Tag: parenting

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The Truth About Parenting: You’re Outta Control

If you couldn’t successfully click the other day on the link for all the scoop about the Money class that starts tomorrow, that was me the techno-dork.

Click Here to learn more and to register, or reply back to this email to write. If you’re already signed up, you’ll get all the information in your Inbox this evening.

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I’ve heard from several people, and clients, in the past month working on their stressful experiences while parenting.

One of my favorite subjects, because it brings up so very much about care-taking other humans, and care-taking yourself all at the same time.

Mission Impossible?

Recently a wonderful inquirer wrote to me asking me some fantastic questions about being with his kids, staying in your own business (as Byron Katie suggests) and handling regular everyday “situations”. 

The clock says 7:55 am. You need to leave the house at 8:00 am. The kids are not getting ready, they aren’t getting their shoes on. 

Sound familiar?

Or, they are not going to bed. Bed time is 9:00 pm. It is 9:15 pm. (For some reason, this is hilarious to me in this moment….and not exactly hilarious in the past).

What about the mess…the piles of stuff on the couch, when you would prefer it were in a drawer in their bedroom?

Byron Katie speaks about there being three kinds of business: God’s business (all that you clearly cannot control, or is run without your understanding or consent), Other Peoples’ business (their life path, their choices, their personal experiences) and Your business (your own actions, your words, what you do, think, or say). 

It works best if you stay in your business. 

Trying to be in Other Peoples’ business or God’s business will make you cray-cray. Including with your kids.

So what are your thoughts in that moment, when in five minutes, you plan on departing for the bus, but shoes are not on feet?

  • they should be getting ready
  • they are ignoring me
  • we can’t be late
  • they don’t go fast enough
  • my kids are an imposition, impossible, loud, too boisterous
  • they don’t listen to me (which means, they don’t do what I say)

Usually there are ideas about what should or should not happen living inside the parent’s mind. It doesn’t look good. It should go that other way, not this way.

Help!

If you hold that situation right in your mind and answer all the questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, you might find more than what I’ve listed here. But let’s look at these.  

Is it true that they should be “x” (getting ready, getting up, moving faster, helping)? Should they be doing what I say? Does this scene MEAN that they don’t respect or listen to me?

Argggh! Yes!!!!!

Are you sure?

No. 

How do you react when you believe this situation is troubling? That these kids are impossible, difficult, hard to raise, or they don’t listen?

If you could see a short one-minute film of my life fifteen years ago, you would see how I reacted. Raised voice. Slammed door. Boiling blood, from the inside. Torn up about lateness, “losing” it. Yelling.

I was definitely in my kids’ business. THEY should be doing what I dictate. 

I love The Work, though…because its a way of seeing what you actually believe in those heightened energy moments, slowing everything down into very slow motion, and examining it.

Who would you be without those thoughts? If you just arrived from another planet, and you are the parent, it turns out. And you must leave the house in five minutes. Shoes would be nice. 

Without the thought that lateness is the worst that could happen, or that sock feet are a disaster, or that you are being disrespected or ignored?

“The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby

I have found such freedom as I returned again, and again, to this exciting view of who I would be without these thoughts.

Without thinking that I KNOW what should be happening. Without understanding what is going on, or being afraid that something terrible will happen (no shoes, lateness, cut fingers, judgments from teachers, or other parents, or your boss).

Without these thoughts about parenting, and staying in my business, which means taking care of myself and saying “yes” or saying “no” when it is the truth for me, I relax. 

No expectations. Open hands. Surrender. 

I remember my sense of humor, which is really big and brings up the laughter. Not so serious at all. Not bracing against the noise, or the commotion, or the lack of action. I feel rooted, and I repeat my requests and hear what is said back and feel very alive and connected. 

“I lost my children. They died to me. I don’t share my life with them. I invite them, they say “yes” or “no”. They invite me and I say “yes” or “no”. All their lives, I separated them and said Don’t Fight, and I noticed they did it anyway….The more you try to change their path, the more depressed you’ll become. Manipulation and control is not love….’I don’t have any control’ is much more real than ‘I have control’.” ~ Byron Katie

I turn the thoughts all around: those kids should be doing what they’re doing, being how they are in that situation. Without shoes.

