Category: The Work of Byron Katie

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Sexuality Class #2

Wow again. I’m so grateful.

We just finished sexuality teleclass #2, and it such a blessing to have a
forum, a sanctuary, a safe haven with dear friends…

…to bring light into darkness and pain…as we question our thoughts.

Because no matter the topic–food, relationships, sex, money–whatever
we hide and are ashamed of, it’s always painful.

But it just seems that sex has more thoughts-per-square inch
than other topics…even though I know it’s not true.

Today it ALL seemed to come up…

-desperate needing
-using sex for love
-using sex for stress management
-wanting people to like us (both women and men)
-thinking “we or they” are perverted (both men and women)
-first noticing our bodies as kids
-taking advantage of others and ourselves (both women and men)
-masturbation (both women and men)

So much per square inch…both pain and pleasure.

It’s so painful when our natural curiosity, fascination, impulses,
fun, and goodness are turned IN on ourselves as accusation,
shame, humiliation, hiding, and desperate pretending.

On the other hand, being in question #4 and then turning it around…

There’s gentleness, passion, hilarity, pleasure, love, goofiness (that’s me)
and laughing at ourselves…and having another playground to explore.

We even talked about our male and female “equipment” and letting it
have its life…

…like watching people just do what they do without judgment…
what IS… as if watching as aliens from another planet and just
seeing what this interesting species is all about.

It’s such a freeing perspective not to analyze every little breath we take
and criticize every thought and impulse…which is soooo exhausting!

And not very good foreplay, either!

It’s hard to have fun or passion with your THINKING
looking over your shoulder with a scowl…tapping it’s foot…
ready to rap your knuckles if you put an eyelash out of line.

So be gentle with yourself with everything sexual about you…your
shape, your smell, your thoughts, your desires, your “equipment!”

Sending love and acceptance and fun,

Grace

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Jiggling Mental Cellulite Dirty Laundry

Let’s take a deeper look at why people love that e-mail
and why I love my cellulite!

I think it’s because I’m taking my worst dirty laundry…
the thing that I absolutely shouldn’t expose…

…that is totally crazy to actually “air out” in the open…

…and instead, letting it rip.

It’s like when we’re just about to do The Work on something
with a partner, and get that sneaky little thought:

“Oh God, I don’t want to do THAT ONE.”

And an image pops up or flashes by of some shame or embarrassment.

But it’s not just an image of a “little” discomfort.

It’s that really DEEP, squirming, body-clenching, sweat-producing
flush of humiliation…even if it’s just for a millisecond and
you can shove it back down really fast.

Where you REALLY want to curl up in a ball and hide from
the world and from yourself (question #3, of course!).

And you actually toy with the idea of NOT doing that thought…
yet want to…yet don’t want to…but do…and we can confuse
ourselves right out of it.

But on the other side, there’s a wisdom within that can sense the
freedom of opening to the “worst” fears and hiding and embarrassment.

It’s just the slightest undercurrent of excitement because it’s so
radically crazy to actually DO IT!

To JUMP!

It’s the thrill of no-hands on the roller coaster’s straight down climax!

Woooosssshhhhh!

So…is it fear or excitement…that peeking between your fingers in the movie?

It’s worth a closer look.

Wishing you the exhilaration of going for some of those
really juicy, horribly squirmy ones.

Like my wonderfully precious, out-in-the-open, hideous cellulite.

Love and jiggles,

Grace

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Going Nuts Like Marlon Brando

Have you noticed how the topics of business and money can
really drive you nuts? ESPECIALLY if you run your own
business, work for yourself (what a difficult boss!) or have
a pile of bills to pay….and a bank account that looks, well,
emptier than you’d like?

Money coming in and money going out produces all kinds
of anxiety. Then if you’re also the boss….oh boy, look out.

When you’re running a business, you can have thoughts like:

  • I need to put my nose to the grindstone
  • I’ll stop working so hard when I have a nice cushion
  • Crack the whip! The people who work for me need to straighten up and fly right!
  • There is never, never, never enough time
  • If I don’t get better at running my business, I’ll FAIL
  • I’m such a procrastinator
  • Those other professionals are so much more successful
  • I coulda been a contender! (Remember Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront?)

