Tag: the work

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Committing To Practice Makes All The Difference In Your Whole World

question your stressful thoughts--change your whole world. Really.
question your stressful thoughts–change your whole world. Really.

Year of Inquiry (YOI) is a small group of inquirers who connect for an entire year together, starting every September and meeting all year long, changing topics every month.

Yah. It’s intense.

It’s a long commitment.

We’re half way through the year. And we love it.

It’s amazing over time to have a regular practice of collecting together and questioning….deeply.

Who would you BE without that thought, about your body (we happen to be on the BODY month right now) or money, or your primary relationship, or your dad or mom?

Sinking in over and over, together.

The thing I love about a whole year is we come and go, we’re on vacation then we’re back, we show up then we miss a session, but we tap back in, regroup, show up, focus.

Remember.

Over time the practice of inquiring becomes so, so, so fun.

We get to know one another’s voices, wishes, the way we respond in a very intimate way, without ever telling all our stories.

Someone wrote me an email once after reading a Grace Note.

“Don’t you get tired of questioning your thoughts? Isn’t this a little repetitive or obsessive?”

Yes to the second part. Ha ha!

No to the first.

I have NO IDEA why I don’t get tired of this.

Well, OK, maybe there’s an idea.

Somewhere along the way, I realized this work was about ending fear. Ending agony about what happened before and what might happen next.

I also realized there was absolutely nothing else I could do, except question my painful thinking.

Wow. Nothing. No control.

I only had my own mind ultimately to work with, it didn’t work to try to fix or adjust or make the world better.

I could end the drama of needing other people to change, or the environment to change, or this whole world to change….

….in order to actually be happy.

I could actually enter the humor of not being my mind, not taking my thinking seriously….

….and watch this astonishing life unfold with all the flavors, variety, complexity and strangeness of the most inventive, brilliant novel.

With joy.

Not upset.

I love all the people who show up for inquiry, every single day in the groups or telecourses I run.

Everyone doing the best they can, everyone curious….open.

Everyone dropping their limiting stories, on their own path, and sharing this process together, at their own pace.

We do have room for up to three people right now in YOI. We have calls on Tuesday mornings 9 am, Thursday afternoons 4:30 pm, and Fridays 9 am Pacific time. Come to one, two or all three–your choice.

We gather in person for those who can get to the northwest USA May 29-31. But if you’re super far away, like Europe, then you might choose not to travel and that’s OK too (it’s less expensive).

I don’t want anyone to miss out who would love this ongoing opportunity to be in The Work three weeks out of every month and see what regular inquiry can bring to your life.

It looks like freedom.

“Reality–the way that it is, exactly as it is, in every moment–is always kind. It’s our STORY about reality that blurs our vision, obscures what’s true, and leads us to believe that there is injustice in the world. I sometimes say that you move totally away from reality when you believe there is a legitimate reason to suffer….It’s insane to believe that suffering is caused by anything outside the mind. A clear mind doesn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

And of course, even if an organized regular inquiry group isn’t right for you–there are other ways to do The Work with people.

You can call the Help Line (click HERE to use it for free).

“If you want to work with your psyche, you have to loosen up in there…you have to get underneath and see why your psyche is the way it is. It was programmed that way. But you can learn how to interact with life in a wholesome, participatory way. You have the right to relax and let fear pass right through you.” ~ Michael Singer

If you’re in the mood for lightening up, understanding your mind, becoming intimate with reality….

….and you’d like support on your journey….

….then consider coming on board to the upcoming Relationships telecourse, or Year of Inquiry, or Desire and The Work, or Summer Camp for The Mind this coming summer, or Breitenbush 5 day retreat in the spectacular natural Hotsprings of Oregon.

I love connecting with you, questioning the way we all think, and changing our world.

If you’re interested in YOI or another teleclass, hit reply and let me know (your email will go directly to me personally) or visit  www.workwithgrace.com and click on teleclasses or programs to see what’s coming up.

Much love, Grace

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Even The Horrors….Questioning Your Personal Thoughts

candleindarkness
life endlessly transforms

Not so long ago a very dear client/inquirer/friend called me because her son’s girlfriend committed suicide. Age 16.

Even though I didn’t personally know her son directly, nor the girlfriend….

….I paused with the news, drew in a deep breath, and then cried.

The awareness of a young girl deciding to end her own life filled me with the ache of suffering of humanity.

All kinds of thoughts went though my mind: it’s so unnecessary, the parents of this girl must be devastated, this was an unfinished life, these events are unbearable, the son must be so distraught, how does so much suffering happen?

I felt connected to it. I know this family. They live in my same city.

This past year, I read about a death of a 15 year old girl from my daughter’s high school, also by suicide. I didn’t know her at all, didn’t recognize her name.

It’s not terribly uncommon.

That’s the incredible thing.

Such finality in the decision, and yet decided every day by people.

Last year all mental health professionals where I live were required to take a six hour continuing education course on suicide.

I was so grateful for the training.

During that class, one topic of discussion was about interviews which have been done with people who have tried to commit suicide and by some strange intervention, did not succeed.

Many of them shared one fascinating thought, as they looked back at the event.

Right after they caused the act that would end their life….

….a huge number of them said “Oh no! Wait! Nevermind!”

They became clear.

After the decision was no longer up in the air.

