Tag: workwithgrace

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Hideous Cellulite Humiliation

Think of your “worst nightmare.”

One of mine was having people see, be disgusted by,
know the truth about, or laugh at my jiggling thigh cellulite.

And if I really capture the worst..
…and go deep…right to the heart of the worst imaginable,
internally-squirming, cold-sweat humiliation….

Or as Byron Katie sometimes says, “What’s your worst nightmare?”
The real “knife-in-the-heart” reaction?

When it comes to my body, it would be standing on stage,
either in a bikini or maybe even naked, with all the people
I know in the audience, thinking “eewwwww, I had no idea,
she is in terrible shape, how disgusting!”

I’d be standing facing away from them, at a slight angle under bright
lights so the backs of my thighs, where the wavy bumps
and rolls, would absolutely STAND OUT for everyone to see.

The audience would be feeling terrible for me, extreme pity. Murmurs
of horror and shame.

And I’d have nowhere to run or escape, and no way to erase this
image of my body from their minds, ever.

Whew! That’s really what it was like for me.

You have to have some amazingly powerful images and thoughts to
be as self-hating as I was.

So how did I react when I believed the thought that my thighs were
disgusting? This is question #3 of course in The Work.

I wanted to DIE…get away, squirm, cover my hideously ugly thighs, think
about changing my diet, exercise more. I had images of men turning away in
disgust and women being disappointed, saying, “Yuck!” when they saw
me, and feel devastatingly discouraged. I wished I had a different body,
and I felt a LOT of internal pain.

That’s why one of my most favorite quotes in the world is:

“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure” by Joseph Campbell.

I turned the spot light on this pain, even though I chided myself for being
ridiculous, superficial, and caring about looks waaaay too much.

And now, I don’t feel the same way in the slightest about my body
anymore.

But if someone had told me this was possible, I would have thought they
were false, pie-in-the-sky, bullshit-preaching, positive-thinking liars.

Though secretly, behind the anger and fear, I would have desperately
wanted to believe it was possible…

But now, I actually LIVE in the fourth question of The Work, “Who
would you be WITHOUT that thought that my thighs look disgusting?”
Without the thought that cellulite is ugly.

I can actually look in the mirror, at the cellulite that’s STILL THERE,
and feel completely at peace and happy without a twinge of
self-hate or embarrassment or revulsion. I decided it looked like Texas
Hill Country…beautiful rolling hills. I wouldn’t say “those hills need
to be flat and smooth for them to be beautiful”. Hilarious!

This is what we were dealing with this past weekend in my hometown
Seattle, Washington, USA.

And I feel grateful, with such a connection to the courageous 14 folks
who were here with me, doing their own precious work on their
painful moments with food, body image, body shapes, and eating.

And I hope that by reading this, if you’re struggling with your
own thoughts…at any level…even if it’s just 2 extra pounds that
you think “shouldn’t” be there on your thighs or face or stomach…

…that it brings you a little more acceptance and peace, and
awareness of how you’re believing something about what you see,
when you criticize your body, that isn’t actually true for you.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. My food teleclass starts tomorrow on Tuesday to work with more
folks with these same kinds of thoughts and feelings. At the moment,
there’s one last spot available…and there’s even a GUY in the class!

Lot’s of guys think this is only “what women go through”!

If it’s full when you sign up, I’ll let you know right away
and I’ll put you right on the waiting list for the next
one which will be in a couple months on Saturdays.

It’s called:

Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!

Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.

Also starting on Thursday:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY!
Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love,
Fear, Body Image, Confusion, Tenderness…
and Joyful Intimacy!   Starts Jan. 19

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Live From The Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend

I can’t help but be amazed over and over again
when a group gathers together to look deeply at beliefs,
concepts, awareness of themselves, this human life.

Last night 15 people gathered together in our workshop
together to slow down the mind and see what’s going on
in this relationship with food, how we experience eating,
and what we believe about our bodies.

This is the basic stuff of life and death, really. We eat,
it keeps the body going somehow, giving it energy,
and then we also have all these enormous, extremely
painful beliefs about what would be better, how it isn’t
enough, how it’s too much, how I need to improve, and
how I need to live as long as possible and be “healthy”.

