Tag: the work of Byron Katie

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Tebow-Time Thinking

If you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, it’s
really quite a story, and fascinating to watch.

He’s an underdog quarterback for the Denver Broncos
and a very religious young man.

He just won an outstanding game where all the sports
pundits said he was washed up after  a couple
“dismal failures.”

He’s also been the center of HUGE polarizing controversies
about wearing his religion on his sleeve, whether he’s
good enough to play at this position, etc., etc.

Millions of people love him and millions hate him.

There are so many concepts surrounding things
like this…so many things to do The Work on that can take
us to our freedom.

I was a dedicated cross-country athlete in high school and college
and know how powerful the concepts of winning and losing are.

But it’s not just athletics.

It can be an argument where 2 innocent people with different
ideas gradually escalate into anger and viciousness about
who wins the argument…when they actually love each other.

Sometimes it’s polite viciousness and anger, sometimes it’s
with shouting and screaming.

It can be with food and eating and weight and whether
WE are winning or the FOOD is winning (when it’s
really our thinking).

It’s fun just looking at the Tebow phenomenon, where people
identify so fiercely with an underdog, like Tim Tebow, and have
HUGE emotional investments in how their “hero” does…
it makes for wonderful Work.

Winning and losing and “proving” ourselves can fuel
billion dollar industries-sports, politics, or a business trying
to get “market share,” or get revenge and crush the competition.

Or it can make us suffer along, with every bite of food we take.
My weekend on food and eating is in three days in Seattle. We are officially full but there’s room for one more if you email me soon. We’re diving into the game and getting to the root of what we’re believing—would love to have you join me.

Much love, Grace

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I Can’t Do That

One of the most sneaky, sad, depressing ways
my thinking has messed with my peace and freedom
is with this simple but powerful thought “I CAN’T DO THAT”.

It comes right after a really fantastic idea.

It comes right after a really frightening idea.

It comes right after I get a vision of something in the
future that might be possible, and it feels big and juicy
and like a wild dream.

The mind is such a pessimist! Here are some of the reasons
my thinking comes up with WHY I can’t do something:

–he will be very sad
–she won’t approve of me
–they will think I’m greedy
–people will get outrageously mad at me
–people will find me disgusting and uncool
–I’ll screw it up and regret I tried to do it

All very, very stressful beliefs, and all full of a good punch
that often results in “DON’T EVEN TRY IT”.

But what if you could do that. What if you knew you
really, really, really wanted to do it, you were drawn
to do it, something in you was saying “Go! Now!” or
you keep coming back to the idea over and over again.

Even if it’s just a little whiff of an idea, a soft breeze passing,
a tiny hint of a suggestion…”I CAN do that”. Why not see if it’s
just as true, or truer, that you can.

It’s not really that I can’t do something, most of the time.
I try, and I do it or I don’t do it…it may not even matter.

Come see what it’s like to live the turnarounds of these stressful
beliefs, share with others who may have had the same painful
beliefs, and question them using The Work together.

We have only one spot left for this weekend retreat on food, eating
and the body. And the teleclass with the same topic starts next
Tuesday!

I would love to have you join me on the journey to the freedom of
seeing if you can do it, without terrible stress and panic.

Love, Grace

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Bare Naked Heart

Although it was scary at first (and still
is at times), doing The Work with others
and allowing them to see where I hide from
the world and myself, is one of the most liberating
things I’ve ever done…and continue to do….

…my heart…bare and naked!

So…here’s some of MY latest work.

Which I’m showing you here for a 2 reasons.

One is, to help dispel the myth that people who’ve
been “in” The Work for a long time are in some
way “different,” more “evolved,” or “superior.”

If anything, the longer you’ve been in The Work,
the thoughts you work on seem even MORE petty,
trivial, and ridiculous.

And I guess the 2nd reason is sort of the same.

To remind you that we’re all working on the same
thoughts and can learn from each other’s work.

