Yesterday August Summer Camp did some deep diving into a very common underlying stressful belief….
….they should include me.
Yeah! That’s Right! They left me out! They don’t care about me!
It used to feel really painful to think this thought. Until I questioned it at a core level that cracked it apart, broke it down, and it dissolved away like water into sand.
It was a process, but what a fabulous, wonderful, sweet outcome.
Peace.
This seems to be true in every situation involving people, whether groups or individuals or family….anyone….
….and the feeling of being included.
If you’ve ever had the feeling you’re being left out, question it right now, today. Let’s see what happens!
There was that moment. He didn’t call to invite me to the party. She didn’t email me to include me in the meeting. They went out to celebrate without me. She canceled last minute to choose another activity without me. He never pursued resolving our differences in a conversation. She wouldn’t respond to my phone calls or emails. They fired me.
I’m not included. They don’t accept me. I did something wrong. This is terrible.
How do you react when you believe it’s true?
Scared. Like a little core pit of worry is inside my gut, anxious. Not sleeping. Angry. I deserve better! That person is ignoring me. They are mean, rotten, uncaring!
A swirl of chaos and terribly uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. I am a victim of their actions. A victim! Crying! Turning inward. Sad. Hurt.
Ouch.
So who would you be without the thought? What if someone didn’t call, didn’t email, skipped town, stopped showing up, withdrew, kicked you out, fired you, sent you away….
….and you couldn’t have the idea that this is a disaster? That you couldn’t think their actions are going to rule your life, night and day, until they come around to including you?
Oh.
“As you grow spiritually, you will realize that your attempts to protect yourself from your problems actually create more problems. If you attempt to arrange people, places, and things so they don’t disturb you, it will begin to feel like life is against you. You’ll feel that life is a struggle and that every day is heavy because you have to control and fight with everything…..The alternative is to decide not to fight with life.” ~ Michael Singer
What is the easiest way I have ever found not to fight with life?
Ask myself what is true….really. Get other people to ask me the questions. Stick with finding my own answers, no expectations, no plans for the outcome, no requirements.
Remove resistance to fear, through inquiring deeply.
Because when I inquire, when I look at what it is I am afraid of in every little exchange and interaction and event that happens in life, I am left with an openness, more gentleness, greater acceptance, far more unconditional love for whatever “I” am.
What the heck is so frightening about not being included?
Why, for me, it was simple. It would trigger the thoughts “I am not good enough, I’m stupid, I’m not worthy of being included, I’m not likable, I’m a failure, I am worthless, they’re right.”
Tricky little mind, but very innocent really.
It thinks that if I felt worthy, or good enough, or successful, or special, those people would start including me. So I get to work on myself with a vengeance….improving myself so diligently that no one will ever, ever leave me out again.
HONK. (Did you hear the big TIME OUT buzzer?)
What if you turned those frightening thoughts around?
They should NOT include or accept me…..I should accept THEM….I should accept myself, only myself, right in the middle of this situation where I believe I’m not being included.
Deep breath.
How could these turnarounds be as true, or truer? What are examples, really specific examples that you can see that actually feel right to you?
Many times, I tried on these turnarounds. They became easier and easier to find, the more I did The Work.
How is it an advantage for me that I was not accepted or included, in all those moments I used to believe I wasn’t?
I got left there standing, all by myself, and yet, not all by myself.
There was the air, the room, the couch, the phone, the books, the sky, the stars, the trees, the voices of other people, the furniture, the cement, the dirt, friends I could call, the rocks, the life pulsing with great strength and energy, most magnificent, in every moment, right here.
You notice how completely fine you are without being included or accepted, and how perhaps that person or that group of people were doing their job, dismissing you so you’d go just the way you needed to go, to be the most brilliant version of you possible.
Without you having to control anything, do anything, contend with anything, make anything happen, or fight anything.
Right now.
Feeling. Freedom.
Then you may find that one day, you notice after practicing inquiry and seeing who you would be without the belief there is something wrong…..that instead, there is something right.
Constantly.
“I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” ~ Byron Katie
If you’d like to continue this journey, see where it goes, opening to Not Knowing all your difficulties and pain are insurmountable, but instead practicing joy as possible….
….join me for the wonderful journey of using everyday life and all it’s problems to fuel your adventure into joy.
Wow, how different. How un-believable.
Year of Inquiry begins the very first week of September. Early Bird discount is open right now, until August 16th. We’ll have a group of wonderful people, to assist you on your own adventure, together.
You don’t have to do this alone.
I hope you’ll join us!
Much love, Grace