I was thinking the other day about Obedience.
This was after reading an article on disordered eating and the quest some individuals have for thinness. The author of the article discovered some sense within herself of being obedient when she tried to be “thin”.
Of course it seems like there are many reasons for the desire to be thin: the collective culture in which we live appears to love it, our mom or dad talked of it as an important goal, it might be healthier, we could look attractive to potential sexual partners, we might appear “powerful” on stage or in front of a crowd, blah blah blah.
These are all quite amazing to question, to see if you really think any of them are absolutely true.
Even if you find they are not true, you may still find the desire smouldering in you to be thinner than you are, to hold on the thinness you’ve achieved, or to be proud of how thin you’ve become.
Good grief! Can you imagine not caring about how thin or fat you actually are?
RING THE ALARM BELLS! This would lead to disaster!!
Sometimes even after we’ve questioned our reasons for being thin, or anything else that seems to be desirable for that matter (money, love, sex, success, enlightenment) it is difficult to find who we would really be without the thought.
We think that without vigilance or commitment, even if its stressful, we will fail. We will be big fatsos, or neglectful parents, or lazy unemployed low-achievers, or single forever.
If I didn’t care about being thin, making money, or having a partner, I would break the rules, move out of the boundaries I’ve always believed in, I would blow up like a blimp, be a loser, and no one would like me.
But can you really know that this is true?
Do you KNOW that you need to believe something stressful, that you don’t REALLY believe in, in order to stay motivated and be happy? Does that even make sense?
Long ago, I canned the diets forever. I knew that feeling like I was in prison was not the way to happiness.
Do you want to obey the commands of others around you, or society, or the rumors you’ve heard that thin is better than fat? Rich is better than poor? Coupled is better than single?
(And of course, they are not commands….it’s all in the perceptions of the one who is looking).
Long ago, I read Fat Is A Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but the title alone was enough. I passed the book on many years ago, but I know that I recognized a possibility that the messages I heard around me were actually very painful, and untrue.
Sometimes a true “diet” is saying “no” to the general accepted norm.
A wonderful client, who does not have eating issues of any kind, reminded me of Susie’s book awhile back, and how it nipped the worry about her food in the bud at an early age.
She didn’t want to feel like she was obeying anything when it came to eating, except her own body’s wisdom, her own mind’s wisdom.
Who would you be without the thought that weighing this number is better than weighing that number? Who would you be without the thought that you should eat vegetables and avoid sugar? Who would you be without the thought that people will not think you’re cool or powerful unless you’re thin?
If you really think you’d eat candy all day long and become a recluse…there is wonderful work to do.
You might question that you are your own worst enemy.
Pema Chodron speaks of renunciation, a term used by many teachers in many religions. Kind and loving renunciation is not passive. It is not a voice that says “great, I am against diets so I will eat and eat all day long, who cares”.
It is a clear, focused way. An awareness of the self. It gathers information from others, from doctors, nutritionists, books, and then waits to see how it lines up internally.
“Even though you’ve dropped your agenda, even though you are trying to work WITH situations instead of struggling AGAINST them, nevertheless you may have to say, ‘You can stay here tonight, but tomorrow you’re going, and if you don’t get out of here, I am calling the police.’ You don’t really know what’s going to benefit somebody, but it doesn’t benefit anybody to allow someone to beat you up, eat all your food, and put you out on the street.”~Pema Chodron
You know already in your heart what is of benefit for you, and what is not, what brings freedom and what brings imprisonment. You may sometimes benefit in questioning those bickering internal voices, and telling them to go by not believing them.
Today I seem to make a green smoothie every single morning for breakfast, with an entire head of raw broccoli and kale leaves of all kinds, or spinach, and ground flax seeds and banana and other ingredients. This has been going on for a long while now, like 5 or 6 months.
I have no agenda. I don’t know why not to do it at this point.
“I’ve heard people say that they cling to their painful thoughts because they’re afraid that without them they wouldn’t be activists for peace. “If I feel peaceful,” they say, “why would I bother taking action at all?” My answer is “Because that’s what love does.” To think that we need sadness or outrage to motivate us to do what’s right is insane. As if the clearer and happier you get, the less kind you become. As if when someone finds freedom, she just sits around all day wiith drool running down her chin. My experience is the opposite. Love is action.” ~ Byron Katie
I say, find out who you are without the thought that you “have to” be an activist or take action or go on a diet or get a job. You could be amazed at the love, energy, and behavior that comes out of you.
And you might wind up thin.
Love, Grace
P.S. The next Horrible Food Wonderful Food begins June 11th.