November 2015 – Page 3 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

November 4, 2015

Eating Peace: it’s your right to eat peacefully…these jewels help you do it

Webinar on Sunday, November 8th. 8:30 – 10:00 am. Share this email with others who may be seeking peace with eating. Learn six jewels to carry with you on the journey to peaceful eating.

(Also, two more webinars on Tuesday and Wednesday morning Nov. 10th and 11th both at 9:00 am. Open to everyone. I’ll be sure to send out news on how to join—put it on your calendar now).

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The journey to Eating Peace feels like a long one, if you’ve experienced eating angst over and over again, weight up and down, discouragement, failure, or repeated attempts to get this handled.

Everyone has a right to eating with peace, though.

Everyone has the absolute capacity for eating peace.

There are six beautiful jewels to use, like provisions for your journey, that support your freedom in every way.

Understanding each one, and how to use it well, is very important if you want an easier, simpler, more direct route from war to peace.

Here are the jewels I’m talking about:

Acceptance
Allowing
Identifying your thoughts
Questioning
Doing Nothing
Being/Receiving

Now, I know these are big generalized words that sound nice, but they kind of mean nothing unless I can explain more about how they’ve worked for me and what I mean.

Today I touch on these six jewels in this short video.

I don’t fully explain them all, it’s true.

But maybe you’ll begin to wonder about where you aren’t accepting, or what you don’t allow, just because I said the words “Acceptance”and “Allowing”.

Maybe you’ll consider what you might be thinking that causes stress, or fear, or lack of love, or loneliness…..which in turn causes eating to be off balance.

You might wonder about questioning all the things you think. You might open up to the idea that you don’t really know what’s true.

Even thoughts like “I shouldn’t eat after 6 pm” or “I have to push myself to exercise” or “there is something wrong with me.”

You might realize with the words “Doing Nothing” that you’re always thinking about what you should do.

You can hardly slow down, and it’s difficult to imagine doing nothing…..including Not Eating when you aren’t hungry, or starving yourself when you are.

Maybe you’ll get the sense of adding more Being to your life. Being who you really are. Relaxing, enjoying yourself as a human, not always trying to self-improve.

I have found, when I feel peace, I receive exactly what I need (no more, no less).

I am not hungry emotionally, I am not upset with myself for feeling a feeling.

I am faulty and imperfect and it’s funny instead of dreadful.

I hope you’ll join me for more in-depth conversation and teaching about these jewels that help so much to support peace within, and with eating.

When you think peacefully, with willingness and openness….

….not denying any difficult feeling, and not being against it either….

….then you will eat peacefully, too.

Let me know what your biggest questions are about eating.

What are you concerns, the areas you experience war, the places you feel the worst about eating?

Send me your questions by hitting reply, or by leaving a comment below the video on youtube.

I can’t wait to work with the wonderful group gathering to learn these principles and take a 3 month adventure together, for greater understanding and peaceful eating. Your questions, even if you aren’t joining right now, help me to prepare.

Eating Peace: It’s your birthright to eat peacefully

Peace,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Online: 12 Week Immersion to address emotional eating and move from war to peace. We start November 17th. Join before November 11th for the huge 30% discount.

November 3, 2015

You deserve to end terrorism and live in peace

lightintunnel — question your terrorized thinking, change your terrorized world

Last night the Year of Inquiry group gathered to start our third month topic for the year, inquiring together.

The topic?

Those People.

The people you can’t stand.

The ones who are driving you nuts like a gnat that won’t stop buzzing your ear on a hot summer night….

….or the ones who are terrifying you because they’re committing horrifying, atrocious crimes against humanity.

Can you do The Work on even these dreadful experiences in the human condition, like war, violence, terror, loss, genocide, democide, prejudice?

Of course you can.

But here’s the deal.

An inquirer on our call made a telling and very helpful comment….

…..”I just can’t get to ‘neutral’ on this topic.”

You know what I said?

Don’t try.

Answer the questions openly, honestly, with no expectation.