I continue to marvel at how everyone’s work
in my classes…is MY work, too.

I’m also amazed at the courage, integrity, and
innocence of “us.”

My clients and class members inspire ME!

With that said, here’s my one liner. I’ll give
you the whole thing over the next couple days
in a thumbnail form (not all the scribbling, doodles,
and arrows in the margins of my notebook):

“He/She should stop hurting”

I look out into the world, I talk with the most
amazing, beautiful people, and sometimes I feel
sad that they are “hurting” or suffering; grieving,
smoking, drinking, overeating, hopeless, full of despair,
cheated, lost, desperate, suicidal, afraid…

They are sad, so I am sad.

Now that’s rather…funny really. Stay tuned for how
I work with this thought. And write me about your
experience of working it as well.

We’re all in this together.

Love, Grace

 

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I’m Not Good Enough

I was thinking again about all your stressful beliefs you
all have sent in to me, and discovering a very common
belief “I’m not good enough”.

I hear Katie’s voice saying “Good enough for WHAT?!”

What an amazing question. I find that to try to answer it,
I’m dumbfounded (great word, eh?)

So let’s really look at this concept, which is so common and
has been around in the human race for…well, maybe since
the first cave man died from tripping over a cliff and his friend found him
on the river bed below and thought “I better not ever let this happen
to me, I need to be good enough”.

At least it feels like survival 101. I find when I’m thinking
“I’m not good enough” I start scheming on how to get better.
Or, go crawl in bed and avoid things, which is at least apparently
risk-free.

But who would I be if I didn’t have the idea that I’m not good enough?

First of all, I’d show up. I’d attend the big meeting, I’d raise my hand,
if I had the idea to go talk to that attractive person over there
I probably would do it. I’d sign up for a new class, I’d call many of my
friends and ask them if they know anyone hiring for jobs right now.
I’d sign up for OK Cupid free online dating service.

I’d call my mother. I’d finish my resume. I’d think of someone who I
know is super duper supportive and call them to talk. I’d ask someone
to facilitate me on my stressful beliefs.

I’m GOOD ENOUGH to be this person who is sitting here on the couch,
writing this email. I’m good enough to find out I might not know
everything…wow, I hardly have words to express it…
I think that I’m struck DUMB (dumb-founded, right?)

It literally means NOT TALKING.

Amazed and in awe by all that I’m good enough for. You are too!

What are you good enough for? I bet there’s a lot…everything you’ve done
so far, everything you’ve felt, everything you’ve lived has been good
enough. You’re here right now, perfectly YOU, including all your
stressy beliefs.

WOW! You guys are awesome!

And when you don’t think so, come join a class. The support is fabulous,
and you discover how you aren’t alone.

Love, Grace

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Mission Possible

I LOVED reading all the “thoughts” you sent to me, your most
stressful thoughts of 2011.
Some were really brutally crushing…it’s the way of it. The mind
isn’t exactly friendly. In fact, would chop your head off if it could,
what a bully
Those thoughts about ourselves, being unlovable, unworthy,
undeserving, slow, ugly, needy, broken, fragile, trapped…
Thinking they might ever change, or ease up, seems even more
unlikely than the wildest stunts on Mission IM-possible.
So here’s your first assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Take out a One-Belief-At-A-Time worksheet and fill in
at the top “I’ll never find true peace.”
It’s one of the thoughts people sent in.
Then go through the questions. Or better yet, have someone facilitate you!
Having a guide ask you the questions when it comes to your
painful belief is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.
You’ve got a helper there to keep you on track.
Otherwise the mind can self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Not really! But the mind can definitely get caught in a loop hole and
forget what the question is, what the thought is, or where you
parked your car.
It is possible to feel PEACE just by answering the questions
offered by The Work.
Do it now and let me know how it goes.
Meanwhile, more on your thoughts still to come–I love them all.
I’m treating them like babies, “like little children”, as Katie says.
They’ve been around for a reason, they are innocent, and
sitting with them and asking “is it true?” is the place to begin.
Much love,
Grace
If some of your meannest thoughts are about food, eating or
your body, come join us next weekend in Seattle, or on the phone
starting Jan. 17th.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever be free of my
food, eating, and body self-torture. But I am
Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.
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How To Not Have A Motive?