The mind working so fast and realizing, after stopping the endless agonizing debate of whether to DO it or NOT DO it….

….once that war was over….

….this wasn’t really the answer.

Now of course, these people in the interviews were the ones that by some fluke DID live.

They landed on a soft pile, their stomach was pumped of all the medication, the bullet went clean through and missed vital parts, the rope broke, they were rushed to the hospital and stitched up.

Maybe those who die also have clarity beyond that moment of taking action, who knows. And maybe, since they die, that is exactly what they become clear about—death was just right for their situation. We can’t really interview them.

There is simply no answer, no way to know.

Suicide exists as one way life ends…..and everyone’s life is over in this particular body at some point.

So who would I be without the belief that it’s the wrong choice, unbearable, impossible to get over, a life that should have been different or longer?

It doesn’t mean I like it, or my heart doesn’t break into pieces….but I notice I’m present, connected, full of feeling, tender, noticing there are no answers and no reasons, and there is still life here, going on, and I can show up for the people here, now.

“In the end you know that there is no sin, no guilt, no retribution, only life in its endless transformations. With the dissolution of the personal ‘I’ personal suffering disappears. What remains is the great sadness of compassion, the horror of the unnecessary pain.” ~ Nisargadatta

It’s OK not to know what to do, or say when someone dies…even from suicide. It’s OK to remain present, to be with those who remain alive, to help them, to support, to feel every drop of feeling, to sob.

All you have to do is be there, being.

Nothing more.

Love, Grace

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Nothing Is Impossible For You

The other day, I was watching a short video by a young man who started a daily blog some years ago….

….who is now so successful, he was on Oprah last year as a representative of the next generation of personal development teachers.

(His name is Mastin Kipp).

While I don’t know him personally, I have met more successful, interesting, movers-and-shakers sorts of people in the past couple of years than I ever knew before.

I started thinking about how funny that we humans have celebrities, those we admire and are inspired by.

Admiring someone is generally a very joyful experience. There they are, being themselves, and WE feel different just by hearing them, being in their presence, watching how they relate to others, feeling their energy.

I’ve been to personal growth workshops in the past where I was asked to consider who I hold in great esteem, who I trust, love, and feel very grateful for, past or present.

Some of the people on my list are the very same as on other peoples’ lists: Gandhi, Byron Katie, Adyashanti, Martin Luther King, Oprah, Martha Graham, Pema Chodron, Desmond Tutu, Cheri Huber, Jesus.

Now think about yourself and how you measure up to all those others. If you entered a room where they were all hanging out, talking, laughing, being….

….how would you feel?

There is a good reason I bring this up. Trust me. It’s called COMPARISON.

It happens.

So I’m watching Mastin and his adorable and sincere manner, and suddenly the thought enters: I’m old enough to be his mother.

I’ll never be on Oprah.

Too late.

I don’t have much time.

I dinked around so long having emotional and spiritual crises, addictive behavior, was insecure, unstable, low confidence, that I lost my chance to be a STAR.

Of course, I had to chuckle about one second later. But you may find these kinds of thoughts stick around awhile, and don’t feel so hot.

Let’s take a look.

You should have started sooner, been more confident, gotten it together, and succeeded by now……you are not as successful as you could be.

Is that true?

Yes! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!

(That’s a famous Marlon Brando scene from On The Waterfront. Say it with a thick New York accent).

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you’re not successful YET, that you need to be more, better, bigger, different?

Are you positive your story-line needs improvement?

Even if you’re starting from scratch after a huge life transition. Even if you just got divorced, or found out you have cancer. Even if you thought you’d have “x” in your bank account by now, but instead you’re in debt.

Are you sure you failed to Get There? That you’re not living up to your potential, or being the Best You Could Be?

No.

This story may be unfolding at just the right pace, the right time, in the right manner.

But even if you said YES….keep going with your investigation of this kind of stressful thinking.

How do you react when you believe you aren’t where you COULD be? You’re aren’t as successful as THAT person over there?

Fists clenched. Working past midnight. Thinking I need to “catch up”. Anxious. Tired. Discouraged. Why bother.

Not very happy in this present moment. Images of all those amazing, incredible people who I’ve admired, and how far, far away I am from being like any of them.

Sad day.

So who would you be without the belief that you’re too late? Too old? Not accomplishing? Not meeting your top potential NOW?

Curious. Instead of feeling like a deflated balloon, I stand up. I think about writing some of my admirers a letter. I join groups that are full of awesome, interesting people. I watch my intimidated feeling turn into excitement, without the belief that I don’t cut it here.

“Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie 

I turn the thoughts around to the opposites.

I am the best I could be, this here is excellent, I am right on time, I am on Oprah right this minute (doesn’t it make you laugh out loud for the fun of it, just to pretend? Why not?!)

This is my own STAR television show, right here, as I write these words. I am a great success, greater than ever I imagined. Life is strange, unusual, full of turns and twists and thick plots that I could have NEVER thought up on my own.

Or maybe I could have thought them up (eye twinkle).

I AM A CONTENDER!

(Remember, New York accent).