How could that be as true, or truer? 

Much love, Grace

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Parent Driving Panic

Many years ago, on a quiet weekday afternoon, I was exhausted with sleep-deprivation, having a two year old toddler girl and a five year old son who had just started kindergarten.

My daughter went down for a nap. I rushed around picking up things off the floor then making my way to my bedroom to lie down, for just a little while.

This unusual day…I fell asleep in the silent house. The phone never rang, I didn’t get involved in some project, I didn’t start paying bills.

I woke with a start and sat up. The afternoon light didn’t look right.

Because normally, I have to get my daughter in the car and go fetch my son at school when the light is still bright, mid-afternoon light. My son comes out at a set time every day. There’s a spot for parents in cars. Some days, I carpool or other parents drive.

But Thursdays, I always go get my son.

In the very still, dense, quiet afternoon…I grasp that I had fallen asleep.

OMG! What time is it??!!

I was supposed to be there NOW. It would take me 30 minutes to drive there.

Have you ever driven from here to there filled with anxiety because you absolutely have to be there already?

I wish I had The Work or a way to have investigated what was true and what was not true at that time, with my small children.

Back then, I thought it was an EMERGENCY that I was so late.

My son Ben was only 5, he didn’t have a cell phone, I had no way to contact the teacher, I didn’t even know how to contact the school when the bell had already rung.

I put myself in my son’s little shoes and knew he would probably go to the pick up place and stand there.

My hand gripped the wheel and images reeled through my head of him being led away by an unsavory adult…of him crying as all the kids and buses and teachers left him standing alone….of him being abandoned.

I was sick to my stomach, in heavy thick traffic. Every driver went at the pace of a turtle. My heart was popping out of my throat.

Turning the corner into the sight of the pick up area, I saw his little purple coat, and him standing with his hood up, very still, both hands to his sides with his yellow lunch sack in one hand and his back pack that looked enormous on his small back.

I jumped out of the drivers seat of my car and I’m sure my face looked wild with apology.

Ahhh yes, if only I had The Work.

Because when I look back, my son Ben was actually PERFECTLY FINE.

He wasn’t maimed, injured, desperate, frightened.

I asked him “Were you worried? I am so, so, sorry. Mommy is so, so sorry.”

A little worried mommy. 

I look back and see the teaching and the learning, passed along so innocently. 

Now is the moment to think you were abandoned, that mom was unreliable, that you were let down….that mom is very sorry…and now that I’ave arrived you discover all is well, and you are relieved.  

Who would I be without the thought that falling asleep, not waking up, being late, that Ben standing alone for 25 minutes without me picking him up….was terrible, was all my fault….and was all something I should have avoided and that he hated?

Now it’s 15 years later. I still think about that moment with sorrow. Except NOW, today, as the image flashes through my mind….I pause.

I say “Is that all true?” 

No. No idea.

Was that a dangerous situation? Not really. Was it outrageous that I was so unreliable? No.

Who would you be without the thought that you need to GET THERE NOW, and it appears….you can’t.

Even if the situation is much more serious or critical than mine.

You might actually be present during the drive, instead of so freaked out that all you remember is the gripped steering wheel.

Who would you be without the thought that there was a mistake, in the past?

Especially with your young child, who may be much older now (or not)?

“Pain is the signal that you’re confused, that you’re in a lie….You are the solution to the problem–your apparent problem. No mother or son has ever done harm. We’re dealing with confusion here, that’s all. Through this work, we come to realize that.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

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Your Kid Might Notice That It’s Working

Huge thank you for everyone who has sent me comments about the new little guidebook Top Ten Stressful Thoughts in Stressed-Out Parents Minds That Keep Them Struggling With Their Kids. If you’d like to send it to anyone, forward them this Grace Note!

And if you’d like to say “I didn’t get the part about….” then write me!

They can download it HERE. Parenting teleclass starts January 27, 2014 on Monday evenings Pacific time 5:15, or in February on Monday mornings.

(You can also get the parenting guidebook on my website HERE plus more info about the teleclasses).

Just yesterday, our Tuesday YOI Group (Year of Inquiry) spent some time looking at those darn people, like the children, who we’re really close to. These so often fall into one of these three categories: mate, child or parent.