Byron Katie has a really interesting idea she repeats, that when
we do The Work with a motive (like, I’ll question my thinking using
The Work, and then I’ll have a happy life) that something happens
that may not allow the mind to really let go.

A super-common question goes something like this:
——
“I’ve heard Katie say to do The Work
for ‘the love of truth’… and sometimes she says ‘for the love of peace’…

…but how do I NOT have a motive when I’m
in a lot of PAIN?  Sometimes I KNOW I have a motive.

I just don’t want to suffer anymore, but then I criticize myself for doing
The Work with a motive!
—–

I know this one…intimately. And I’d be willing to bet that EVERYONE who’s
done The Work has had it go through their minds.

So the first thing it to be gentle with yourself…

It’s OK to do The Work WITH a motive, WITHOUT a motive…
or even with HALF a motive.

It reminds me of a New Year’s Cleanse.

Katie was working with someone who said they were “bipolar,” and they were feeling bad about using medications. They thought if they were doing The Work
“properly,” they shouldn’t need medications at all.

And Katie said something like…”So God is everything…except medications?”

So sometimes we do The Work as a “medication,” and sometime with a LOT of motive and sometimes with a little…it’s all OK.

Something brings us to The Work, to deeply looking at ourselves, and if we start
first with a motive, that’s where we start….and then perhaps the edge is taken off
and we can go deeper.

And one last idea for “having a motive.”

Sometimes it can help to step back and come from a place of curiosity.
Almost like you’re a 5-year old picking up something off the sidewalk and
wondering what it is.

It can be like that with thoughts.

Just wonderingly…innocently and curiously and gently looking at the thought and wondering if it’s true.

And 5-year olds are amazingly curious!

Again…be gentle with yourself the best you can and let The Work DO you….
…easy…gently…kindly.

As Katie says, “Just do The Work and notice what happens.”

Love,

Grace

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Father of Psych

The guy who’s often called the father of
modern psychology, William James, is
quoted as saying:

“There is nothing so fatiguing as the eternal
nagging of an uncompleted task.”

But WE know it’s really about the eternal
nagging of an “un-inquired thought.”

By that I mean a thought that keeps knocking…
and knocking…and knocking on the door of
our awareness….

…politely trying to get our attention at first…

But cranking it from a gentle knock and a whisper…
to a thump and a loud cough…to a louder, “Hey!,”
to a scream and kicking the door down if we continue
to ignore it.

It’s like the Ever Ready Bunny that keeps going…
and going…and going…

Of course, I think a wonderful and safe place to
“open the door,” acknowledge the knocking,
and inquire into the thought and the pain, is
to sit yourself down and do The Work.

You can do this soon,
in my teleclasses, one-on-one sessions,
and Seattle weekend retreats.

The upcoming weekend Seattle workshop on food,
eating, weight issues (the same agony I went through),
is called:

Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.

It starts on Friday night, Jan. 13 and only has 3 spots left.

The teleclass on the same topic starts on Jan. 17,
and is limited to 10 people…so let me know as
soon as possible if you’re interested (same link).

For some reason (I think it’s New Year’s resolutions),
the January classes fill up faster, and I expect to
have a waiting list.

Be better than well.

Love,

Grace

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Breakfast Cereal Killer

Recently a guy in my one of my teleclasses mentioned
the Showtime hit, “Dexter.”

Apparently, Dexter is a serial killer who only kills “bad”
guys…so the audience finds themselves rooting for him.

Which, of course, makes me think of the “serial killing”
we do in our minds…especially around the subject of
food…but in other areas, too…money, sex, body image.