“The forward step is always moving ahead, always trying to attain what you want, whether it’s a material possession or inner peace. The forward step is very familiar: seeking and more seeking, striving and more striving, always looking for peace, always looking for happiness, looking for love. To take the backward step means to just turn around, reverse the whole process of looking for satisfaction on the outside, and look at precisely the place where you are standing. See if what you are looking for isn’t already present in your experience.” ~ Adyashanti

Can I simply rest here, now in this present moment, without believing that I missed out on something, or need to get somewhere by next week?

Phew. Yeah. I can do that.

Do you think you’ll be more successful tomorrow if you relax your comparisons today, or crank them up?

See what I mean?

“For governing a country well there is nothing better than moderation. The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way. Nothing is impossible for him. Because he has let go, he can care for the people’s welfare as a mother cares for her child.” ~ Tao Te Ching #59

Much love, Grace

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He’s Asking Too Much–Is It True?

It’s only two months now until the Breitenbush Annual summer retreat immersion in The Work.

If you register by this Thursday, May 1st, it’s only $395 for tuition. You add lodging and meals based on your own preference.

To sign up call Breitenbush on the phone at 503-854-7174. The reservation desk is open, even if the campus is not, so listen carefully to their outgoing message and press the right buttons to get connected.

Speaking of ancient old-fashioned ways of making reservations….

….I’m in love with my new smart phone.

If a phone can do what this phone does (it talks to me when it can tell I’m moving in car, so I’m hands-free, wow)…

…then one would think that registering for ANYTHING should be easy.

The other day I took a six hour CEU (Certified Education Units) training for my certification in counseling in Washington state entitled “Mental Health Ethics in the Digital Age”.

As our brilliant lecturer began the program and asked everyone what devices they used and whether or not they had websites, the range of answers was enormous.

Someone shouted from the back of the room that she would NEVER sign up for facebook. Later on I taught her about Instagram and Snapchat, which I learned from my teens.

I thought she was going to have a heart attack. (We laughed!)

People get fired up about social media and doing things online, getting information stolen or interrupted or spied on. Many people are oriented towards face-to-face contact or talking on the phone rather than email or chat room.

It’s really interesting noticing a little stabbing judgy thoughts about people, new technology and devices and programs, and what they should or should not be doing.

A man wrote me recently asking to please send information to his P.O. Box about the Breitenbush retreat. No email or phone number.

I wondered what information, exactly? I have a ton of information already on my website, and on www.thework.com events, and on facebook events.

Can’t you get it there?

I must confess, I resisted.

Send a physical written letter thing? Jeez, what a lot of unnecessary work! In this day and age? He must be 100 years old!

(Gosh, could it be that sometimes, the information I list out there online might be a little hard to find, or confusing, or—gasp—incorrect?)

Well. It’s a little embarrassing to admit I didn’t want to write a postcard, but this is worthy of The Work.

Because everything is.

It’s kinda like the same as getting all worked up about traffic, or interruptions, or losing your dollars in the vending machine….

….is it true, that this question requires an inconvenient action? Is it true that giving a response is a hassle?

No.

It took me less than five minutes to send a postcard today, to the requested address.

Is it true that I would know what that person’s motivation, age, situation or personality is like, who is making this request?

People who get enraged at traffic often think they know what the drivers are like: rude, unconscious, unsafe, distracted.

But can you know that this is true?

Can you be SURE that you know whatever you think you know about the questioner?

Not at all.

How do you react when you believe the thought that someone is asking you for something inconvenient, or something that is “making” you expend extra energy?

Well, heck, the way I react is I dismiss them. I think they’re irritants. I want to ignore them, get away from them.

Sometimes people feel this way at work. Someone asks them to complete something new, different, extra, unusual.

What a pain-in-the-ass!

Fume fume fume.

Maybe you do a poor job, just to make them sorry. So they never ask you again.

But who would you be if you couldn’t even have the thought that his request is a hassle? That her question was stupid? That their complaint is frightening? That she asks for too much?

“There isn’t any hell or heaven except for how we relate to our world. Hell is just resistance to life. When you want to say no to the situation you’re in, it’s fine to say no, but when you build up a big case to the point where you are so convinced that you would draw your sword and cut off someone’s head, that kind of resistance to life is hell.” ~ Pema Chodron

I may not have a sword….but my mind is shooting daggers. This is not really that different.

In fact, I see that if I can notice this internal stab, it’s a lot easier to soften, relax and surrender and take the most natural next step.

Like send a simple postcard to someone I never met.

Then, it never turns into war. I use my intuition, I respond.

Yes. No. Not right now. Maybe later. Pause. Wait. Yes.

I turn the thoughts around: Breitenbush should reserve only by phone and appear to be closed a lot, that man is not asking for too much, they aren’t hassling me, it is not difficult, I don’t know what they are thinking… 

I follow the simple directions.

It’s very efficient. And much easier.

Even fun.

Heck, now I’m thinking I could have written more. I could have printed out something from my website and sent it. Ha ha, it moved the way it did.

Gently.

“When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.” ~ Byron Katie 

Much love,

Grace

 

 

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Create A Safe Place Inside You, Investigating Money

Next week another wonderful group is going to begin to examine beliefs that are upsetting about money.

If you’re really worried about not having enough, for example….it could be very liberating to question.

You also may be opposed to giving money for a class about money, even though you’re aware that “spending” some time taking a deeper look at your relationship and thoughts about money might be REALLY powerful.

(If that’s the case, and you’re really low on income right now, write to me by the way. I don’t refuse people if they want this work, there is room in the class, and they happen to be unemployed or some other difficult circumstance).

