Tag: judging

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Get super judgey…and put yourself back in the nature of things (it’s called The Work)!

Sometimes, doing The Work is super embarrassing.

Have you noticed?

The invitation is to be petty, childish, honest, ridiculous, critical, judgey….all the ways you’re trying NOT to be. For years!

And now, to do The Work, we’re supposed to write down what really, really bugged us about that person or that situation?

Yikes, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Is it really medicine? Won’t it hurt? I can’t REALLY let all those dreadful thoughts out on paper and write them down, can I?

I’d need to burn the paper when I’m done writing!

It seems like that would be going down the WRONG path….right?

Often, there’s such a deep feeling of NOT wanting to judge in any way (it’s bad bad bad) we get furious with ourselves for being this way.

I should change. Something’s wrong with ME. Obviously!

The thing is….the left turn into I-Must-Change zone is just as tricky and difficult as the negative judgments about other people in the first place.

You THINK you’re taking the burden off those other people or those situations you didn’t enjoy (or that terrified you)….

….and placing the burden on yourself (you are the only person who can change, after all)….

….but you MISS the fact that you’re still judging, condemning, upset, troubled and absolutely 100% against What Is.

No way are you loving what is. Not even accepting what is.

So who would you really be, without the troubled story that what went down was wrong, and shouldn’t have happened?

Who would you be without the belief it was your fault, or theirs, or anyone’s?

There’s nothing like The Work for bringing you into a way to stop trying to aim your arrow and shoot at the thing that screwed up (including you).

Who would you be without the belief something went wrong?

Holy smokes. I know. It’s amazing.

“Depression can feel serious. So ‘counting the genuine ways that this unexpected event happened for me, rather than to me’ isn’t a game. It’s an exercise in observing the nature of life. It’s a way of putting yourself back into reality, into the kindness of the nature of things.” ~ Byron Katie

If you need to spend some time (I sure did) with this practice, step by step, in the company of others and receive the deepest support in your work, come to world famous Breitenbush Hotsprings in Oregon for the annual summer mental cleanse retreat. June 21-25 Weds evening through Sunday lunch in beautiful quiet near a stunning river, gorgeous cabins in a pristine old-growth forest, with all your meals. Optional hotspring soaks on your free time.

A place of retreat, joy, nature, the freshest air, and questioning your troubles. On the last day, the very special labyrinth walk in The Work. For more information visit here. Mental health counselors earn 26 CEUS. ITW candidates earn 24 CEs.

Much love,

Grace

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Behind the projector…our judgments of those neighbors

Everyone in the Institute for The Work: I’m about to teach Basics, a 5 week pre-requisite for telecourses at the Institute. Enroll quick, we begin on Monday at 4 pm PT. Sign up here.

And if you’re not in the Institute for The Work (training to be Certified Facilitator)…..FEAR NOT!

I’ll be offering a two hour course online soon, on filling out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, which is really what this Basics class is all about.

Isn’t this amazing that five whole weeks, 90 minutes each class, is dedicated to deeply learning how to fill out a JYN? It’s only the first, primary step of The Work, but as a first step, it’s so important.

Filling out the JYN is the way you identify your stressful thoughts.

Sometimes, you feel disturbed and awkward filling it out. It’s asking a lot. It’s asking you to be absolutely fundamentally honest about what mean, critical, angry, frightened or sad thoughts you had about a situation in your life.

We’re usually taught to do the very opposite!

I was told Not to say what I was really thinking, to hide my rude comments or judgments, to keep them to myself. When I heard things said about me that sounded judgmental, I was hurt and troubled.

This hurt feeling PROVED you should keep critical or judgey thoughts to yourself. They make people feel bad. Who wants to know what you’re thinking? Not me! I won’t tell you what I really think, either, and we’ll all be happy!

But. Suppressing and hiding thoughts don’t make them go away, unfortunately.

In fact, they often make them fester and grow. They turn into resentments, desperation, and addictive behavior.

So getting your judgements out onto paper, in writing, is a magnificent even if quite scary thing.

But it’s sooooo worth it. Because once you have everything written out in the open, you’ve got some amazing concepts to work with and take through this profound process called The Work.

There’s nothing like writing it down, slowing it down, going through each step one-by-one….not doing The Work in your head or trying to find shortcuts.

So today, if you’re concerned, anxious, furious or hurt by anyone in your life….first step?

Fill out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and DON’T HOLD BACK. Be blunt, direct, say it like it really is on the inside of your head. Be childish, petty, ridiculous, nasty, vicious. Dump it out. Download it through your pen onto paper.

Be real.

You will NOT get stuck there with a fuming, exploding JYN on your hands, because the next steps are to answer four questions and find turnarounds on each and every concept you write down.

Which leads to insights, ah-ha’s, awareness, possibility, freedom, clarity, rest, peace, neutrality, a lighter experience of something that seemed so very serious:

Imagining who you’d be without this story.

Heaven on earth.

“Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love….If you begin by pointing the finger of blame outward, then the focus isn’t on you. You can just let loose and be uncensored. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,

Grace