fear of pain – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

Yesterday I had to lie flat on my bed all afternoon, taking ibuprofen (anti-inflammatory pain pills).

Remember the right hamstring story from six months ago?

Well, even if you don’t….this lower right back hamstring nerve area was hurting, the place I tore last year followed by surgery. I tweaked it dancing recently. Again.

Rats. There is nothing good about this! Fist shaking at the sky!

This is definitely a problem!!

Doing The Work on physical ailments can be really amazing. Let’s go for it!

Is it true that this is bad, I hate the pain, nothing good can come of it? Is it true that it hurts?

Yes. I can still feel it now, what are you talking about…is it true.Jeez.

But can you absolutely know that this is a bad situation, a situation to hate, a problem, a difficulty…that this really does hurt?

No.

I worked with clients, answered emails, even had an awesome session with a beautiful inquirer who always devotes two hours to her work, and my back and hamstring never crossed my mind during any of these activities or interactions.

How do I react when I don’t like the physical sensation I feel?

I clutch against it. I think about the future and how it will get worse. I think things like “I have to stop dancing, I can’t bike, I can’t run, I’m aging, this is getting worse, there is no way for this to go but downhill, I’ll be dealing with this forever until I’m dead.”

I get pictures of my mom and her own back issues and want to interview her about exactly every minutia of experience she’s had, what she did, how I can short cut the process to No Pain.

I react also by ignoring the pain. Pain, what pain? Who cares?

So who would you be without the thought that this is wrong, difficult, bad, that I’m against this sensation? Without the thought that I hurt?

“You put someone that understands the mind in a cell and lock the door and tell them that they’re never going to be released and that’s it for life……and if they love everything they think, then they really are experiencing gratitude. If they don’t love what they think, it’s a torture chamber.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought, I notice a very strong sensation, tingling, I want to either lie still or shift around. I notice I forget about it as the mind becomes interested in other things, the room gets fuller, then the attention towards this area becomes more acute again.

I feel pressure, like a rock with sharp edges, stuck in my lower right back. I think of calling the doctor, or calling the physical therapist….maybe I do.

Without the thought that this is a grave, serious, terrible, difficult or annoying situation (this could apply to any situation, right?) then I am simply here, living this experience.

“It’s amazing to see what we end up doing with our Will. We actually assert our will in opposition to the flow of life. If something happens that we don’t like, we resist it. But since what we’re resisting has already taken place, what good is it to resist?…It does not do anything to the reality of that situation.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the thought around: this is a wonderful situation, it doesn’t hurt.

This is not denial, it’s actually playing with the awareness of all things, all sides….entering non-duality.

Yesterday, I lay in bed and did The Work with others for 7 hours. I had breaks, I wrote, I got up and ate a delicious orange and leftover pizza. I talked with my funny and beautiful daughter.

How spectacular to notice that even though it hurts, it also doesn’t hurt.

Much love, Grace

I was lying on a flat white slab in pale blue hospital scrubs. All jewelry, hair clip, rings removed.

The technicians put a strap around my ankles to bind them together, and something heavy and flat across my upper torso.

They asked me if I wanted to listen to music and when I nodded yes, they put a big earphone head set over my head. On top of the earplugs I already had inserted.

Then with buzzing and whirrs and machine sounds, I was pushed into a white donut hole tube, with the wall only inches above my face.

Suddenly, I had the feeling of going into a coffin….um, OK. Are you sure this thing is safe?

Jeez, is this really necessary, I mean, it’s not like this procedure taking pictures of my hip will actually STOP the injury pain, right?

Maybe, on second thought, I’m good.

Nevermind! I don’t need an MRI afterall!

“To he who is in fear, everything russles.” ~ Sophocles

Heh heh.

Almost immediately as I went into the tube…..with my gut starting to clench with slight unexpected panic….something also reminded me of inquiry, like almost simultaneously.

I’m trapped, I need to get outta here, this is dangerous.

Is this true?

This is not the only time I’ve believed this thought.

Have you ever been in a dark alley on a rainy night, a run-down warehouse on the edge of town, or an abandoned car on a remote highway?

Like, you know, people in those scary movies? (That I will NEVER watch, by the way).

Or what about at a family holiday gathering? A huge too-loud concert? A really really boring meeting? Or when you just did something kind of embarrassing.

I’m trapped, I need to get outta here, this is dangerous.

Right?

I love it when inquiry rises up to the moment.

Is it actually true? Seriously? Entirely true?

Am I really not safe, and trapped?

No.

How do I react when I believe it? When the thought shouts in my head?

A wave of adrenaline blasts through my system. I have pictures of not being able to move, of dying a slow death of suffocation, gasping desperately for air.

I’m a victim. No way out. Really scary music starts playing in the back ground, or really sad music.

So who would I be without the thought that in this situation, I’m trapped, or that I have to get out, or that I’m in danger?

Pretty huge question. But very profound.

Without the thought that I am not safe, my whole entire body relaxes.

I don’t know what’s in store for me, but just any sense of openness to what might happen next, there is a tinge of sweetness.

I don’t have to love it, I don’t have to be overjoyed about this situation…but I notice I’m not overwhelmed with fear.

Even when I feel some fear. It’s not all of me.

In the big MRI machine, I hold really still so this doesn’t have to go any longer than necessary, and I fall asleep.

Without the thought that some location is unsafe, terrifying, dangerous….

….I look around and see space, shapes, light, absence of light, I hear sounds, quiet, silence, I feel air against my skin.

I notice that nothing is happening to my actual body.

I am free, I don’t need to go anywhere, this is safe.

In this moment, this is entirely and completely true, just right in this exact short moment with no future.

Everything very alive, pulsing, moving. Strong energy present.

In other words, I’m not turning passive, I’m not denying that things are alert, strong, and powerful in this organism.

But I am looking very clearly at what is and what is NOT true.

“Fear and insecurity always wait for any and all who dare to probe the depths of the Unknown. The true seeker of liberation must have an uncompromising desire to discover Eternal Truth, a desire that outweighs any tendency to hesitate and contract in the face of fear. It is only when the fear of the Unknown is openly embraced that it begins to transform into the positive energy and intensity necessary to awaken from conditioned existence.” ~ Adyashanti

As I investigate even the smallest worry honestly….

…I may become accepting of my fear, fascinated with the insecurity that bubbles up.

This is aliveness, desire, intensity!

I’m ready to bust out of all those conditioned beliefs about being trapped in coffins and what-not.

It was only my thinking that was trapped, victimized, fearful, and dangerous!

Everything else was fine.

Woohoo!

If you’re wanting connection with others to examine fears that come forward around Pain, Sickness and Death….then what a wonderful time to do it. The PSD Teleclass starts next Tuesday, 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific time. Limited to 8 participants.

Love, Grace

Tag: fear of pain

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