Arrgggh! Don’t these people just drive you bananas sometimes?

I figure if you sort it out internally with ONLY one or two of these people, you could have a shifting perspective on trust, love and acceptance that might permeate the entire rest of your life, in truly amazing ways.

Today our group questioned the belief “I want him/her to be reliable”. Seems like a no-brainer, right?

Some of us were thinking about our teenagers, some of about our spouses, some of us about one of our parents.

Same thought. Same distress.

As we began The Work, I remembered how I had done The Work on my kid being late, a scene where I huffed and puffed and slammed the car door and drove him in a fury to school, telling him he needs to catch the bus and how inconvenient this is for me.

I had been so upset that I knew I needed to sit down and slowly do The Work. Not a fast-inquiry-job in my head….but a slow, deep one.

As our group began to inquiry together, I remembered another scene, a few weeks AFTER I did The Work….a very similar scene, with a different outcome.

It is a dark, winter morning. The big blue retro kitchen clock reads 7:11 am.

My son has not yet come out of the bathroom, and I still hear the shower running. His bus leaves the corner at 7:26. He should walk out the door at 7:22. He really should be eating breakfast, which he tends to skip, at 7:15. He should be getting dressed therefore at 7:12.

That’s in one minute.

Right now, at 7:11, the water in the shower should be turning OFF.

He’s 17 years old, for crying out loud! WHY CAN’T HE CATCH THE DAMN BUS?!

Why can’t you be RELIABLE? How hard can it be?

I lectured before, I’ve asked “is there anything I can do to help you?”. I’ve been reasonable, I’ve decided I won’t worry about it anymore.

I’ve done The Work, but here this familiar worry is approaching again.

It’s 7:11 and my pulse is starting to quicken and I’m getting nervous. How am I going to handle this situation. I have a teleclass at 8:00 am, on questioning your stressful beliefs. 

I say to myself “I should change my teleclass schedule from now on just to take into consideration his lateness“.

BUT! I will NOT change my own work schedule to accommodate HIM being LATE!

Tick-tick-tick-tick. It’s 7:13.

I feel the wave of worry….as I put on the kettle and get out my tea cup.

Then The Work enters my mind, as I am moving and watching my hand open a tea bag. Like a wide open feeling, not even quite a thought…..something stops. Wait, look, feel….is it true something terrible is happening, something uncomfortable, unfortunate, wrong, a mistake, a moment needing adjustment?

Remember your Work?

Is your stress necessary? Is this bad?

No….why, no. The wave recedes back. The kettle boils. The water pours. Almost in slow motion, and yet, within 2 minutes, I remember who I would be without the thought that he is late. That this shouldn’t be happening.

Well, look at that. Oh my. Amazing.

I turn the thoughts around, or they turn themselves around: this is fine, he is OK, he is learning something, if he misses the bus I can drive him part way so I myself am not late, he could have another tardy and that is not a problem, I love riding with him in the morning, he is taking all this in about school, alarms, intention, action, clarity, time, clocks. 

I don’t even know that he is unhappy about this “risk” of not getting credit or something happening as a result of these late mornings.

At 7:15 the shower turns off. At 7:17 he is moving through the kitchen to his room. As he passes me I cheer and laugh, smiling at how adorable he looks “Go Ben! Go Ben!”

At 7:20 he comes back through the kitchen with his back pack on his back, his short wet hair already drying. I throw my arms around his very tall and thin body and give him a big hug, bursting with joy.

“Bye mom! I love you!” The front door slams behind him.

7:22. 

“Don’t worry about whether The Work is working or not. You’re just beginning to learn how to do it. It’s like riding a bike. All you need to do is keep wobbling on….And you won’t necessarily be the first to notice that it’s working. You may find, as many people have, that it doesn’t seem to have any effect now, but you have already shifted in ways you can’t feel yet. The Work can be very subtle and profound.” ~ Byron Katie 

 As Far As Freedom Goes, It Works

“It never ceases to amaze me how much can be learned in an hour and a half. An awareness I got from class combined with an emotional collision with my mate yesterday I learned this: I want others to be happy so I don’t get “infected by their misery”. Is that true and furthermore, is it working?….Loving what is still strikes me as bizarre and as far a freedom goes, it works!” ~ SW, Year Of Inquiry YOI Participant  

With Love, Grace

P.S. Are you thinking about YOI in 2014? January group starts on Fridays 1/10 for an entire year of inquiry. Limited to 14 people. Already filling. Click HERE to read more.

