Ultimately everyone is on their own when it comes to behavior change.
The good news is you can be.
You can stop, you can get help, you can explore, you can investigate exactly what’s going on with your individual life and experience.
He Has A Violent Temper and Other Big Deal Inquiry
There is something about those moments where great sorrow, violence, trauma, pain, and sadness are born.
These can be very, very powerful for The Work and self-inquiry.
And a bit difficult, you know?
Sudden accidents. Violence. War. People fighting. Physical pain.
Last night, in Year of Inquiry group, a courageous inquirer read his worksheet from age five.
We’re jumping into our first month with the topic being Family of Origin (I love saying FOO, a phrase coined by my graduate school program).
Some of these past moments, the most stressful ones, are vivid in our minds and hearts. They may have affected us our entire lives, or so it seems.
“My father had a violent temper” and “I want him to stop hitting”.
These are so straight-forward.
The wonderful simple thought of a five year old writing his beliefs (and really, an adult writing from the future–which is now–too).
How could I possibly be without the thought “this is a violent temper” or “I want him to stop hitting”?
Seriously?
They are soooo true. They are absolutely true.
But stop a moment.
Don’t go all the way to the far reaches of space when you imagine being without these thoughts. Or that you’re crazy, because you remember for a fact that your dad went into a rage.
First, simply notice who you are in this moment, right now, without the beliefs running through your body and mind and soul associated with terrible, painful memories.
Do you notice you are here, breathing, even sitting in a quiet room on a comfortable chair?
You made it.
You didn’t die from that terrible situation.
Good to notice.
This work, for me, is about looking at what is true. Not putting ideas, judgments, or beliefs on it.
Seeing, without deciding anything about what happened.
It is NOT about denial, or thinking “Hey, no problem my dad hit my mom, I’m OK with that.”
Of course you’re not OK with that.
No one in their right, loving mind would be OK with that.
But it’s questioning the impact of those situations, those moments.
To question them, I find…..
…..something shifts and becomes less vicious or intense.
The energy or anger or rage is dispersed.
To question these frightening, loud, crazy, intense moments brings clarity, strength, and noticing much more than what was happening at only those moments.
What is true?
Can I dare to question it?
What do I notice about reality?
I see that here on planet earth, sudden and destructive and crashing things happen.
Loud noises, injuries, bodies getting severed or dying, disease, people yelling, wars, weapons, fighting, fists punching, things breaking.
Who would you be without the focus on all this as the end of the world, as completely overwhelming, or that you can’t handle it or we don’t make it through such situations?
Who would you be without the belief you couldn’t handle it? Or that the person who was a perpetrator (if you have one you can picture) was evil and shouldn’t have existed?
I notice they did exist.
And I find, as I sit still with this idea over and over that such occurrences happen in humanity, I continually notice that in my life I get to explore another way. I get to study anger, and rage, and violence and addiction, and see what else feels more right, more natural.
Who would you be without your thoughts that there are some things that are too much to bear?
Bearing it.
“When inquiry is alive inside you, thoughts don’t pull you away from loving whatever happens, as it happens. Pain is always on its way out; it’s the story of a past. All the pain we have ever suffered, all the pain that any human being on this planet has ever suffered, is gone in this present moment. We live in a state of grace.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy.
If you have questions about denial, or being too passive if you do The Work, these are powerful observations and worthy of deeply questioning and bringing to the process.
See what is true for you. Really, really true.
All I know is, everything that’s ever happened that felt horrible for me has turned out to be OK now, manageable, even wonderful teaching.
It’s not denial, or trying to fake positivity, or being unreal about something difficult happening.
These things happen. They are worthy of deep inquiry, to see the truth for yourself.
Who you would be without thought.
“The master is the woman who dented your car, the man who stepped in front of you in line at the supermarket, the old friend who accused you of being selfish and unkind. Do you love the Master yet? There’s no peace until you do.” ~ Byron Katie
The master could be someone who has done much worse.
But what is your truest nature?
Love, or war?
You don’t even have to decide.
Much Love, Grace
Stab The Computer With A Knife
I was trying to do something that I was told was simple.
You just download it, and voila….after a short configuration, you’ve got a great forum for your peeps.
I should have been more alert when I read “short configuration”.
