Tag: meditation

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Yikes! Workaholics Doing The Work?

You’d think the LAST thing anyone would want to give a
workaholic…would be something called, “The Work!”

Like adding fuel to the fire?
Like giving a cat burglar your house key?
Like giving a beaver a chainsaw?
Like Bill Gates winning the lottery?

And speaking from (LOTS of) experience, it’s actually
pretty hard NOT to try to use your own established, painful
patterns–in my case, workaholic-neurotic–when you first start inquiring
into your thinking.

Like the fly endlessly droning on the window, struggling in the
same old way to get out…and TRULY EXPECTING a different result.

In other words, we try to work “hard” to make “The Work”
work just that little bit better…

…just a little bit more control (which hurts)
…just a little bit more force (which hurts)
…just a little bit more manipulation (which hurts)

Like going bowling and watching the ball heading toward the
right gutter…so you tense up and lean to the right to “make” it go straight!

It’s funny what we do. If something doesn’t work, why not just do the same
thing? Only harder?

And when we’re in the midst of the desperation and struggle and
“workaholism”…it seems to make absolutely perfect sense.

We actually BELIEVE we’re going to “fix” the situation with
more of the same…harder, faster, more pressure…and more of
the INTERNAL VIOLENCE AGAINST OURSELVES that has
never worked in the first place.

It’s just more of the subtle ways we try to exert our “control”
over ourselves and everything around us.

We’re so amazingly laser-ed in on fixing ourselves so we
can finally have money, order, control, enough accomplished,
more time, and improve just a little more…

…that THEN, we can finally relax, take a break, and be happy.

It’s my story to the hilt! Years and years of agony, trying harder,
and more and more force that just made me more miserable.
Honestly, I was doing it a little to myself this past week, while
doing taxes! Here comes the mind, creeping in with it’s “good
ideas” for working harder…

When I first tried to do The Work I couldn’t sit still long enough
to really get anywhere.

Some people have breakthroughs by going to a “Katie event.”
Some by doing The Work on the Helpline.
Some by going to the School (which is what I did, 3 times).
Some by working with one of the many fabulous facilitators
on the Byron Katie website.
Some by working in teleclasses where you realize the
astonishing fact that everyone’s thoughts are just like yours!

Such a relief!

It can seem like a “new” revelation…over and over and over…

…as you educate your mind.

Because your MIND would have you believe that it’s JUST YOU.

That you’re the only one suffering…you’re ALONE…there’s
no one out there…there’s no hope…you’ll never succeed…

…so why bother trying? You never make it.

Some people see suicide as the only way out. I sure thought about it,
but that’s the mind’s job and it’s incredibly subtle in leading you
down the same old path…believing it will finally work…THIS time.

My new teleclass is for:

-work-aholics
-overwhelm-aholics
-money-aholics
-get-motivated-aholics
-stress-aholics
-finally-get-organized-aholics,
-fix-myself-aholics
-I’ve-gotta-quit-procrastinating-aholics
-success-books-aholics
-success-seminar-aholics

Because they all hurt.

The teleclass where we get to sidetrack those runaway trains-to-nowhere
and despair, and finally steer them to the gentle, peaceful station
that’s the home within ourselves…where we can breathe and let
our knotted stomachs relax and let our aching shoulders drop.

The teleclass starts on Wednesdays, Feb. 22nd for 8 weeks of working
together and partnering–to looking at the pain of work and money.

Sending you relief from stress and trying so hard,

Grace

“Grace, I love how you are so affirming of everyone’s process and are 
such an accepting/loving presence.”–Celia, teleclass participant

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Superbowl Baloney Vs Blasphemy

It’s easy to dismiss the Superbowl as unimportant or baloney.

A lot of people do. I didn’t watch any of it.  I didn’t think about it much…I knew
people were out there enjoying themselves watching it and I wondered who was
winning and losing…but some people even speak as if they’re AGAINST the
Superbowl itself!

