When someone we care about dies, there is perhaps nothing so intense.
(I know this isn’t always true).
And yet, as I work with people and within myself, I see the deepest grief, dread of life without them, panic, abandonment, fear and longing all come to the surface when someone close dies.
When the death is by what we call suicide, a choice to move into that death experience deliberately….
….it can bring some unique thoughts.
We believe they should have stayed, should have chosen otherwise, shouldn’t be gone–not this way.
We even imagine other options for death (at least I did) that might have been “easier” somehow.
Strange the mind is.
“It would have been easier if he had died in a car accident”.
I had this thought about a friend I loved dying by suicide.
That way would have been better for his children, wife, extended family, community, himself.
Can we absolutely, solidly, positively without any doubt know that our thoughts are true?
One thing I can know is true is the courage and grace I witness when someone does The Work of Byron Katie on the death of a loved one.
When the death is by suicide, it is profound.
To be with the voices that scream “shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, no, no, no, not this way, no” takes such immense courage and listening as we sit with the four questions.
The story of death seems bleak, terrifying, unknown, filled with loss, disappointing, maybe even horrifying.
I’ve had the thought “I can’t go on”.
I’ve had the thought “THEY can’t go on” about or for other people who have experienced death of loved ones by suicide (and other death).
Heart-breaking.
In the work, we ask this amazing question four:
Who would we be without our beliefs about death; death by suicide, death by other means….death?
Right now, who would we be without our ideas, dreams, imaginings, anticipation, expectations of death?
Who would we be without the story of loss as we remember holding that person in our arms who has since died?
Join me to sit in the beautiful inquiry of a woman new to The Work who had someone she cared about deeply die by suicide.
May this inquiry serve you and all those suffering from unexpected death.
For those who would appreciate the healing of group inquiry over six weeks starting this coming Monday July 20th….this is the one “six week retreat” we do online together.
We call it summer camp, and it’s all virtual using zoom.
You can share, listen-only, soak it in, participate by speaking and doing The Work, or share in writing in our private forum.
You come and go as you need to, and choose the days you’ll attend (you can mark your calendar).
We gather for daily inquiry of 60-75 mins for the whole time (except weekends). Mondays we meet at 9am PT, Tuesdays 5pm PT, Wednesdays at Noon PT, Thursdays 3pm PT, and Fridays at 8am PT.
Read more about camp and sign up here. Pay from the heart contribution of sliding scale or based on what you’ll attend or listen to. (Everything’s recorded).
Much love,
Grace
