Tag: needing money

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Your greatest freedom would be achieved if you got……

fear1
I need more money. I need a relationship. I need to be different. I can’t handle this…..are you sure?

It’s released.Peace Talk Episode 113: The WORST that could happen if I lose all my money, have no money, lose my house and everything money pays for…..is….what?

Today I share with you my worse case scenario fear when my finances were drained, I was about to lose my house, bills were due, I was 80K in debt….and what happened when I did The Work.

Listen here.

Speaking of money.

I got the amazing privilege of volunteering for the Help Line for The Work this past month for about five hours. (I know my schedule has been erratic with the Help Line, I’ll be back though).

Guess what the most common stressful belief centered around, from all the amazing people I got to sit with in self-inquiry?

Money.

Here were some of the situations and very stressful beliefs I heard:

  • my renter shouldn’t be late with the rent
  • the person sub-letting for the summer just cancelled last minute
  • he didn’t repay the loan fast enough
  • I can’t afford to do the program I want to do
  • my parents just said they can’t support me anymore
  • I can’t pay my bills

I’ve had each and every one of these thoughts.

Something’s happening with money, and it means….

….I’m screwed. 

My survival is threatened. My security is at risk. Change might be coming along, and it isn’t safe.

Let’s look, though. It’s so powerful to pause and see what’s really true.

Are you absolutely sure this money situation is a threat? Are you going to die? Are you positive you might not be safe….or you already aren’t safe?

Do you really need more money?

Are you sure you’d be happy if you suddenly won the lottery, or had a “windfall” on a project you’re working on?

(The word “windfall” refers to trees blowing down in the wind making the fruit available, or the wood available, to anyone walking by. Literally, it’s unexpectedly acquired resources, or money, blown in by nature.)

Do you need more money?

In my mind, I still can answer “yes”.

It seems like it would be super crazy fun to have more money. I could get started on fixing my house, I could pay off my mortgage, I could buy my daughter new clothes for college, I could support my husband who’s about to lose his current job in 2 weeks, I could save some money for my retirement.

There’s so much more. I could do ALL those things! I would be happier if I could do ALL those things!

Really?

Oh. Well, I’m not sure. Maybe not.

I have no idea if I’d actually be truly happy just because I could DO things, or accomplish things, or create physical things, or acquire things.

In fact, I’m pretty sure they are NOT tied together….doing these things, getting these things….and happiness.

How do you react when you think you need more money, or tons of money would make you happy?

I focus on it all the time and have no fun.

Relationships are the same way sometimes. If you have no partner, and you believe having one would make you happy….you focus on finding the “right soul mate person” all the time, and find single-ness no fun.

Or what about spiritual enlightenment and seeking the “Truth”? I grab and listen and read and consume spiritual teachings and retreats and workshops and knowledge….focusing on finding “it”, and finding my present state of mind not all that fun.

But who would you be without this story that having that thing (money, person, success, enlightenment, windfall, etc) would bring you happiness?

Haha!

It makes me laugh out loud suddenly.

Without the thought, I’d be noticing the room I’m in, the environment surrounding me. I’d sense the present moment more, feeling whatever’s here, and noticing….this is important….noticing I’m quite alright. I’m not starving, I’m not dying, I’m not cold, I have a place to sleep.

Turning it around: Nothing is threatening me. What if there are great things about losing it all, not having possessions, not striving to “get” stuff or “understand” stuff or “acquire” a partner or dollars or enlightenment?

Could it be my thinking is threatening me? I need more of me (not money). I need more peace, love, resting, enjoying my own company, enjoying this adventure.

Money needs more of me. Could this also be true? It’s waiting for me to come forward, to be intimate with it, to share myself and appreciate it and me, equally.

What I notice about Money is, it’s not attached to where it goes. It travels here, there, parting, uniting, leaving, staying, going, coming back. Nice to know my worth does not depend on its whereabouts.

That would be crazy.

“When you’re empty, there’s space for revelation, for spontaneity, for intuitiveness. Everything’s fresh. Get ready for that.” ~ Mooji

As I’ve heard Byron Katie ask others doing The Work with her….

