Tag: self-attack

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You should really be over this by now–is that actually true?

If you’ve had eating troubles of any kind, then your mind has likely said loudly to yourself:

“Really? You did this again? What’s WRONG with you? You should be OVER this by now!”

Let’s inquire into this thought today, with The Work of Byron Katie.

Is it true you should be over this “problem” by now?

Are you absolutely sure?

What I noticed over the many years I struggled with eating, food, weight….is that I wasn’t over it.

And to this day, there remain concepts to look at that have to do with food, eating, moving. I may not be binge-eating or purging or so extreme with food anymore, but there’s still noticing and awareness and change and interest in peace in every situation.

How do you react when you believe you should be over it, when you aren’t?

Very harsh. I become a Dictator about myself. Or I curl into a ball of sadness and despair.

Desperate, hopeless, angry.

So who would you be without the thought you should be over something that you aren’t over?

And we’re talking about food and eating and weight management and all of that here (although there are many other things people think they should be “over” that they are not actually over).

Without the belief I should be over something I’m not, I feel very curious about the behavior. I have questions. I feel a greater awareness, a willingness to support this person I apparently am.

I inquire. I want to look. I might even ask for help, join with others, find greater support.

I’d look and see what the eating was expressing. What was I afraid of? Worried about? What’s my relationship with reality in the minutes surrounding this eating behavior? What have I not looked at, or what am I missing here that I’ve been afraid to see, or concerned about?

What would make me think overeating, or starving, is the only solution or way to solve my discomfort in this moment?

Who would I be without this story?

Turning my thoughts around: I should NOT be over it, I should be over my thinking. 

What’s the message? “This” energy can’t stop until I face it, look at it, respond to it.

I might even notice that I can say “no” to eating, even if my mind offers this as an option, and cravings have begun. I can be over my “thoughts” in this situation. I don’t have to take action on everything my thoughts tell me.

Including eat.

Could the eating I’m doing and my relationship with food have something to do with my worries about life? They sure did for me. The eating helped me to identify what it was I was thinking and believing about people, what people thought of me, my condition, being small, the dangers of life, the unfairness, anything I might worry about.

I can look at what’s going on in any troubling situation, and inquire.

Thank you, disordered eating, for showing me where my perceptions have not been peaceful about reality.

Much love,

Grace

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My latest Peace Talk: the first time I did The Work (it made me sick)

sickdog
Listen to Peace Talk to hear my first time doing The Work, and feeling sick as a dog

Two people wrote to me yesterday and asked if they could get the masterclass replay Ten Barriers to The Work and How To Dissolve Them. Since I got asked twice, out it goes. Replay is now enabled.

To watch and listen to the MasterClass replay, click here. No opting-in. It’s yours, in service. This link will work until September 5th. This is the day before we start Year of Inquiry which I mention at the end of the masterclass–so it will be outdated after YOI begins.
So, if you want to look at it this weekend, or next long weekend in the United States, feel free.
Then it will go into review, revamp, update mode, or potentially be built into a longer series since there was just so much material to cover in two hours (yes, I know–two hours is a long time….so maybe listening to a part, then coming back later is the perfect way for you).

So speaking of those barriers (will she ever stop?) I was thinking about the Big Kahuna Number One Barrier again yesterday.

Which is doing The Work of Byron Katie on yourself. Not other people or things outside of you in your life. Just wanting to do it on YOU.
Now….here’s the funny thing.
I suddenly remembered that the very first time I did The Work ever in public was when Byron Katie came to my city and offered a weekend-long workshop. There were hundreds of people there.
And guess what I did The Work on?

Um. Yes. (After all this talk of not doing The Work on yourself).

Me.

That’s exactly who I filled out my Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on, even though we were invited to NOT fill it out on ourselves and instead consider someone else we might not have forgiven yet.

Me.

But here’s what I remember happened that amazing and horribly difficult weekend. I realized something profoundly important, even though I was “working” on myself.