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Willing To Be Hated

The other day I received an email from a wonderful inquirer who had taken my parenting class in the past.

“How do I handle such disrespect!?!” she asked.

That moment when a child, whether age four or age fourteen or twenty-four, says something disrespectful and your reaction is instant, big and full of feeling….what’s going on there?

What is actually so disturbing about this disrespectful moment?

And the reaction is so fast, so strong….it’s like there is an immediate “NOOOOO!” rising up from the inside somewhere.

How dare you say that! You will not speak to me that way! Go to your room! Get out of my sight! You are grounded! Arrrrgghghghgh! 

Not that I would know anything about that kind of reaction. But I’ve read quite a bit about it and seen it in the movies (heh heh).

The most wonderful way of looking at this split second of reacting with the massive No is to break it down in very slow motion, and of course, inquire.

So, here come those words, that facial expression, that behavior. They are expressed out of that person over there (who happens to be someone you love, your child).

If you turned the sound off of the movie, and replayed the moment, and looked at it from every angle…what do you think it means when someone is doing that?

For me, I had to become quite still when considering this, so that I wasn’t reacting anymore. It was lovely to become still. And hard. Something inside me wanted to stay AGAINST that scene, and that person.

If you become still, you can’t be so against the situation. You are more objective, you are looking. Almost like you’re a scientist studying human behavior and wondering what is inspiring this particular kind of behavior.

So what does it mean when that beloved child of yours says that “mean” thing (that you are interpreting as disrespectful)?

Usually, I noticed that when I had the surge of anger, frustration, defense coming through me, I was believing the following thoughts:

  • she doesn’t respect me, and that means I haven’t earned respect by becoming scary, powerful, angry, firm, brilliant or kind enough
  • she is defying me, so she thinks I’m stupid, wrong, mistaken, or unimportant
  • he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t care about me, he is not motivated to have concern for my feelings so this means I am not interesting/helpful/powerful in his life
  • she thinks I am a bad parent, she would prefer another mom
  • chaos is occuring, I don’t know what’s happening, and this scares me
  • he thinks I have no worth
  • I don’t matter
  • she is not doing what I say, so this means I will not get what I want or need
  • I will be abandoned, I am alone
  • I can’t handle this
  • I am not lovable, smart, or mature enough

These thoughts create a deep, sinking, gut-wrenching feeling that almost has no words. The beliefs are all piled and stuck together like a ball of yarn, intricately connected.

The ultimate view of the self is “worthless” or “powerless” and being someone who has no control over this child, this moment, this experience, this commentary.

The thing is, it’s TRUE that we don’t have any control.

Every life lived in its own unique way, with a unique timeline. We can’t save them, or they save us. In the big scheme of things, in the matter of life and death, we are basically powerless.

In questioning these thoughts and looking at them from every angle, turning them all around and considering the opposite views….what does that look like? What happens with our feeling of being so against that moment of “disrespect”?

What if we stop believing that those words, behaviors or actions MEAN we are bad or that THEY are bad or that this is a big disastrous mess?

I notice fear, simple fear, is inside the core of these beliefs. If I look with care at this moment when I am feeling the fear, and look at every thought with acceptance, and turn it all around:

  • she does respect me, she is expressing herself to ME, she is exposing her true inner anger, fear, sadness, terror to ME, she is inviting me in, even if it seems brusque or harsh
  • she is defying me, so she thinks I’m smart, right, NOT mistaken, important–she cares about my opinion, she wants me to KNOW her sincerely and that she does not see things the same as me–she thinks I’m powerful enough to defy
  • he does love me, he does care about me, he is deeply motivated to have NO concern for my feelings because he is finding his own opinions, or knows my opinions are not right for HIS particular world. I am, in fact, very powerful and interesting to him, so much so that he needs to detach himself in order to find his own way.
  • she thinks I am a good parent, she loves me inherently and wants no other mom (I am the one who thinks of myself as a bad parent, imperfect, not doing it right)
  • chaos is occuring, I don’t know what’s happening, and this does NOT scare me
  • he thinks I have great worth, that he has great worth, and wants me to see this as well
  • I do matter, so much
  • she is not doing what I say, so this means I need to get what I want or need in some OTHER way, to take care of myself and show that I am doing this, to model self-care
  • I will always be connected, I am never alone–I am with myself if I am not with my child
  • I am lovable, smart, and mature enough to be in the presence of this younger human
  • I can handle this

Byron Katie suggests that anyone who is yelling at you may need to be speaking loudly for some important reason.