“There are more important things going on in the world…why make such
a fuss over something so ridiculous and contrived and UNimportant in the
great scheme of things?”

“Just a bunch of overgrown boys who promote violence, and competition…
pushing a stupid ball back and forth on a field.”

“All this fuss over a GAME. Look at all the money, the advertising, the
hype!”

But the fans might really think any of this kind of thinking is BLASPHEMY!

So who’s “right?” Wow, it’s just another competition!

One of the things I love about watching Byron Katie work with people is the
way she never “takes sides”…even when the person she’s working with seems
to have an absolutely LEGITIMATE case…

…even when I don’t notice that I’m subtly starting to “agree” with the persons story…
as are the people around me.

Katie also says that the longer you do The Work, the more you start to see that
EVERYTHING is a metaphor of mind.

So if you have no attachment to sports, whether it be the Superbowl or the soccer
matches in parts of the world where people are sometimes KILLED during rioting…

Watch your own reactions to:

Liberals vs Conservatives
Atheists vs Believers
Deep vs Shallow People
Accepting vs Judgmental People
Materialist vs Spiritual
Capitalist vs Humanitarian
Arrogant vs Humble
Rich vs Poor
Terrorist vs World Peace Activist
Haves vs Have Nots
Woman’s Rights vs Male Oppressors
Polar bears/Ozone layer/Global Warming vs
Big Oil & Earth-Destroying Uncaring Corporations

…and of course, the postman (or woman) vs the dogs!

Or… if it’s not sports, watch your reactions to a son or daughter or niece or nephew’s
performance at a debate, singing or piano recital, or spelling bee.

How do you feel in your body? Are you SO wanting them to do well…is it stressful?
Can you hardly stand the tension?

I can remember almost being sick before a cross-country meet when I was back in college, or before I went on stage when in the theater.

Or how are you doing right before a job interview?

There’s freedom in questioning ALL of the above…and less tension and stress in your body when you do…and more love.

As Katie also says, “What you’re left with AFTER you question your thinking is ALWAYS kinder than your story.”

One of my favorite places to question thoughts and judgments is in our RELATIONSHIPS…the “who’s right and who’s wrong” and the “winning and losing” can become incredibly painful.

So much so that the argument “takes over” and all we want to do is PROVE that our most beloved friends, children, lovers, co-workers…

…ARE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

It’s the real nitty-gritty of our lives.

But it can be so confusing, and so hard to stop, even when it makes no sense at all and
everybody loses…

…just as intense as a screaming match between Giants and Patriots fans on
Superbowl Sunday.

And is it really any different?

The countdown to my next “Relationship Hell into Heaven” teleclass is just 3 days.
It starts on Super Friday, at 8 am PST for 8 weeks of uncovering what is happening
when we’re hurting the ones we love, hurting ourselves with the bitter negative thinking
about ourselves, and can’t seem to stop.

Wishing you clarity and laughter when you feel yourself getting caught up in winning and losing…

And by the way…I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out! (I love that joke).
Yes, laughing about competition is MUCH more fun than hating the competition.

Love,
Grace

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It’s Not A Thought—I Just FEEL It

Have you ever noticed that you’re suddenly just feeling lousy?

And it seems there’s really “no good reason?”

But you hear all this Byron Katie stuff about feeeeeelings coming because you’re believing a “thought?”

And you can’t find any thought that made you feel this way?

And you think it may be a crock about feelings coming from thoughts?

Because the misery just HAPPENS!

The guilt just APPEARS!

The fear in suddenly THERE!

Well it’s very common. I hear it in my teleclasses and individual sessions all the time.

Thoughts streak through our minds with blazing speed.

And not just ONE thought, but sometimes dozens in seconds.

Then suddenly a flood of anger or shame or hate, is twisting our stomachs and flooding our shaking bodies with adrenaline.

That’s why putting the thoughts on paper helps “hold” your thinking in place…so you can finally take a look at it.