But I’m pretty good at figuring out tech stuff. I rather enjoy it. I’ve built my whole entire website (with some VERY important help a couple of times, mind you) by myself.
I don’t know how to write code and I’m not going to learn. But I do like DIY.
Do It Yourself.
I didn’t want to hire some stranger (again) and not know what they did or how to repeat it or how to upgrade or make edits or add content myself.
What I was trying to do was supposed to be easy.
Create a private forum (finally, it’s about time) for my Year of Inquiry members. So they can post worksheets, comment, ask questions, share insights.
About 16 hours later (seriously, all morning Saturday starting around 5:30 am, Sunday early hours ticking by also, yesterday around 4 hours more).
Reading, watching youtube videos, learning.
OK, I got it.
This is gonna be great!
I installed several plug-ins and bam.
My screen went white.
Someone who I was asking a few questions on facebook said “Um, I don’t see your website anywhere. Did it disappear?”
ARRRRGGGGG!!!!
Call the website hosting company, hang out on hold, they disable all the plug-ins (its OK if you have no idea what I’m talking about) and then my site comes back on line.
Which is good, I guess.
But my thoughts weren’t that fun….
- this is ridiculous!
- can’t someone figure this out for me–I will pay!
- I hate this stuff!
- I want to be writing, working on a podcast, creating a webinar, answering my emails, updating OTHER things on my website
- this is taking too long!
Woah. That is one heck of a stressful belief, and a very, very common one:
This is taking too long!!!!
You might think this about a project you’re doing, but you also might think this about someone else’s project, or how fast they’re walking, or how fast they’re cleaning up, or why the line you’re waiting in isn’t getting shorter.
What is going on with this queue (if you’re in England)?
Jeezus!
Let’s inquire!
Is it true that the thing you have thought to be taking too long….
….IS taking too long?
Too long for what? For who?
Too long for ME!
It’s true!
This is torture!
Can you absolutely know this is true?
No.
Who would you be without this belief?
Without the belief it’s taking too long, or too short for that matter?
Who would you be without the thought that there’s a length of time something should take, and it’s not going that way (in your opinion)?
As Byron Katie might joke….”Who needs God when we have you?”
Without the belief, I’d stop thinking about all the alternate things I could have, would have or should have been doing for the past three days.
I’d relax.
I’d keep asking, then letting go, then asking, then letting go….and moving on to fun, interesting, other things.
Like writing this Grace Note. And working with clients.
Turning the thought around:
It’s taking just the right amount of time.
How could this be just as true, or truer?
Nothing terrible happened. No one died.
I learned a bunch of things.
I had a nice chat with a support person, and a facebook chat with a lovely woman web developer in New Mexico.
I finally dropped all effort and went out on my bicycle and felt wind in my hair, and my breath pumping in and out, and saw the tall trees with leaves fluttering madly.
I laughed with my daughter when she came in from school, telling her I’ve been sitting in this room all day trying to figure out one thing, to no avail.
I got to stop and work with a client at 9 am and again at 11:30 am even though Mondays I try not to fill with clients. I wasn’t even thinking about wordpress forum plug-ins when facilitating The Work.
Without the thought that anything, ever, has taken too long?
Wow.
I’m aware of advantages for things that take awhile, advantages for things that take a short amount of time, advantages for not getting involved.
If it was shorter, it would be too soon.
If it was longer, it would be too long.
But it isn’t.
It is just the right amount of time.
Even this life that I’m living. It is not over yet. I have lived just the right amount of 54 years so far, and will live just the right amount longer, for a brilliant, perfect, sweet life full of learning, growing, imagining, waiting, awakening, being.
It does take a load off, don’t you think?
What advantages can you find for things taking the time they take?
Even your five year old getting dressed, or your grandma walking down the store aisle, or your teenager taking a shower, or your partner finding a job, or the contractor putting in the new kitchen floor.
“All things–all beings and all activities, no matter how ordinary–are equal expressions of the Infinite. There is no more or less Infinite, no higher or lower Infinite….If you could all at once stop believing your dreaming mind and be completely still right in the midst of your present state, the Infinite would effortlessly present itself.” ~ Adyashanti
Ah.
This quote by Adya just appeared, without much effort or looking.
All in an ordinary act of stopping, doing The Work, writing, thinking, stopping.
What advantages can you find of things taking as long as they take?
