Uh oh. A glimpse in the mirror the other day and I thought “jeez, you are really getting old, look at that sagging face.”
When you think about it, it’s really odd that wrinkles, sags, slackness, soft, weathered skin, are considered unattractive (if they are).
And tight, smooth, unblemished, hard skin textures are considered beautiful.
The minute you spend any time looking with clear eyes, it hardly matters. It almost seems absurd in my mind, like there’s no real connection with appearance and attractiveness.
Looking young is good? Old is bad?
It seems false.
I love my mom’s aging face. I love that something in the life of the body is letting go, allowing space in between cells, opening, relaxing over time.
I went in once to a doctor almost ten years ago to consult him about a face lift.
I knew I wouldn’t get one. I didn’t even have the money, and if I did, I sure wouldn’t have spent it on a facelift.
But since I had inquiry, and I had witnessed Byron Katie talking about her facelift with an upset fan, I thought instead of rejecting the whole thing as wrong and stupid and superficial and ridiculous…..
….and judging plastic surgery as an outrageous waste of mental energy to believing in the body as an asset….
….I made an appointment to actually meet a plastic surgeon, talk about what its like, what happens, how people feel afterwards, and how much it really does cost, instead of making assumptions.
I came out of there with a little more information.
But what I mostly came out with was the idea that if its fun, do it. If not, don’t.
It doesn’t matter! There is no right or wrong!
If you can’t quite get there, and you see yourself in the mirror and think “ewww” then it’s so much fun to find out why.
Ask yourself what’s wrong with the condition you find unattractive?
What does it mean about you, what do you think will happen that’s bad, what is difficult or painful about your appearance, what will other people think, do, say, feel?
They won’t like me.
And what’s bad about that? If they don’t find you attractive or likeable, what will that mean for you?
I’ll be all alone.
And what’s bad about being all alone, no one caring about me or interested, men no longer whistling or approaching me, women no longer finding me appealing based on my image?
Um. Yeah.
Not really sure what’s wrong with that. I kinda like it.
Not really sure it’s even true.
I notice, for example, I myself have never cared much about the appearance of people one way or another, after the first five minutes of connecting with them on a deeper level through talking, being with them, sharing honestly.
Turning the thoughts all around, to check out the other side of duality: “So awesome! You really are finally getting old, look at that sagging face!”
How is this truly exciting?
As I begin to think of the ways….they multiply quickly inside my mind.
I am so much more experienced. I have had children, watched them grow to young adults, I recovered from a terrible depression and self-hatred in my twenties, felt the freedom to not suffer anymore when someone I love and adore dies (like my dad, or my friend), lost money, made money, seen many parts of the world, had so many experiences first hand, am making friends with my mind and this reality in a way I never dreamed possible.
Such acceptance now, compared to before. I wouldn’t trade a single day.
Suddenly a lightness, enjoying this wild planet, how much fun to learn, to be perceived as someone who has been here awhile, to get this chance now, to be someone who has so much more clarity than ever before.
And sagging skin.
I am getting closer to death…it’s so thrilling. That’s going to be so amazing (or not). I have no idea what it will be like, but all this is preparation for that final transition.
What an incredible life, always transforming!
With a wrinkled, sagging face, there are other immense benefits.
What could they be?
People approach me because of my inner glow, not my outer temporary appearance. My wisdom shows on my face. People don’t compete with me or feel threatened by me having a false “youthful” stature. Men don’t respond to a desire to produce offspring, or “get” a mate. Everyone connects with me because of my inner love (this is what I always enjoyed most anyway).
My chosen mate shares in the celebration of maturing life. He adores connecting from a light within, there is no care for it being other than it is. He loves the way I look. I inspire other women over 50 to dance, run, play, move, laugh, be goofy, wear sparkles, be natural.
I asked a dear friend who went gray quite young (age 27) what it was like for her to look “old”?
She said she loved it. She was a young lawyer, and was treated much more respectfully than her peers. She was offered greater compensation earlier in her career, she became a judge very young. She didn’t feel insecure or like she needed to please a boss. Her opinion was valued instantly, not dismissed.
Who are YOU without the thought your appearance means “x” and it’s bad news?
Maybe you’ll find advantages in the turnarounds you never thought of before.
“There’s a perfect thing going on. There’s not one thing out of order.” ~ Byron Katie
Love, Grace