Question Your Beliefs About Two Big No-No’s

Oh boy. Next week, I get to start investigating two of my favorite topics.

Money and Sex.

Wait. Did I say “favorite” topics?

It’s still kind of embarrassing to even mention them. Especially in spiritual work, or self-inquiry, or worlds that are far more important than these mundane arenas where people get crazy.

So, so, so….of this world.

Of this body. Desire. Grabby. Ridiculous.

Ewww. Please. 

But before you delete this Grace Note today, let’s just say that these topics may be highly worthy of taking a look at, and that your thoughts about them may be related to your thoughts about love, God, life, yourself, and this universe.

If you wrote out all your stressful, troubling, disruptive beliefs about money and sex, what would they be?

  • I don’t have enough
  • those other people have too much
  • those other people are gross
  • it takes too much work, or compromise, to really enjoy it
  • I can’t be free and have lots of it in my life
  • if I had more, I would be free, happy, thrilled
  • there are right and wrong ways to have it
  • that person won’t give me what I want, withholds
  • that other person wants too much, or demands too much
  • I am left out
  • I am incapable of getting it, there’s something wrong with me

Am I talking about money, or sex, with this list?

Well it could be either one or both, of course, you’re no dummy.

These are global beliefs, sometimes deeply painful and confusing. They show up when we make exchanges with other humans, or want to. With the ways we make trades.

If you notice you’re nervous or disappointed around either money, or sex, or both….you’re probably not alone.

Instead of trying to DO something about your “problem”…..how about doing The Work?

Let’s start with one of the most common beliefs about money or sex that I hear all the time in working with people: more is better, less is worse. 

Is it true?

Well, it appears to be true in the movies. It seems like good feelings, ecstatic feelings, come from having more. And sad, empty, or frightened feelings come from having less.

Are you sure?

No.

How do you react when you believe the thought that more is better, less is worse?

So dang grabby, like a hunter stalking the planet. Restless, pushy, planning, hoarding, suspicious, sick stomach, hopeless, wretched, ugly, giving up, resigned.

Mad at other people who have the same ideas as me.

But who would you be without this belief even entering your mind that more is better, less is worse? What if you just couldn’t even see that, couldn’t even have that idea?

Present. Now.

Aware of the absurdity of more, or less. No comparison.

“We think that because Jesus and Buddha wore robes and owned nothing, that’s how freedom is supposed to look. But can you live a normal life and be free? Can you do it from here, right now? That’s what I want for you. We have the same desire: your freedom….Whenever you think that your needs are not being met, you’re telling the story of a future.” ~ Byron Katie

Turn your thoughts around about money and sex.

You may enjoy both without all the angst, conditions, demands, or grabbing. You don’t have to be against or for either one.

Now here’s the best part of all.

If you write down your stressful beliefs about money and/or sex, get them all out on paper, and then turn them all around, or insert “life” or “love” into your concepts instead of money or sex, you may get a big surprise about your relationship with life, the universe….with YOU.

Could it be that what you believe about money or sex is what you believe about yourself, or God? Check and see.

  • I don’t have enough life, love…I am not enough
  • those other people have too much…not me
  • those other people are gross…not me
  • it takes too much work, or compromise, to really enjoy life, to really enjoy this world, to really enjoy myself
  • I can’t be free and have lots of love, or God, in my life
  • if I had more love, God, life, I would be free, happy, thrilled (but it’s not here now, I’m sure of it)
  • there are right and wrong ways to experience life
  • God won’t give me what I want, withholds (or is it me not giving myself what I want)?
  • I don’t want or demand enough
  • I am never, ever left out
  • I am capable, there’s something totally right with me

I’m facilitating a small group through an 8 week teleclass on Money starting on Monday at 9 am Pacific. Then Our Wonderful Sexuality begins on Wednesday at 9 am Pacific. Exercises will help you drill into what you’re thinking, if you feel conflict or worry, and free yourself from your own demands, rules, beliefs.

Your beliefs, your inquiry, your answers.

The insights you discover may shift your experience of not only money or sex, but of the world. You never know.