Katie says, that at one time, she couldn’t sit still enough to write anything.

And I, personally, had been trying to do The Work for a long time before I could actually be present enough to sit “with” my thinking.

That’s why facilitating with a partner can be so helpful.

Your partner/faciliator “holds” your thought for you, gently bringing you back, when the mind goes racing off on a rabbit trail…

…which is it’s job. That’s what the mind does.

The other day, one of teleclass members sent me a note about the continuing relationship they have with other members from a class from about 6 months ago.

They’re now in ANOTHER class together…tenderly “holding” thoughts for each other again.

The sweetness and kindness they hold for each other made my heart just swell with gratitude…and wonder…and amazement.

This process continues to “knock my socks off”…a hundred times a day.

So just continue to do YOUR work. Be patient and gentle with yourself and expect nothing. Let it DO you. Give yourself the gift of letting someone “hold” your precious thinking for you…

Whether it’s on paper, listening to audios, on the helpline, in a teleclass, with a friend, or at a “Katie event.”

With love, wonder, and amazement,

Grace

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Extreme Relationship Thinking

I’ll never forget when my daughter was a little girl (she is now 14)
and I watched her do the thing we sometimes do when we’re not getting 100% connection and attention from a friend. When we’re not getting what we want!

She was REALLY angry. Another little girl was visiting and they were
playing with dolls. I suddenly heard my daughter’s voice yelling
“I’m NEVER GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND AGAIN!”

I looked into the room to see her standing with her arms crossed giving
the evil eye to her playmate, the room full of stunned silence.

Oh the agony! The drama!

But I have found that us grown-ups have the same kind of voice on the
inside, the same one that when we’re hurt or when we think we’re not going
to get what we think we want, says “…NEVER!” or “…ALWAYS!”

When my marriage was ending seven years ago, I was extra fearful.
I wasn’t sure I could live on my own. I had a lot of stories about
relationships and what husbands and wives were supposed to act like.

I had lots of thoughts that had the words “never!” and “always!” in them.

Thoughts like “I’ll never love again”…”I’ll always be abandoned”…”I’ve
never been good at living alone”…”My children will always remember
this as horrible”…

When I was the most scared, my mind would fill up with all kinds of
horrifying scenarios. I’d imagine myself living on the street pushing
around a shopping cart. I would feel anger, resentment, terror, agonizing
grief.

Thank goodness for The Work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was I really abandoned? Did this all really mean I did something wrong?

What would it be like if I didn’t believe that thought?!

What if it was possible that life was actually going exactly as it was going,
and I could be…..peaceful? Content? Ready for adventure?

I noticed I was breathing, I had shelter, food, a car, books, friends, three
awesome sisters, a great mom, a huge, loving extended family, fantastic
neighbors…and FINALLY time to myself that I had always wanted.

And there was more, and more, and more that I noticed.

I started realizing that change in an important relationship was only
change, not a gigantic disaster. It was even exciting!

If you’d like to join the journey to peace with an important person
in your life….your spouse, your mother, your son, your co-worker…

Come join the next teleclass:

Relationship Hell to Heaven: Fridays, Feb 10 – April 6, 2012
8 – 9:30 am Pacific Time

Much love and peace,

Grace

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Sexuality Class #2

Wow again. I’m so grateful.

We just finished sexuality teleclass #2, and it such a blessing to have a
forum, a sanctuary, a safe haven with dear friends…

…to bring light into darkness and pain…as we question our thoughts.

Because no matter the topic–food, relationships, sex, money–whatever
we hide and are ashamed of, it’s always painful.

But it just seems that sex has more thoughts-per-square inch
than other topics…even though I know it’s not true.

Today it ALL seemed to come up…

-desperate needing
-using sex for love
-using sex for stress management
-wanting people to like us (both women and men)
-thinking “we or they” are perverted (both men and women)
-first noticing our bodies as kids
-taking advantage of others and ourselves (both women and men)
-masturbation (both women and men)

So much per square inch…both pain and pleasure.