We all questioned the belief “food shouldn’t tempt me”.

An amazing idea, and a very painful one…and one so
many of us think every day, about food or other things.

To believe I shouldn’t be tempted by something lovely
in this world, that something terrible will happen if I am
tempted…that something in me is needy or weak if I am
tempted…that something is wrong with me…

Out of this comes control, diets, fear, anger, an outright
war rages battle, self-hate.

When we turned the thought around “I should be tempted”
something inside relaxed for people. There it is, and I’m
tempted. This is not an emergency.

Can I just be with this moment without so much fear,
noticing what I’m thinking that delicious looking food will
give me if I eat it, looking around and seeing other things
also besides food, noticing that I’m actually OK right now,
I’m alive and breathing and all is well.

This is the beginning of freedom!

Love, Grace

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Diet-Food Teleclass Confusion

A quick note to clear up any confusion about the
“Food” teleclass that starts next week (Tuesday
Jan 17th, 8-9:30 AM Pacific Std Time, for 8 weeks).

Some people think it’s only for people with scary,
super-serious issues like I had–I was suicidally anorexic
and bulimic and terribly confused about my body image.

But this teleclass is actually for EVERYONE…because
we’ve all got issues with food–and it’s NOT just women!

Like one guy who’s going to be on the teleclass.

He said he can feel how low-level anxiety and worry
will send him to the kitchen for a quick snack or some coffee.

Which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

But he’s got arthritis starting in a few knuckles and is “mildly
panicked” about his hands and is getting ready to do a nutrition
program to see if it will help.

The program requires just 3 meals a day for the first 10 days
with NO SNACKING.

And he’s noticing more panic and fear coming up, with
thoughts like:

“I can’t do it!!!!!!!!!”

He says it feels “crippling” when he believes those thoughts and
sees the image of himself being desperate to eat and hungry
and suffering and tired and weak for lack of food.

Hummm…sounds EXACTLY like me in my anorexic/bulimic days…

…and like EXACTLY the thoughts I hear from people trying to
lose weight, gain weight, or deal with ANY issues with food or
being obsessed with how they look.

So no matter who you are or what you’re struggling with, if
you’re even curious about the class, feel free to call me
and ask any question you might have about The Work or
whether your problem is beyond this class…or even if it
seems too unimportant to bother us in this class.

All are welcome…even the normal looking guy with
average body weight and the arthritis in his knuckles.

And no one’s problem is too big or too small.

Wishing you peace with food and your body (I felt hopeless
about finding peace, and now I hardly think about food or
my body…..if I can change so can you).

Love, Grace

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Flat Out Lizard Drinking

I love the Aussies, the Kenyans, the Japanese,
the French, the English, the Mexicans, the Dutch.

I love the folks I get to meet from around the world
at the Byron Katie events and on my teleclasses.

I love how we can all connect, from all over
the globe, on the internet with Skype and conference calls.

I also love the “lizard” thing, from one of my Aussie
companions on this journey, who I met in a teleclass.

In Aussie-speak, “flat out like a lizard drinking,”
means being VERRRRRRRRRRRRY busy.

Hilarious!

Which is great, because even though the teleclasses are
sometimes dealing with the most painful, gut-wrenching
things we can possibly go through…

…sometimes there’s a lot of goofing around, laughter,
loving teasing, and kidding.

And sometimes, after the teleclasses, group members
even stay in touch and keep doing The Work together.

In my teleclasses, there are writers, professionals,
unemployed, other facilitators, doctors, people going through
bankruptcy, therapists, actors, business owners, factory workers,
homemakers, students.

And no matter where your pain is coming from and what
you do in life, we all think the same thoughts.

It’s so freeing to be an “ordinary” human being…even
with the “worst” problems imaginable.

To realize you’re not better or worse, higher or lower.

Check the links below to see what fits your life best in
my teleclasses…the next one to start, next Tuesday,
focuses on food, eating, and body image. Then there’s a
great one on Sex and Sexuality starting next Thursday Jan. 19th.

Click on the link and send me an email to let me know which
class you’re signing on with.

We’ll be Flat Out Lizard Drinking with The Work, and let
everything else relax.