Much Love, Grace
I Need Her To Like Me, And Stay
Upcoming in-person events:
- Sept 19 Seattle Mini Retreat 1:30-5:30 at my cottage (4 CEUs)
- Sept 20 Meetup 2-4 pm The Work of Byron Katie North Seattle
- Sept 25-27 Seattle 3-Day Retreat (room for 3 more)
- October 9-11 Eating Peace Seattle 3-Day Immersion Retreat
- November 13-15 Eating Peace San Francisco area
Two more spots open in Year of Inquiry, the whole-year alive practice in The Work via phone/skype, recorded sessions, and an online private forum for sharing your work with a small group for a year with new topics each month.
*************
Byron Katie says that seeking love, approval and appreciation from anything outside of yourself is one of the most painful experiences of suffering in the human condition.
She has said frequently to audiences that if she had only one prayer, it would be to NOT seek love, approval or appreciation from anyone.
I am sometimes astonished by the tendency of thought to entertain and hold ideas that have to do with this very thing.
- I don’t think he likes me
- what did she mean by that look (or that comment)?
- she criticized me
- he left me
- he doesn’t understand me
- I could get fired any day now
- I did something wrong, or I could soon
Sometimes, when I look clearly and closely at this place of concern, it’s like there’s been a beacon on the top of my head, a huge search light scanning every relationship I’ve ever encountered.
This search light is scanning to make sure everyone around me is calm, relaxed, happy, secure, and enjoying themselves.
If they aren’t…..uh oh.
There’s a problem.
(Oh, and by the way…..if they are TOO calm, relaxed, happy, secure and full of joy then we might put them on up a pedestal, or we might be jealous of their good fortune or wonder how they got like that).
In any case, there’s a measurement happening, with this kind of thought pattern and awareness of how much love, approval or appreciation is coming in our direction.
Categorizing people into points on a scale for positivity, clarity, enlightenment, capacity to serve, how fun they are, and how well they connect with us.
And inside the gut, a childlike sense of worry.
Does that person like me? Do they approve of what I’m doing, or what I did? Do they appreciate what I’m like, or what I offer? Do they love me? Will they be kind?
Am I safe? Will I be abandoned?
Let’s take a look.
Find one person in your life who you’ve worried sometimes if they care about you, or love you, or approve of you or appreciate you.
Byron Katie found this energy rose with great intensity with her own mother.
Ahhhh…..mother.
If you want to go to a core place for learning about love, visit mom or dad in your inquiry.
Find a situation when you knew this person did not appreciate you, did not love you.
This can be done with anyone. Anyone who you think, in some disturbing situation, they didn’t like something about you.
Today, for some reason, more of a stranger comes to mind.
Someone I don’t know very well.
This woman left a retreat I was teaching.
She was brand new to The Work. I’m not even sure how she found the retreat. At the end of only the first day, she left a note reporting that another participant made her so uncomfortable, she couldn’t take it. She left after sunset, quietly without telling anyone else.
She was gone.
Other people were noticing an intensity with this same interesting person who was a part of this retreat. The woman who left was not alone.
I should have handled the group dynamic differently. I should have done a better job.
I can go to that moment, the one where I found out this woman left.
Come back! No! Don’t ditch out so quick! Wait!
And then, this voice–the one that seeks appreciation–came into form.
Even if I understand her reasons for leaving….she should trust me, let me help her, come to me for assurance.
She doesn’t trust me. She thinks I can’t do the job of creating safety for the group.
Is it true?
Yes. I could have done better. She was too new to self-inquiry. She’ll never come back. This isn’t good.
Can you absolutely know that it’s true that she doesn’t true you?
No. I have no idea what she trusts or doesn’t trust.
I really don’t know.
How do you react when you believe someone doesn’t trust you?
How do you react when you think you should have done something different, so someone would stay with you?
This thought arises in love relationships all the time.
And remember mom? Or dad?
Did they ever show you the very same belief in living color?
Did mom or dad ever think you should trust them, but you didn’t? Did you ever think they should trust you, but they didn’t?
How do I react when I think someone is uncomfortable?
I might assume I’m responsible. Even the tiniest bit.
My mind races on how to make them more comfortable, how to help them calm down.
They should feel love, I should feel love, everyone should feel LOVE.
Whatever “love” is. We should all feel it.
