He is soooo bad at planning! So irresponsible! What was he thinking?! ARRRRGGGGHHH!
These thoughts were running through my mind two days ago when I went to pick up my son from his dorm check-out ending his second year in college.
Dorm check-out is when yellow-vested staff come through with a clip board and examine the empty, clean dorm room for damage, and to make sure every lamp and piece of furniture is intact.
Notice the words “empty” and “clean”.
His check-out appointment was set for 1:45 pm. I arrived at 1:25 after a 90 minute drive knowing it would take about 20 minutes to load his all his things in the little pick-up truck I had borrowed.
Opening the door of his room, I saw my son, I saw the bed piled with his rumpled bedding…..
….I gasped.
I saw a completely lived-in NOT packed room. Not one thing packed for moving out.
All the clothes in his closet on hangers, the dresser still full, his bookshelves piled high, his desk covered with books and study materials, the mini-fridge containing food, the wall still covered with posters, the cupboard full of kitchen items, his stereo and speaker system still hooked up for music.
Not. One. Thing. Packed.
Stunned, I went into high gear problem-solving mode. After saying with shock in my voice “you didn’t pack yet? I thought we talked about that you would have everything in boxes last night!!!”
I left out the *you moron* part at the end.
As I started stuffing pillow cases and his laundry basket full of his things, I said firmly to my son to go find some boxes and get his bicycle into the truck.
I could feel the pump of anger coursing through. I had an important meeting I planned on attending back home in 3 hours and very determined to be there on time (ha ha fat chance).
As I dashed back and forth between room and truck parked in loading zone outside I noticed other parents, and their sons and daughters.
Those parents look happy! Their kids didn’t do this. Those other kids were packed. They are enjoying this end-of-year moving out moment.
When things like this happen, it can be both infuriating and discouraging.
You are enraged at someone you absolutely adore.
And on top of it all, you might think you shouldn’t be so angry, you should relax a little, right?
This is an interesting place for inquiry.
I need to stop being angry, I really should. Nothing can be done anyway.
Is that true?
Long ago when I was really into my first two years of doing The Work I was doing what felt like the same worksheet over and over again on a man. Don’t get me started!
I asked Byron Katie how to get over it. “I’m still so angry!” I told her.
She said “How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!”
Oh! It’s normal to feel anger? Oh!
Anger rises, in this human being. Nothing wrong with it, it is part of reality.
The way I react when I think I should NOT be angry, when I am, feels like an inner ongoing battle.
Hold it in, don’t express.
But who would you be without that thought that this energy called anger is unacceptable?
Feeling it, freely.
Noticing I don’t start calling anyone names, I’m not killing anyone, I don’t need to overeat or drink or smoke (these don’t even occur to me in fact). I’m simply on fire and watching fears and inconveniences and reality collide within.
And below it, the whole entire time, seeing everything is absolutely wonderfully OK….even amusing.
In the truck, later, I say to my son “this will be really funny story later on.”
He leans his head on my shoulder and says “sorry mom, I won’t ever do that again.”
I turn the thought around: I don’t need to stop being angry, and I shouldn’t (until I am). Anything can be done (it’s not hopeless).
Some time between the discovery of the unpacked room and an hour and a half later driving away with a fully packed truck, the anger dissolved.
The energy had been used perfectly for moving fast, furiously, lifting, carrying, jogging down the hall, in and out, holding doors, piling boxes.
Feeling how strong I am.
“I’ve found that the truth of who we are can and does use all the emotions. Anger is an energy that can be used in a wise way. Mostly we experience anger out of divisiveness, a battle between two opposing forces. But one can experience anger that comes from wholeness rather than division. Once you’ve experienced it, you know the difference. We don’t need that energy very often, but when it’s needed, it will come.” ~ Adyashanti
Resting in whatever is happening, now, and noticing how amazing it all is, even in the middle of hot frustration, is so exciting.
And it’s the truth of who you are. Noticing all is well, no matter what.
Even if you got all pissed off about something.
Halleluia.
Much love, Grace