Look, look again.

Do this work without any thought of the outcome, because you want to know what’s true for you.

Ten years ago, I attended my very first New Year’s Cleanse with Byron Katie.

This is Katie’s annual event where she sits up on stage with one person after another, each one courageously taking their seat in an empty chair opposite Katie to do The Work.

(By the way, I just bought my ticket and can’t wait to give you a hug if you’re going to Los Angeles for the Cleanse this New Year’s, too!)

Back then, as I watched and listened with rapt attention, a woman took her seat next to Katie and slowly, carefully, read a worksheet on the holocaust.

Wow, I thought from the audience.

How can we ever find peace with the holocaust? Or Rwanda? Or the burning bodies and apartheid in South Africa (where I lived in 1975-1976)?

Not possible, I thought.

Too sad. Too horrible.

But who would you be without your belief about those people? The ones who are hurting so many others?

Not denial, but looking very closely without your labels of them, the labels that point at them: evil, monsters, sick, violent, enraged, wrong, psychopaths.

Or the less frightening people we know yet we feel upset in their presence: angry, critical, needy, controlling, narcissistic, selfish, disruptive, rude, neglectful.

Without these assessments, who would you be?

Some people think…..but I have to keep these labels.

Otherwise, I won’t know who to stay away from, who to hide from, how to stay safe!

Are you sure?

Are you sure you need stressful thinking to remain safe?

Are you positive it is not possible to be safe with these humans who are acting in such difficult or shocking ways?

Are you sure you couldn’t face them, or be the one to offer peace, instead of fear?

No.

The woman in the chair doing The Work on the holocaust gave me the chance to consider that peace still lives, even after death and destruction that appears absolutely hopeless.

As she began to consider who she would be without her thoughts….

….I had to go pace at the back of the room, suddenly.

A magnificent lightbulb went off in my head, in my entire body.

I was shaking lightly.

I suddenly was filled with recognition that love and peace could prevail, that they were bigger and broader than any human horror.

There was no absolute darkness.

Here we were all, people gathered together, looking at that horrible, twisted experience from the future, with care and attention.

Examples were spilling into my mind, pictures of what rises out of events you think could never be resolved.

I saw scenes of reconciliation that I genuinely knew about.

People who have been through the worst sh*t you could ever imagine…..

…..live their lives into eventual peace.

They even go on to support others ending their suffering.

Walking back and forth in the back of the big convention room, I saw a vision in my mind of triangular shapes of white muslin, all sewn together like a baseball with golden thread.

Light beams were shooting out from the holes the thread made.

The ball of white muslin was floating gently away from planet earth, carrying all the thousands of people who died in the holocaust, the brightness shining magnificently from them all, as they floated away from earth into the heavens.

It doesn’t mean it’s OK terrible things happen or that any of us ever want them to. We don’t.

All I know is, after that day listening to the inquiry and doing my own through it, another chunk dropped away from my own ancient, dense belief system about humanity and the way things end.

I understood my terror of what humans were capable of clouded my vision of what was possible, or how I could help.

I also understood something else is handling All This, and it can’t really be explained.

Without the judgments in my mind, something else is possible instead of complete despair and resignation.

Maybe your heart breaks into a million pieces with some of what you’ve experienced, and what you’ve witnessed, and what you’ve read about and been told.

But love is still present anyway, and so is life.

That’s what I notice to be true.

“How does it feel to hate? And then what happens when you hate? And you have to find a way of defending that position. You have to prove that you’re right about your hatred. That it’s valid and worthwhile. And how does it feel to live that way? How do you react when you think the thought that they’re evil and ignorant?….I live in peace, and that’s what everyone deserves. We all deserve to end our own terrorism.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much Love,

Grace

November 2, 2015

I shouldn’t be judging this…..but I am

This month has so many wonderful gatherings in it, whether in person or on the phone, I’m soooo excited.

*Meetup North Seattle (at Goldilocks Cottage) Sunday, 11/8 2-4 pm.

