Tag: Grace Bell

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I’m Not Good Enough

I was thinking again about all your stressful beliefs you
all have sent in to me, and discovering a very common
belief “I’m not good enough”.

I hear Katie’s voice saying “Good enough for WHAT?!”

What an amazing question. I find that to try to answer it,
I’m dumbfounded (great word, eh?)

So let’s really look at this concept, which is so common and
has been around in the human race for…well, maybe since
the first cave man died from tripping over a cliff and his friend found him
on the river bed below and thought “I better not ever let this happen
to me, I need to be good enough”.

At least it feels like survival 101. I find when I’m thinking
“I’m not good enough” I start scheming on how to get better.
Or, go crawl in bed and avoid things, which is at least apparently
risk-free.

But who would I be if I didn’t have the idea that I’m not good enough?

First of all, I’d show up. I’d attend the big meeting, I’d raise my hand,
if I had the idea to go talk to that attractive person over there
I probably would do it. I’d sign up for a new class, I’d call many of my
friends and ask them if they know anyone hiring for jobs right now.
I’d sign up for OK Cupid free online dating service.

I’d call my mother. I’d finish my resume. I’d think of someone who I
know is super duper supportive and call them to talk. I’d ask someone
to facilitate me on my stressful beliefs.

I’m GOOD ENOUGH to be this person who is sitting here on the couch,
writing this email. I’m good enough to find out I might not know
everything…wow, I hardly have words to express it…
I think that I’m struck DUMB (dumb-founded, right?)

It literally means NOT TALKING.

Amazed and in awe by all that I’m good enough for. You are too!

What are you good enough for? I bet there’s a lot…everything you’ve done
so far, everything you’ve felt, everything you’ve lived has been good
enough. You’re here right now, perfectly YOU, including all your
stressy beliefs.

WOW! You guys are awesome!

And when you don’t think so, come join a class. The support is fabulous,
and you discover how you aren’t alone.

Love, Grace

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Mission Possible

I LOVED reading all the “thoughts” you sent to me, your most
stressful thoughts of 2011.
Some were really brutally crushing…it’s the way of it. The mind
isn’t exactly friendly. In fact, would chop your head off if it could,
what a bully
Those thoughts about ourselves, being unlovable, unworthy,
undeserving, slow, ugly, needy, broken, fragile, trapped…
Thinking they might ever change, or ease up, seems even more
unlikely than the wildest stunts on Mission IM-possible.
So here’s your first assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Take out a One-Belief-At-A-Time worksheet and fill in
at the top “I’ll never find true peace.”
It’s one of the thoughts people sent in.
Then go through the questions. Or better yet, have someone facilitate you!
Having a guide ask you the questions when it comes to your
painful belief is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.
You’ve got a helper there to keep you on track.
Otherwise the mind can self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Not really! But the mind can definitely get caught in a loop hole and
forget what the question is, what the thought is, or where you
parked your car.
It is possible to feel PEACE just by answering the questions
offered by The Work.
Do it now and let me know how it goes.
Meanwhile, more on your thoughts still to come–I love them all.
I’m treating them like babies, “like little children”, as Katie says.
They’ve been around for a reason, they are innocent, and
sitting with them and asking “is it true?” is the place to begin.
Much love,
Grace
If some of your meannest thoughts are about food, eating or
your body, come join us next weekend in Seattle, or on the phone
starting Jan. 17th.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever be free of my
food, eating, and body self-torture. But I am
Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.
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My Goofy Part

I was talking to a friend the other day about
the “non-spiritual” things we all do.

OK…the things I do.

The “supposedly” non-spiritual things.

I told him how I get laughing with my sisters
so hard that we’re rolling around on the floor.

And I mentioned how I’m so gullible that
people pull pranks on me and I don’t even
“get it”  at the part where I’m supposed to get it.

I also forgot my cell phone in L.A. at the
Cleanse and had to have it FedEx’ed back
to Seattle so I can run my life. Did you know
they have radio stations you can turn on in the
car when you’re not talking with someone on
your bluetooth? But I digress.