Much love to all, Grace

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Tebow-Time Thinking

If you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, it’s
really quite a story, and fascinating to watch.

He’s an underdog quarterback for the Denver Broncos
and a very religious young man.

He just won an outstanding game where all the sports
pundits said he was washed up after  a couple
“dismal failures.”

He’s also been the center of HUGE polarizing controversies
about wearing his religion on his sleeve, whether he’s
good enough to play at this position, etc., etc.

Millions of people love him and millions hate him.

There are so many concepts surrounding things
like this…so many things to do The Work on that can take
us to our freedom.

I was a dedicated cross-country athlete in high school and college
and know how powerful the concepts of winning and losing are.

But it’s not just athletics.

It can be an argument where 2 innocent people with different
ideas gradually escalate into anger and viciousness about
who wins the argument…when they actually love each other.

Sometimes it’s polite viciousness and anger, sometimes it’s
with shouting and screaming.

It can be with food and eating and weight and whether
WE are winning or the FOOD is winning (when it’s
really our thinking).

It’s fun just looking at the Tebow phenomenon, where people
identify so fiercely with an underdog, like Tim Tebow, and have
HUGE emotional investments in how their “hero” does…
it makes for wonderful Work.

Winning and losing and “proving” ourselves can fuel
billion dollar industries-sports, politics, or a business trying
to get “market share,” or get revenge and crush the competition.

Or it can make us suffer along, with every bite of food we take.
My weekend on food and eating is in three days in Seattle. We are officially full but there’s room for one more if you email me soon. We’re diving into the game and getting to the root of what we’re believing—would love to have you join me.

Much love, Grace

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I Can’t Do That

One of the most sneaky, sad, depressing ways
my thinking has messed with my peace and freedom
is with this simple but powerful thought “I CAN’T DO THAT”.

It comes right after a really fantastic idea.

It comes right after a really frightening idea.

It comes right after I get a vision of something in the
future that might be possible, and it feels big and juicy
and like a wild dream.

The mind is such a pessimist! Here are some of the reasons
my thinking comes up with WHY I can’t do something:

–he will be very sad
–she won’t approve of me
–they will think I’m greedy
–people will get outrageously mad at me
–people will find me disgusting and uncool
–I’ll screw it up and regret I tried to do it

All very, very stressful beliefs, and all full of a good punch
that often results in “DON’T EVEN TRY IT”.

But what if you could do that. What if you knew you
really, really, really wanted to do it, you were drawn
to do it, something in you was saying “Go! Now!” or
you keep coming back to the idea over and over again.

Even if it’s just a little whiff of an idea, a soft breeze passing,
a tiny hint of a suggestion…”I CAN do that”. Why not see if it’s
just as true, or truer, that you can.

It’s not really that I can’t do something, most of the time.
I try, and I do it or I don’t do it…it may not even matter.

Come see what it’s like to live the turnarounds of these stressful
beliefs, share with others who may have had the same painful
beliefs, and question them using The Work together.

We have only one spot left for this weekend retreat on food, eating
and the body. And the teleclass with the same topic starts next
Tuesday!

I would love to have you join me on the journey to the freedom of
seeing if you can do it, without terrible stress and panic.

Love, Grace

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How To Not Have A Motive?

Byron Katie has a really interesting idea she repeats, that when
we do The Work with a motive (like, I’ll question my thinking using
The Work, and then I’ll have a happy life) that something happens
that may not allow the mind to really let go.

A super-common question goes something like this:
——
“I’ve heard Katie say to do The Work
for ‘the love of truth’… and sometimes she says ‘for the love of peace’…

…but how do I NOT have a motive when I’m
in a lot of PAIN?  Sometimes I KNOW I have a motive.

I just don’t want to suffer anymore, but then I criticize myself for doing
The Work with a motive!
—–

I know this one…intimately. And I’d be willing to bet that EVERYONE who’s
done The Work has had it go through their minds.

So the first thing it to be gentle with yourself…

It’s OK to do The Work WITH a motive, WITHOUT a motive…
or even with HALF a motive.

It reminds me of a New Year’s Cleanse.

Katie was working with someone who said they were “bipolar,” and they were feeling bad about using medications. They thought if they were doing The Work
“properly,” they shouldn’t need medications at all.