*In-Person 8 Month Group Sundays 3-6 pm starts 11/22 (only one spot left now)

*Eating Peace free webinar Thinking Peace, Eating Peace November 8th 8:30-10 am PT

*Eating Peace Online 3 month program starts 11/17 (huge early-bird discount ends 11/10)

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The other day, I was watching someone in a deli while they were eating.

Have you ever found yourself gazing at people with fascination?

This person had no idea I was looking. I was waiting in line some distance away, he was facing a huge window, looking out.

The bites of food this man took were all very quick, almost like he was tossing in the finger food he was eating, some kind of chip. He then ate something that looked like chocolate covered raisins, and in between, huge fast bites of a sandwich.

He had a really big belly, I noticed, but otherwise fairly balanced in size and shape. He looked tall, but not super tall. Husky, strong.

Then I noticed the thought drift in “he’d be good-looking if not for that belly.”

And on the tail of this idea….the thought I shouldn’t think something like that.

The lack of acceptance continues!

Why don’t I just look and see, without judgment?

Do you ever notice yourself judging yourself for having a judgment?

I shouldn’t judge people for being slow. I shouldn’t judge people for being overweight. I shouldn’t judge people for being rude. I shouldn’t judge people for being controlling. I shouldn’t judge people for being needy. I shouldn’t judge people for interrupting.

I should be more accepting. All the time.

But I notice THAT thought being stressful too.

Who would you be without the belief that a) you should stop judging, and b) that you ARE judging when you think thoughts?

Can you make yourself stop thinking?

If you try….good luck with that.

Who would you be without the belief that your mind is your enemy, and it’s too judgmental?

Hmmm.

Kinda different, right?

We’re always thinking we should be super cool peaceful, accepting and gentle-minded all the time.

Embarrassing to admit the judgments….especially when we’ve learned they’re mean and persnickety and childish.

But what if you gave your childish thoughts some time, and allowed them to be heard?

Who would I be without the belief that man I watched eating would be better with a flat belly?

And, without the belief I shouldn’t notice my mind having the thought in the first place?

I may notice the great interest and attraction I have to the state of Not Grabbing, of Slowing Down.

With eating, or with anything wanted and reached for, I love calm.

I notice speed or need for anything can be questioned.

It doesn’t mean you should question it, if you enjoy and love the attraction.

How funny that it can be dropped, or fade away, through pausing and wondering if it’s true I need that thing, that item, that person, that feeling, that condition.

Turning the original thought around, that I shouldn’t judge the man’s body…..

…..I should judge it.

My mind is a thinking machine, spewing out judgments all day long.

How is it OK that I judge?

Well, I can see that this judgment is a very small part of me. It pops up out of the wide open ocean of thought. It’s not the entire truth of me (whatever that is) in that moment, watching a man eat.

It tells me what I prefer, what I don’t.

It reminds me of my own journey, and how many millions of bites of food and thoughts I took in my life that were fast and unconscious, and how stuffed my stomach sometimes became, and how desperate I once was.

There may be judgments you have, that you recognize, that simply show you which way to move.

They beam you towards what you find more appealing. It’s OK that you like and don’t like. It’s all change-able, it’s all moving constantly.

“I prefer bottled to tap water. I buy it at a gas station or a grocery store or the little shop in the hotel. I look at the brands of bottled water, curious to see which one my hand will choose, and loving that I never can know until it actually picks up the bottle. I enjoy the trip from the cooler to the cash register. The cashier is a man or a woman, young or old, white or dark or Asian. We usually exchange a few words. It isn’t a little thing. All my life I have been waiting to meet this person. I feel a surge of gratitude for my preferences. I love where they take me.” ~ Byron Katie

My preferences, my judgments, my stressful thoughts, my pleasurable thoughts….

….all the mind’s activity, coming into light and being honored, being seen, being respected….

….I love where they take me.

Whatever kind of journey my preferences take me on, I learn, and I love.

And often, I also laugh.

