When You’re Nervous About An Upcoming Event


There will be room in August Summer Camp if you’re looking to dial-in and connect to your own answers, by listening to and answering powerful questions known as The Work of Byron Katie.

You get to look at a stressful situation in your life, write out your stressful thoughts about it, and then examine your beliefs and thought-patterns more closely.

The group support is immensely helpful for many.

You aren’t alone!

Click here, register (it’s only $97 for the whole month, you can call in to any of the appointed 90-minute telesession times) and I will send you all the information you need via email to dial-in and join our August camp.

Telesession times: 8/4, 8/5, 8/14, 8/18, 8/19, 8/28. I bet I’ll add at least one session for all those who join 🙂

*****

The other day, I was reminded of how funny our beliefs are when it comes to anticipating people, or events, that are about to happen.

You get invited to something….a party, a meeting, a group, a class, a teleconference, a meal, a date, a meetup, a support group, a dance, a workshop.

You have to find the address, notice what time you need to leave your home, and get yourself to the location.

Even if it sounded pretty good when you were first invited, on the way there you may be having a few thoughts.

  • I probably won’t like the people. They’ll be too serious, stuffy, uptight, young, corporate, touchy-feely, left wing, right wing, religious, liberal, conservative, shy, uneducated, pompous, old, radical, rich, feeble, blabber-mouthed, needy, poor, woowoo, aggressive, boring, messed up
  • I won’t fit in
  • this could be a waste of time
  • I’d rather be _________
  • I’ll get lost in the crowd
  • there will be too few people (so they’ll make me talk)
  • why did I say yes?
If you believe your thoughts, and think your visions are truly risky….

 

….like the one where a bunch of weirdos are trying to get you to join their cult….

 

….you might turn around and go back home.

 

It’s great if you catch yourself having this fantasizing fit.

 

Because you KNOW it isn’t even true. There is no way you can know what will happen at that upcoming thing you’re going to.

 

You can speculate, you can try to guess, you can analyze it from every angle, but you will not know.
 
You’re asking your own mind to do this impossible. Predict the future. Keep you safe. Prevent bad things from happening.

 

Except.

 

About that idea of “bad” things happening.

 

If you do The Work, and ask yourself the four questions about any of these worries, you may be pleasantly surprised about how anticipation of future events or possibility can change.

 

So let’s go!

 

Make yourself comfortable.
Imagine that future event you’ve got scheduled, and you feel a little fuzzy, off, anxious, buzzy, or annoyed about it.

 

It has to go the way you really want, in order for you to be totally happy. It’s possible for it to go badly.

 

Is that true?
Yes. I’ve been to stupid things before. So annoying! Or creepy!
Like that time the moonies invited me to dinner when I was 18. I didn’t know they were the moonies. That weird meatless broth. So many people living in one house.
But can you absolutely know it’s true that something has to go your way? Are you sure you can’t be happy if it doesn’t? Are you positive it COULD go badly?
Are you sure you wouldn’t be safe? Or get yourself to solid ground? Or take care of yourself as best you could?
Well. People get kidnapped. Or trapped by lousy conversation. Or stalked. Or tricked. Or conned. Right?
You may have heard terrible, horrifying stories. But what about your own actual experience…..
…..have you always made it out alive, so far?
Who would you be without the belief that it could go wrong, whatever you’ve go on your calendar for next week, for the future?
Woah. That’s a big, huge, wild, open question.
But such an exciting one.
It doesn’t mean you walk across a freeway without looking both ways, it doesn’t mean you don’t take in all the information you receive carefully and responsibly.
You take note of what comes to you and feel if it’s a yes or no, or an “I don’t know”, without fear.
Turning the thoughts around: it is not possible for it to go badly, it does NOT have to go the way I want in order for me to be happy.
 
Could I be happy, without any expectations of the way it’s going?
I can connect to my awareness, with kind, sweet attention. I can take care of myself with the greatest affection and love.
This means I might get up and leave, if I do.
And oh what an adventure all the coming and going is!
Even if you have experienced what felt to be a terrible mistake, a trap, a difficulty, a rotten party, a lousy class, a boring meeting…..could whatever comes along be a new learning, a fascinating journey?
Could it be you are ultimately safe?
At least, I notice I’ve made it so far in this physical body.
“In the future, you could suffer….is that true? You get to see it all, those images, and then you get to live it out. Fear is driving you. But who would you be without that thought? This moment is all there is. I can promise you, it’s all there ever will be. This moment. Are you OK? You’re standing in your future. Remember when you were worried that you would suffer in the future? Well, here it is! How are you doing?! THIS is the only moment there is. Everything else is imagination.” ~ Byron Katie
 
Could it be that all those thoughts about other people and what they’ll do are not real? All imagination?

