Secret True Confession Body Shyness

Dear Inquirers,

Secret Confession: I am shy, embarrassed, protective and nervous about going naked in broad daylight! People do this at Breitenbush Hotsprings (where I was just co-teaching a retreat).

Wow what an absolutely fantastic 4-day retreat, despite this Unrevealed Secret! I am once again amazed at the power and love found in the middle of a group gathered to do inquiry. People came from across the whole country, from corners of the US, and it was sooooo sweet and incredible!

So here is the True Confession: I never went in the naked hotsprings during daylight hours. Only at night under the stars when everyone was murmuring quietly in hushed voices.

And no one could see in detail my imperfect BODY! OMG!

At this retreat, we did the work first on one troubling relationship that has brought angst, sadness, anger, frustration or stress of any kind, as far back into the past as desired.

But what about that troubling relationship with the BODY??!! That dastardly betraying imperfect lump of flesh!

We began our work on the Body part way into the retreat. As we all wrote down all the negative, stressful thoughts we have about our bodies, the laughter welled up. The sheer volume on our lists of what is wrong with the body was incredible.

Too many wrinkles, too much fat here, not enough fat there, too many veins, too much swelling, pain in the back, in the legs, in the neck, gray hair, aching joints, lumps in the wrong places, injuries, dislocations, sagging skin, cellulite-covered thighs, bruises, poor digestion, needing to pee too often.

The body is a wealth of stressful thoughts. My relationship with this body is a profound snapshot of my relationship with my life.

What does it mean about us that we have these flaws?

What am I believing it means about me that I have jiggly and lumpy thighs or thick knees, that skin is starting to wrinkle and sag in many places on this body of mine?

What do I believe other people will see and think if I’m running around naked at the hotsprings in broad daylight!??!

People will think (as if I know): “Oh…I thought she was younger than that….oh, I thought she was in better physical condition that that….oh, I thought she was more disciplined and closer to perfect….oh, I thought she was nicer looking than that….”

They will not like me, they will not be interested in me, they will not think I have anything to offer, they will not be attracted to me, they will not want to know me better, they will dismiss me, they will be bored.

Yes, it’s that petty and ridiculous.

But oh the beauty of discovering this long-held true secret that started so long ago, somewhere in childhood, when I began to believe that I was all my body and not my inner soul. When I started to believe this body could be attractive or ugly to others, and that this could mean I had company or loneliness. When I started to believe that this body needed to be protected at all costs, because if it got sick or died, I would suffer.

What if being sick, having pain, having a flaw, or dying is NOT suffering?

“Every story we tell is about body-identification. Without a story, there’s no body. When you believe that you are this body, you stay limited, you get to be small, you get to see yourself as apparently encapsulated in one separate form. So every thought has to be about your survival or your health or your comfort or your pleasure, because if you let up for a moment, there would be no body-identification.” ~Byron Katie

 

What if I have been focused on the body so I wouldn’t have to be limitless expansive emptiness…something that is entirely beyond the body and beyond “me”? What if that’s the Real Secret Confession?

 

Love,

Grace

Fantastic BFF Friends

I was talking to a friend yesterday morning…about friends.

About being a friend, having friends, being friends with yourself,
best friends, BFFs, new friends, old friends, and how the world keeps
getting friendlier, the longer you do The Work.

There’s nothing like having a friend–who you can tell everything to.

Sometimes it’s almost “magical” when you open up to another
person…you can hear YOU reflected back by a loving mirror.

It’s also strange how the world can seem so scary, unfriendly,
confusing, and even terrifying…when you feel “friendless,”
alone, and seem to have nowhere to turn.

On February 10, my next teleclass starts. It’s about relationships
of every kind and the thoughts that turn them into battlegrounds,
cemeteries, and ghost towns…instead of safe harbors, greenhouses,
and fertile places to grow.

It all starts with your OWN thinking, even if you’re surrounded
by people and family and friends at every turn…

…and even if you don’t have a friend in the world, which
seems ABSOLUTELY TRUE when we’re believing our thoughts.

And it’s about what I said earlier:

“…how the world keeps getting friendlier, the longer you do The Work.”

When you’re in emotional pain, a statement like that seems like
utter nonsense…even insulting…and absolutely ridiculous when
you’re in the grip of a broken, bruised, or struggling relationship…

…and love seems like some far off, cruel, or bittersweet dream
that only plays on the radio or those super-sad CDs.

The class is called:

Turning Relationship-HELL into Heaven.
Do you want someone to forgive you? Do you wonder who’s fault it is?
Are ancient grudges destroying your family? Have you left a trail of
“serial” relationship behind you?  Do you think people are just plain mean?
Are co-workers driving you nuts (or your boss, lover, mother, or kids)?
Do you fight and make up (a lot)? Do you just give up and think “why bother?”
Do you feel like you’d finally be happy if people understood you?
Do you think you deserve better, but secretly think you’ll be alone forever?

Do you feel devastated because someone close has gone away?

These thoughts and feelings are not enemies, they’re actually friends
who open door to healing, lasting peace, and relationship contentment.

I know about broken relationships after coming back from
the Byron Katie School six years ago, only to hear my husband
say he was moving out! “What?”

Boy…did that throw all the thoughts I’ve mentioned, right
in my face!

And that “magical” thing I mentioned? I “found” it by questioning
my thinking about my former husband (who’s now a dear friend),
sisters, mom, kids, friends, partner…and about myself.

It wasn’t overnight, by any means. But by gently and consistently
doing The Work, I now find friends everywhere…from a stranger
on the corner, to my ever-deepening relationships with
my partner, kids, clients, family…you name it!

I hope you’ll join me at the class, with a group of friends,
and that you’ll continue to find your freedom by questioning
your thoughts.

Much love, Grace