It doesn’t make logical sense, and it doesn’t look like a business
plan, but I have found that Doing The Work is the VERY BEST thing
I have ever done to change my experience of money, work,
employment, and being an independent earner.

Three years ago only, I hit bottom financially, literally, with only a few hundred
dollars left and almost losing my house because I had no money to pay for it,
no job, and only a few clients….but I had the Work and a lot of creative ideas.

Fortunately, I hired a fantastic facilitator to help me inquire into
my thoughts about money, business, and employment. I spent a portion of
my very last dollars to hire her for ten sessions….and made it out alive.

Yes, it feels that serious…..like a matter of life or death.

Money, paying, spending, earning can feel like if it doesn’t go the
way you hope, YOU COULD DIE!

The great news is….you could LIVE! I sure have, and so far, you have
too if you’re reading this.

I’ve questioned all the most absolutely terrifying thoughts about money
and losing it or owing it or needing it….and wow, has the inside of me changed.

Now I am a Contender!

I’m happily, joyfully in the middle of a wonderful experience called
running a business, where I get to facilitate people wanting to question
their painful thinking alongside me….and even though I became fine with
losing my house (seriously, I knew it was OK)…I didn’t.

I’d love to have you along this fabulous journey with Money & Your
Biz! We start on Fridays, February 10 – April 6, 12:15 – 1:45 pm
Pacific time.

Much love,

Grace

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Odd Number Sexuality Group

Just a quick note about the new “wonderful sexuality” class
that started Thursday morning.

(And it’s OK if your sexuality, sex life, partner…doesn’t seem so
“wonderful” at the moment-that’s what the classes are all
about…inquiring into the “un-wonderfulness” we all experience).

We’ve got an odd number and I’d like to be able to pair
everyone up for the exercises where we work together during the week.

And…I know there were a number of people who were “on the
fence” about schedules, time zones, and whether they could fit
it in with work and family.

So if you wanted to join us, but something came up, we have one
spot available since it’s an odd number right now…and I’d love
to have you in this amazing group.

It doesn’t matter if you’re new to The Work or a “seasoned
veteran,” as we have a number of people (5 countries represented)
who are in facilitator training and also folks who are just getting the
hang of the 4 questions. There are also some first timers to my
teleclasses and some who’ve been in several.

It’s actually GREAT to have the diversity, as we all think
eachother’s thoughts and learn from each other.

I can’t think of how many times I’ve heard Katie tell everyone
to start at the beginning (even people 10 years in The Work)
…as if we’re brand new, babes in the woods, with no ideas
or preconceived notions about what’s “supposed” to happen.

So everyone’s welcome.

Because we’re always NEW anyway. We’re NEW with every
inquiry we do…every time we ask that simple question,
“Is it true?” and wait for the answer.

The mind shifts…so our vision shifts…so the world shifts
and it’s always kinder.

Give me a call if you’re interested. You’ll pay for
the 7 classes that are left and I’ll talk to you for about 15
minutes to get you “caught up.”

We’re not recording the class so that everyone feels safe
and free to get to the deepest things they want to question.

But that doesn’t mean you have to “spill your guts,” either.

You’re always free to share whatever you feel is right for you.

Also, from my notes, I’m also putting together a short synopsis of the
class (NO NAMES…NO SPECIFICS…NO REVEALING DETAILS)
so that everyone has a reference and record of some of the concepts
we explored during the class, since there is no recording.

Wishing you love, peace, acceptance, some belly laughs, and
at least one person to drive you crazy…so you go sane 🙂

Grace

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Fantastic BFF Friends

I was talking to a friend yesterday morning…about friends.

About being a friend, having friends, being friends with yourself,
best friends, BFFs, new friends, old friends, and how the world keeps
getting friendlier, the longer you do The Work.

There’s nothing like having a friend–who you can tell everything to.

Sometimes it’s almost “magical” when you open up to another
person…you can hear YOU reflected back by a loving mirror.

