Major life transitions can bring for many people a sense of foreboding, planning, thrill, anxiety, or nervousness about the unknown.
When even one thing is changing in someone’s life, where day-to-day living is altered in some way, then this can be categorized as a “transition” or period of adding something or subtracting something to or from your life.
Change.
The change may be exciting or frightening….positive or negative….anticipated or surprising.
I remember Stress Level Tests asking questions about whether or not you had moved, started or ended a program of study, gotten married or divorced, lost or started a job, traveled, taken care of someone, lost a loved one or had a baby, had the last child leave the home (empty nest) or had a visitor added to your home.
All of these got numbers assigned to them as Stressful Situations.
Even the fun stuff.
The other day I was remembering how I used to feel about Change.
It was a love-hate relationship. Kind of like the gas pedal pushed to the floor, and the brakes on at 100% at the very same time.
It was like one side of me needed to analyze, calculate, make sure and hesitate before I would make any changes, or take much action….I was believing I needed to be careful and that it was important to know what was going to happen next.
I would be frightened of making a mistake, I needed to weight the pros and cons almost endlessly.
On the other hand, if I believed that what was likely happening next was TERRIBLE, then I’d make changes wildly fast, making big decisions very quickly.
Something would frighten me, and I’d be off like a rabbit.
In the past, suddenly, I was moving to Colorado. Suddenly, I was joining Weight Watchers. Suddenly, I was moving to a commune in Eastern California. Or applying for a training/educational program, or dropping out of college, or quitting my job.
I’ve had my share of friends and family say “Wait…what? Where are you going? What are you doing? How long has this been in the works?”
“When you run in fear, it’s square into the wall.” ~ Byron Katie
In the Twelve Step programs, there is a term called “The Geographical Cure”.
A Geographical Cure specifically is believing that moving, changing locations, starting fresh, uprooting, switching tracks, entering a program….will help life become more pleasant, more fun, more successful.
Sometimes this is VERY true, and people make amazing changes that move them away from a difficult, repetitive, unhappy groove. Nothing wrong with it.
But it can be very, very profoundly helpful to sit quietly and think about whatever transition this change you have in mind may offer, and investigate it first.
Not in order to become paralyzed or trapped with indecision…but to look with the greatest clarity possible.
I love beginning with questioning the thoughts “I need to do something” and “I need to know what will happen”.
With those thoughts, I think that the place I am, here, is less-than ideal.
“Here” needs improvement, maybe BIG TIME.
It would be better if….(I had a partner, more money, lived in Hawaii, had a better job, didn’t have this boss, had more clients, etc).
Who would I be without the thought that where I am, in this situation, is terrible?
Without the thought that I need to do something ASAP…and I need to pick the right thing to do because I need to know what will happen is good?
Wow, the lightness I experience, the lack of panic, the freedom from compulsion to DO SOMETHING is absolutely fantastic.
The feeling fades away of having a dictator shouting at me to CHANGE. NOW.
I don’t push myself to plan, make lists, weigh the merits or concerns of different choices.
I even stop talking to everyone about what THEY would do, I stop gathering endless amounts of data.
Turning around the thought, to consider the opposite way of approaching an apparent need to change….
….I imagine what it would be like to believe that where I am now is fine, that it has some benefits, that it is safe, that I can find appreciation for this situation….
…yes, even the most taxing or difficult or frightening situation.
Considering the idea that I do not need to do anything, or that I need to know what will happen in my future, I am realizing that everything is fluid.
I am not stuck. I am free. I am open. I can wait, without so much fear.
No mistakes possible.
Instead of heavy analysis, carefulness, caution, worry, dread, considering all possible scenarios….
….a sweet and peaceful freedom.
“Don’t try to change the dream, because trying to change it is just another movement in the dream. Look at the dream. Be aware of the dream. That awareness is It. Become more interested in the awareness of the dream than in the dream itself. What is that awareness? Who is that awareness? Don’t go spouting out an answer, just be the answer. Be It.” ~ Adyashanti
Mindfully investigating, being with the stressful thoughts, who knows what will happen.
But it will probably be good.
Love, Grace