That I might not be the awful monster I thought I was.

It was a huge beginning to an incredible journey of waking up out of a zombie trance of self-criticism.

So, can I really know it’s difficult or wrong, or even a barrier, to do The Work on oneself?

No.

If you’re one of the people who feels deeply compelled to question thoughts that bring you suffering about yourself, you might enjoy this latest Peace Talk Episode 120.

Even though I spoke on Peace Talk last time about doing The Work on yourself and what to do instead, or how to take it a bit deeper, in this episode I share what happened when I did The Work on myself, anyway.

During that first dreadful weekend workshop, I hardly spoke, I gave no one any eye contact, I never raised my hand (wouldn’t have dreamt of it), felt physically like death warmed over, hated what I wrote on that worksheet…..

…..but something shifted inside of me that was the beginning of the end of the pain…..

…..even though my worksheet appeared to be all about me. 

So even though I’ve gone on and on about Barrier #1 to deepening The Work being the way we want to do it on ourselves at first…..

…..there’s nowhere you can’t go with The Work and nothing that will prevent you from freedom, if you answer the questions.

(Peace Talk is also on IHeart Radio and Stitcher by the way, and it helps spread the word so much when you leave a review or subscribe).

“Thinking that people are supposed to do or be anything other than what they are is like saying that the tree over there should be the sky. I investigated that and found freedom.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

This goes for ourselves, too. Thinking WE are supposed to do or be anything other than what we are is like saying something cray cray.

Investigate it.

Much love,

Grace

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Life Is Never Against You

Since I’m not going to Los Angeles for the Cleanse with Byron Katie next week, I’m going to offer my own mental cleanse!

Part of my own mental cleansing will happen by me being on the Help Line and offering free facilitation all morning (Pacific time) on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week, to anyone who calls.

You can check the Help Line schedule and how it works here. My favorite is working on skype, since my headphones are so deluxe, so check for me there first (before phone).

It’s a fabulous resource for anyone and everyone if you want to sample receiving facilitation through the four questions and finding the turnarounds to a stressful concept you’ve got running in your life.

Everyone on the Help Line is there to serve! That goes for facilitators and facilitated, both.

You’ll be in safe hands either way.

Don’t be shy!

If I’m not available it’s probably because I’m already with someone else….just check the Help Line schedule and call another facilitator.

******

Last night our Year of Inquiry (YOI) group met for a little extra Tuesday evening session, since we won’t meet Thursday as it’s Christmas.

We’ve been looking at our common complaints in great depth.

Out of these often-repetitive thoughts and ideas about who and what we complain about are very profound underlying thoughts.

One YOI participant found that she had a belief about an upsetting situation that sounded like this:

I should have prevented it! 

Holy Moly that is a very painful belief.

When I have had this belief come through my mind, it’s been crazy discouraging.

An abortion, hurting someone I care about, being distant with a friend who wound up betraying me, not bringing something up that Iknew to address, lying about where I was or what I was doing to not hurt someone’s feelings, getting involved with a man I felt nervous about, being incredibly anxious and getting cancer, not working full time or planning for a better career….

There are many situations where we’ll think, when something difficult happens, about OUR part with great disappointment.

The part we should have known, or prevented, or been more aware of, or not been so dang unconscious about.

Ouch.

That attack towards yourself stings. Sometimes really badly.

Who would you be without the belief that you could have prevented the difficult, or absolutely horrible, thing from happening?

Some people will say “that would be letting me off the hook!”

But what if it was OK it went as it did?

What if you were actually doing the very best you could, with what you knew and believed and had learned?

What if you always have been doing the best you could?

“What’s worse, the falling rain, or your resistance to getting wet? The changing winds, or your battle against them? The grass as it grows, or your demand for it to grow faster? This moment, or your rejections of it? Consider the possibility that Life is never *against* you. You are Life.” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

Click here to register for teleclass about learning to love yourself when it comes to money. Tuesdays 5:15 pm Pacific time 8 weeks.