There’s a feast coming, a big event, a meal, a dinner, a soiree, a party.
Food will be there. In abundant quantities.
The way I always used to experience the feast, and the anticipation of it?
I’ll either white-knuckle control myself through it (and plan exactly what I’m going to eat beforehand)….OR….I’ll eat whatever I damn well please and gorge myself on whatever’s there.
There’s really another option besides these two.
We don’t have to fight a war.
Who would you be without the belief that you can’t relax in the presence of food, or eating, or other people eating, or people?
What if you felt mixed feelings, and you could STILL relax?
What if ultimately, being at a feast is not a huge wild overwhelming problem?
“The mind is like a friend. It comes to be questioned…As the assumptions come in, we can question them. I can’t control my mind, but I can question it. It leaves me in a place of curiosity. I don’t have to worry about it. I love the noticing. I notice thoughts about the past, I notice thoughts about the future. It’s such a privilege to be aware. I notice images of the past, future. But they aren’t real. Noticing what’s real and what’s not, it leaves mind at home with itself. Noticing, noticing, noticing.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
P.S. My one retreat all year on eating peace. A life-changing event, to experience peace with eating for 5.5 days, and work with the mind. Jan 9-14, 2019. Out-of-town people can reserve a room at the retreat house.
You “have to” do stuff to get ready….are you absolutely sure it’s true you can’t relax in this moment?
It’s one of those quiet, gray, warm early mornings in the Pacific Northwest where I live.
I love how no one else is awake in the house.
I hear the hum of the refrigerator, and the high strange chirping call of an eagle way up high in a tree in the neighbor’s back yard.
This is so peaceful.
And later on, twelve people + are coming over for what is called a barbecue. It’s my son’s birthday, he’s turning 22.
I wish it was going to stay quiet like this, right now, all day long. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be doing anything except reading, writing, continuing to clean out the shed (which spontaneously started happening yesterday, my car now packed with items to go to Goodwill).
Having people over means….you have to tidy up, clean, plan, shop, buy, cook, prepare, welcome, greet, talk, share, clean, wash. We say we’re “entertaining” guests. The goal is people are delighted, entertained, enjoying themselves.
[Daughter just entered the room, going to the bathroom and getting a glass of water before returning to bed for a few more hours, we said a few words, I had to stop writing for a minute.]
OK, back to silence….where was I?
Oh yeah, thinking about entertaining people. And being interrupted. And not feeling spontaneous, or free to do whatever I want.
I “have to” do, respond, answer a question, talk, entertain, deal with others, clean, prepare….is it true?
Not really.
I sit here. The world happens around me, full of life. I appear to be full of life as well. Heart beating. Fingers typing. Clock ticking. Thought happening. People moving here and there, into this house, out of this house.
It’s really not that big of a deal.
But what happens with that part of me believing I “have to” do stuff because people are coming over later, or I “have to” do stuff because a group is gathering together to watch Byron Katie live for four days starting Saturday, or I “have to” go buy a cake, or I “have to” enjoy a nice workout before other “have-to’s” kick in.
Ugh. How I react is I want to escape. I start thinking things like “by tomorrow, it will all be over”. Or “thank God this is a small gathering” or “do we have everything?” and running through the check list repeatedly.
When I believe I “have to” (see list) I feel trapped. So much to DO. I feel a sense of urgency. Quick Quick Quick!
With this belief, I begin to dream of quitting everything, and sitting in a cave somewhere, and no longer having email.
Strangely, and you may think this is kinda weird, but I even begin to think of the sweet mysterious unencumbered wild unknown of death, of moving on out of this body into another world, where no “have to’s” exist.
I love how far the mind goes with things. It has the idea that the only way to uninterrupted, unencumbered silence and liberation, is to no longer be alive in this world having to DEAL with what’s here.
LOL.
So who would I be without the story that I have to do anything? That in nine hours people will be coming to celebrate? That “I” have to do stuff? That in five days I must be entirely prepared for the group arriving to watch Katie together (there’s another list for THAT event)?
Wow.
Suddenly, imagining what it would be like without a future. None.
Watching a spider scurry across the wooden floor. Noticing the peace of this moment. Closing my eyes for a long pause between writing these words, drinking in wind chimes gently singing from the front porch, and silence.
[Door opens, husband comes out of room in bathrobe stretching and yawning, sits next to me for a moment on the couch. Without the thought I am being interrupted, or this shouldn’t be happening, I’m relaxed, I’m open].
Without any thoughts of the future or any “have to”, nine hours from now or five days from now, I notice the outdoors beckoning, and the joy of this inquiry, and the curiosity of opening to whatever will happen.
Something lets go, feels spacious.
We start again. This moment. At zero. No expectations, no knowing what will happen next.
“You have given your mind an impossible task by asking it to manipulate the world in order to fix your personal inner problems. If you want to achieve a healthy state of being, stop asking your mind to do this. Just relieve your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside. Your mind is not qualified for that job. Fire it, and let go of your inner problems instead. You can have a different relationship with your mind. Whenever it starts up telling you what you should or shouldn’t do in order to get the world to match your preconceived concepts, don’t listen.” ~ Michael Singer
Without the belief in “I have to do stuff, to be ready for…” I feel a looseness opening, something un-gripping itself. Even laughter.
Absolutely nothing required for an event to be a “good” one. Noticing nothing is happening right now, in this moment.
What are you “doing” today?
I hope you find some relaxing sweetness inside, while you “do” it, before you “do” it, after you “do” it.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. there is still space if you’d like to come watch Byron Katie with others. You don’t have to come to all 4 days–you can log in on your own (no extra charge) for at least 2 or 3 days on your own until August 31st and watch segments you want to repeat. This log-in time is included in the $165 for sharing this event. To join us, sign up here.