Hilarious: That guy shouldn’t be eating!

Much Love,

Grace

November 2, 2015

You don’t have to try so hard to be _____ (fill in the blank)

The flowers don’t try to be good, or to wake up. They grow, they bloom, they die….the way it is.

Yesterday I had the most wonderful privilege of hanging out with Francis Bennett (author of Finding Grace and a Trappist monk for 30 years) and about ten other loving people.

Rain literally hammered on the windows of the home we were in.

Outside it was a misty, dark Pacific Northwest day.

But inside it was warm, bright and lively in our little gathering. Candles were lit, the fireplace burned. We had hot tea and snacks.

While Francis has beautiful messages to share….I mention my time with him most importantly because of two sweet perceptions and beliefs I held that got questioned for me, by listening to him and being in his presence.

I was raised attending church every Sunday in the Episcopal religion. Church was extremely important to my parents.

I remember well the church of my earliest years in Lawrence, Kansas….then the cathedral I went to for the rest of my life while in the home of my parents (and for many services afterwards, too).

My family sat in the second pew, middle section.

The feel, smell, sensations, sights and sounds in the cathedral bring back memories every time I enter.

I haven’t thought about some of the authors, quotes, or stories Francis shared in many years.

During the day together, thinking about his sharing about “surrender” and “service” I had these vague memories surface of how I used to feel in church.

I should be really good.

This came on bigger and louder during early teenage years.

(Francis, by the way, gives the opposite message: be the way you are, be human, embrace yourself, embrace your reactions, let it be the way it is, love you).

Even if you’ve never been in religious practice growing up as a child, you might notice you have ideas about what a good person is, what a bad person is (MUST AVOID!).

Even if you do not EVER use the word “good” (you might even rebel wildly against it) you may notice you have ideas about what is coolest, what is successful, what you wish you could be like, what you “should” be doing to be better than you are now.

The other day, a client was visiting her parents who are aging.

She was choked up in tears.

“I should clean their house, I should be doing their yard work, I should live closer, I should be thinking about how to take care of them, I should have more money….”

She was full of despair about her lack of goodness, even if she wasn’t putting it that way.

Who would you be without the belief, though, that you should be different?

What if you could try on the idea that there is nothing more required?

Not to be the best child to your parents, or the best parent to your kids, or the best business owner, or the best spiritual person, or the best physically conditioned person you could be, or the best helper.

Not even the best enlightened person, or person seeking awakening?

I sat there yesterday and had this idea I’ve had before, to question the belief there are any mistakes, or “wrong” ways of doing things.

Perhaps there are most efficient ways of doing and being, but we’re learning it every day, careening along, sometimes going off track, returning to the center, forgetting, remembering, moving in chaos, acting really childish, acting really mature, and eventually feeling the presence of peace all the time, no matter what.

I love how we all love peace so much, even if we’ve been very confused by our surroundings and our minds and perceptions.

Turning the thought around: I should be exactly as I am, no more, no less. I should not be good. (You might even have fun laughing with the turnaround that you should be really bad).

I am simply this….

….I am.

No good, no bad, no right, no wrong, no pros and cons.

Just a feeling deeply under, back beneath and behind even the “I am” feeling of being someone, or something that even then needs to strive to be good or work hard or win or achieve or succeed.

You don’t even have to “get” it particularly.

All you need to do is stop and feel a stillness inside…..

…..and not believe your thoughts that you won’t be happy or good unless you “try” hard to get happy or good.

Kind of amazing, right?

I sometimes share the words of one of my favorite teachers, who is also very intense and not to be taken like a pill of self-criticism.

But I love his straight lazer-knife talk.

“No ambition is spiritual. All ambitions are for the sake of the ‘I am’. If you want to make real progress you must give up all idea of personal attainment. The ambitions of the so-called Yogis are preposterous. A man’s desire for a woman is innocence itself compared to the lusting for an everlasting personal bliss. The mind is a cheat. The more pious it seems, the worse the betrayal.” ~ Nisargadatta

What if you let go of the ambition to be the most incredible person you could ever be, and dropped your pushing?