Thoughts about money are often that it is limited, there isn’t enough, and you may hurt….later….unless you’re really careful. So it’s hard to let it go.

Trouble is, if it’s hard to let go of, it may be also hard to receive.

Let’s take a look today at one of my favorite investigations on money.

Why do you want more? 

What would more money give you, if you had it?

Even just a wee bit, but perhaps a LOT more, it doesn’t matter. You have your dream, and it involves more money. Maybe for you, you’d like more money that is all clearly yours, your bank account, your own resources, a fund just for YOU and no one else. 

You earned it, you deserve it, your ideas created it.

Now, don’t you go and start feeling guilty. Don’t think you’re a selfish first-world nervous ninny, or that you should feel grateful instead of grabby.

You feel the way you feel. 

There are no rules. We’re entering this work from the point of view of reality. All things possible. Everything capable of change, right in this second. Nothing static. No guarantees. Wild mystery. 

And money, it appears, is a form of exchange here on planet earth. You trade it for other things. You express what you care about with it. You use it for what serves you.

So what would more money give you? Or different money, if you’re clear that simply more isn’t that interesting?

In sitting with this deeply over time, I found the following qualities I believed would be present, with ample money: assurance, support, safety, comfort, insurance against difficult times in the future, fun, adventure, happiness, generosity, excitement, joy.

Yowser, that’s a lot of expectations on money.

Without any money, the opposite qualities come to mind, in this world of duality:hunger, pain, sickness, abandonment, threat, discomfort, worse times in the future, seriousness, boredom, narrow life, unhappiness, not able to be generous, neediness, panic, grief.

Time for inquiry.

Is it true that with money….the good stuff…..without money….the bad stuff? 

No. I’ve seen very wealthy people who are totally worried and anxious and insecure. I’ve seen very poor people who are excited, joyful and open. I’ve been both myself! (What a trip).

How do I react when I believe my thoughts about money?

My body is flooded with stress, anxiety. I begin planning. I work until midnight. I feel competitive with time…like I’m racing against a limited amount. 

Must. Get. There. Before. I. Die. 

I remember being a child, who didn’t have to worry about money or food or loss. It seems so long ago. I think of the world as a hard-ass, complicated, tricky place when it comes to money, work, payments, receipts, calculations, amounts moving from here to there.

I want to give up. Deflated. Worth less. 

Who would I be without these thoughts about wanting more money, needing a certain amount of money, or that money represents safety, security, ease in the future?

Really. This is a huge big incredible leap into another paradigm. A world without negative, busy, anxious thought. A world with room to breath and look around.  

Without the thought that I want more “money” (safety, joy, excitement, adventure, comfort, insurance) or that I don’t have enough?

Instead of nerves, my body is flooded with sweetness. 

Eyes wide open. I see my hands, the edges of the frames of my new purple reading glasses, I feel the chair beneath my thighs, my heart beating. 

Without the idea that more would be better….I would be stunning really. I take the deepest breath and notice it’s enough. Something is very exciting here. This moment. 

“On the surface, this is about finances. But beneath that, this question comes from the feeling that your life can be taken away from you. You think that money protects you from total loss of control and if there isn’t enough of it, unseen forces will overwhelm you. Rather than tackling the money issue, it’s time to create a safe place inside you.” ~ Deepak Chopra

If little piles of colored paper with faces on it, and round metal pieces of various sizes, had nothing to do with my future security, my happiness, a sense of adventure, comfort, care, worthiness or safety….

….I notice the joy of having what I have. Starting with lungs that can breathe. A house, a beautiful office, a driveway, a yard, an entire world full of adventures right in my own neighborhood. I have connection, intimacy, joy and fun.

And within, within, a vast space of silence, vibrating emptiness, thrill, ease, fearlessness, courage, creativity in this colorful moment.

Unlimited.

Without any rules about money or beliefs about money, I can get up and walk and knock on the next door and ask for work. I can ask people questions who have a whole lot of money or who have very little money. I can lie in the sun on the grass and stay there as long as I like. I can find a place to live where there is no need to give money in exchange. I can feel the spectacular energy of artistic creativity pouring out of me in the form of service, writing my book, ideas for inquiry.

I turn the thoughts around. 

I want more of me, here now. I want myself. All my thinking, all my feelings, everything welcome. I want my thoughts…I love my thoughts. My thoughts bring me assurance about myself. 

Maybe money wants more of me, too. Maybe it’s waiting for my next move, with joyous anticipation.

How can I bring myself assurance, with my own thinking, instead of wanting this thing called money to bring assurance to me? 

Wow. I can give myself adventure, support, safety, comfort, generosity, happiness, joy. 

“When you are concerned with making money you want the future more than the present. Whenever you want the future more than you want the present, true intelligence cannot flow into what you do, because it can do so only when you are totally aligned with the present moment. So, instead, what you do is ego, or it comes from ego……Whatever you do in your daily life – driving from here to there, trying to reach someone on the phone, doing this or that – you always are going toward somewhere. That’s inevitable. But the question is: Is that purpose in the future more important to you than what you are doing in the present? If it is, then it is a form of ego. The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

In this moment, I give abundantly to myself by staying here, with this sparkling, peaceful, mysterious present moment.

