Tag: illness

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Sickness: When there’s no hope, you’re free

Those of you who wanted to join the Masterclass: Ten Barriers To Deepening Your Work today at 8 am Pacific Time, you can sign up HERE. Then I’ll send the replay out only to those who want it. Bring your pen and paper.

And as I’m writing this, I’m thinking “Is this going to be OK for tomorrow?”

Because I have a rather severe cold, fever, pounding ears, sore throat. I can’t remember being this sick in ages.

Crazy!

I should NOT be sick.

This is an amazing thought to question. No matter what kind of illness, it often appears.

I shouldn’t have cancer, I shouldn’t experience this ailment. I shouldn’t feel so lousy. I should be able to go outside, eat dinner, run the masterclass webinar.

Sometimes, we can become absolutely terrified with the belief that we shouldn’t be feeling physically sick. Like a huge screaming NO!

Is it true I shouldn’t be sick right now?

Yes. I hate it. This is terrible. I’m trying to work, here, to keep my schedule! (Shake fist at sky).

What kind of images come to mind?

Staying in bed for days and days. Unable to go on. Sometimes, I confess, when I’ve had this thought I imagine being on my death bed. I think about how this body is declining ultimately, and will fade away and die.

I think about my daughter being sick when she was here for 24 hours this past weekend. She brought it into the house!

The mind tries to figure out how to prevent this from ever happening again in the future. I clench up against the physical pain, stare into space as I lie on the bed. Sleep during the day.

But who would I be without this thought I shouldn’t be sick, when I am?

Relaxing into what is, it seems. Letting it be here, like this. Achy, listening to the rain, noticing how more sleep will be good, watching that incredibly…I seem to be writing this Grace Note and I don’t see why not.

Turning this thought around: I should be sick.

This isn’t a slap, or a way to point out what’s wrong with me, or that I deserved it. Never those things.

But why should I be sick, when I am?

I have a human body, that’s why. This body is a host to other organisms, and it’s doing its thing to get rid of something that landed here, apparently. I don’t mind resting. I like it.

I feel very grateful and appreciative for my general good health. I can’t remember the last time I was this sick, it’s been a very long time (years).

Why else should I be sick, when I am?

I listened to music this afternoon sent to me by a friend last week while I was still traveling. It was a meditation, relaxation thing on youtube, very slow and quiet. I got to contemplate the mind, silence, while lying flat in the bed today.

I felt OK this morning, so this has come on very quickly and intensely, and a client I had scheduled for all afternoon cancelled because HE was sick….so far everything’s rolling along as expected, just with sickness accompanying the ride.

I still facilitated the Thursday evening Year of Inquiry call, and could listen, enjoy the inquiry, love everyone there. My work, like the call, is done from home so it doesn’t really matter if I’m sick or not. Until it does.

I’m not sure why else I should be sick, except when I consider this turnaround….I feel a sense of laughter, what-do-I-know, mystery, and readiness to climb into bed again. No choice. I’m not in charge or running this here. It’s a happening.

Turning it around again: My thinking should not be sick. Especially when it comes to sickness. So true. I can work myself into a tizzy about an ailment, or let go.

Another turnaround I notice is that “I” am not actually sick. Not the part of me that’s always here, the steady consciousness that’s been around from before I even knew about it.

“People who know there’s no hope are free; decisions are out of their hands. It has always been that way, but some people have to die bodily to find out. No wonder they smile on their deathbeds. Dying is everything they were looking for in life: they’ve given up the delusion of being in charge. When there’s no choice, there’s no fear. They begin to realize that nothing was ever born but a dream and nothing ever dies but a dream.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Sick body or sick thinking?

Oh dear.

I have a sore throat coming on. Swallowing hurts.

Doing The Work on physical illness or pain can be powerful, especially when it’s not necessarily scary (you know it’s very temporary)….

….you just don’t like it.

Some people exclaim when they feel sick “I HATE this!”

You shouldn’t be sick.

Is it true?

(Is this thing on?)

(Like you’re a stand-up comedian wondering why the audience is absolutely stone silent after your question “is it true you shouldn’t be sick”?

Tap the microphone. Is this thing on?)

Of course it’s true! What are you talking about? You think I like this? Who wants to be sick, I mean….is that even a question that can be asked on this topic?

But can you absolutely know you shouldn’t be sick, when you are?

Um. No. Reality shows me, I’m getting a bad sore throat, and seem to have the urge to sleep and lie horizontal.

How do you react when you believe you shouldn’t be sick, or have the condition you have, or feel the physical symptoms you feel?

Not only do I feel physical pain, but I also feel depressed. I see pictures of all the things I won’t be getting done. I press on even though it hurts. I keep my eyes open. I work another few minutes on taxes, or emails. I take extra medicine. I don’t rest.

Some people have visions of themselves dying, or going to hospitals, or suffering horribly when they believe they shouldn’t be sick. They scare themselves.

But who would you really really be without the belief you shouldn’t be sick, when something is here and it’s called “sickness”?

