Giving Up Being Stuck in Dreams, Photo Albums and Pictures

The other night I had a fascinating dream.

Do you remember your dreams? Some people remember them all, some remember none of them, some remember only from time to time, some have the same dream over and over again.

Dreams are quite intriguing. I used to write a lot of them down, they would pour out of me like a short novel. I had to do it upon waking since the memory and images would fade away, disappearing into the fog, unless I got them quick on paper.

In my dream, I was entering a large convention center. It was sparkling clean, the sun was magnificently bright like California, the stairs going up and in were white, the building was white stone, elegant.

Other people were also entering the building, and the cool, smooth marble hotel lobby. The sound of voices and excited talking, murmuring, conversations was everywhere.

As I entered the main convention room, whomever was on the stage was in the far distance. There was already a large crowd in the audience, with only a few rows of chairs available at the back of the room.

I suddenly realized, in the dream, that this was the first time The School for The Work was being led by someone other than Byron Katie.

I woke up thinking about time passing, life unfolding, and how powerful that we imagine all comings and goings, past and future, the absolutely stunning change occurring constantly, in every day that goes by.
Many of us keep photo albums. A picture is taken, and saved. When we look at old photos of times gone past, it can evoke many other images, memories, thoughts, feelings.
The thing is, we don’t need to look at a scrapbook or photo album to recall places, relationships, or to recognize how something once was and how different it is now.
I once had a really close friend who did The Work with me a lot. We facilitated each other through the four questions.
One day we decided to start doing The Work on loss. We started with easier stuff than people.
My friend asked me what I was most afraid of losing? I thought and thought. My house? My precious bracelet? My computer?
I asked her what she was most afraid of losing. She said her photo album. Especially of her kid growing up.
Inside, I was like “seriously?”
But as I thought about it, I realized I had sometimes avoided looking at pictures of the past, or the future, because it made me SAD!
“I want everything to be like it was before, I don’t want it to change, I want people to stay alive, I want my kids to be little again.”

Who would you be without those thoughts? Without thinking, as you become keenly aware of change, that it’s sad, or hard, or difficult, or that you wish for those other days?

I would look at the pictures and feel the sweetest joy in remembering that time. I would feel the feelings come and go, relaxing, knowing these are just images, and no longer exist.

This is true about photos I’m actually holding in my hand, looking at, or dreams I have about the future.

“Life without a reason, a purpose, a position… the mind is frightened of this because then ‘my life’ is over with, and life lives itself and moves from itself in a totally different dimension. This way of living is just life moving. That’s all….This awareness and life are one thing, one movement, one happening, in this moment — unfolding without reason, without goal, without direction.The only thing that makes it difficult to find that state and remain in that state is people wanting to retain their position in space and time. “I want to know where I’m going. I want to know if I’ve arrived. I want to know who to love and hate. I want to know. I don’t really want to be; I want to know. Isn’t enlightenment the ultimate state of knowing?” No. It’s the ultimate state of being. The price is knowing.” ~ Adyashanti

When I give up knowing what these pictures really mean, whether real pictures in a photo album or dream pictures in my head, I just BE.

I’m sitting, being with these images, feeling stillness inside.

Noticing how strange and wonderful life is, how it changes, sometimes wildly, dramatically, people and places coming and going.

“Colors blind the eye. Sounds deafen the ear. Flavors numb the taste. Thoughts weaken the mind. Desires wither the heart. The Master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky.” ~ Tao Te Ching #12

A picture enters the mind (something 1000 times a day, right?) and you can trust it to come and go.

“I want everything to change and move, I want people to live and die, I want my kids to live and die, I want everything to happen the way it happens, then and now and later.”

Wow. That’s can be a startling turnaround.

But how amazing to feel the freedom of a heart as open as the sky.

Much Love, 

Grace

That Thought Is But A Dream

The other morning I woke up with a vivid dream in my mind. It wasn’t even real, it was a dream.

But I felt sad.

In the dream, I stopped by the home of very, very dear friends who I haven’t been in contact with for several years. It was a home I spent lots and lots of time in for about 5-6 years when my son was first born. My son is now about to turn 20.

They gave me a tour of their home in the dream. It had been remodeled multiple times, holding more and more rooms. I asked my friends questions, and they politely answered, but I kinda got the feeling like they were wondering why the heck I stopped by.

They weren’t welcoming. More like….why are you here, and when are you leaving, and we aren’t that interested.

I felt embarrassed.

AND IT WAS A DREAM!

Kind of amazing to think about that….the reaction doesn’t care if it was “real” or “imagined”.

For the next few hours I thought about those old friends who I dearly loved, who supported me in many ways back then….feeling gratitude, and regret, and loss, and appreciation all mixed up together….and then the thought hit me:

I’m horrible at maintaining friendships.

I work too much, I get too focused and passionate, I’m obsessive, I’m intense, I’m introverted, I have an attachment disorder, look at all the people I once was close with who are now not in my life! OMG!

Ha ha! When I thought that, I almost burst out laughing.

The mind will run through all kinds of possibilities, in fact EVERY possibility you can think of, with great dramatic flair.

Well, OK,  this mind apparently does that.

Giving this kind of dramatic personal thought respectful consideration can be profoundly eye-opening with The Work.

Is it true that there is something wrong with my ability to connect, to have friendships, or that they might not be interested (God forbid)?

Yes. I isolate. I’m very one-track minded. I’m like a dog with a bone. I’m not very expressive. I don’t try very hard. I like the Cone of Silence too much. And they aren’t interested, or they would have called me.

What personality trait do YOU have, that you criticize yourself for having?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true there’s something wrong with you? That the way it goes for you is not good? That being that way creates loss, or difficulty, for others (or for you)?

No. I can’t know that. Sigh.

How do you react when you list your faults? Or even believe one of them is true?

Must. Get. Rid. Of. Defect.

I “work” on myself.

When that doesn’t work, I get depressive, discouraged, unforgiving…..sad.

But who would you be without believing the thought that you’re horrible at something, that you’re too “x” or not enough “y”?

“If you wish to be fully alive, you must develop a sense of perspective. Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you.” ~ Tony De Mello

Oh, you mean….remember that IT WAS A DREAM?

Turning the thoughts around, I am fabulous at maintaining friendships. Gosh…I even dream about them 15 years later! I remember some people, then I forget, then I remember, and I feel such gratitude. I feel my heart warming up and delighting in how fun they were.

I am this kind of personality, sort of, apparently…and that changes and morphs and I’m not really sure. I’m the opposite of everything I think; extroverted, unfocused, easy-going, attached and a great friend.

All I know is, doing The Work makes this all funny, innocent, curious, weird, in-explainable, fascinating.

“Stories are the untested, uninvestigated theories that tell us what all these things mean. We don’t even realize that they’re just theories.” ~ Byron Katie

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream.

That thought is but a dream! DOH! I get it!

Much love, Grace