It’s also strange how the world can seem so scary, unfriendly,
confusing, and even terrifying…when you feel “friendless,”
alone, and seem to have nowhere to turn.

On February 10, my next teleclass starts. It’s about relationships
of every kind and the thoughts that turn them into battlegrounds,
cemeteries, and ghost towns…instead of safe harbors, greenhouses,
and fertile places to grow.

It all starts with your OWN thinking, even if you’re surrounded
by people and family and friends at every turn…

…and even if you don’t have a friend in the world, which
seems ABSOLUTELY TRUE when we’re believing our thoughts.

And it’s about what I said earlier:

“…how the world keeps getting friendlier, the longer you do The Work.”

When you’re in emotional pain, a statement like that seems like
utter nonsense…even insulting…and absolutely ridiculous when
you’re in the grip of a broken, bruised, or struggling relationship…

…and love seems like some far off, cruel, or bittersweet dream
that only plays on the radio or those super-sad CDs.

The class is called:

Turning Relationship-HELL into Heaven.
Do you want someone to forgive you? Do you wonder who’s fault it is?
Are ancient grudges destroying your family? Have you left a trail of
“serial” relationship behind you?  Do you think people are just plain mean?
Are co-workers driving you nuts (or your boss, lover, mother, or kids)?
Do you fight and make up (a lot)? Do you just give up and think “why bother?”
Do you feel like you’d finally be happy if people understood you?
Do you think you deserve better, but secretly think you’ll be alone forever?

Do you feel devastated because someone close has gone away?

These thoughts and feelings are not enemies, they’re actually friends
who open door to healing, lasting peace, and relationship contentment.

I know about broken relationships after coming back from
the Byron Katie School six years ago, only to hear my husband
say he was moving out! “What?”

Boy…did that throw all the thoughts I’ve mentioned, right
in my face!

And that “magical” thing I mentioned? I “found” it by questioning
my thinking about my former husband (who’s now a dear friend),
sisters, mom, kids, friends, partner…and about myself.

It wasn’t overnight, by any means. But by gently and consistently
doing The Work, I now find friends everywhere…from a stranger
on the corner, to my ever-deepening relationships with
my partner, kids, clients, family…you name it!

I hope you’ll join me at the class, with a group of friends,
and that you’ll continue to find your freedom by questioning
your thoughts.

Much love, Grace

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Hideous Cellulite Humiliation

Think of your “worst nightmare.”

One of mine was having people see, be disgusted by,
know the truth about, or laugh at my jiggling thigh cellulite.

And if I really capture the worst..
…and go deep…right to the heart of the worst imaginable,
internally-squirming, cold-sweat humiliation….

Or as Byron Katie sometimes says, “What’s your worst nightmare?”
The real “knife-in-the-heart” reaction?

When it comes to my body, it would be standing on stage,
either in a bikini or maybe even naked, with all the people
I know in the audience, thinking “eewwwww, I had no idea,
she is in terrible shape, how disgusting!”

I’d be standing facing away from them, at a slight angle under bright
lights so the backs of my thighs, where the wavy bumps
and rolls, would absolutely STAND OUT for everyone to see.

The audience would be feeling terrible for me, extreme pity. Murmurs
of horror and shame.

And I’d have nowhere to run or escape, and no way to erase this
image of my body from their minds, ever.

Whew! That’s really what it was like for me.

You have to have some amazingly powerful images and thoughts to
be as self-hating as I was.

So how did I react when I believed the thought that my thighs were
disgusting? This is question #3 of course in The Work.

I wanted to DIE…get away, squirm, cover my hideously ugly thighs, think
about changing my diet, exercise more. I had images of men turning away in
disgust and women being disappointed, saying, “Yuck!” when they saw
me, and feel devastatingly discouraged. I wished I had a different body,
and I felt a LOT of internal pain.

That’s why one of my most favorite quotes in the world is:

“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure” by Joseph Campbell.

I turned the spot light on this pain, even though I chided myself for being
ridiculous, superficial, and caring about looks waaaay too much.

And now, I don’t feel the same way in the slightest about my body
anymore.

