This month the One Year Group that began in June together to practice self-inquiry for a whole year began our second month’s module…on Authority.
Authority brings up all kinds of images and ideas for people….and the key here with self-inquiry is to look at what is stressful.
The immediate image that popped in my head when considering my latest mental forays with “authority” was the bumper sticker QUESTION AUTHORITY.
I saw it when I was a teenager in the 1970s.
There seemed to be something exciting about the idea of questioning authority (whatever it was) but also a little frightening.
The dictionary defines authority in several ways as having the power to do something: make a final decision, to enforce laws, exact obedience, judge or command other people.
Benjamin Franklin is famous for saying “It is the first responsibility of every citizen to question authority”.
So there was our Inquiry Group, ready to share their situations of objecting to those authority figures in their lives….OR…those people who might be pushing against our authority (like in parenting).
I love what came forward: bosses, fathers, doctors, government departments, teenagers, head-of-committees, volunteer managers.
Those dastardly people who are making us do something! So bossy! Or neglectful! So sharp, humorless, critical, or non-communicative!
Not long ago, I entered a facility where I was facilitating a dance class. I had rented the dance studio, and been there many times before at the exact same time on the exact same day.
There was a completely different person behind the front desk, with a frown on her face as we approached.
“Who are you? I do not have a record of your reservation. I cannot take responsibility for your being here. I will have to make some calls. I cannot take responsibility for this if I don’t know what’s going on. Please wait outside. I am responsible for the center this morning. You can have your dance group, but the door into the building will need to remain locked.”
Her hand went up in the STOP gesture.
She looked really nervous and my mind immediately went to these kinds of thoughts:
- she is so dang uptight!
- she should relax, we’re OBVIOUSLY not trying to fake-rent this place
- she should STOP REPEATING herself
- if she says that she is responsible one more time, I will scream
- who put this nervous ninny in authority here?
- this should not be happening
- she’s making us wait, and keep the door locked??!! How will people attending our dance get in fer cryin’ out loud?!
It was like a sensation in my body of being totally against this other human rose within 5 seconds. Her manner somehow hit the right buttons, inside me.
Sigh.
It is strange….the urge to defend, hit back, blast through the irritant, and consider an encounter a pain-in-the-butt.
It is not peaceful.
The part of me watching all this, the Observer who actually is entirely able to see and hear with non-freaked-out eyes and ears, said…in its usual, calm way “careful there… temper… temper.”
There were other people there with me, including my incredibly calm husband, and he began to interact with her.
I hung back, watching and nervous. It was bizarre how strong the energy was inside my body to say…um, er, I mean SCREAM…“Are you kidding me??!!”
I zipped it, took a deep breath, and allowed the other more friendly people around me to handle the “authority” figure in this situation.
Later, on the dance floor, as I moved and danced to fantastic music that seemed to fit my mood, I noticed the questioning mind, the observer, began to have a little more say about the situation.
Who would I be without the thought that she was wrong, she had made us wait, she was controlling us, or that she should have stopped talking and unlocked the door?
Even now, who am I without the thought that she was trying to manage, force, push, or hinder us in some way?
I saw her face in my mind, so worried, trying very hard to make sure all was well.
By the end of the dance, as I had looked, I realized this was a situation that was perfect for inquiry.
Even though my sensation of irritation had shifted, I hadn’t actually written anything down or worked through the concepts slowly, looking as I went at all my assumptions.
I definitely wasn’t bothered anymore, because all had gone well (I got what I wanted) and after fifteen minutes of waiting…she had opened the door and we had run our dance in the beautiful studio, just like always.
So even though I was much less upset…I wrote. I noticed that I still believed she shouldn’t have been so FREAKED OUT!
“Who would I be without the thought that the woman behind the desk had been too uptight, scared, freaked out, nervous?”
What if she was just right, the way she was? What if it made sense that she was so concerned? What if she was really caring for this facility, taking her job very seriously? What if having a little humor wasn’t accessible to her, because she was too afraid? What if she doesn’t like surprises?
Oh. That’s how I am….I sometimes don’t like big surprises. Actually, come to think of it…that’s how I was myself, right in that same situation!
Who was so uptight in that situation?
That would be ME.
If I think she shouldn’t be nervous, maybe I could try doing what I’m telling her to do! Ha!
- I am so dang uptight! About that woman! And about the “emergency” of potentially not having a studio and having to cancel dance.
- I should relax, I know we have rented this place but she doesn’t
- I should stop repeating myself, saying internally how this shouldn’t be happening
- if I tell myself that I am responsible (to all the people who are coming to dance)…
- who put this nervous ninny in authority here? The nervous ninny being MOI.
- this should be happening, because it is, and actually…its fine
- she barely made us wait, and even though the door was locked, we were allowed to let people in, and the dance played on
“If you meet a person who’s rude to you, for example, your thoughts automatically are, ‘You shouldn’t behave like that!’ But of course, these thoughts conflict with reality, because the person is behaving like that.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
I know that when I argue with what is happening, when I am against it, then I lose the battle.
For me, in this situation, it was wonderful to question authority…to soften, relax, trust the way things unfolded, notice that was very smooth.
Perhaps even if that woman had bolted the doors, shut us out, and we were not able to have dance that morning…that still would have been most interesting, and just what the doctor ordered for greater clarity, ease, and happiness.
Actually, we had been meaning to take a look at other rental venues, less expensive ones, with better sound systems.
Funny how that works…
“Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it.” ~ Byron Katie
Love, Grace
P.S. To comment on this post, click HERE. I love responding!
P.P.S. The second group of Inquirers in a One Year Program will start together on Thursdays, September 5, 2013 5:15-6:45 pm. For all the wonderful information about the One Year Program, click HERE.