You Become The Stories You Tell Yourself

It so touches me that quite a few people who were in last year’s YOI (Year of Inquiry) are doing it again. I’m extending the early bird price one day because the whole program with accurate updates was posted only yesterday on www.thework.com.

So, please write me today if you have questions and are wanting to decide this weekend. We meet for a whole year, and for me, it’s a life-saver, a mind-changer. It’s hard to do this alone.

More about the program here. We begin in September. Three telesession times to choose from 3 weeks in every month, 2 Seattle retreats, 4 solo sessions with me.

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There’s nothing like relationships to get you wanting to move into The Work more. In Friday YOI our topic is primary relationships.

Primary relationships are not only romantic partners, but close family members, people with interact with often over time.

And then there’s singleness, too! Problems with people, problems being alone! Ai me!

But it can hurt.

Sometimes….(often in fact)….when I’m guiding a group through inquiry, I fill out my own Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

This helps me know when to go on to the next question for everyone. I remember a moment, I ponder it, I write my thoughts, even if they aren’t super reactive.

Recently I noticed something interesting. In two different situations on different day, the same thought appeared on my worksheet.

“He should explain himself.”

This is one really fun advantage of sitting down, finding a situation that feels troubling, and writing a whole worksheet. You spend time with that difficult moment, examining it, finding out what you really object to.

You can write a whole lot if you want (if you’re like me, you probably will). THEN, you can re-read what you’ve written and come up with the best, clearest, most concise statements that say it like you really want to say it.

I’m upset because…I want him to…he should….I need him to….he is….I don’t ever want him to ……

I noticed two entirely different people, and the very same thought, in different situations.

That person should explain themselves to me. They should talk with me, help me understand what happened, discuss it, tell me about what was going on.

Woah.

Interesting repetitive thought.

Let’s go!

Is it true that she or he should explain themselves, explain their actions, tell their side of the story?

YES. That would help me make sense of those very troubling and painful experiences. It would help clear it up, I’m sure.

Really? Are you really, really sure?

Well. No.

I only believe that an explanation would mean I would feel better. My mind thinks it needs to know something, it needs to know more.

If I just understood, says the mind, I could rest, feel resolved, finally relax, not worry that something went totally askew in that relationship.

We’d be communicating, we’d be connected.

But I’m not sure. Maybe that’s not true. In fact, I’m sure it is not guaranteed, and I might not feel any better.

How do I react when I believe someone should explain themselves?

Why, I’m all about figuring out what the hell went on over there, inside their heads. Or at least I tell myself that.

But really, I’m craving a big download that takes me off the hook. They should explain thoroughly and in great detail, with lots of pictures, colors and illustrations, so I can find out that….gosh….it wasn’t ME. They might even apologize.

This explanation I crave would give me great relief.

Wow. I didn’t know I felt so bad, and guilty. But! I didn’t do ANYthing! Jeez!

(Settle down, settle down, stay in the work now, everything’s OK).

Who would I be without that thought, that she or he should explain themselves to me?

“Only when you don’t know what you’re looking for can you be open to the answers that will change your life.” ~ Byron Katie

I’d be noticing quiet, empty space. The space of this room. This moment here, now. I’d be noticing all the colors in this place, all the people, connections, life force.

I’d be feeling these other people very deeply. I’d feel them. Even the ones I haven’t seen in years. I’d feel how confused everyone got, how frightened they were. Everyone, including me, just mixed up. I’d remember how much I cared for them.

No words necessary.

I turn the thought around…I should explain myself, to ME, to them, to the universe.

What is this explaining I want? To know the motive, to get a justification, a reason?

I’ve been demanding an explanation from the whole universe for years.

EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I’M HERE, DANG IT! I DON’T GET THIS!

I’ve got an idea….why don’t I explain…how about that for a change (for a turnaround)?

I was afraid, I didn’t trust the situation, I was protecting myself, I wasn’t sure you were kind, I wasn’t sure you loved me or cared about me, I forgot who or what I was, I thought I was very small and fragile, I’m sorry, I thought you were going to hurt me, I was trying to be careful, I thought you didn’t understand me, or care about me, I felt lost, I forgot who you were. I’m so sorry.

Your thoughts, on paper, your freedom
Your thoughts, on paper, your freedom

I hope you can forgive me. I forgive myself. I forgive you. We were all trying our best. Now I remember.

“The four questions unravel each story, and the turnaround leads back to the storyteller: you. You are the storyteller. You have become the stories you told yourself. And you are what lives prior to every story.” ~ Byron Katie

“Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’re wanting a small group of truth-tellers to hang out with for this year ahead, come do The Work with us. You can choose telesessions only, or include the in-person retreats. Can’t wait to meet you all and continue this amazing path of inquiry, and peace.

I am here to un-do myself as storyteller, and feel the life behind the story, and share this journey with you, if you want to come along for awhile.

It’s so beautiful, I can’t even explain.

Much love,

Grace