But if someone had told me this was possible, I would have thought they
were false, pie-in-the-sky, bullshit-preaching, positive-thinking liars.

Though secretly, behind the anger and fear, I would have desperately
wanted to believe it was possible…

But now, I actually LIVE in the fourth question of The Work, “Who
would you be WITHOUT that thought that my thighs look disgusting?”
Without the thought that cellulite is ugly.

I can actually look in the mirror, at the cellulite that’s STILL THERE,
and feel completely at peace and happy without a twinge of
self-hate or embarrassment or revulsion. I decided it looked like Texas
Hill Country…beautiful rolling hills. I wouldn’t say “those hills need
to be flat and smooth for them to be beautiful”. Hilarious!

This is what we were dealing with this past weekend in my hometown
Seattle, Washington, USA.

And I feel grateful, with such a connection to the courageous 14 folks
who were here with me, doing their own precious work on their
painful moments with food, body image, body shapes, and eating.

And I hope that by reading this, if you’re struggling with your
own thoughts…at any level…even if it’s just 2 extra pounds that
you think “shouldn’t” be there on your thighs or face or stomach…

…that it brings you a little more acceptance and peace, and
awareness of how you’re believing something about what you see,
when you criticize your body, that isn’t actually true for you.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. My food teleclass starts tomorrow on Tuesday to work with more
folks with these same kinds of thoughts and feelings. At the moment,
there’s one last spot available…and there’s even a GUY in the class!

Lot’s of guys think this is only “what women go through”!

If it’s full when you sign up, I’ll let you know right away
and I’ll put you right on the waiting list for the next
one which will be in a couple months on Saturdays.

It’s called:

Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!

Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.

Also starting on Thursday:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY!
Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love,
Fear, Body Image, Confusion, Tenderness…
and Joyful Intimacy!   Starts Jan. 19

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Live From The Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend

I can’t help but be amazed over and over again
when a group gathers together to look deeply at beliefs,
concepts, awareness of themselves, this human life.

Last night 15 people gathered together in our workshop
together to slow down the mind and see what’s going on
in this relationship with food, how we experience eating,
and what we believe about our bodies.

This is the basic stuff of life and death, really. We eat,
it keeps the body going somehow, giving it energy,
and then we also have all these enormous, extremely
painful beliefs about what would be better, how it isn’t
enough, how it’s too much, how I need to improve, and
how I need to live as long as possible and be “healthy”.

We all questioned the belief “food shouldn’t tempt me”.

An amazing idea, and a very painful one…and one so
many of us think every day, about food or other things.

To believe I shouldn’t be tempted by something lovely
in this world, that something terrible will happen if I am
tempted…that something in me is needy or weak if I am
tempted…that something is wrong with me…

Out of this comes control, diets, fear, anger, an outright
war rages battle, self-hate.

When we turned the thought around “I should be tempted”
something inside relaxed for people. There it is, and I’m
tempted. This is not an emergency.

Can I just be with this moment without so much fear,
noticing what I’m thinking that delicious looking food will
give me if I eat it, looking around and seeing other things
also besides food, noticing that I’m actually OK right now,
I’m alive and breathing and all is well.

This is the beginning of freedom!

Love, Grace

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Diet-Food Teleclass Confusion

A quick note to clear up any confusion about the
“Food” teleclass that starts next week (Tuesday
Jan 17th, 8-9:30 AM Pacific Std Time, for 8 weeks).

Some people think it’s only for people with scary,
super-serious issues like I had–I was suicidally anorexic
and bulimic and terribly confused about my body image.

But this teleclass is actually for EVERYONE…because
we’ve all got issues with food–and it’s NOT just women!

Like one guy who’s going to be on the teleclass.

He said he can feel how low-level anxiety and worry
will send him to the kitchen for a quick snack or some coffee.

Which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

But he’s got arthritis starting in a few knuckles and is “mildly
panicked” about his hands and is getting ready to do a nutrition
program to see if it will help.

The program requires just 3 meals a day for the first 10 days
with NO SNACKING.

And he’s noticing more panic and fear coming up, with
thoughts like:

“I can’t do it!!!!!!!!!”