I know with my daughter, I would guess what she liked, wanted or needed before she could even tell me.

I haven’t liked it when someone assumes they know something about me.

I stand before my children and feel what it is like, from the inside out, to be OK with who they are and who I am, even when they are very angry with me.

One of my favorite professors in graduate school for Applied Behavioral Science long ago said in a lecture on Family Systems Counseling “You know what it takes to be a parent? Being willing to be hated.”

Funny, as I do The Work and “allow” them to be furious, or to correct me, or to say what they really feel….they turn out to not need to say it so loudly, or slam a door, or hide from me.

And I’m sure I’ll get the opportunity again to “work” on it.

“Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don’t want to know about ourselves, yet. They will point us to our freedom every time.” ~ Byron Katie

One thing I know…is that I want to know everything about myself that is possible to know.

Even if you’re not sure you’re going to like what you find out about yourself, try it anyway. You may find much compassion for yourself, and love.

Love, Grace

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I Couldn’t Bear It If My Child Got Hurt

One of my absolutely most obsessive thoughts that I remember from long ago, that carried itself forward for several years, was “my children should be home-schooled”.

I read every education author out there that I could get my hands on. I got the books on free schools and democratic schools and private schools and specialty schools. I read about Un-Schooling, I heard speeches, I toured various schools in my city, and there were a LOT since I live in a big city.

My children started public school, and then I took them out and home-schooled.

And then I put them back in.

I think I drove my best friends BONKERS with the repetitive topic. It’s like I was gathering data, and I couldn’t get enough data. I needed more. I couldn’t feel comfortable with ANY decision. Nothing was right.

The search for the perfect decision will drive you crazy faster than trying to go to sleep with 5000 mosquitos in the same tent.

I look back on myself now and have so much compassion for that poor, distressed, anxious mother who was trying to be the BEST MOM EVER.

I wish at the time I had The Work to penetrate my thinking and stop. Just stop and look at my frightened ideas.

They looked like this: my children could be damaged, my children will be bored, they will hate learning, they won’t succeed, they will be sad, I want to be involved, I want to participate in all parts of their cute lives, bad things can happen, schools can hurt children (look at the proof)!

Dang. That was rough.

Fortunately, life circumstances and my own capacity to (barely) let go of my images of the Perfect World for Children made it so schooling became calmer over time, and it was the easiest and best choice. I needed to work.

It was a fabulous several years, home-schooling and being with my kids in many very amazing and fun activities.

Fortunately, my kids appear entirely undamaged and even very unique and interested in learning (they are now 18 and 15). My daughter attends a very alternative, tiny high school that focuses on community. My son attends university, his choice.

They are thoughtful and have their clear opinions. They are great to have discussions with about learning.

But back then I was such a *BASKET CASE*!

So much of my experience was tainted with fear. Fear of the potential abuse. Fear of the potential failure. Fear of not offering my children the most amazing, incredible childhood anyone could possibly ever imagine! OMG!

Kids will bring forward your fears in the most precise, beautiful, clear way. What you wish for them (for yourself, for people in this world) will cut you to the core.

Schools will bring up all the possibilities of pain and images of where BAD things could happen.

Doing the work on school for your kids can be like doing the work on the world, for you.

It could hurt to be here, something bad could happen, failure could occur, people can’t be trusted, wrong turns could be made.

If you get really freaked out for your kids, like I did…doing The Work can be the biggest relief you’ve ever known. You can find relief about just being alive, in this world, yourself.

I discovered that if I stopped worrying about my children, I used think it would mean that I would not be good mother. If I didn’t bend over backwards and do ANYTHING to bring them an awesome life, then I didn’t care enough.