So what IS “spiritual” anyway?

It’s a great thing to question with The Work.

Is getting in a fight with your spouse, or
significant other, any less spiritual than
meditating or having loving thoughts about
God or a friend or some lofty aspirations?

How do we know?

What exactly does “spiritual” even mean?

The whole idea of “spiritual” can be a stumbling
block to being spiritual…whatever that is.

Just something to think about…and question.

Wishing you a belly laugh, and a bad pun,
and burping in an inappropriate place.

In other words…

A deeply spiritual experience.

Love,

Grace

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Father of Psych

The guy who’s often called the father of
modern psychology, William James, is
quoted as saying:

“There is nothing so fatiguing as the eternal
nagging of an uncompleted task.”

But WE know it’s really about the eternal
nagging of an “un-inquired thought.”

By that I mean a thought that keeps knocking…
and knocking…and knocking on the door of
our awareness….

…politely trying to get our attention at first…

But cranking it from a gentle knock and a whisper…
to a thump and a loud cough…to a louder, “Hey!,”
to a scream and kicking the door down if we continue
to ignore it.

It’s like the Ever Ready Bunny that keeps going…
and going…and going…

Of course, I think a wonderful and safe place to
“open the door,” acknowledge the knocking,
and inquire into the thought and the pain, is
to sit yourself down and do The Work.

You can do this soon,
in my teleclasses, one-on-one sessions,
and Seattle weekend retreats.

The upcoming weekend Seattle workshop on food,
eating, weight issues (the same agony I went through),
is called:

Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.

It starts on Friday night, Jan. 13 and only has 3 spots left.

The teleclass on the same topic starts on Jan. 17,
and is limited to 10 people…so let me know as
soon as possible if you’re interested (same link).

For some reason (I think it’s New Year’s resolutions),
the January classes fill up faster, and I expect to
have a waiting list.

Be better than well.

Love,

Grace

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Fresh From The Cleanse With Byron Katie

I’ve just come from being “live” at the
2011-2012 Cleanse with Byron Katie, in Los Angeles,
with a BIG gang of old friends and new friends.

So I’m keeping it short…

First, that last email caused a wild stir of explosive
laughter, anger, and everything in between.

I so appreciate everyone who wrote in!

If you had a strong reaction, I’d love to hear from you.

Now back at my desk and ready to welcome in 2012,
I’m as busy as a long-tailed
cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Busy as a moth in a mitten.

Busy as box of kittens.

And yet, I’m still at peace which is soooo
amazing to me…despite leaving Seattle
at 4 A.M. to come to L.A., and handling
my business and family and the usual things
that pop up just before you leave.

I’m not at peace every second.

But I never would have believed this much peace
was possible a few years back, before I got deep
into The Work and gradually quit trying so hard.

Now I know that REAL busyness is a busy MIND
that’s trying to fix you, defend itself,  “win,”
prove it’s right, and control the world.

It’s impossible and exhausting–though the mind
keeps on trying.

So getting “more” done in 2012 can even happen
in the midst of what others would see as chaos…

if the mind is peaceful…like the blue sky and gentle
ocean breeze in the eye of a hurricane.

Or it may be sitting reading the morning
paper (or your browser) with a cup of tea.

How do you KNOW that’s NOT getting
a lot done?

It’s all in the mind.