He says it feels “crippling” when he believes those thoughts and
sees the image of himself being desperate to eat and hungry
and suffering and tired and weak for lack of food.

Hummm…sounds EXACTLY like me in my anorexic/bulimic days…

…and like EXACTLY the thoughts I hear from people trying to
lose weight, gain weight, or deal with ANY issues with food or
being obsessed with how they look.

So no matter who you are or what you’re struggling with, if
you’re even curious about the class, feel free to call me
and ask any question you might have about The Work or
whether your problem is beyond this class…or even if it
seems too unimportant to bother us in this class.

All are welcome…even the normal looking guy with
average body weight and the arthritis in his knuckles.

And no one’s problem is too big or too small.

Wishing you peace with food and your body (I felt hopeless
about finding peace, and now I hardly think about food or
my body…..if I can change so can you).

Love, Grace

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Flat Out Lizard Drinking

I love the Aussies, the Kenyans, the Japanese,
the French, the English, the Mexicans, the Dutch.

I love the folks I get to meet from around the world
at the Byron Katie events and on my teleclasses.

I love how we can all connect, from all over
the globe, on the internet with Skype and conference calls.

I also love the “lizard” thing, from one of my Aussie
companions on this journey, who I met in a teleclass.

In Aussie-speak, “flat out like a lizard drinking,”
means being VERRRRRRRRRRRRY busy.

Hilarious!

Which is great, because even though the teleclasses are
sometimes dealing with the most painful, gut-wrenching
things we can possibly go through…

…sometimes there’s a lot of goofing around, laughter,
loving teasing, and kidding.

And sometimes, after the teleclasses, group members
even stay in touch and keep doing The Work together.

In my teleclasses, there are writers, professionals,
unemployed, other facilitators, doctors, people going through
bankruptcy, therapists, actors, business owners, factory workers,
homemakers, students.

And no matter where your pain is coming from and what
you do in life, we all think the same thoughts.

It’s so freeing to be an “ordinary” human being…even
with the “worst” problems imaginable.

To realize you’re not better or worse, higher or lower.

Check the links below to see what fits your life best in
my teleclasses…the next one to start, next Tuesday,
focuses on food, eating, and body image. Then there’s a
great one on Sex and Sexuality starting next Thursday Jan. 19th.

Click on the link and send me an email to let me know which
class you’re signing on with.

We’ll be Flat Out Lizard Drinking with The Work, and let
everything else relax.

Much love to all, Grace

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Tebow-Time Thinking

If you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, it’s
really quite a story, and fascinating to watch.

He’s an underdog quarterback for the Denver Broncos
and a very religious young man.

He just won an outstanding game where all the sports
pundits said he was washed up after  a couple
“dismal failures.”

He’s also been the center of HUGE polarizing controversies
about wearing his religion on his sleeve, whether he’s
good enough to play at this position, etc., etc.

Millions of people love him and millions hate him.

There are so many concepts surrounding things
like this…so many things to do The Work on that can take
us to our freedom.

I was a dedicated cross-country athlete in high school and college
and know how powerful the concepts of winning and losing are.

But it’s not just athletics.

It can be an argument where 2 innocent people with different
ideas gradually escalate into anger and viciousness about
who wins the argument…when they actually love each other.

Sometimes it’s polite viciousness and anger, sometimes it’s
with shouting and screaming.

It can be with food and eating and weight and whether
WE are winning or the FOOD is winning (when it’s
really our thinking).

It’s fun just looking at the Tebow phenomenon, where people
identify so fiercely with an underdog, like Tim Tebow, and have
HUGE emotional investments in how their “hero” does…
it makes for wonderful Work.

Winning and losing and “proving” ourselves can fuel
billion dollar industries-sports, politics, or a business trying
to get “market share,” or get revenge and crush the competition.

Or it can make us suffer along, with every bite of food we take.
My weekend on food and eating is in three days in Seattle. We are officially full but there’s room for one more if you email me soon. We’re diving into the game and getting to the root of what we’re believing—would love to have you join me.

Much love, Grace