….Your highest spiritual path, your greatest freedom, would be if you got what YOU think you want and need. Your greatest freedom would be if you got more money, or that person did it the way you want, or you achieved that status….

….can you absolutely know that’s true?

Much love, Grace

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Neediness Can Not Be Trusted, Right?

One of the top tricky little sneaky thoughts that I experienced living as a whole strategy for managing neediness has been: “I just won’t NEED that thing I have been needing. I’ll go without it. No problem!”

It’s actually pretty amazing to discover that you do not in fact need something that appeared to be necessary for physical or emotional survival.

But then….if you sink your teeth into that new discovery and try to apply it to every situation where you feel a drop of neediness….you may suddenly realize one day that it’s not working anymore.

Because it’s a strategy. It wasn’t true surrender for me.

I was the Queen of Not Needing.

I don’t need a partner, I don’t need food, I don’t need drugs (even pain medications), I don’t need money, I don’t need a past, I don’t need a future, I don’t need school, I don’t need a degree, I don’t need to talk.

It was a quiet week day during the summer months. I had dropped out of college because I was trying to win the prize for Not Needing food (you may know this story from other Grace Notes).

I was reading everything I could get my hands on about consciousness. It was the beginning of my self-help book exploration (and I’m so glad people have chosen to write about their transformations and help others understand themselves).

Somewhere I read that there really is no past. It’s over.

And my mind jumped from that conceptual and philosophical idea…..to gathering all the photos, yearbooks, baby pictures, scrap books, greeting cards, files and items that were collections of Past Memories in my bedroom…

….and deciding they need to go!

I don’t need any of that! The past is over! I am cleaning the slate! I’m starting from ZERO! Today I’m reborn!

There’s a scene in a movie called Little Man Big Man where the old native grandfather climbs up to a high cliff, believing that he’s going to die. He says the famous line “today is a good day to die”. He lies down on the earth and assumes the position, flat on his back.

And he lies there, and lies there. It starts to rain and the drops are hitting his face.

He sits up. Hilarious. Nope. Not going the way he thought. Still here.

That summer afternoon at age 20, I took all photos that I possessed, all scrap books, my high school year books, the cards from boyfriends or best friends, notes from my parents, flyers from events I attended, saved tickets, mementos…

…and I drove them in boxes to the city dump.

I watched them fly through the air into the huge piles of garbage far below. Never to be seen again.

I gave away almost everything I owned to friends and family, keeping only the clothing and a few items I absolutely loved.

I waited. Oh.

I still have memories. The past still exists….in my mind. Still here.

But it wasn’t terrible. I got what was here, inside, that was not attached to anything that could be possessed.

I don’t regret doing that dramatic thing.

However, I also learned that discovering “I don’t need it!” is not always honest. And you can’t force it, when it is not actually true.

Today, I am totally 100% in favor of food, water, shelter, clothing, medical attention, money, and contact with people. I absolutely love them all!

Back when I was 20? I was imagining that I was against them all, or trying to be.

Who would you be without the thought that it’s bad, difficult, or painful to want something with enormous passion?

Who would I be without the thought that I shouldn’t want that yummy food? I wouldn’t condemn myself for wanting it. I’d start asking people if they had any food! I’d eat with gusto and pleasure.

Who would I be without the thought that it’s painful to want more money? I’d have a blast enjoying the pursuit of money.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to avoid needing?

Free to need, if I do….and not need, if I don’t. Free to be myself HONESTLY. I love trusting my natural responses.

“If you open yourself to the Tao, you are at one with the Tao and you can embody it completely. If you open yourself to insight, you are at one with insight and you can use it completely. If you open yourself to loss, you are at one with loss and you can accept it completely. Open yourself to the Tao, then trust your natural responses; and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #23

If you notice subtle, but tricky, strategies for dealing with your uncomfortable relationship with money, and with NEEDING it, then join us next week on Thursday mornings! Register HERE.

With Love, Grace