PARENTING 3 weeks Course in The Work of Byron Katie: Got some stressful thinking about your kid(s)? Join me in a lazer-sharp 3 week course on The Work for Parents. We’ll cover the basics, doing The Work from start to finish. Only $60 for three Wednesdays May 3, 10, 17 from 10-11:30 am Pacific Time. All classes will be recorded.
It doesn’t matter how old your kids (baby to adult–it all works). It doesn’t matter if you’re the stepparent, adoptive parent, neighbor, mentor, teacher, biological parent or grandparent.
If you care for someone and you’re supposed to be the caretaker….a few stressful thoughts can appear from time to time.
(Wow, so true, right?)
Enroll in the course right HERE.
But even if you’re not taking the class….you can start right now in understanding your troubling situation with someone in your care a little better.
What kind of thoughts do you have?
I’ve worked with so many parents, they often go something like this, no matter what the age of the child:
- she should listen to me
- he doesn’t clean up after himself
- she lies
- he’s depressed, unhappy
- she isn’t doing well in school
- he’s hard to deal with when it comes to “x” (getting ready, leaving on time, going to school, biting, hitting, fighting, arguing, minding)
- she’s too: aggressive, selfish, mean, needy, bossy
- he should stop doing drugs, smoking, biting, stealing, lazying around
- she should stop talking back, disrespecting me, being rude to her sister
And this is only the beginning.
Then, on top of all these stressful thoughts, we often think we are doing a terrible job. We must be bad moms, or bad dads.
It’s me! If only I was more patient. More kind. More loving. More attentive. More interested in play-dough. Or board games.
But at the risk of doing a humongous inquiry all-at-once….I’m going to ask this one humongous question:
Who would you be without your story that there’s a TERRIBLE problem here, with this person you’re caring for?
Who would you be without the belief you have to find the REASON for the problem, and fix this thing?
Who would you be without the belief this is going downhill, and fast, and that kid will be the death of you and neither one of you can ever get it right?
Who would you be without turning on yourself and ripping yourself to shreds because you’re not good enough, when it comes to those you care for?
Who would you be, without your story, in this moment now?
Woah.
Um.
Not worry, wring my hands, rage, fume or boil? Not feel like a victim? Not feel like I’m screwing up, and so is my child?
Yes. Without the belief a problem is here and it’s HORRIBLE or UNFIXABLE or DEVASTATING?
What would that be like, to sit in this moment, or imagine yourself with your child, and not feel like a failure?
It’s an amazing beginning.
I find, there’s hope in noticing this present moment, without the belief there’s an unfixable problem.
I’m not talking of denial, and pretending it’s not difficult, when it is.
But if you saw your situation with clarity, and a sense of Can-Do or possibility, what would you feel like?
Turning the thought around: This problem is not devastating, or unfixable. This problem is not all my fault, or all the child’s fault, or anyone’s “fault”. There is some confusion, perhaps, but there is no endless problem.
Right NOW, there is rest. Right now, peace is possible. I might not know exactly what to do next, but I can relax my thinking.
I can keep doing The Work.
I can start with one….only one stressful situation….and take one step. I don’t have to figure it all out by Friday.
“Everything is a story. The mind spins stories out and you believe what the mind tells you. Every time you are stressed out or fearful, you are believing what the mind is telling you. The Work is about discovering what is true and what is not true for you, the difference between reality and imagination.” ~ Byron Katie
And if you’d love to meet with a group on together online, wherever you live, at 10 am Pacific Time for 3 Wednesdays….join us. Sign up HERE.
Much love,
Grace
