I love when beginners to The Work come to gather with me, either one-on-one or in a workshop or teleclass or longer retreat.
This past Saturday afternoon many newcomers to The Work came to learn inquiry at the mini retreat at my little cottage.
They showed up, ready to learn. They were a spectacular group.
Over several years now, working with people in all stages of self-inquiry, I am absolutely *fascinated* by people with Big Questions.
Sometimes, when people encounter The Work, they get sort of….spicy.
They have objections.
There may be something strange, or threatening, or worrisome about it.
- What d’ya mean IS IT TRUE? Of course it’s true!
- Who would I be without my stressful belief? I’d be a zombie with no motivation, I’d be an idiot, people would take advantage of me, it would be all MY fault, I’d be a fool
- If I didn’t believe I have to be nice/kind/polite (fill in the blank) I’d be a jerk all the time and everyone would hate me
- Isn’t everything NOT absolutely true? Why even ask that question?
- How do I react when I think that person done me wrong? This has been going on my whole entire life since I was a kid so it’s a loooong story!
- See, I need to tell you about my situation I wrote about because otherwise I’m not sure you’ll understand
- I’m so embarrassed that I wrote these judgments down, it makes me feel worse, not better
- I’m trying to be positive, not negative! This is twisted!
- I don’t believe in cognitive behavioral psychology or whatever this is
- this is too much thinking
- The Work doesn’t work for me
Allrighty then!
There is no way to ever, ever know what someone else’s path should be, if doing The Work is right for them, or to give them what you’ve found.
What do I do when someone else doesn’t see doing The Work as such an exciting, positive, supportive experience?
If it’s stressful in any way, even a teensy eensy bit….I take it to inquiry.
They should get this, I want them to see how freeing this is, I want them to stop suffering.
Is it true?
Is it really true that they need to do The Work? Is it true they need to stop suffering?
Is it true they shouldn’t have an oppositional reaction?
Well…er…yes!
They should stick with it. Get all their questions answered. Be patient. Not be so contrary. They shouldn’t give up. They can stop suffering!
Are you SURE? Absolutely sure you know what needs to happen for them? Are you sure you know they should stop suffering? Really?
No. It seems weird, but no, I don’t really know WHAT is right for that other person. I don’t even know why I took to The Work so well, why I “got” it at Byron Katie’s School for The Work.
I’m not even sure I DID get it all the time. Now that you asked.
How do I react when I believe the thought that someone else needs to see what’s up with this thing called The Work and how cool it is, and they don’t exactly see it that way, apparently?
I want to explain. Or I recoil and pull back, brush them off.
I start making it a project, hoping I present it “right” or adequately.
I secretly think in my head that the person is just too closed-minded for this, or too set in their ways, too anxious, too smart, too emotional, too immature, too impatient.
I turn the thought around…..they should not stop suffering, it’s not up to me to help, I don’t need to over-explain or “try” or say anything special.
There is nothing I need to do extra, no mistake made, nothing undone.
Everyone is where they are.
They have amazing questions, brilliant concerns, fascinating minds.
Who would I be without the thought that anyone else needs to do The Work, except me?
I would answer their questions.
I would offer what I know from my experience, if they wanted it, and stop there.
I would have zero expectations.
“The Work doesn’t say what anyone should or shouldn’t do. We simply ask: What is the effect of arguing with reality? How does it feel? This Work explores the cause and effect of attaching to painful thoughts, and in that investigation we find our freedom. To simply say that we shouldn’t argue with reality is just to add another story, another philosophy or religion. It hasn’t ever worked. ” ~ Byron Katie
When I have zero expectations, my mind may be busy, but I am here, with anyone, with questions, with unknown, with something beyond this mind, a spacious place.
Without the thought that anyone needs to do The Work, without the thought that their objections are frightening or worrisome, I welcome every person who shows up.
I keep offering mini retreats and workshops and classes and solo sessions and it is all for me, all for me. No one needs this.
Except me.
I love everyone who comes. So incredible. Such juicy, alive, worthwhile, honest questions.
“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti
Love, Grace