 

Oh. Now that’s not very scary.
  • I will like the people. They’ll be fabulous.
  • I will fit right in
  • this could be a fantastic use of time
  • there’s nothing I’d rather be doing
  • I’ll get found in the crowd
  • there will be just the right number of people (I’ll get to talk)
  • I’m so happy I said yes
“Once you realize that all comes from within, that the world in which you live has not been projected onto you but by you, your fear comes to an end…….Pain and pleasure, good and bad, right and wrong: these are relative terms and must not be taken absolutely. They are limited and temporary.” ~ Nisargadatta

Much love, Grace

P.S. Almost early registration time for Year of Inquiry. To read about it, click HERE. To sample what the telesessions are like, consider joining August Summer Camp! Would love to meet you.

 

Question Your Past, Change Your Future

Is it time to practice, contemplate, and learn even more in the School of Your Life?

Two spots left for Mini Retreat in northeast Seattle at Goldilocks Cottage this coming Saturday 1:30-5:30 pm. Earn 4 CEUs for mental health professionals.

Click here to register and join us!

An online version of this retreat is in the works (thank you all who have written to request this). Stay tuned.

And speaking of taking time to sit and do The Work….

….someone asked me the other day about doing The Work when her anxiety is very high, when the situation is frightening, when she feels panic.

It all depends.

Every situation is unique, and sometimes, there are moments where movement and action appears to be the most natural or obvious activity, not necessarily stopping to take out a pen and paper.

It seems there is a natural place self-inquiry; observing, contemplating, and slowing down, feels loving and gentle and full of insight.

Right in the middle of a huge car accident is not necessarily the time to rush to the middle of the street and ask a person with a broken or hurt body “can you absolutely know this is true?”

When someone is full of shock, or grief, or fear….the feelings coursing through their body may seem to have a life of their own, a movement of nature.

Eckhart Tolle describes in his book The Power of Now a moment where he watched two ducks sail towards each other on a still pond, ready to attack and defend their own territories.

A skirmish ensued, biting, snapping.

Then, the fight was over. As Eckhart watched, he noticed the ducks both moving in opposite directions, flapping their wings, as if shaking off excess energy.

He goes on to describe his reflections on this surge of energy, this apparently intense experience, and how the human mind often grabs something that creates intense feeling, and begins to obsess, think, and/or ruminate on what happened.

“If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story-making. This would probably be the duck’s story: ‘I don’t believe what he just did. He came to within 5 inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I’ll never trust him again. Next time he’ll try something else just to annoy me. I’m sure he’s plotting something already. But I’m not going to stand for this. I’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget.’ And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

The thought of inquiry and using the mind to investigate what is true, is of course absurd for animals in nature….but I love that the human mind has this possibility for deep understanding.

So, a situation occurs that produces stress of some kind. Fear, sadness, anger, rage, upset, worry.

There is a surge of energy. The feelings course through the body.

You will know when that wave of feeling would naturally be over……when you have entered a place where you are keeping the memory alive, replaying it, recreating it, talking about it yet again.

That is the perfect time for The Work.

The perfect time to have great compassion for yourself, instead of telling yourself you SHOULD be over it by now.

That situation happened. There is no changing it, no matter how much you wish you could alter the past.

And yet, as you question your very painful beliefs about that fight that happened, the fear, the person you encountered, that uncomfortable conversation, the difficult incident, that accident, the emergency you lived through….

….you can come to peace with reality. You can see that what happened is now truly over.

If you’d like to dive in and take a look at your relationship to someone from the past, to a troubling memory, to your career or money….anything that creates stress when you think about it….

…then set aside some time to sit quietly and go through the process of inquiring into your own mind.

If you’d like support to keep yourself sitting in that chair (instead of getting up to do the laundry or check emails) then join a small group in a powerful in-person half-day retreat this coming Saturday in Seattle.
Any topic, person, situation, experience, or dilemma that you’d like to understand better, meet with compassion, or shift, is welcome for The Work.
If you live far away from Seattle or wouldn’t be able to come, then gather several friends and create your own retreat.
The freedom of being at peace with that past situation could change your entire future.
I’ve found this to be true for me.
“When we take care of the past, when we question what we are believing about the past, it shifts…..The future can only be projected from the past, so when we love our past, because we have done The Work with it, then we love the future. So any images that come, we are in a constant state of not just acceptance, but excitement.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace