Do we stop making plans? (+ year of inquiry information)

It’s interesting the way we “make” plans.

I plan to do “x” tomorrow, and “y” next year. I plan on living at “z” in 2025 and visiting “q” in the summer. I plan on washing my clothes on Saturday. I plan on meditating at 7am every day.

Then, there’s what actually happens. Sometimes the plan goes as expected, sometimes not.

Stress can rise up when the plans are made because of stress, because of a need for control, because of fear, because of aggression against What Is. (This is where “diets” or ways-of-eating often came in for me).

It does seem like plans are fun and loving when the reason for them is loving, kind, joyful, exciting, supportive.

So what’s a peaceful, loving, fun plan?

Doesn’t that sound nice, to have a fun and loving plan for just about anything you dream about and say “I’ll make a plan for that!” 

Year of Inquiry starts in a month.

It won’t be the way the mind exactly “plans” it.

That’s impossible, honestly.

And yet, in the midst of the now, and this thing called “time” and the imagined future for anything….in this case the Year of Inquiry….I’ve been pondering what will be different this coming year.

One thing that’s going to be different, for example, is Saturdays.

One of the times you can join, which has been asked from people wanting to attend for years, is the weekend.

Why not? I used to find a clear reason why not with kids and family and friends and dancing on Saturdays. But not now. So we’ll gather for those who like that time on Saturdays (8:30am Pacific Time/ 12:30pm Eastern).

I’ve also been sitting with the topics we’ve had for several years in YOI; (we study one of these monthly: for example writing the JYN, body, money, relationships, family-of-origin, turnarounds, fear, etc).

We’ve investigated our stories on the topics, in the same order even, for quite a few years.

Everyone has stories about money, or the body, or certain relationships. Everyone has stories about family of origin: mother, father, sister, brother. Everyone has stories about getting it wrong and getting it right, not being good enough or needing something to be different.

No new thoughts.

But it appears the plan for topics will shift and expand a bit.

I’ve loved noticing over the years the common Top Hit Parade of underlying beliefs about reality, about ourselves, about other people that seem to arise repeatedly in the mind.

So many complicated and complex stories….but are they really that complicated?

Maybe the details change, but the story comes out of a shorter list than I once imagined about what’s going on here in life.

  • I thought I was abandoned
  • I almost died
  • they rejected/criticized me (see #1)
  • I have to do this by myself (I’m not enough, I’m all alone, I need help, I should work harder, since I’m abandoned)
  • Something’s missing (money, love, health, freedom, peace)
  • I’m not safe
  • I need to wake up/get somewhere else consciously (because then all of the above will be irrelevant, and I’ll be happy)
  • Now (or in the past in that situation) I am not happy–this isn’t it

It does seem like there are constant stories the mind communicates, or is it one persistent story?

Do some of us have a song we play over and over, and it’s really the same song (even though we thought it was a different song)?

I remember noticing my “Abandonment Story”.

I am abandoned. I’m not enough, not good enough, relaxed enough, self-less enough, peaceful enough, supported enough, free enough.

“I”. Abandoned.

How do we know?

The mind has its proof!

So now, I’ll plan on how Not To Be Abandoned. (haha).

“I” Am Abandoned. I have zillions of pieces of evidence. I rest my case.

But who am I without this story, in my particular and unique threatening or concerning situations I’ve experienced?

I don’t appear to need to make a plan to brace against potential abandonment.

Nice to notice.

What about another common story:

The “This Is Not It” Story.

This person isn’t “it”, my child isn’t “it” (the way I expected), my life isn’t “it”, this job isn’t “it”, this feeling isn’t “it”.

I’m not exactly sure what “it” is, but THIS is certainly NOT it.

LOL.

This list of topics in Year of Inquiry seems to allow a doorway to open into common stressful stories. Songs we’ve been singing, perhaps for our whole lives.

For example, Family of Origin opens up to the story of “they did it to me” or “I am special”.

Money opens up to “I have to access it” or “it’s possible for there not to be enough” or “I need this in order to be happy” (Dependency Story).

The Body topic offers deeply similar story lines: “I Must Survive” story or “Dying is Worse/Better Than Living” or “Living Is Better/Worse Than Dying” stories.

Again with the body, as with money or lovers or conditions there’s the “I-need-this-to be-‘x’-in-order-to-be-happy” story. Thin, healthy, alive, pain-free, intact, youthful.

What I notice is stories can be boiled down.

Boiled, boiled and boiled down, with all the moisture evaporating into the air (all the details becoming unimportant).

I see the stressful story, the concerning story.