“We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move. We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want. We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable. We work with being, but non-being is what we use.” ~ Tao Te Ching #11 

If you’d like to join a group on the phone or skype, look at an exercise each week to help uncover those fascinating and sometimes exceptionally painful concerns about money, then write to me at grace@workwithgrace.com. We start next Wednesday 4/16 at 5:15 pm Pacific time.

The emptiness inside holds whatever you want. 

When you know this to be true (and you do) then who knows what can happen, right now, with money. 

Much love, Grace

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Psycho Prison of Believing What You Think

Reminder to all Breitenbush participants from the past: if you register before May 1st, your fee is only $295 (you save $100). Important to write to me grace@workwithgrace.com if you are coming back so we can alert the offices at Breitenbush of your special repeater fee.

And setting up time to sit and do The Work in the power of a group….what a wise and wonderful thing to do.

Well, it sure has been for me. The difference between me BEFORE spending time questioning my thinking….and me AFTER questioning my thinking….

….is almost unrecognizable for me inside myself. 

This could only happen when I set aside the time, as a priority, for self-inquiry. And in different phases of my life, this hasn’t been easy.

Recently, a YOI (Year of Inquiry) participant who just attended the School for The Work for the first time called me and said “Wow. After doing The School, I realize I want to do The Work all the time. I need to be in this Year of Inquiry group more than ever.”

Maybe some of us are such good “do-ers” in this world, that sitting quietly and examining our beliefs just doesn’t appear to be that productive.

Believe me, when I have typically “set aside time” on my own calendar without an official retreat, guidance, facilitation, teacher, a group, or a one-on-one session with another inquiring friend……

…..guess what that blocked out time looked like in real life?

Errands, going to the gym, reading, answering emails, laundry, updating curriculum, tweaking my website, dishes, talking with my husband and kids, checking my texts, looking at the internet, adding on a last-minute client right into that exact blocked out slot.

All the productivity teachers talk about the same kind of thing. 

They suggest doing the thing first that has the greatest, most meaningful value for you, every day.

It’s weird that we’re set up this way…to sort of skip over this quieter song within, and “get” everything else “done”.

There is something of great draw for you in your heart, something has stirred inside you with desire for personal understanding, but you dismiss it and set it over in the corner to come back to, later. 

Even something as common as exercising, taking a new class, meeting a good friend for tea, creating something new, taking your car to the shop, making a doctor’s appointment, finishing your book.

You don’t do it now. You wait. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

But once you see the pleasure, the change, the movement of energy and a shift in your feelings, the dissolving of stress, unhappiness leaving, or confusion becoming clear….

….then whatever assisted in that change, whether slight or magnificent, becomes very, very interesting.

To put it mildly.

Then, you hardly need to set aside time for retreat and personal inquiry and meditation. Because your life becomes full of it every day, all the time. No need to go anywhere or do anything. Your mind *thinks* and you wonder if it’s true, and you might start laughing. 

Awareness of who you truly are stays centered, clear, present in every tiny moment.

But what if your mind is so speedy that you aren’t sure what you’re even thinking in the first place that leads to stress? What if you feel hurt by someone? What if you feel fearful about having cancer, upset about losing your job, self-critical about hating your boss, sad because of the lack of fun or sexuality in your primary relationship, or disturbed with the way you drink or eat?

What if there is something that keeps pestering you for awareness, understanding, clarity or resolve? What if something BIG went down between you and someone, and you can’t stop thinking about it some nights?

Maybe that commenting thinking voice is there for a reason! 

It’s a strange thing to compare the investigation of the mind with athletic training. But as an athletic person myself, I find it wonderfully similar in many ways.

Here is this body that is a moving machine. Here is this thinking machine. Being “me”. Resisting, planning, formulating conclusions, getting conditioned, believing, hoping, imagining, seeing, knowing, learning, adding, subtracting. 

There appears to be an identity here that is unique, thinking, perceiving from this special vantage point. There appears to be a body here that might “win” if competing with the best in the world. 

All very well….until a fly gets in the ointment. You’re training for the Olympics, and you twist your knee. 

A powerful athlete does everything to take care of that knee. She moves over to healing the knee, so she can carry on with the bigger picture, the greater goal. 

This is how I see every session, every group, every telecall, every retreat, every gathering of souls doing The Work together. We’re on a journey, and we’ve noticed we have a common “situation”. 

The mind got twisted. So instead of continuing to ignore it, we’re turning our attention to it entirely. 

Because without healing that injury, there will be no chance for anything more. No Olympics. No peace.

“We must free our mind from all that it has collected, all that it clings to, all that it depends on. This begins by realizing that we are in a psychological prison created by our minds. Until we begin to realize how confined we are, we will not be able to find our way out. Neither will we find our way out by struggling against the confines we have inherited from our parents, society, and culture. It is only by beginning to examine and realize the falseness within our minds that we begin to awaken an intelligence that originates from beyond the realm of thinking.” ~ Adyashanti

The Work….which is four questions and then finding the turnarounds….is a simple structure for this inquiry. Simple, yet complex. 

The questions are big ones, the answers are your own. 

But oh how incredible to examine the thoughts that create stress in your life, the ones that bring on sadness, terror, anxiety, anger, and emotional pain. These kinds of thoughts and memories that produce something that feels like falseness.