“Over time I began to see how delicate and challenging it was for most seekers to find the courage to question any and all ideas and beliefs about the true nature of themselves, the world, others, and even enlightenment itself. In almost every person, every religion, every group, every teaching and every teacher, there are ideas, beliefs, and assumptions that are overtly or covertly not open to question. Often these unquestioned beliefs hide superstitions which are protecting something which is untrue, contradictory, or being used as justification for behavior which is a less than enlightened.” ~ Adyashanti

“Something new for me, since exploring in this class is, my openness to new ideas.  And the honest conversations I’ve been having with friends, outside of the class & the work.  I’m so relaxed.” ~ Our Wonderful Sexuality class participant 2013

“I would like to thank you all. I’m learning too very much from this class. I’m “growing” everyday more and more.” ~ Money: I Love This Story class 2012

“I wanted to say that I have received so much depth, healing and growth from this class. I am grateful to everyone who is a part of it.” ~ Our Wonderful Sexualty class 2013

If you’re thinking about it, come on board, I’d love to have you. I’ll send you the information and you’ll be dialing in with us, either with your phone or skype (your choice) this coming week.

Time to inquire, and change your world?

Much love, Grace

 

Doing The Work on Love And Sex

Attraction to others. Lust. Craving. The lightening bolt zinger through the body. Thrill.

Everyone has felt this at some time in their lives past puberty, it’s a natural human adult experience.

And then, along with it, many people can start drowning in stressful beliefs, there are so many.

A woman once contacted me from another country and even though we were half way around the globe from each other, she was embarrassed and felt awkward talking about “that” feeling of attraction.

She had a partner, but she didn’t like the sexual contact she had with him. She found it unpleasant.

On top of that, she felt she couldn’t say this out loud, even though he could tell.

Yikes, that’s a rough place to be. Stuck not liking something that is all about pleasure and feeling ecstasy, and not being able to speak of this displeasure out loud.

What was she thinking?

  • he’s too aggressive
  • he never slows down
  • he’s too hungry
  • he shouldn’t be so easily pleased
  • he should try harder to please me
  • I need him to stop criticizing me
  • he shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about this

I had her picture that moment during sexual contact when she had these kinds of thoughts the strongest.

And then answer the questions.

Is it true? Is he really too much? Are you positive he’s doing it wrong? Or not capable of learning or adjusting or exploring? Is he really too fast? Or too embarrassed?

Um, no. I can’t know any of that is really true.

How do you react when you think he’s doing it wrong? That he should change?

Pissed. Dismissive. Critical. Mean. Hopeless. Uninterested.

Even though this woman was very dedicated to her upbringing (quite conservatively religious) she was so willing to sit and consider these questions, even though she was embarrassed to even talk about all of it in the first place.

I was really moved by her courage.

Who would you be without that thought? I asked her, and she was very quiet.

Who would you be, if you didn’t know anything about what was right or wrong or good or bad, you just felt what was the truth for you?

Back to a central presence. A joyful kind of noticing of all the crazy, fun, wonderful ways we all exchange energy. No grabby feeling, no upset feeling, just full and open.

Able to speak, ask questions, say yes, say no, say when it feels good, or feels bad, or ask for what interests the other person.

Feelings can go up, down, change, stop, go again.

Without the thought that this means anything about YOU, about HIM, about what is about to happen or what will happen again?

It’s so thrilling, it’s entering the mysterious unknown, right here in this moment.

Without your thoughts about sexuality and what that gesture meant, what that look says, what this touch means….you get to feel what’s happening without expectation….and just see where it goes.

Turning the thoughts around:

  • I’m too aggressive, with my thoughts and fears
  • I never slow down internally to allow things to be as they are
  • I’m too hungry
  • I shouldn’t be so easily pleased, and he should be
  • I should try harder to please me
  • I need me to stop criticizing him, I need to stop criticizing myself
  • I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about this

“There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear, it’s there it just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness, so what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and they look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically. So what we’re believing, our feelings are the effect of that.” ~ Byron Katie  

How is that person showing you something important, something really powerful for you, something you find so juicy, maybe difficult, but incredible to look at and learn?

It doesn’t mean you have to be sexual with him…but who would you be without your story?

Try it and see.

And for those who would LOVE to be in a small, private group doing The Work on sexuality, a new updated version of the 8-week teleclass begins soon Our Wonderful Sexuality.

July 30 – September 17, 2014 Wednesdays 9 – 10:30 am Pacific Time.  Click HERE to read more about it and to register. (Fee is $395 for 8 week telecourse).

See what keeps you from total ecstatic joy when it comes to sexual expression.

Much love, Grace