Peace Talk Podcast this week is on ANXIETY. I’d love your comments or to read your reviews on itunes.
Haven’t listened yet? Google Grace Bell Podcast.
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So now that I’m done with the recent in-person retreat Eating Peace and getting registrations for the upcoming 3 month online program with the same title….
….I’m aware that next Monday, only five days away….
….a teleclass begins on PARENTING.
Did you hear the shark-lurking-in-the-water sound?
Duhn-duhn-duhn-duhn.
Oh man.
Beliefs about parenting, other people’s parenting, caring for young humans, caring about actually grown up kids, judging how our parents parented….
….is intense, to put it mildly.
I would say hands down, my kids provided the most worksheets on situations where I “lost” my temper than any other situations in my life for the past ten years.
Especially my amazing daughter.
The first time I wrote a worksheet on her, I was ashamed to read it to the person facilitating me.
How could a mother be so mean, babyish, angry, and vengeful?!
My rage was intense.
And this kid was only 8 years old at the time.
She shouldn’t talk back, she shouldn’t boss me, I need her to listen (code word for listen is do-what-I-say I later realized), I want her to respect me, she is rude, ungrateful, loud, irritating, ridiculous, outrageous.
It was weird how mad I could get.
She should clean up her room, wash her dishes.
Even now I will scan the room when I enter the house, see her boots and backpack lying on the chair, and immediately think….
….”WHAT?! She should put those away in her room!”
Like it’s such a shock.
Over and over again it seemed, I questioned and entered the incredible open world of who I would be without my thoughts about my children….
….so stressful, so ingrained, so deep.
So the other day, I told my daughter “you should listen to my new podcast—that’s your DAD doing the intro and outro you know—and it’s only five minutes kinda like your you-tuber friends….I’d like to know what you think!”
She took one look at the cover art, two babies (thank you to the photographer’s son, the laughing baby on the left, who gave the thumbs-up for using the photo).
She said “I hate babies” and marched out of the room.
Who would I be without the belief she should be more respectful, or listen to my genius work (ha) or even care?
Wow.
I’d actually be laughing.
She’s funny! And spicy!
“How can you have rules and still stay out of your children’s business? Drop the rules and find out! You’ll find that your children, on their own, will live every rule you’ve ever taught them, and some of them you may not like. They are a perfect reflection of you. They turned out to be you…..Ultimately you don’t have any control over your children. You don’t have any control over anything. When you think you do, and you see that you don’t, the effect is depression.” ~ Byron Katie
I turn the thoughts around that I have about my kids, even today: she should NOT want to listen to me talk, she shouldn’t like babies, she shouldn’t clean up, I should clean up (especially my thoughts), he should lose things all the time, he should be late, she should love what she loves, I should quit being noisy in my head about their noise.
I am actually really glad she doesn’t like babies right now….she’s seventeen.
There are benefits.
I love she’s outspoken and strong. She refuses to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school, because she doesn’t agree with it.
She’s finding her way.
When I was her age, I was smiling all the time, trying to be nice, rebellious but never TOO angry or upset, and full of very conflicted feelings.
And developing a raging eating disorder.
My daughter is really quite happy with food.
That same night after the “I hate babies” comment, she came into my room before going to bed….
…..and gave me a big hug and kiss goodnight, and said “I love you, mom”.
What a cutie.
To join the 8 week teleclass where we’ll identify our most painful thoughts about our kid(s) and do The Work on them, starting on Monday at 10 am Pacific Time….click HERE.
You do The Work, and watch your kid change (or not). Give yourself some peace.
I’d love to have you with us!
Love, Grace