The falseness of forever being a “do-er” without stopping to slow down, take a look, and enter something deeper in yourself.

“An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, ‘Get honest; inquire.’ We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards, so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling. And that’s as it should be, because in our innocence we haven’t known how. So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil, write thought down, and investigate.” ~ Byron Katie

Before self-inquiry, I had to look to a ton of different solutions in order to find relief. 

After self-inquiry? All I needed was a pen a paper, time to investigate, and then…the joy of not believing everything I think.

If you want to give your mind the attention it seeks on that issue (or issues) that keep pestering you for resolution….

….then come immerse yourself in the beauty of knowing you, investigating your mind, and getting a glimpse of who you really are. 

Because no one wants to stay in a psychological prison. And it’s hard to stay in there all by yourself. 

Find a partner, get someone you know to facilitate you, start writing out your answers to the four questions, take a class, sign up for Breitenbush. 

You’ll be sooooo glad you did. You could change your life, your world, your past, your future. Really. 

Because that’s what has happened for me.

Love, Grace

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To Act Or Do The Work–Is That The Question?

Not long ago I was listening to a lecture on my laptop. The screen kept freezing and doing a spinney wheel and I’d hack away at emails in my Inbox on another screen….

…but I kept listening to the recording.

Then, I heard the voice of the speaker say something that made me pause a moment. 

She said “don’t you just get sick of looking at your limiting beliefs all the time? Heck, just take action.” 

(Scrape…….did you hear the rewind sound?)

I had to chuckle.

Because on first read-through…moving through and doing The Work is all about looking at limiting beliefs….

….uncomfortable, disappointing, frightening, aggravating beliefs.

We’re looking, investigating, exploring this (apparently) internal world.

It’s true that there appears to be no guidance about action. No rules or ideas about what to do or when to do it.

But here’s what I’ve noticed about action and believing: both of these experiences or “things” HAPPEN.

It’s not exactly natural to sit still and never take action. It’s not natural to constantly take action and never sit still.

If you just sat all the time writing out The Work, or getting facilitated, or concluding that since you are not feeling happy, you must question your thoughts 24/7 until this changes…

…none of us would last very long. And it would be virtually impossible.

Even when I’ve been looking at my beliefs about situations and people in my life, I’ve been going about my business…cleaning house, picking up kids, writing the book, sleeping, doing dishes, meeting with clients, teaching classes, working out at the gym, healing from my leg getting cut off, eating lunch.

(OK OK, the leg wasn’t cut off, I had surgery on a badly torn hamstring).

But I really love the idea that this dynamic speaker had about moving, acting, energy: sometimes, heck, just go for it!!

Sometimes, even if you are really nervous, feeling totally awkward, uncertain, uncomfortable, terrified, indecisive, do-it-anyway. 

The thing is, the more I do The Work and get down into the gritty dark recesses of my greatest fears, the more actions and energy appear to be freed up.

I take about 1000% more efficient, fun action than I used to. Before, I’d spend so much time in my head analyzing, ruminating, perseverating…

…I hardly let anything sink below the neck.

And my actions, when I believed my fearful thoughts, were very defensive, protective….like when a little bunny rabbit is trying to run across the open highway with cars zooming both ways at 70 miles per hour.

Major random emergency chaos! And who the heck knows if the bunny ends up on the other side of the highway!

When I’ve spent time in meditation, quiet, feeling, being, doing The Work, contemplating…

…my actions sink down into the entire body and even spread out into the universe.

If I think that I SHOULD take action, I get a little paralyzed and frustrated. If I think I SHOULDN’T take action, I get a little paralyzed and frustrated. Ha!

And….I love what that speaker said that suggested watching the experience of staying inside the mind, thinking, without bustin’ a move.

“I need to wait before I take action on x, y or z”.

If it’s stressful to wait…then yes, take it to The Work!

Is that true that you need to wait? That you need to be careful? That you need to gather more info before trying it?

Yes. I really want to make the best move possible. I have to weigh it out, pull together all the information, find the “right” answer.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you need to wait?

No.

How do you react when you believe you need to wait?

My head almost explodes with finding the perfect answer. I practically forget I have a body. I talk to other people and hash it over.

Who would you be without the belief that you need to wait?

Jumping! Dancing! Entering the heat!

Willing to see what happens next, with no mental plans. Making an offer, asking for what I want, connecting with others, feeling delighted with what I love.

Trusting what will be. Surrendering to what is. Having a universe that’s waaaaaaay bigger than me. Peaceful, steady, quiet, joyful.

I turn the thought around: I do not need to wait, I can take action. 

I’ve noticed when I have no right and wrong, when it’s not possible to make a mistake anymore, when I’ve questioned my assumptions…

…more possibilities spring forth. The creativity is almost so great, I’m bursting with ideas.

I’m not making any action happen, it’s happening of its own accord.

Everything moving with balance. Sometimes sound asleep, sometimes wide awake.

“It’s a curious place to be (especially in the beginning) not to be driven by anything–pleasure or displeasure, helping or hurting, loving or hating. The only thing that will move you (and I don’t mean to be too poetic about this) is the same thing that moves a leaf hanging from a tree. It’s simply because the breeze blows that way. So you always know what to do: The breeze blows that way, and that’s the way you go. You don’t ask questions anymore. You don’t evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don’t know why. And you know you can’t know why. There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment.” ~ Adyashanti 

I don’t really know if I need to question my thoughts, or move, or go left or right. All I do know is that when I’m freakin’ out, I am believing in things that scare me and it hurts. In that situation, there’s no peace.