And Katie said something like…”So God is everything…except medications?”

So sometimes we do The Work as a “medication,” and sometime with a LOT of motive and sometimes with a little…it’s all OK.

Something brings us to The Work, to deeply looking at ourselves, and if we start
first with a motive, that’s where we start….and then perhaps the edge is taken off
and we can go deeper.

And one last idea for “having a motive.”

Sometimes it can help to step back and come from a place of curiosity.
Almost like you’re a 5-year old picking up something off the sidewalk and
wondering what it is.

It can be like that with thoughts.

Just wonderingly…innocently and curiously and gently looking at the thought and wondering if it’s true.

And 5-year olds are amazingly curious!

Again…be gentle with yourself the best you can and let The Work DO you….
…easy…gently…kindly.

As Katie says, “Just do The Work and notice what happens.”

Love,

Grace

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Eating-Tweeting Santa’s Success

Santa just sent me a Tweet.

It went a lot better this year.

Because he and I did a couple one-on-one tele-sessions.

Then, on his chimney deliveries he didn’t eat EVERY
cookie…and it wasn’t that hard. He didn’t feel as deprived.

He also said he didn’t feel as guilty about turning down food,
even when a couple of “totally cute” little kids were really
disappointed (stuck out the bottom lip). He felt some guilt, but not as bad.

And for Christmas dinner? He’s proud as a peacock about not
eating everything in sight without knowing why. What a relief!

He and Mrs. Claus are still planning to go to my upcoming
weekend intensive in Seattle on Jan. 13. And Santa registered
early…didn’t procrastinate ’till all the spaces were filled.

And yes, Mrs. Claus is a little scared, but Santa reassured her
I’ve been through EVERYTHING to do with:

-overeating and under eating
-over exercising and refusing to exercise
-bingeing and cringing
-compulsive, impulsive eating
-un-eating (a nice way of saying “throwing up)
-self-torture (I’ve done it all except chains and “the rack”)
-every crazy self-discipline trick and strategy
-every therapy and group…including 12 steps

And Santa told her I’m not very scary-that this whole
“thing” about working with your thinking and beliefs is NOT
about criticism or yelling at yourself.

If that worked, we’d ALL be the perfect weight… and rich!

Santa told Mrs. Claus I even understand tough “guys” like Santa
(who thought this might be too touchy-feely).

Also, if he and Mrs. Claus do go on their post-Christmas Caribbean
vacation (a much-needed break), they still plan on joining the tele-group,
…on Skype. They never go anywhere without their Blackberries.

The tele-group starts on Jan. 17, a few days after the Seattle intensive
and is open to everyone…those who attend the intensive and to those who
don’t. It’s OK either way because we all learn from each other
and we begin from wherever we are.

Santa mentioned that in the past, he’s gone through some nasty
“backsliding”…so he definitely wants to follow up. He knows how
real life can be tricky sometimes…when you’re suddenly in an
old eating pattern–stuffed to the gills–and didn’t even notice how it happened.

So if you’re struggling with weight loss, anorexia, bulimia,
(or trying to gain weight), frustration, self-hatred, faking
it and ready to give up…you’re in the right place.

I’ve been there…done that! I lived for years in absolute terror
and desperation about how I was going to survive or ever find
any peace of mind.

So ’till we meet, be nice to yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
Be patient with yourself and respect all the efforts you’ve
made along the way-no matter how tempted you are to
pile on the punishment.

Because no matter what you’ve been told, love and kindness
are FAR MORE POWERFUL than any harsh, pull-yourself-up-by-
your bootstraps techniques.

For deep change in anything…gentleness wins hands down!

Blessing on your holidays and wishing you harmony
between you and your loved ones.

Grace

P.S. The elves who were previously signed up, decided they’re too
exhausted to make it to either program…maybe in a month or two.

So if you were uncomfortable about elves being part of the program,
you now have no excuses. It’s just us humans!

———–
Thank you again for your class. I’m so thankful for you to have reached out to help those of us who were looking for relief from this life-long battle! I honestly thought it was going to be a never-ending stuggle (but that’s cuz I was beliving my thoughts!)—Anne, Los Angeles