Much love to you…

And wishing you peace
if your mind starts racing,

Grace

Remember: My upcoming classes for 2012
are right around the corner. The home
page of my website is:
www.workwithgrace.com

Horrible FOOD-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating,
Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads to Weight Gain
& Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia, Exercise Addiction,
Binge Eating, Dangerous Diets, Depression.
Seattle Weekend Food Retreat, Jan. 13;
Food Teleclass, Jan. 17

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY!
Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love,
Fear, Body Image, Confusion, Tenderness…
and Joyful Intimacy!   Starts Jan. 19

Why Relationships are HELL (When
They’re Supposed to be Heaven)
To get off the relationship roller coaster,
ask yourself: Do you wonder who’s fault it is?
Do you want someone to forgive you?
Are ancient grudges destroying your family?
Do you fight and make up (a lot)?
Are You Right…and They’re Wrong?
8-week teleclass starts: Feb. 10

MONEY & Running Your Biz:
Where’s the Freedom When You’re Working
for Yourself? Underneath Your Beliefs About
Self-Discipline, Lazy Employees, Free Time,
Procrastination, Overwhelm, Being a Failure,
Confidence, and What it Means to be Successful!
8 Week Teleclass Starts Feb. 11

“I have nothing but good to say about your class,
thank you so much.  As I told you at the beginning
when I was just thinking about taking the class, I didn’t
even know what the stressful concepts WERE, let alone
questioning them. Your “homework” assigments totally
cleared that up for me. I’m still amazed at how your
questions cut through the illusions and got me to begin
to see what the thinking is that’s causing my suffering.
The journaling was exceptionally helpful.  Plus knowing
you’ve been exactly where I’ve been has been very
comforting and powerful.”—B, Midwest US

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Breakfast Cereal Killer

Recently a guy in my one of my teleclasses mentioned
the Showtime hit, “Dexter.”

Apparently, Dexter is a serial killer who only kills “bad”
guys…so the audience finds themselves rooting for him.

Which, of course, makes me think of the “serial killing”
we do in our minds…especially around the subject of
food…but in other areas, too…money, sex, body image.

For some reason, we try not to direct our most vicious
thoughts toward others…at least we try not to let such
“nasty” stuff pop up into our awareness.

But when it comes to ourselves, the attacks aren’t just
every now and then…or once a week like a TV show.

The things we do to ourselves, in our minds, make Dexter
seem like a saint. We annihilate ourselves with a ferocity
and mercilessness we’d NEVER inflict on anyone else.

If we don’t do something “right,” we just get meaner
with ourselves…innocently believing it will help.

The greatest gift I can help you find…is treating yourself
with infinite care and exquisite gentleness and patience.

Which melts even our most icy, hard-hearted places…and then
extends outward to those around us as naturally and without
effort as opening your eyes in the morning…or enjoying
the warm kiss of the sun peeking out from behind a cloud,
or a delectable bite and fragrance of our favorite childhood food.

It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given after all those
years of trying to fix myself and be better and be worthy.

Natural…effortless…”being” lived.

To glimpse the gratefulness of this reality is available to all
of us and expands with questioning our minds…

…little-by-little into a life without suffering.

…which is our birthright.

Love,

Grace

P.S. An amazing woman in my “business” teleclass recently
said she was looking to join a group and just happened to
find me on the Byron Katie website.

She said it didn’t matter what group, she knew that
working on her thinking in ANY area, would spill over
into every other.

And that’s what happened. Suddenly, working on
her business became the perfect thing to do.

So take a look at what’s coming up next. My
in-person Seattle workshop about food, weight, body image,
(and trying to make sense of all that) is the Friday
evening and weekend of January 13.

It’s followed up by my 8-week telegroup on the same
subject on Jan. 17. This telegroup is open to you whether
you attend to in-person workshop or not.

Then 2 days later, the 8-week “Sexuality” telegroup
starts on Jan. 19th. It’s called:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY: Untangling the Passion, Attraction,
Love, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy

Dates, times and cost are all at my website (which I’m working
on so be a little patient if there are a few glitches).

The homepage link is: www.workwithgrace.com

P.P.S. I encourage you to forward this e-mail to a friend
or family member…someone who’s suffering…someone who
you think might enjoy hearing from me…or just someone you’d like to
join you on your journey…who you’d like to share in
this amazing adventure. Thanks so much.

“Thank you so much for another great class today. I’m just getting so much out of every week’s class and all the Work it’s inspiring in between”—-Jennifer, Ontario

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Santa’s Eating Disorder

Poor Santa.

