Old memories. Scenes from childhood. Flashes of color, sound, movements. Feelings.
We all have these kinds of memories. Even if you’re one of those folks who says “I can’t rememberanything from my childhood.”
You still might have pictures floating through your mind’s eye of mother, father, grandma, great grandfather, first grade classroom, best friend, doll house, TV show, sister, brother, cousin, chicken pox, Narnia, pet.
But it’s true, the mind can’t really remember exactly what happened, or even see it with crystal clarity.
How do we work with foggy old scenes and memories? And why would we want to in the first place?
Well….no one has to go back in time that far, especially if you just don’t have a clear picture anyway….
….but one thing I noticed while doing The Work for awhile was I got a feeling within when thinking about family, or places I lived, or the walk to school.
Sometimes very pleasant, sometimes nostalgic, sometimes….
….awful.
Now, we know with The Work, the first step is to identify a moment in time, a situation filed in the mind, where something happened that was unpleasant, uncomfortable, or really distressing.
This invitation isn’t new with The Work.
There’s wisdom in revealing, unearthing, seeing, looking directly at the things that frighten us. Humans have done it for decades, maybe centuries, as we’ve examined suffering, love, and peace, and life’s meaning. There’s even power in telling a story, and having it heard by others (especially without trying to solve it).
The awesome thing about The Work is….looking at the story in such a deep way, you’re able to question your assumptions.
Why is this so powerful?
Because sometimes, those assumptions are not true.
Yes, the event happened. Yes, those people said those mean words. Yes, it was so unbelievably difficult, your heart broke into a million pieces. Yes, you felt loss.
But THEN what happened?
What I noticed is, I’d make conclusions about the Whole of Life because of what my dad said, or how my mom acted.
I didn’t stop to question the truth-for-all-time.
Guess what happens when you assume that the way reality exists around you MEANS the WHOLE world is like this?
You suffer.
At least I sure did.
Wow, better be careful out there. You can hurt grown up men’s feelings really easily. Grown up men are kind, loving, sad and depressed. They seem really sweet when they wear wire-rimmed glasses and read lots of books. Tread lightly around men, though, they could easily be sad and needy.
Wow, better be careful out there. You can hurt grown up women’s feelings really easily. Grown up women are caring, involved, give orders, don’t take no for an answer, and have high and very intense standards. Make sure you pay attention to what they want, and give it to them. Otherwise, they’ll write you off, or get very angry.
Just a couple of examples.
It seemed like my mind could generalize like nobody’s business.
I was swimming in the influence of the people immediately around me, and then started having contact with others of course, and adding to the files of “What Life Contains”.
Without any questioning, you can go on being careful forever.
When I lived like that, I always had to find my little hidey hole, like a tiny crab, and put up a few walls around me so I was safe.
It was a lot of work.
It resulted in lots of anxiety if anything appeared in my reality that was unusual. It resulted in lots of running away from people who scared me, or not saying “no” or “yes” clearly to others or myself. It resulted in lots of compulsive behavior like overeating and isolating. It resulted in lots of trying to find answers for how to feel peaceful in life.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
The honest truth is there is no Always Peaceful All The Time on the human level for most of us. Right?
If a big loud bang happened right now, my eyes would suddenly jump from my laptop, I’d go open the front door and look outside, my heart might race, my mind would wonder what was going on?
If I was on the deck of the Titanic and it was going down, I’d probably be trying to find something to float on.
But who would I be without the belief that what I’ve experienced in this story of life….
….means “be careful” or “this is forever sad” or “I can’t get over it” or “death” or “all is lost permanently” or “this is the way it is and it’s horrible” or “Emergency!!!!!”?
Who would I be without my story, without the story of my history?
What if I went back to my old original founding stories, and imagined that whatever has happened, anything at all (but especially anything frightening), is not totally intolerable, or a warning of what is to be avoided, or what could be worse?
Who would I be without one thought from the past, just one thought at a time?
I notice it doesn’t mean I SHOULD be without any thoughts (this would be another interpretation or assumption that would be somewhat disappointing)….
….it just means I’m not entirely overrun by my mind, and “thinking”, and the sad or scary story I am so sure is true.
I’m free to Not Know.
What if what happened with the people around me when I was really little, with a mind gathering information and making comparisons, and filing Safety Rules….
….was not such a sad, terrible, difficult, horrible story?
What if I could turn it around, with this brilliant thinking mind, and use my imagination to see benefits, or support, or love, or silence, or that I’m still alive?
I have found questioning these ancient stories, some of them go back to ways of being that existed before my family. My mother’s parents, my father’s parents, and their parents before them….
….all kept saying “watch out” and “be careful” and “life is horrible”….
….”pass it on”.
What if I could stop passing it on, by questioning these stories?
It doesn’t have to be so big, either.
Just one thought at a time.
“No one told me there was a way out, short of death. I thought you had to die of this body to get out of this….Think about the torture your mind has been sometimes, and there’s no way out. These people who kill themselves, they have no other way of dealing with it. And for me, when I had no other way of dealing with it, it looked like an act of mercy…And I came to see through questioning my mind that there’s a whole other way out. So I really stayed with it, and I found my way out.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story
If you want to question your stories, especially about the past, we’ll be doing it in October right where I live and work in northeast Seattle in Goldilocks Cottage (named by my friends when I moved in).
It may be easier than you think.
Four days. Learn more about it
here.