When I’m peaceful (and oddly, this includes being OK with feeling afraid) life is so much more fun.  

“There are two ways to live your life, one is stressed out, one is not. One hurts, one doesn’t.” ~ Byron Katie  

In the present moment, I act, I move, I am still, I do The Work…who knows until I get there. No way to know why or how or when, until now.

If you do notice that you’d like to set aside 90 minutes a week for group inquiry together, and see how that affects the action you take in your life (or non-action) then come on board on Fridays 9-10:30 am pacific time for a Year of Inquiry.

The Closeness in Inquiry

“I was just thinking about how much I love all you amazing people in our group. It’s funny that I feel so much closer to you than I do many of my friends!” ~ YOI participant

Much love,

Grace

 

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Don’t Get Suckered In (And Other Benefits of The Work of Byron Katie)

I was on the radio!

Donna Markusson, educator, coach and radio personality, interviewed me and she did The Work with me–she was fabulous. (Her personal website iswww.yourinspiredtruth.com)

Click HERE to listen.

Her identified stressful thought? Those teenager boys should clean up their messy rooms!

Thinking about other people and how they ought to be cleaner, not make the mess, have the same artistic sensibility, or like things the same way we do is so common.

And very frustrating if you really believe it should change.

How often have I looked at my environment and then thought about how if something were adjusted or presented differently, it would be more pleasing.

It’s the way that critical mind seems to work.

I see this room, and while I love the paint color, it would be BETTER if the carpet was vacuumed, and if the little nail holes in the walls were filled and made invisible, and it would be nice if there were nothing on the table whatsoever, no papers or torn envelopes from yesterday’s mail.

And the cream-colored sofa looks a little tiny bit dirty on the middle cushion. And the heating grate is quite dusty, plus the blinds don’t turn open all the way because of a jam in the cord, and there’s a spider web above the lamp, and the lamp isn’t very exciting artistically.

Gosh, this whole place is completely imperfect, really.

The thing is, this way of thinking used to be so frustrating. Now, it does seem to fade out quickly, or it appears quite hilarious.

The feeling you have when thinking these kinds of thoughts is the key to understanding.

“Stress is an alarm clock that let’s you know that you’ve attached to something NOT true for you.” ~ Byron Katie

If I can notice and grip against reality, and feel stress, with one room, guess what I could do with the whole world?

Well, I did do that with the whole world.

That was pretty much my life in the past, the way I saw things, every moment. Needing improvement. Not quite right. Needing a major overhaul.

I saw myself that way most of all.

Disappointment at this dusty, stained, boring, frightening, caustic or unenlightened world and unenlightened person that lived here (me).

The way I reacted when I believed the thought that things would really be better if….and things are really not that good because….

….I was depressed. Sad, very angry, and shaking my fist at the Universe.

I loved when I first started imagining who I would be if I didn’t have the thought that something needed to change.

It’s an incredible and enormous question.

It’s like pulling the plug out of the socket. Suddenly, very empty space. Who would I be without my story, in that situation, in this room with the spider web?

I realize that I began to feel who I would be as a feeling of expansion, like flying through the sky, so free. Very mysterious, unknown, unimaginable.

I didn’t even know WHAT I would be without the thought….I started forgetting what I had been thinking that was so true.

I began to realize that all the thoughts come and go like fine sand falling through a sieve.

I hadn’t seen that before, ever. I would leave that imperfect room and basically forget all about it, until I returned to it again, and sometimes even THEN I would forget all about it.

I realized that my mind would change. The torn envelopes would still be on the table, but they would look sort of beautiful, or magical. I might toss them in the recycle bin.

Who would you be without your story, your beliefs, your resistance, your demands, your judgments, your criticisms?

I used to think I would be nothing….and that was terrible.

It’s terrible not to have stories…is that true?

Hee hee.

“In the unconditioned consciousness there’s no commentator, there’s no interpreter of the moment….The “me” does not like that state. There’s nothing in it for the “me”. What am I going to believe in? What about my point of view? What happened to all the people I blame, or my miserable existence?…..The idea is not to get RID of the me, the idea is not to be suckered in by it. There’s a big difference. The only thing that tries to get rid of a me, is a “me”. ~ Adyashanti

The way you know you are believing something, that you got suckered in, is you feel unhappiness…fury, dischord, hate, sadness, terror, irritation.

The solution isn’t to fix yourself, get rid of your thoughts (it doesn’t work) or force yourself to like messy rooms, when you don’t.

It’s slowing way down to see what’s going on with your viewpoint, if you might be off, and how.

The best way I know how to do this is with The Work, with self-inquiry, looking, looking, stopping, waiting for your answers to the questions.

It’s “work” but it’s so worth it.

Love, Grace

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Free Calls on 9/5 The Work of Byron Katie With Grace

Only two weeks until two wonderful programs start!

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven 8 week group, and A Year of Inquiry Thinking Recovery Program from 9/2013 to 8/2014.

I’ve had so many questions about the upcoming two classes that begin on 9/12 that today I’ve decided to offer two free Group Inquiry calls scheduled for Thursday, September 5th.