For some reason, we try not to direct our most vicious
thoughts toward others…at least we try not to let such
“nasty” stuff pop up into our awareness.

But when it comes to ourselves, the attacks aren’t just
every now and then…or once a week like a TV show.

The things we do to ourselves, in our minds, make Dexter
seem like a saint. We annihilate ourselves with a ferocity
and mercilessness we’d NEVER inflict on anyone else.

If we don’t do something “right,” we just get meaner
with ourselves…innocently believing it will help.

The greatest gift I can help you find…is treating yourself
with infinite care and exquisite gentleness and patience.

Which melts even our most icy, hard-hearted places…and then
extends outward to those around us as naturally and without
effort as opening your eyes in the morning…or enjoying
the warm kiss of the sun peeking out from behind a cloud,
or a delectable bite and fragrance of our favorite childhood food.

It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given after all those
years of trying to fix myself and be better and be worthy.

Natural…effortless…”being” lived.

To glimpse the gratefulness of this reality is available to all
of us and expands with questioning our minds…

…little-by-little into a life without suffering.

…which is our birthright.

Love,

Grace

P.S. An amazing woman in my “business” teleclass recently
said she was looking to join a group and just happened to
find me on the Byron Katie website.

She said it didn’t matter what group, she knew that
working on her thinking in ANY area, would spill over
into every other.

And that’s what happened. Suddenly, working on
her business became the perfect thing to do.

So take a look at what’s coming up next. My
in-person Seattle workshop about food, weight, body image,
(and trying to make sense of all that) is the Friday
evening and weekend of January 13.

It’s followed up by my 8-week telegroup on the same
subject on Jan. 17. This telegroup is open to you whether
you attend to in-person workshop or not.

Then 2 days later, the 8-week “Sexuality” telegroup
starts on Jan. 19th. It’s called:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY: Untangling the Passion, Attraction,
Love, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy

Dates, times and cost are all at my website (which I’m working
on so be a little patient if there are a few glitches).

The homepage link is: www.workwithgrace.com

P.P.S. I encourage you to forward this e-mail to a friend
or family member…someone who’s suffering…someone who
you think might enjoy hearing from me…or just someone you’d like to
join you on your journey…who you’d like to share in
this amazing adventure. Thanks so much.

“Thank you so much for another great class today. I’m just getting so much out of every week’s class and all the Work it’s inspiring in between”—-Jennifer, Ontario

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Eating Disorder in Mouseville

Did you know that Disney (aka: Mickey Mouseville) was in
the headlines the other day? Because of eating disorders?

A former Disney actress named Demi Lovato was in a
Tweet war with Disney, her former employer. It was over a joke
about eating disorders on a show called, “Shake It Up.”

I won’t go into the details, but it sure reminds me of
my own internal war about food, body image, and
the battle with myself and others.

I used to rage against the world and myself.

It was an internal NUCLEAR holocaust that ravaged every
aspect of my life.

And not just total annihilation of ME…but also of YOU
if you so much as raised an eyebrow about the subject.

God help you if you made a joke.

Now it’s  more like the occasional “ping” of an
underpowered BB gun-a reminder of former horrors.

Now my heart goes out to Demi Lovato and Oprah and
John Candy and Karen Carpenter and Elton John and
Mamma Cass and Daniel Johns and Lady Di.

I also admire them for their courage to be open about their
struggles and encourage others to get help.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s weight loss or weight gain,
anorexia or bulimia, a few extra pounds or comfort
eating for the depression after the emotional holidays.

It’s all the same process when you finally start to
understand the simplicity of why we struggle, how the
mind works, and what to do to finally get relief.

It’s not about MORE control but about LESS.

Because war doesn’t work. It just creates the illusion of control
and temporary peace…’till the pressure builds and explodes
all over again…and again…and again…destroying
our lives and everyone around us.

