Have you ever decided you’re NOT GONNA WANT something anymore…
…because it hurts to want it, even if you get it?
One of my favorite all-time topics of human life has been studying, playing with, investigating and exploring “wanting” and “desire”.
In my religious upbringing, it appeared desire for union with God was a good thing, but being to passionate was….
….not so much.
Longing for a boyfriend was considered kinda normal, but also kinda immature. Like, get over it and get on with more meaningful pursuits.
Dreaming of a great career of service, or working for world peace, was super admirable. But you better not let it go to your head or get too high-horse about it.
And of course, craving ice cream, candy, hot dogs, money, liquor, cigarettes, sex or any other feel-good-now thing was STUPID.
Never Do That!!
Heh heh.
Who would you be without the belief that “wanting” something is risky? That you need to be careful if you dream of something, or long for it, or crave it, or feel like reaching out and grabbing it?
When I was in my early 20s, I periodically had these insane binge-eating episodes that I later learned were called bulimia. What a weird thing to do.
I thought I was the sickest screwed up person, I was so ashamed.
I would try really hard NOT to want food….and to just avoid “wanting” altogether.
This battle between moving towards something with all cares to the wind, destructive, violent….
….and being totally and completely contained and tranquil….
….is a very old human story.
Jekyll and Hyde.
What if you just let the wanting exist? What if having desire is a part of being a human on the planet?
What if, instead of being against desire, you could be all for it.
Go, Desire, Go!
If you turned around the belief that desiring is dangerous, disappointing, destructive, leads to no good, and is stupid…
…what would that look like instead?
Desire is safe, satisfying, creative, leads to all good, and is smart.
I can actually see and feel this now with my eating disorder!!
I know it may sound shocking….but what if even off-kilter desire and wanting leads you somewhere you never dreamed of?
Someplace magical, awakened, holy, sacred?
Because that’s how I feel about my past twisted up desires, now.
They did what they needed to do.
What are your desires telling you (or shouting at you)? What do you really want, instead, if they’re hurting in some way?
“You can’t not be in grace. Everything about you is totally absolutely perfectly appropriate. All the things you think are wrong with you are absolutely right.” ~ Tony Parsons
Who would you be without the belief that your cravings are sick?
You might be less harsh on yourself.
If you’re less harsh on yourself, you might in curious, even fascinated with your cravings. You might notice your cravings are part of reality.
You might notice you’re free.
“You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for.” ~ Byron Katie
Love, Grace