It’s really weird how when I’ve come across a famous person, someone I admire, I typically clam up.
This doesn’t have to be a “famous” famous person….meaning, it doesn’t have to be someone on Broadway or in the movies or on TV.
I have my own versions of famous people, the ones I deeply admire and respect.
Early yesterday morning this happened to me.
Two brothers who I admire who are famous to ME at least in the business world, just happened to be walking out of a building towards their car as I walked by on the sidewalk.
My immediate internal reaction is total delight, thrill, and happiness to see them.
Kind of like “Hey, I love seeing you guys! Hello my friends!”
I smiled widely and said “good morning!” At least this naturally came out of my mouth.
I kept walking…not one hesitation in my step.
I felt JOY in that moment, coming across them. And then…
….a few minutes later, I had the thought that I should have stopped. I should have said something. They were RIGHT THERE.
No idea what I would say, but you get the point.
Stressful thoughts entering the scene.
Why didn’t I say more? Why didn’t I tell them how grateful I am, or how much I admire them? Why did I walk right by? Why go tongue-tied?
Why didn’t I go shake their hand or something? Why did I get a little jolt of adrenaline? Why didn’t I think of something more fun to say? More interesting?
Good morning? What a boring thing to say. I’m too shy!
I remember being at the hotel where the School for The Work was held for many years in Los Angeles.
Byron Katie happened to walk right past me in a corridor. We were walking in the same direction.
OMG that’s KATIE! I thought in my head.
A young man seconds later approached from the right, so close to me, and took her arm, and I knew it was her son. Off they went ahead of me, heads bent together and talking, walking quickly with their arms intertwined.
I stared at them ahead of me, walking away, out the big hotel glass doors and off across the parking area, obviously headed somewhere.
I kept staring.
Same thing, I was staring and stopped in my tracks.
I definitely would never be the type to go get an autograph or anything. It’s weird enough to be staring. I was mute.
In junior high, I was like this with boys I thought of as cute.
There was a guy named Jeff and I actually really liked him. But I ditched around the corner when I saw him coming down the hall.
I acted nonchalant, or turned red in embarrassment, if he talked to me in class.
So since this funny little thing happened very recently, I knew to do The Work. I have never done The Work on this before….but it has definitely been STRESSFUL to encounter people I admire.
They are different, separate, better, more successful, admirable….and I am not so much. They got something, I don’t.
Is that true?
Well….no of course not! In my modest life, sure, I am just as important and worthy and loving and yada yada….
But how am I really feeling this situation?
I am feeling separate. I am living like there’s a gap between me and them. I am feeling great admiration. I am hesitating, staring, watching, keeping quiet over here.
I am acting like it’s true.
I am thinking that THEY are thinking that if I approached, I would be a pain in the freakin’ ass, boring, needy, seeking, grasping, wanting.
Is that really true?
No. I know that is not true.
They way I react when I believe that I know what they’re thinking is I freeze. I go inward. I get quiet. Something in my natural joy hesitates.
I am thinking I know what they have time for, who they need to talk with, who they are interested in (not the likes of me).
The way I react when I believe there are separations and hierarchies in this world of “success” (spiritual, physical, emotional) is that I measure myself and other people and compare constantly.
Ouch!
Who would I be without the thought that they got it going on, and I have nothing much to offer them, and they have better things to do, and I am not so worthy?
I would notice that I have run into this person, or these people, in this beautiful small moment, and I am here, very close.
I would also notice the rocks, trees, birds, leaves, cars, the curb, the blue sky, the inward joy, the quiet…
….and I would allow it all to be here, as it is. Silent for this moment.
Something over here, looking out these eyes, seeing an image of those admirable people right over there.
Feeling gratitude.
Feeling no need to speak unless it arises in a “good morning!” And no need to hold anything back.
A new friend said the other day “whomever you run into, it’s a divine appointment”.
I smile remembering his words. Nothing else necessary.
And without any thoughts of being less-than perfect, or not quite as great, or What-Ever…
…without the thought that I am scared of these famous awesome people…
….I might stop and say to these people, with a heart bursting with joy:
“Thank you, thank you, you are amazing and your presence changed my life, and I so appreciate your being you and teaching and speaking and writing and offering yourself. You matter, you make a difference to me. I love you and am so grateful to what you express in this world and in my life. You have helped me remember who I really am.”
Now that I think about it…I might stop and say this to everyone, who has crossed paths with me, walked right near me, run into me, been a part of my life, with or without words.
Friends, admirers, strangers, odd balls, the difficult people, the frightening people, the enemies, the ones who hurt.
And I notice, when I think this gratitude towards others, without thinking I am different from them, without thinking I should have done something more, said something, asked something, been clever, been appealing or attractive, offered something….
…then the gratitude and joy rubs off on me.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
I notice that without any of those anxious beliefs that appeared after seeing those appealing people, I feel content, abundant, like I just might get the chance to run into them again…but it’s OK whatever happens.
Who knows.
“When I say ‘I love you,’ it is always self-love. There’s no personality talking: I only talk to myself, so of course I must hear you as me. ‘I’ am the listener, I am all of it, as it turns out.” ~ Byron Katie
Oh goody! I didn’t miss anything after all, nothing at all.
Love, Grace