I’d sleep. I’d still feel relaxed and happy, even with a sore throat. (True). I’d feel content. Trusting that oh, this is the way it’s going today. Got it.

Nothing so terrible about having this physical symptom come along. Nothing immoral, nothing I did incorrectly or wrong. All very well indeed, even if I never woke up after I went to sleep with aching ears and throat. (I know that’s a little dramatic, but heck, let’s go all the way with this feared thing).

Slowness has always been in my life. It’s called going to bed at night. Physical pain has come and gone.

Eventually, I’ll be expiring altogether. This body will shut down and tucker out. There might be pain involved. I have no idea when it will occur. Even if I had an illness that wasn’t going away, I can question my thinking.

Thoughts aren’t exactly reliable.

Turning the thought around: I should be sick.

Now….remember. This isn’t a reason to load yourself with guilt or mean words or what you deserve. Why, even with great compassion, are you aware you should be sick, when you are?

Can I find examples for this severe cold?

I just slept for 9 hours without moving. I’ll go to bed this afternoon and rest, and read a book I’ve been meaning to continue for weeks. I’m looking forward to inquiry soon with everyone who comes to Tuesday call in Year of Inquiry (so amazing we can all be in our PJs at home if we want). I feel very slow, and all ideas of moving through tasks feel completely unnecessary and relaxed.

Turning it around again: my thinking shouldn’t be sick.

So true. It gets feverish, sore, unstable, needs to go to sleep, off-balance….especially when it comes to the body and disease. So serious. So intense.

Now, a true sense of being, with nothing required, appears in consciousness. This is it. No need for concern. No need for extras. No need to Get Stuff Done.

I’m reminded of this as the most beautiful part of life. Letting go. I trust I needed the reminder today.

“If you’re experiencing pain or discomfort or confusion around [anything, anyone] just investigate your thinking. Ask four questions, turn it around, have a happy life.” ~ Byron Katie

Yes, even with a disease or physical ailment.

Why not?

I notice, it’s possible to feel the beauty of this moment in a quiet, gentle way. Rain pattering down outside, birds singing, heater whirring, early morning white cherry blossoms through the window.

Thank you, world!

Much love,

Grace

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Welcoming Thoughts About Sickness

stressYesterday I felt my glands in my throat aching. I felt a sort of weird weakness in my arms and legs when I moved about, and a deep ache in the back of my head.

The mind kicks in trying to figure out what’s going on.

Did you eat something bad? Are you getting sick? Is it hormones from menopause? Or wow, what if its cancer or something serious?Didn’t I just hear about a friend’s kid with meningitis?

I wonder if….

I hear the mind comment, but don’t really believe any of it or act like any of it is true, I notice. I follow my usual schedule, quietly in my home most of the day.

Clients coming and going, online classes underway. Go out to stand in line at the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles in the US). Actually still go to the gym for light bike ride. Pausing and feeling the sensations again of ache, heat, weak.

Who would I be without the belief any of this is terrible?

This is a wonderful question!

Because when I have the idea or belief that being sick or having symptoms like mine is a bad thing….

….pretty soon I’m also thinking thoughts like “not only does my neck and head ache, but I’m in the wrong business (no vacation days) and I have tons of work to do and the house needs cleaning and repairs and I have to go get my car emissions tabs and, and, and….

….life is sooooooo hard.

It’s like the energy of “sick” gives birth to more of itself. Sick, bad, weak, wrong, terrible, dangerous.

But pausing and asking “who would you be without these thoughts?”

Funny.

I would be doing the exact same things, but relaxing through them all. Noticing there’s only one thing to do next, then another thing, not all at once, only doing what is possible right now, then now.

And if taking a motrin and lying down becomes what happens next, then that’s OK too.

It’s the way of it.

What is required, happens. Nothing more, nothing less.

Turning the thought around: these physical sensations are not terrible. My thoughts are terrible about these sensations.

So true! I’m moving, although slower, I’m conscious, and I can see the room, hear the sounds of cars outside, breath deeply, reply to emails, and feel something very still right here.

My thoughts are over-excited and dramatic. They are terrible, especially when they think the worse case scenario, and I buy it.

It’s kinda funny when the “worse” that can happen is a thought.

Who am I really, with physical so-called ailments, without believing my stressful thought?

Still fascinated and loving this world, taking it all in, noticing the abundance everywhere.

And I call the doctor if it becomes clear this is the next necessary step.

“When you have some understanding of your thoughts through inquiry, then you can call 911 consciously, without fear or panic. You’re more able to describe your situation and answer questions clearly. You’ve always known what to do; that doesn’t change.
 
A lover of what is looks forward to everything: life, death, disease, loss, earthquakes, bombs, anything the mind might be tempted to call “bad.” Life will bring us everything we need, to show us what we haven’t undone yet. Nothing outside ourselves can make us suffer.Except for our unquestioned thoughts, every place is paradise.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Remarkable to feel what I’d call sensations of sickness, or pain, or weakness….and not think of it as bad.

Ahhhhhh. Freedom right in the middle of odd sensations.

Love, Grace