He’s already worried about that “little extra”
around his middle-and the chimneys get smaller every year.

He knows how tough the holidays can be for anyone
who struggles with food-yet EVERYONE leaves out milk
and cookies and they feel offended if Santa doesn’t eat it
all…down to the last bite.

On the other hand, Mrs. Claus is too thin.
He suspects she may have an eating disorder,
but he knows it’s just the flip side of his own struggle…

What to do?
————-
Dear Fellow Eaters,

Even though I’m bringing up this topic in a light way
(food, eating disorders, weight loss), it was deadly serious
for me for many years and I’m grateful to be alive.

I’m also grateful that eating is no longer an issue in my life…
except now I can enjoy it and and live like the people I used
to resent and be jealous of.

And I now get to help my fellow sufferers learn
that eating can be a pleasure-just a normal part of
life as ordinary as Tweeting a friend or brushing your teeth.

So if you’re fighting with your weight, frustration, an
eating disorder, binging, self-control, anorexia,
bulimia, body image, secrecy…I know them all.

I’m also WAY too familiar with all the self-torture surrounding
these “shameful” issues-depression, embarrassment, anger,
confusion, self-hatred, frustration, feeling misunderstood…

…trying with all your might to change…but having
nothing happen except feeling worse afterward (like
a failure) because your best shot wasn’t good enough and now
you’ve got nowhere to turn.

That was my life for many years–out of control
bingeing, compulsive eating, anorexia and bulimia.

But what’s really amazing is how these issues are ALL
the same when you get down to brass tacks-for men,
women, too fat, too thin…and everything in between.

And out of my own healing, and my study of addictions for 6 years
in college and my Master’s Degree…plus doing (and then becoming
certified in) Byron Katie’s “Work” for 10 years, and working with hundreds
and hundreds of clients…

I now lead both telegroups and in-person workshops that focus
on deep healing–demystifying why we seem to have no control of
our eating, then deprogramming ourselves in a whole new way…

…even if you’ve read all the books, gone to therapy, tried Jenny
Craig, Weight Watchers–even Overeaters Anonymous or
12-step programs on addiction (I did it all, and then some!).

My 2 upcoming programs come right on the heels of the most
difficult time of the year for most of us…between Thanksgiving
and New Years…where family tensions and emotions running
rampant seem to make eating issues spiral out of control.

And “by accident,” there’s something special about my programs this year.

I do have space limits for both programs and they’re filling up.

What’s special is that accidently (I’d like to say I planned it),
I have the weekend Seattle intensive followed immediately
by the 8-week telegroup.

So you have powerful immersion in the healing process,
followed immediately by an “anti-backsliding” program that
helps anchor your changes when you go back to “real” life.

Each program stands alone and/or supports the other.

I’d love you have you with me at both or either.

Love to all and a blessed holiday season,

Grace

NOTE: I’m also privileged to have both Santa and Mrs. Claus (and 2 elves)
registered for both January programs…though they seemed a little
“iffy” about the dates…I could hear them whispering something
about a Caribbean vacation.
————
“I find it a really amazing discovery that the hunger I was feeling previous really came from my mind (my UNQUESTIONED mind) and wasn’t just happening physically on its own. It’s amazing and wonderful to have found this out. I still love telling people how I’m literally only eating 50% of what I’m burning every day. I love telling them that the only obvious difference between now and all the other times I’ve gotten on the weight loss diet wagon is what’s going on in my head. I’m curious to find what other things can change in my life from applying the Work!

I had been through so much therapy, session after session after session, and I have searched in so many ways for peace of mind. And although therapy was helpful in some ways, I love The Work cuz it seems to have been the expressway to freedom!

Thank you again for your class. I’m so thankful for you to have reached out to help those of us who were looking for relief from this life-long battle! I honestly thought it was going to be a never-ending stuggle (but that’s cuz I was beliving my thoughts!)”—Anne, Los Angeles