A disturbance on facebook. I had to do The Work!

A notification appeared below a facebook comment.

This one….well….let’s just say there are posts sometimes that are fabulous reminders of whole thought systems I’ve held about reality, money, support, earning, sharing, gifting, and spirituality.

It was on a recent post about Year of Inquiry which, as I’m sure you know by now, is just starting up in full next week.

If she genuinely want to help others than why put a price tag on it? If she is all about grace, than why does it have a limit? The world needs desperate healing, unconditional love and support. If only the spiritual community wasn’t another elite group with an expensive fee. The irony is so blatant!

Yikes. Knife through the heart.

I could look at each and every sentence, and see what thoughts appeared within them that feel frightening for me, uncomfortable, dreadful.

• She thinks Year of Inquiry an elite “expensive” group, and shouldn’t be.
• No one who is helping or serving others “spiritually” should charge money.
• Everyone should always be allowed in, whether they pay for it or not.
• If I’m helping others (or if anyone is helping others), there should be no price tag, or limits, put on it.
• The world is desperately in need. It needs unconditional love and support (and what I’m offering isn’t).

Oh my.

Sigh.

I love this post so much, honestly.

Because it spells out a perspective of thinking about money and service I’ve been committed to understanding for a long while deep inside myself.

Thoughts about loving service, money, receiving, sharing, setting limits of time or energy or fees, being supported financially.

What thoughts do you have about being of service to others, volunteering vs being paid, needing to earn a living (apparently) by receiving money….or most importantly, about the spirituality of money?

I see how conditioned I was to believe the idea that money is not spiritual.

In fact, in my historical tradition, it’s evil. Money was considered a very sensitive, tricky, difficult topic. The “wanting” of money is the root of all evil!

We should pretend it doesn’t exist and not talk about it too much, never want it, give it away, and do lots of invisible work without asking for payment for the work.

In this story of work, service and money….I probably shouldn’t ever mention Year of Inquiry or any programs coming up. I think it’s called marketing or promotion, and marketing is sleezy, isn’t it?

Sigh again.

It’s a painful story, I’ve found.

Is it a true story?

Good question. (Well, I automatically know when I feel disturbed I’m believing an untrue thought).

We all know those who have been “greedy”, and for some of us, this quality of greed or grabbing for oneself is called a “deadly sin”.

I could feel the sadness, heart-break and desire to defend swirling around from this comment written by a stranger willing to share their truth in the moment.

I could feel the immediate compassion of this writer’s possible unwritten beliefs: I’m not included. I don’t want to have to pay for love. The world is full of suffering. We need help. I need help. Something’s too hard.

I’ve believed all these, and felt the sadness.

And how do I react when I believe I’ve offended someone because I’ve charged a fee for services?

Sad again.

I also had an urge to defend and describe the amount of hours I give in my business for free. To describe my own devastation around money in the past. I want to tell everyone about my hardships still underway. As if that makes it better, makes me OK as a person.

I shouldn’t be charging anything.

Is that really true?

Of course not. It’s almost ridiculous.

Having money feels deeply supportive, to exchange for all the things I use it for like a roof, bed, clothing, pillows, refrigerator. I suppose I don’t need the money. I’ve known what it’s like to have none, and survived OK. But I do love having enough to pay for food and all the items that support the body functioning well. I love not borrowing from others but creating helpful programs to share with others who want them.

How do I react?

I feel a flash of guilt.

I’m blatantly flying in the face of the story “wanting money is the root of all evil.”

I’m not hiding it. I’m sharing it with the world, I’m creating events, I’m saying yes to invitations. I’m running a business. Money is moving about, in and out, to me, away from me.

When I believe the thought I’m doing something wrong with money, I feel like justifying. I want to say to you “I live in a 700 square foot cottage) and “my car is 20 years old” and “I never buy clothes or jewelry or luxury items of any kind”.

Heart sinks, I feel sorry for myself as I can’t imagine how to support myself without this thing called money–which suddenly isn’t a friend anymore, it’s an enemy by association.

So who would I be without this old guilt about money being evil, and charging being wrong, and spirituality or serving others being something that shouldn’t have a price….or not offending someone on the internet being important?

Ahhhhh.

I’d notice the way money touches us all, whether we care about having more of it or not, or wanting to be free of it or not, or having opinions about it or not.

Money is like the whole world, and love. It doesn’t judge. It goes anywhere (it doesn’t care if the person whose pocket it is in just stole it).

Without the thought I’m doing something wrong, I remember the first time someone sent me a donation.

I was shocked. What is this $10 for? And next to the paypal “I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your work in the world”.

And then someone sent $20. One day, another $20. One day someone sent $100. Then another time someone sent $500, with a beautiful “thank you for Grace Notes”. And again here came another $300. I’ve lost track.

So touching, so encouraging. So amazing. So generous.

How did I know I needed these unrequested contributions? I received them. They were so valuable to me. Showing me the generosity of humanity and the spice to keep going.

Turning the thought around: I should set fees for services, I should run a business, it’s OK to want money (not evil)…

….Maybe wanting money is even…beautiful, kind, loving (whatever the opposite of evil is).

Could this be just as true, or truer?

“We use stress and violence as a motivator to get things done. But I have the opposite experience than that. Love is the power.

Whatever comes up, if that thought brings peace or stress into your life, then do The Work. Self-inquiry is here to wake us up from our nightmares. If I am stressed out or uncomfortable, then it is up to me to wake me up. Freedom is an internal thing, where the mind meets itself and we end internal war. Freedom is when we love everything we think, everything we are, everything the mind creates. We learn the difference between imagination and reality….and it belongs to everyone and anyone.”
~ Byron Katie

Turning it all around, trying it all on:

Turning it all around:

• Year of Inquiry is not expensive, and it should be.
• I should charge fees, I should receive money. When others are helping or serving me, I should give them money.
• Everyone already IS allowed “in”, whether they pay for it or not. Yahoo! We’re all a part of the human family, doing our dances.
• If I’m helping others (or if anyone is helping others), there are already no price tags, or limits, put on it.
• Anyone can charge what they need, desire, want or find joy to ask. It’s unlimited and totally creative. (I’ve been amazed by programs I hear about where someone charges $8000 for 8 sessions, or other even higher fee programs).
• The woman writing the comment is in need. She doesn’t sound happy. I can gather her in my thoughts with loving kindness (I do). My thinking in this situation is in need (of inquiry especially). She was being unconditionally loving and supportive in sharing her thoughts with me, to help me see better my sense of strength with money–which I’ve needed for awhile.
• It’s OK if someone disagrees with me, or thinks what I’ve created is too expensive, or shouldn’t cost anything.

So true.

In fact, right now I have a greater sense of freedom with money, running a program, sharing what’s offered, spreading the news….noticing with joy who comes, who doesn’t, what happens, and trusting life, and money, as they unfold.

So exciting.

If it serves you to join a group to travel together questioning thoughts like “I need more money” and “they shouldn’t ask for so much” and all the places we think the world is suffering….I’d love to you have in Year of Inquiry.

You can still join this weekend, we get started in lives inquiry calls next week.

I love you all.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Everyone’s getting excited for fall retreat in Pennsylvania Oct 17-20, dorm style lodging in our great big beautiful amish-style vacation home. We can have a comfortable cot set up for you (lodging has a small separate fee). We’re sharing delicious food. And our minds get to do The Work. What could be better?