It’s so painful when our natural curiosity, fascination, impulses,
fun, and goodness are turned IN on ourselves as accusation,
shame, humiliation, hiding, and desperate pretending.

On the other hand, being in question #4 and then turning it around…

There’s gentleness, passion, hilarity, pleasure, love, goofiness (that’s me)
and laughing at ourselves…and having another playground to explore.

We even talked about our male and female “equipment” and letting it
have its life…

…like watching people just do what they do without judgment…
what IS… as if watching as aliens from another planet and just
seeing what this interesting species is all about.

It’s such a freeing perspective not to analyze every little breath we take
and criticize every thought and impulse…which is soooo exhausting!

And not very good foreplay, either!

It’s hard to have fun or passion with your THINKING
looking over your shoulder with a scowl…tapping it’s foot…
ready to rap your knuckles if you put an eyelash out of line.

So be gentle with yourself with everything sexual about you…your
shape, your smell, your thoughts, your desires, your “equipment!”

Sending love and acceptance and fun,

Grace

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Say It! Say No!

I’ve been known to say that if I only did The Work
on my thoughts about saying “No”….enough lightbulbs
would go off to light up the whole city of Seattle in January!

That takes a LOT of lightbulbs….(have you heard about
how much sun Seattle gets in January? Let’s just say it’s the
opposite of tropical).

I used to think it was rude to say “No”.

If I said “No”, I needed to explain myself and give a really good excuse
for saying “No”—like “my grandmother is sick”.

If I said “No”, I needed to give something in exchange for
saying “No”, to soften the harshness of the mean, nasty word “No”.
Like, “I can’t buy that for you right now, but later we can watch
a movie together” (and I didn’t really want to watch
the movie either).

If I said “No”, I recognized that I was really afraid that some
person in my life, even that stranger who asked me for $10 on the
street, would get angry, resentful, hurt, sad, or frightened.

If that person felt any of those feelings, they would hurt me
or go away. They wouldn’t like me.

Oh the horror of someone not liking me!

It’s pretty funny, but I’m not kidding that it felt really, really, really painful
on the inside. I REALLY wanted people to like me, I wanted
their approval, and I thought that if they did, I would feel happy.

I still get moments like this, but I’ve got The Work now, so I can
question ANYTHING that feels uncomfortable. Like getting asked
for something, and then seeing that my answer is “No”.

That’s what I love about looking deeply at Relationships that are
important in my life. The people I see the most often, interract with
regularly, or who have been in my life the longest, these folks are
often the ones I notice I want to please.

I can’t wait to start again with looking at those other people….
my kids, colleagues, mother, grandfather, partner….and bring
what I think about them to the surface for inquiry.

I love shining the lightbulbs on all these crazy, mean, nasty,
frightening thoughts….and finding out how I really want to
answer when someone says “can you do something for me?”

“No!” is so much fun now. So is “Yes!” Wow, this is freedom!!

Come join a wonderful group to look at just the kind of thinking
that gets you feeling stuck, mad, or pissy…

Much love, fun, and lightbulb flashes,

Grace

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Diet-Food Teleclass Confusion

A quick note to clear up any confusion about the
“Food” teleclass that starts next week (Tuesday
Jan 17th, 8-9:30 AM Pacific Std Time, for 8 weeks).

Some people think it’s only for people with scary,
super-serious issues like I had–I was suicidally anorexic
and bulimic and terribly confused about my body image.

But this teleclass is actually for EVERYONE…because
we’ve all got issues with food–and it’s NOT just women!

Like one guy who’s going to be on the teleclass.

He said he can feel how low-level anxiety and worry
will send him to the kitchen for a quick snack or some coffee.

Which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

But he’s got arthritis starting in a few knuckles and is “mildly
panicked” about his hands and is getting ready to do a nutrition
program to see if it will help.

The program requires just 3 meals a day for the first 10 days
with NO SNACKING.