As I answer four questions, awareness comes alive of Who I Am Without A Story.

A wonder, a creative process, a joy.

Moods, conditions, experiences, people, bodies, flavors come and go.

What is here without a story about it?

So thrilling.

So with all this said, and an apparent story about a future that begins in a month (LOL)….a group will gather again to share the power of self-inquiry.

At least this appears very likely as the plan.

It’s happened for ten different groups prior to this one. There will be a “last one” someday.

For now, it appears a thrill and spark has caught fire imagining this newest group starting, and people already signing up (especially several repeaters who know they like it and want to stick with it).

And so within, I’m watching ideas appear that had not appeared before about this next year-of-inquiry group.

Noticing the gratitude and and freedom and joy that arises when questioning stressful thinking–or why else would we even do this work?

Noticing “plans” and watching them come alive without stress.

Some shifts to the monthly topics…a study of the “stories” they point to.

The Story of “I” and the need for “Me” to make plans, be on the alert, be in charge, run the show, be safe, be careful, avoid pain, get pleasure, get enlightened.

Without a stressful story, the joy of the upcoming adventure grows.

This practice of self-inquiry using the four questions stuns me in how I have persistently been interested for almost 20 years.

Even when I’ve had the thought “I’m sick of doing The Work!” 

Here it comes again, consistent, steady, the clearest and simplest way.

No set answers in stone, no one else’s answers, just mind’s awareness opening and closing, starting and stopping, beginning and ending….kind of like life.

So those wishing to join together with others on the path of self-inquiry and wonderment about What Is….

….For those continuing to be curious about what else is here besides a story about what is here….

….there will be some new additions and changes in the program format to support our inquiry together.

There are loving “plans” underway:

  • Other facilitators giving their time for extra sessions.
  • Other guest facilitators visiting our group.
  • Invitations to dancing online to a set list on Saturdays for those wanting to feel their inquiry in the body.
  • Partner work, as always, for everyone enrolled who wants to pair with others.
  • Written exercises to dive deep into our awareness of what we’ve believed.

And always, always the simple awareness for Year of Inquiry to learn to be, share, and love what is.

“I am a lover of what is, not because I am a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” ~ Byron Katie

Check out the details here.

As a loving offer for those who are part of the family of Grace Note readers who have read all of this–YOU–I offer you a special invitation for Year of Inquiry which is usually only for repeaters or people in Summer Camp or other programs like Eating Peace Experience.

If you use the coupon code VIP when you sign up for full pay Year of Inquiry then a whole $500 will be subtracted from the full fee, and for the entire year the cost will be only $1497 for those who register before September 1st.

Yes, this is lower than I’ve ever offered, but there has been more people participating since the first year I ever offered this, the costs to run YOI are more spread out between a greater number of folks, the flow seems easier since all the tech is set up, the amount of admin time is simpler.

The one thing to consider about Year of Inquiry is that it is created to be a one-year program. We request 60 days to consider and fully participate, and after that please be “in” or “out” for the rest of the year (by November 15th).

There is a monthly payment plan as well, which you’ll see when you visit here.

I also offer anyone reading this the monthly pay private code for repeaters if you choose to register by paying each month for 12 months. The code for the monthly payment discount is TRUE.

If you decide to join us in Year of Inquiry and use these special discount codes, you need to do it before Sept 1st.

We’re preparing, and we can’t wait to connect with you–old and new friends, walking each other home.

Visit the information page here.

Much love,

Grace

 

https://www.workwithgrace.com/year-of-inquiry/#hero

It didn’t go my way

Eating Peace Core Basics Teleclass starts Thursday, September 8th. We meet from 9-11 am for 3 consecutive Thursdays, then skip a week, then another 3 Thursdays. Please visit here to find out more and to register.

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angry
This shouldn’t be happening! I have plans!

The truck is borrowed and in our driveway. The hard plastic storage bins are purchased in various colors, ready to be filled with what we want to keep. All the cans of old paint are piled ready to be taken to the hazardous waste station. I’ve started a pile of dump items in the middle of the back yard; completely broken chairs, moulded car seat covers, pieces of broken tile and pipes from the bathroom project several years ago.

I’ve asked my two young adult kids, and husband, to mark Labor Day weekend in their calendars for this massive overhaul work party instead of a family vacation.

That old shed is getting cleaned out, and moved to a different location in the yard. The garage is going to get smashed down, and rebuilt into a living space in the not-so-distant future.

I’ve got my sleeves rolled up. This is gonna be very satisfying!

I wake up the day before this three-day weekend full of clean-up plans, to pounding rain on the roof and a few of the plastic storage tubs filling with rain water.

