Be a life artist: question “it’s always been this way”

This past weekend I sent a Grace Note out that said a free inquiry jam session (people dialing in to do The Work) would be happening at 7:45 am. On Saturday morning.

Only, the free inquiry session had already happened, the day before, on Friday.

Because I got quite a few emails of confusion, people trying the link and finding “this event is OVER” (yep, already happened the day before) I decided to just do it again on Sunday morning.

Let’s do it a second time!

It was great.

Someone had a particularly important question at one of these inquiry sessions.

That is….can you start doing The Work with Question #6 on your Judge Your Neighbor worksheet?

Question #6 is the last one you answer, as you sort through your stressful situation, the situation bringing you deep pain.

You’ve already written down what you want, what should or shouldn’t be going on, what advice you’d give, what you need in order to be happy. You’ve described what you see in that situation, about the other person or condition.

And then, at the end, you get to make your big grand WISH and dream statement in Question #6.

You get to write down the thing you never, ever, ever want to experience again, if you had your way.

The inquirer who was thinking she’d start her inquiry on a situation described the dilemma. Her issue had to do with her mom, and money, all rolled up into one. Her answer to question number six was “I don’t ever want to want what I can never have.”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with seeing this thought arise. There’s nothing wrong with writing it. It’s a powerful, deep, grand thought.

It’s so liberating to be able to write a thought like this down, when writing your worksheet. I notice the mind thinks it anyway.

I’ve had this thought myself.

But what I suggested is if you start right there, at the end with the last Big Global Assumption, you might cover the whole world, and cover a lot of ground as you consider your inquiry, but it could very likely be too big, too much and too wide to really “get” a clear answer.

You can’t really dig into it, and the truth of reality right in the middle of that terrible and difficult situation.

So we went backwards, up to what she wrote in other parts of her Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and we worked one of those, first.

I find, it really is easier to start at the top of any given worksheet, and move down through the questions, one by one.

So, why not go to the big kahuna thought right away?

I’ll give you an example from my own life.

Last week, I was far away from home, listening to a wonderful teacher, gathered with pretty amazing, thoughtful people. We were contemplating much about the history of culture, especially western culture, the people who fought and warred and battled, and the people who fled, and the people who immigrated, and the movement of beliefs from one to the next generation.

I had the thought…”wow, times have always been troubled. Humans have always suffered. People have always been at odds with one another, had to navigate conflict, fallen asleep, failed, given up, been tortured or sad or despairing…”

I raised my hand.

“Haven’t people always been troubled?”

What came back to me from our wise teacher was the most fascinating suggestion: basically, to question that thought. Even if the venue, the format and the tool or model was not The Work.

I realized right then….inside, under, around this believing in trouble, was a Big Kahuna Global thought I was assuming to be true without even questioning it: I don’t ever want to live through severely troubled times, ever.

If I had begun this investigation by questioning the belief “I don’t ever want to live in troubled times” I probably wouldn’t have challenged the belief that these troubled times have ALWAYS been here.

If I turned the thought around immediately, without considering what I’m honestly thinking of as troubled….I would find these turnarounds which are done a particular way for Question #6: “I always want to live in troubled times. I’m willing to always live in troubled times. I look forward to always living in troubled times.”

Always troubled, never un-troubled. Always rough waters. Always at war. Always, always.

Very painful. Quite harsh. Hard to feel hope, joy or peace in this moment right now, if everything is “always”.

So I loved being guided back within, by following the simple steps I already know, to the first thought instead….times have been troubled for humans….always….how did I get this idea?

What is my specific proof, as I hear stories of history, some of whom are my own ancestors? What does this mean about me? What does it mean about my future, or the future of my neighborhood, or this city, or the planet?

Troubled times are intolerable, relentless….and have always been here.

Is this true?

Hmmm.

Woah.

Are you saying?…

You mean, I could be wrong? It’s not always this way for eternity backwards in time, and it may not be this way for the rest of eternity into the future? It may not be inevitable that trouble means The End and something I must avoid or can’t handle?

Are you sure troubled times are “always”?

Well. No. I just thought….

….because of learning and reading and hearing stories of the past, and listening, and being with people and their words, and because of my feelings when hard things happen, that trouble is “always”.

I’ve got so many examples.

But I can’t know this means it will be forever, and it already was forever, or that I can’t tolerate it, or that it’s relentless. I really do not know.

How do you react when you believe “it’s always been this way (troubled)”?

Soooo sad. Trying to think positive. Quick do The Work so I can stop thinking of this despair. Trying to solve the problem, or, the reverse, giving up and hiding under the covers. Searching the globe for answers, for hope.

Reaching, seeking, worrying, hiding.

Who would I be without this story that it’s always been this way….Troubled, relentless, agonizing?

Who would you be without the belief you’ve always had trouble with “x” or been in conflict with “y”?

Wow.

Boing! (Like getting bonked on the head with a foam mallet in a cartoon and hearing the “boingggg!” sound).

Without the belief or the thought, I’d be noticing that troubles come and troubles go, and there are spaces in between of peace, or freedom.

I’d notice I’m inspired or motivated by troubles.

I’d see all sides and angles to the troubles….not all-devastation all-the-time.

I’d wonder what I can do, in the midst of “troubles”? I’d wonder what happened along the way, with curiosity and an open mind, that created persistent troubled times?

I wouldn’t be in denial, trying to seek a mystical untroubled place Somewhere Else. I’d be here, now, maybe even with a breaking heart and a full heart, but here.

I’d talk with others about these troubles, I’d contribute more, I’d connect honestly. I’d question my thinking, I’d turn my thinking around.

It has not always been this way. It is not always troubled, now.

My thinking is troubled, my viewpoint is troubled….about myself, about this world, about the human condition.

Could these thoughts be just as true, or truer?

Could it be possible to see clearly, notice suffering and devastation and difficulty, but not give up “forever”, not find it intolerable, not think there is No Solution possible?

Yes.

“Out of the cacophony of random suffering and chaos that can mark human life, the life artist sees or creates a symphony of meaning and order. A life of wholeness does not depend on what we experience. Wholeness depends on how we experience our lives.” ~ Desmond Tutu

It hasn’t always been this way in the past, therefore it won’t always be this way in the future.