really painful stressful belief that can be tricky, because often, a person holding this belief doesn’t express it out loud.
Called “he used me…she used me…they’re using me”.
Grumble. Fume. Set-things-down-too-hard.
I am being used, and I object!
My boss, my employer, my partner, my kids, my neighbors, my parents.
They demand I give them rides, pay so little, run errands, get stuff for them, clean, help, drop everything when I’m in the middle of….
….oh….I almost didn’t see you there.
Were we going to maybe question that belief about getting used?
Why, yes.
We are.
The same flavor of complaint can appear when you think you’re “bending over backwards” for someone, or when you’re “going all out” and they don’t notice, or when you’ve worked sooooo hard and they don’t seem to care.
They don’t appreciate the effort, work, sacrifice, intention.
Let’s investigate.
Is it true?
Yes. I tried so hard to help. He didn’t give a rat’s ass.
I mean nothing. I don’t matter. I have no control, or power, or influence with him.
He still went back to drugs.
What’s your reaction when you think it’s true that underneath it all, you’re being used? When you think you aren’t appreciated?
Resentment. Hopelessness. Anger.
You might say something to that person you love, like “after all I’ve done for you….” with anger in your voice.
You might talk about your boss or the whole company where you work and say things like “they’re so cheap….they treat us badly….I’m outta here.”
You might seethe inside about your grumpy old father, or grandfather, and take care of his needs with a tight jaw, trying to bite your tongue off.
You might be sitting alone, again, in your house filled with terror as you don’t know where he or she is, the one person you care about the most.
Not that fun.
So who would you be without carrying around the thought that you’re being used, and it’s unfortunate? Without the belief they don’t appreciate you?
What if you were completely free of that belief, as you sat in that person’s presence, or you were working hard at a task, or alone all by yourself while thinking of that person?
No thought that you’re being used?
Ahhhhh…..the freedom.
“If you think that your daughter is your problem, welcome to The Work. Your daughter is the perfect daughter for you, because she’s going to bring up every un-investigated concept you have until you get a clue about reality. That’s her job. Everything has its job. This candle’s job is to burn, this rose’s job is to blossom, your daughter’s job is to use drugs, my job is to drink my tea now. And when you understand, she’ll follow you, she’ll understand. It’s a law, because she’s your projection. When you move into the polarity of truth, so will she. Hell here, hell there. Peace here, peace there.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
That person who is using you….or causing the trouble….
….what if their job is to bring up your un-investigated belief system?
Turning the thoughts around:
I am not being used by them. I am using myself, and this story about being a victim to stay small and protected. I am using them to prove that I’m a good person who tries to help (when I don’t really feel that good inside).
I am using this situation as a way to show myself what a giving person I am, how useful, how important. That I matter.
I am not believing that saying no and not helping is just as beautiful as helping. I am not remembering that taking care of myself, with love, is my only job.
Who’s doing the using? Who’s building a case for poor me?
I could also turn this so far around that we’ve got a big yahoo about being used, used, used.
Like the gospel singers who raise their gorgeous voices to the Great Mystery or God or Silence or whatever you’d like to call it….Use Me.
Halleluia….use me.
Like Bill Withers singing, as if he was singing about Reality or the Universe or Life or God and all his friends were warning him aboutTHAT.
(Isn’t that what we all do when we agree on dreadful scary thoughts?)
What if you turned your feelings of being used all the way around and shouted, with a wide open heart, not even knowing what you’ll be guided to….
….use me up.
I am in service. To truth.
Use me!
Thank you.
Now that’s a turnaround.
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Much love,
Grace