Then my son calls and says….”I’ll be over soon, but I’ve really only got one day tomorrow. I’ll do the dump run, I’ll do the Goodwill run, I’ll stick around until evening….then I gotta go.”

Then my husband says….”Hey, I found a dance hall that’s OPEN on Saturday morning, so I booked it! We’ll still offer our weekend dance on Labor Day weekend!”

Then my daughter says….”I got invited to Amy’s cabin on Lopez Island leaving Saturday night. I’ll work on the garage, but I want to go!”

WHAT??!!!

No one else is taking this clean-up project seriously. They are not going to help. They are too slow. They are too busy. They don’t care. I have to do everything. 

Arrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!

Have you ever had plans, and one thing after another happens and it appears the plans you had, are not exactly going the way you thought?

When you make plans….they should THE WAY PLANNED.

Is that true?

LOL.

Oh my, that is funny. Have you noticed how often things change or go unexpectedly? How often the image of the future picture is not like we thought, at all?

The other day as I noticed this thought pouncing in to my mind like a tiger, ready to attack everyone in sight for not caring, not being helpful, or for being too slow….

….I kind of chuckled.

Because almost simultaneously, I thought….oh.

Hmmmm.

How could it be a good thing, this isn’t a three-day extravaganza of laboring, but instead, only one?

Maybe the way this is going is just right. Maybe I had all this desire and plans for the way it should look, but it’s not going that way for a good reason.

Sometimes, plans and visions in the mind appear to be interesting, or desirable, but they aren’t going to happen in just that particular way, in that particular order.

And what about plans for activities that aren’t so “perfect” and ordered?

Like the plan to skip class, avoid that person you are afraid to speak truthfully to, quit your job, marry that girl….

….or what about the plan to smoke, eat, drink, calculate, steal, force something to happen that doesn’t feel good, yet you want it anyway?

The demand to have something happen can be coming from a place in you that’s like a little toddler, or desperate, or filled with this-must-happen energy….

…..or a plan can be coming from a place in you that is more, balanced, open, willing to be flexible, and doesn’t know what’s ultimately going to happen (and OK with that).

It doesn’t matter what you’re planning, really.

If you feel furious about it not going your way, you’re going to suffer.

Here are two questions I love to ask, if I notice I’m feeling anxious (or enraged) about “my” plans not going the way I want them to:

1) What am I afraid of happening, if these plans fail? What’s the worst that could happen?

2) What do I think it means about me, about other people, about this situation, if the plans do not go as I hoped or wanted?

Sometimes, I thought plans needed to go a certain way for me to feel worthy, successful, “good”. Sometimes, I thought plans need to go a certain way so I could avoid other big dangers, and to protect myself.

But what if there’s a middle way to be with plans and planning?

As I’ve heard Byron Katie mention and speak to this process of being aware of the future: If I know I’m going on a trip, I pack my bags. But I have no idea if I’m really going on the trip, until I’m on it.

Very funny, very odd for that mind that loves plans.

So today, after only one “working” day, and another in silence, writing, bicycling and only a wee bit of further clean up….

….I can see how feeling and being and noticing who I am without the mindset “they shouldn’t have cancelled, we all should be cleaning, they are too slow, this should be finished….”

….is better than I ever could have planned.

“When you make plans and replay them in your mind, you may be projecting that the future is going to be more important than the now. But it’s not. Being one with what you’re doing, is being totally into what you are doing “now”. The energy is not diverted from what you’re doing “now” (planning) and into the future. What you are doing now (even if it’s planning) is this, here, now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle in conversation with Oprah Winfrey on video

So even the activity of planning happens, then we get to see what really happens, trusting reality, speaking up if it’s right, sharing.

I enjoy the alive, present activity of planning, if planning is called for and feels right.

I notice my legs and feet were so tired Saturday, they were throbbing by 9:00 pm. Everyone pitched in gloriously, and I loved everyone knew what they wanted to go off and do for the rest of the long weekend, enjoying themselves.

I’ve gotten a break, and writing time.

Now, I notice, is sweet. The emptier shed (not completely empty yet). The space for a dinner date with my husband, rather than working. The writing of this Grace Note. The opening of my fall calendar and noticing some items to “plan” for.

Peace, here now.

Even as a house project is apparently unfinished.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Speaking of planning….I’m sharing my Eating Peace video today even if you have no interest or concern with eating issues, because it’s about so much more than eating. You have to plan, is that true? You have to avoid something, is that true? The only way to stop agonizing about something is to succumb to it….is that really true?

Watch here.

xo