Tag: out of control

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The day I lost control and felt suicidal because of eating

One of the most painful experiences I had in my early days of trying to find peace with eating (and with life) was my efforts to control the chaos.

I attempted to control my food, my exercise, my cravings, my thoughts, my emotions, and my experiences.

I had recognized the insanity of my thoughts and my eating, so one of my first solutions was to apply MORE force, control and rigidity to my behavior and plans with food. Food was frightening and should be kept at bay.

This is not uncommon. It’s the mindset where “dieting” comes from. Activate willpower, discipline and control, and you’ll find peace.

The problem was, I was so at war internally….I was full of anxiety, even when I no longer binge-ate for a couple of years.

One day, I cracked. I ate for hours, like a wild rebellion cut loose like a geyser. I felt so awful, I wanted to die.

This is when I decided there has to be another way besides dieting or controlling what I’m eating. Because even though I had been “abstinent” from binge-eating for a couple of years, I was miserable.

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained 
by letting things go their own way. 
It can’t be gained by interfering. 
~ Tao Te Ching #48

 

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: I’m totally out of control with food…what do I do?

The most powerful and emotion-filled question I ever get around eating is this one:

How do I stop? 

People write when they feel out of control. Sometimes they say they’re ready to commit suicide.

Really, this is serious and awful, to be stuck in a terrible cycle of eating, stuffing, frantic grabbing and consuming.

One thing to notice from the beginning in this kind of panicky frantic state is that this is a problem in the mind.

I’m not saying that means it’s diminished or made up or wrong. But it’s a compulsion based on fear and a sense of powerlessness.

Here’s what you can begin if you feel like you’ve been eating everything in sight and you can’t stop.

Start with this one inquiry….then consider where you’re afraid or feeling completely powerless and like you have no say or ability to regain power.

I say more right here, but your three tools to use? 1) contact with other people 2) honest self-reflection and inquiry, to see what your emotions are 3) notice what’s really true!