There’s a better way-beyond discipline and self-control
(which are just cleverly disguised buzzwords for internal war).

I’d love to help you put down your weapons and your war.

I’d love to show you the way of the “peaceful warrior,”
that is FAR MORE POWERFUL than brute force-though
the whole world would tell you different.

It’s the only way I know that’s not just putting a finger in the dike.

I never knew life could be lived without self-hatred,
confusion, rage, depression, and shame.

But it IS possible.

In the meantime, do your best to be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to yourself. And give yourself some credit for
everything you’ve tried so far.

Go to my website. Grab a little courage and hope.

Love, and every good thing,

Grace

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Eating-Tweeting Santa’s Success

Santa just sent me a Tweet.

It went a lot better this year.

Because he and I did a couple one-on-one tele-sessions.

Then, on his chimney deliveries he didn’t eat EVERY
cookie…and it wasn’t that hard. He didn’t feel as deprived.

He also said he didn’t feel as guilty about turning down food,
even when a couple of “totally cute” little kids were really
disappointed (stuck out the bottom lip). He felt some guilt, but not as bad.

And for Christmas dinner? He’s proud as a peacock about not
eating everything in sight without knowing why. What a relief!

He and Mrs. Claus are still planning to go to my upcoming
weekend intensive in Seattle on Jan. 13. And Santa registered
early…didn’t procrastinate ’till all the spaces were filled.

And yes, Mrs. Claus is a little scared, but Santa reassured her
I’ve been through EVERYTHING to do with:

-overeating and under eating
-over exercising and refusing to exercise
-bingeing and cringing
-compulsive, impulsive eating
-un-eating (a nice way of saying “throwing up)
-self-torture (I’ve done it all except chains and “the rack”)
-every crazy self-discipline trick and strategy
-every therapy and group…including 12 steps

And Santa told her I’m not very scary-that this whole
“thing” about working with your thinking and beliefs is NOT
about criticism or yelling at yourself.

If that worked, we’d ALL be the perfect weight… and rich!

Santa told Mrs. Claus I even understand tough “guys” like Santa
(who thought this might be too touchy-feely).

Also, if he and Mrs. Claus do go on their post-Christmas Caribbean
vacation (a much-needed break), they still plan on joining the tele-group,
…on Skype. They never go anywhere without their Blackberries.

The tele-group starts on Jan. 17, a few days after the Seattle intensive
and is open to everyone…those who attend the intensive and to those who
don’t. It’s OK either way because we all learn from each other
and we begin from wherever we are.

Santa mentioned that in the past, he’s gone through some nasty
“backsliding”…so he definitely wants to follow up. He knows how
real life can be tricky sometimes…when you’re suddenly in an
old eating pattern–stuffed to the gills–and didn’t even notice how it happened.

So if you’re struggling with weight loss, anorexia, bulimia,
(or trying to gain weight), frustration, self-hatred, faking
it and ready to give up…you’re in the right place.

I’ve been there…done that! I lived for years in absolute terror
and desperation about how I was going to survive or ever find
any peace of mind.

So ’till we meet, be nice to yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
Be patient with yourself and respect all the efforts you’ve
made along the way-no matter how tempted you are to
pile on the punishment.

Because no matter what you’ve been told, love and kindness
are FAR MORE POWERFUL than any harsh, pull-yourself-up-by-
your bootstraps techniques.

For deep change in anything…gentleness wins hands down!

Blessing on your holidays and wishing you harmony
between you and your loved ones.

Grace

P.S. The elves who were previously signed up, decided they’re too
exhausted to make it to either program…maybe in a month or two.

So if you were uncomfortable about elves being part of the program,
you now have no excuses. It’s just us humans!

———–
Thank you again for your class. I’m so thankful for you to have reached out to help those of us who were looking for relief from this life-long battle! I honestly thought it was going to be a never-ending stuggle (but that’s cuz I was beliving my thoughts!)—Anne, Los Angeles