What if you gave yourself a break?

Rest today, even for five minutes.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy.

Listen to Peace Talk on this same topic today.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE GOOD.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. If you’re interested in finding out more about Eating Peace Online starting November 17th, make sure you update your subscription preferences to receive Eating Peace News. Click “change preferences” on the little print at the bottom of this email. Huge early bird discount for Eating Peace ends November 10th.

November 1, 2015

Questioning stressful stories gives your ancestors freedom too

who would you be without your stressful story? And you can keep the story you love.

Last night I attended a Halloween party.

We call it Halloween, but it’s also known as All Hallows Eve, or Samhain from it’s Celtic roots.

A time when the veil is thinned between the living and the dead, and we remember and honor those who came before us.

In the Celtic tradition, a huge feast was prepared on this night, and places set for the souls of those who have died. Spirits, fairies, contact with what is beyond.

My father’s family roots, the Bells, all came from Scots-Irish lands.

They knew these traditions and myths deeply.

Where I was last night, since people were disguised (also part of the ancient Celtic tradition, in case you didn’t want a spirit to recognize and haunt you) there was a sense of all the wilder personalities and characters of humankind appearing.

I chose to wear an elegant green pantsuit from the early 1960s my grandmother cherished. It had tiny rhinestones punched into the v-neck in three rows, and a huge wide green sash with rhinestones decorating the ends.

It felt perfect for me to honor my grandmother Eleanor. She immigrated as a Swede-Finn to New York City around 1915 at age five. She spoke no English.

She used to tell my sisters and I stories about learning about America, and a hard and funny moment when she tried to say “safety pin” but her accent using English was too strong, and no one could understand her.

She spoke about her four siblings often, and how she met my grandfather, and what it was like to be twenty years old in New York and single, in 1930.

I wish I could ask her so many more questions, now. I was too young to think of the questions back then.

She died in 1986.

But this is what I notice I am so grateful for today, on what is also known as All Souls Day, Samhain.

I am here in this body because of a life force that has moved through this world, in the forth of inception and birth, through other humans known as my ancestors.

Life is temporary for us all, and for them too.

They lived lives, some of them crossing huge wide oceans in boats to get to the same continent where I live now.

In questioning thoughts and stories, we constantly wonder “who would I be without this belief?”

Who would you be without your story?

But it does not mean that all is erased (even if it no longer exists) and annihilated.

I actually now remember and care more for this strange suit called a body, and all those who came before me who also had these suits and wore them here, for a temporary time.

I honor the life force that hums, and still hums now for these ancestors, through what is here now.

Today, I remember Port and Eleanor, Obetra and Burt. I remember my father Aldon. I remember my great grandparents Tom and Mary, Val and Grace, Frank and Bertha, and the two from Finland I can’t remember their names right now.

For me, the most precious thing really, outside of this movie of life, is the gratitude for the ones I can’t remember or never knew their names.

I imagine the time, the late 1800s, the mid 1800s, the 1700s. Flashes of pictures in the mind of what these times looked like, although we could never really be inside them except with this mind.

Without needing to know the details of the story, I know there was a story, and it was a story full of life–no matter how long or short that life–and it was full of suffering and difficulty, and also joy and happiness.

Even if any of these living beings did not feel the silent emptiness of peace within, or even when I have not in this lifetime, I see that all is carried along by an unknown mystery.

No matter what happened, I am now here.

Everyone of these humans held the “I am”.

Just like you.

“Ecstasy is the only thing God knows. God’s nature is eternal, conscious bliss. No mater what you’ve done, you’re not going to be the one thing that ruins it.” ~ Michael Singer

No one else can ruin it either.

If you think they can, continue to question that story.

Send it back today, to where it came from.

A mystery that can hold it all.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. two spots left for monthly group of inquirers into difficult stories, in Seattle. Read about it and register HERE.