And he’s noticing more panic and fear coming up, with
thoughts like:

“I can’t do it!!!!!!!!!”

He says it feels “crippling” when he believes those thoughts and
sees the image of himself being desperate to eat and hungry
and suffering and tired and weak for lack of food.

Hummm…sounds EXACTLY like me in my anorexic/bulimic days…

…and like EXACTLY the thoughts I hear from people trying to
lose weight, gain weight, or deal with ANY issues with food or
being obsessed with how they look.

So no matter who you are or what you’re struggling with, if
you’re even curious about the class, feel free to call me
and ask any question you might have about The Work or
whether your problem is beyond this class…or even if it
seems too unimportant to bother us in this class.

All are welcome…even the normal looking guy with
average body weight and the arthritis in his knuckles.

And no one’s problem is too big or too small.

Wishing you peace with food and your body (I felt hopeless
about finding peace, and now I hardly think about food or
my body…..if I can change so can you).

Love, Grace

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Bare Naked Heart

Although it was scary at first (and still
is at times), doing The Work with others
and allowing them to see where I hide from
the world and myself, is one of the most liberating
things I’ve ever done…and continue to do….

…my heart…bare and naked!

So…here’s some of MY latest work.

Which I’m showing you here for a 2 reasons.

One is, to help dispel the myth that people who’ve
been “in” The Work for a long time are in some
way “different,” more “evolved,” or “superior.”

If anything, the longer you’ve been in The Work,
the thoughts you work on seem even MORE petty,
trivial, and ridiculous.

And I guess the 2nd reason is sort of the same.

To remind you that we’re all working on the same
thoughts and can learn from each other’s work.

I continue to marvel at how everyone’s work
in my classes…is MY work, too.

I’m also amazed at the courage, integrity, and
innocence of “us.”

My clients and class members inspire ME!

With that said, here’s my one liner. I’ll give
you the whole thing over the next couple days
in a thumbnail form (not all the scribbling, doodles,
and arrows in the margins of my notebook):

“He/She should stop hurting”

I look out into the world, I talk with the most
amazing, beautiful people, and sometimes I feel
sad that they are “hurting” or suffering; grieving,
smoking, drinking, overeating, hopeless, full of despair,
cheated, lost, desperate, suicidal, afraid…

They are sad, so I am sad.

Now that’s rather…funny really. Stay tuned for how
I work with this thought. And write me about your
experience of working it as well.

We’re all in this together.

Love, Grace

 

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Mission Possible

I LOVED reading all the “thoughts” you sent to me, your most
stressful thoughts of 2011.
Some were really brutally crushing…it’s the way of it. The mind
isn’t exactly friendly. In fact, would chop your head off if it could,
what a bully
Those thoughts about ourselves, being unlovable, unworthy,
undeserving, slow, ugly, needy, broken, fragile, trapped…
Thinking they might ever change, or ease up, seems even more
unlikely than the wildest stunts on Mission IM-possible.
So here’s your first assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Take out a One-Belief-At-A-Time worksheet and fill in
at the top “I’ll never find true peace.”
It’s one of the thoughts people sent in.
Then go through the questions. Or better yet, have someone facilitate you!
Having a guide ask you the questions when it comes to your
painful belief is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.
You’ve got a helper there to keep you on track.
Otherwise the mind can self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Not really! But the mind can definitely get caught in a loop hole and
forget what the question is, what the thought is, or where you
parked your car.
It is possible to feel PEACE just by answering the questions
offered by The Work.
Do it now and let me know how it goes.
Meanwhile, more on your thoughts still to come–I love them all.
I’m treating them like babies, “like little children”, as Katie says.
They’ve been around for a reason, they are innocent, and
sitting with them and asking “is it true?” is the place to begin.
Much love,
Grace
If some of your meannest thoughts are about food, eating or
your body, come join us next weekend in Seattle, or on the phone
starting Jan. 17th.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever be free of my
food, eating, and body self-torture. But I am
Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.