After you do The Work on your worst fears about what could happen to your kids and what you really, really want for them and what you’re anxious about, the most amazing loosening of fear happens. At least it did for me.

“Imagine your child coming up to you and asking, ‘mom would you be okay without me?’ Now you can look into his or her eyes and say,”I love you in my life, and I’d really miss you, and I would be fine.”

“Really mom? What would you do without me?”

“Well, sweetheart, let me see. I wouldn’t have to get up so early in the morning, and I’d have the first shower, and I could go out whenever I liked. And the bottom line is that I love you in my life. Nothing can take you out of my heart, honey, ever.”

There’s no fear there. You’ve learned—and they learn—that love doesn’t mean fear.
~Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Now, I notice when I have little nervy thoughts about my kids. Is she cold? Is he getting enough sleep? Is everyone OK? And I have to laugh.

Even on the tiniest moments, the mind will start to fill in a story when it comes to children. They are 30 minutes late and it means they’re lying in a ditch, dead.

The thing is….I notice I actually don’t think that anymore. Almost never. And the reason, I think, is because I keep finding out that the WORST thing I could imagine, I can actually open to. I can let it cut this frightened me to the core, and love would still prevail.

Love,
Grace

Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register click HERE now and then send me an email grace@workwithgrace.com.

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

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I Can’t Stand Their Fighting!

One of the most profound areas of torture for many people is in the realm of parenting.

One of my favorite graduate school psychology professors said “the key to being successful in parenting is being willing to be hated”. 

This morning a thoughtful and brilliant client came to our session having written down all her judgments about her two daughters hitting each other, ages six and eight. There they were at the kitchen table, and one of them lunges at the other, who then punches the first in the face.

The mother, my client, then screamed.

Sometimes it may feel like the biggest emotional moments are right in the presence of our children. That has been the case for me, just like this dear client.

It’s really quite funny LATER, to look back at the scene. And looking back is a very necessary step, frame by frame, for the inquiry process. Getting curious about what bugged me most of all, why I “lost it” in that moment, why I “couldn’t take it anymore”.

Once when my children were much younger than they are now, early in inquiry, they were bickering in the back seat of the car while I was driving. I could feel the geyser of anger coming from the center of my stomach….oh no, here it is!

What are the painful thoughts in that moment? You don’t even have to be a parent really to identify these kinds of thoughts. Imagine yourself in a situation where children are yelling, fighting, hitting, calling each other names….maybe you’ve even seen that in a movie.

(Yes, I know, adults appear to do these things too).

  • They should not yell
  • It is too noisy
  • They should treat each other with respect
  • This noise has to STOP
  • There is nothing I can do
  • Here is an example of the selfishness of human nature
  • I could get hurt if I intervene
  • I’m a terrible mother/father!
  • I need to know what to do!!!!!

To work with this moment as if it has something incredible to offer, an understanding, rather than just wanting to get away from those loud, mean children, or make them stop, is an entirely different experience of this moment.

“See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness”. ~Eckhart Tolle 

Instead of feeling like a victim of these people who are fighting in my presence, I write down my beliefs. They are ones that have been passed along from generation to generation before me, what children should or should not do, how they should or should not be, and what it means that these children, who are apparently MINE (question this) are behaving this way.

What is the most frightening thing that could happen if they keep fighting?

My client answered immediately: they will hate each other always, they will refuse to return home for Thanksgiving, I will be a grandma without my daughters here together, they will not support each other when I’m gone.

Can we really know that it’s true that these hitting children are full of rage that will last for years? What if there is nothing to be afraid of? What if I am enough, I can do what needs to be done, even if I’m not sure what it is?

What if they should yell, it is not too noisy, they are naturally respectful, the noise does not have to stop. What if this is an example of the passion and love in human nature, and that I won’t get hurt if I intervene.

“In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and… mothers.  Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it”.  ~Billy Cosby

All I can do when I feel upset with children is, go back and look again, after the emotion has passed. What do I believe about this scene, this situation? Inquire and learn. Either we believe our thoughts or we don’t. Believing them keeps the pattern running. Questioning takes the intensity right out of it.

You don’t need to know what to do. Just question your thinking.

With love, Grace

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-person Workshop Saturday and Sunday

June 2-3, 2012 in Seattle, Washington