The first free call will be at 8:00 – 9:30 am Pacific time (the same time as the 8 week Relationship Hell To Heaven Class) and the second free call will be 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific Time (the same time as the Year Of Inquiry YOI Group).

Everyone is welcome.

You do not have to be thinking of joining the Relationships 8 week teleseminar OR the One Year of Inquiry Group (YOI), but the group call will give you a good sense of what it’s like, in case you are considering it.

YES, you can enjoy this call even if you know you can’t join the 8 week class or the YOI group.

This is your chance to set aside 90 minutes (there is no fee) and see what happens as you question a stressful thought with a group.

You can be brand new to The Work, or really familiar with The Work.

This work is for everyone…everyone interested in understanding and dissolving their experience of suffering.

The conference call can accommodate 25 people live on the line, to participate, ask questions, or just be there. There is also room for 100 people to listen via their computer by clicking on the link below, instead of dialing-in live.

If you know you’d like to be there, but don’t feel the need to participate by voice, then join the call via your computer by clicking the link, and listen there.

Then we’ll have room for everyone! (other calls have always had more than 25 folks wanting to join).

We will start with a short introduction, and then pick a stressful thought that is common and troubling, and everyone can move through inquiry whether you speak out loud or not.

The power of the group, the support, the slowing down of the mind by walking through this together can be phenomenal. This is a time to nurture yourself, and be in meditation.

The silence and awareness possible can bring something different and sacred to what you can do all by yourself, if you notice you’ve been stuck or repeating the same old stories.

At the end we will have some Q and A time for anyone interested in finding out more about YOI (Year of Inquiry) or the teleclass Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven (both start 9/12) or any other upcoming teleclasses or mini-retreats starting this fall.

Here is the information to tuck away and save for September 5th:

Title: Free Group Teleclass in The Work of Byron Katie PLUS Q and A
Time: Thursday, September 5th at 8:00 am and at 5:15pm Pacific
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
Phone number: (206) 402-0100
PIN Code: 305799# 
 
To attend the 8:00 am session by computer, please visit:

To attend the 5:00 pm session by computer, please visit:

Love, Grace

P.S. The classes both have room for a few more, but they are filling fast. They may be full by the time the free calls come around, so no guarantee of a spot. However, there’s always more Guided Group Inquiry in the future 🙂

 

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Write To Me

As the One Year Program gets closer to beginning (June 11th) many of you have written to me with suggestions, considerations and dreams of how you would best love to be served if you had your perfect scenario for ongoing support for self-inquiry, and a fulfilling relationship with your own thinking.

Some of you instantly knew that signing up to work in a whole year of inquiry, with the same small group of people, mostly in teleclasses and then a few in-person retreats, was PERFECTO.

Today I would love to hear from those of you who are considering joining the one-year program, and even those of you who are not at this time, what you would really want if I could support you in inquiring into your stressful thinking in your life, and truly beginning to have a loving relationship with your reality over time.

If you had your ideal structure, or had your most important questions answered, or the best format for you personally that you could have in a program with other people, what would it be?

If you could make up your favorite format for life support and inquiry and watching your thoughts and noticing your freedom…how would it look?

This is an amazing thing for any human to consider, whether thinking of a meaningful spiritual journey with others, (like the one-year inquiry program), or as an exercise of imagining what you would like most in your life around any kind of journey or relationship.

Sometimes we know what we are against in our lives, and what doesn’t work…but we hardly consider the possibilities for what DOES work, in a fun, imaginative, loving way.

It is an important step to know what doesn’t work. We get it. THIS is not working. Every time I’m interacting with that person, someone gets hurt….every day when I go to that job, I get upset….every time I eat, I hate myself.

Not working.

And we seem to know that those other people aren’t going to change (Byron Katie says hopeless and we know she’s right).

As many of you know who have started to ask yourself the questions known as The Work, and to question your own beliefs about life, other people and yourself….you’ve discovered that your life is shifting.

You may have discovered that in changing only your thoughts about your world and your experience, that your world actually appears to be changing.

And all that time, you thought you had to fix or change or adjust something OUT THERE, outside of you, in order to have your life and your world be calmer and more fun and more peaceful.

So today, imagine what one troubling situation in your life might look like if it was peaceful, serene, humorous, or joyful….one thing that seems like it’s not right now.

This doesn’t mean thinking about that situation you dislike and saying “I wish x, I wish y, this is so sad…”

It’s about playing with a fun picture, imagining the feeling being full of love, acceptance, gentleness or clarity right in that situation that generally produces stress when you think of it.

And if you have a vision of what would support you in inquiry, then just reply back to this email, and let me know what it would look like.

I’d love to hear your concerns or questions if you’re considering joining the One Year group, or a teleclass, or solo sessions….how would it be tweaked for you to make it right?

Don’t hold back—maybe it’s money, or worry about not liking it, or not understanding inquiry, or that you’ve tried to investigate your thoughts before to no avail….what are your biggest questions?

I’d love to know, if you’ve got ideas and requests. It helps me understand how to support you best, if there’s a way I don’t see it yet.

And if its a question I can write about here, then I will!

So replay back to this email and tell me, what would you like in support of your personal inquiry journey? Where do you bump up against your investigation, your awakening? What is your heart’s desire?

Much love, Grace