So who would you be without the belief that anyone should trust you, ever?
Who would you be without the thought that someone should stay in your presence, stay at a retreat you’re leading, stay in the relationship you have with them, stay connected–whatever connected looks like or feels like, for you?
Huh.
Wow.
Without the belief that connection has been compromised, no matter what is going on? Even if people leave?
Without the belief that someone isn’t trusting me, and they should?
Without the belief that someone should like me, and they don’t?
Without the belief that I need anyone’s approval, or appreciation, ever?
Holy smokes!!
This is one of the most liberating feelings.
A feeling of going back to something extremely, deeply, impenetrably innocent.
A sense of being a child, or an angel, beyond this tiny human life I apparently inhabit.
Without the thought that it’s important for anyone to love me, I suddenly remember the feeling of expansive……well…..I could call it “love”.
A centered, warm, alive feeling deep in my entire torso.
I feel connected to everything. Connected to this moment, this presence right here.
The floor beneath my feet, the earth, this early morning kitchen, the light beginning to glow outside, the soft white couch, the lamp, the brown pillow, the waking up daughter coming in a putting her head on my shoulder for a moment to read what I’m writing.
Who would you be without the thought you need love?
Who would you be without the thought you need that woman from that retreat to remain present physically in the retreat and not leave?
I would feel laughter, acceptance.
People can come and go and do whatever they do.
They can like, or not like, things I say or write or do or express. They can resonate with what’s happening, or not, and do what they need to do, without my getting involved.
Turning these thoughts around:
- I don’t trust myself. I don’t think I can do the job of creating safety for the group.
-
I don’t think I like myself
-
what did I make it mean with her look (or comment)?
-
she complimented me, I criticized her, I criticized myself
-
he did not leave me, I left myself, I left him
- I don’t understand myself, or him, and he doesn’t understand me
- I could never get fired, I could fire myself or fire this job
- I did something right
Today with all these opposites, and holding the feeling in my heart and body of not believing the stressful need for love, approval or appreciation…..
…..I connect with whoever shows up around me.
Why would I need anything more, or different, than this? It’s almost absurd to care, without the belief that I need anyone’s appreciation, or love.
I even connect with whoever isn’t showing up right now, and people who have left and are far away, if they come to mind.
I trust the Universe, Reality, God, Source, Life to handle what’s going on around here.
And I don’t even have to trust it to handle anything….it is going the way it goes without me demanding anything, including approval.
“In order to be truly free, you must desire to know the truth more than you want to feel good. Because if feeling good is your goal, then as soon as you feel better you will lose interest in what is true. This does not mean that feeling good or experiencing love and bliss is a bad thing. Given the choice, anyone would choose to feel bliss rather than sorrow. It simply means that if this desire to feel good is stronger than the yearning to see, know, and experience Truth, then this desire will always be distorting the perception of what is Real, while corrupting one’s deepest integrity.” ~ Adyashanti
What I notice in Reality is people coming and going. People feeling whatever they feel towards me, and towards themselves. Me feeling whatever I’m feeling towards others, towards me.
It changes and flows like breath, in and out, like the tide, like day and night.
Love, approval or appreciation is Here, then Not Here.
Contact then no contact.
Leaving and staying.
Remembering and forgetting about the woman who left the retreat leaving a note and slipping away after sunset.
Trusting her to take care of herself perfectly for where she was, where I was, what was required in reality.
Who would you be without your story that appreciation, or approval from someone, or trust, or love is required for you to feel good?
Laughing. Crying. Being. Silent.
Filled with appreciation, approving of this room and this brilliant moment, loving being a little battery buzz of life force doing whatever this thing does called Grace.
Much Love, Grace
Lion, Friend, Father, Me, and Death
Several weeks ago, a dear inquirer wrote to ask me to talk about the poaching incident of Cecil the Lion.
If you haven’t heard of this before, a beloved lion was killed in Zimbabwe last June.
Animal cruelty is a huge topic of stress and pain for people.
I’ve heard people do The Work often on the suffering of animals.
It’s odd, but for me personally I’ve wondered why I don’t have any worksheets on animals getting hurt or killed.
Somehow, the death and life and death and life cycle with animals, even when cruel, feels like the way of it for me.
It’s not like I haven’t cared for an animal ever. I had an animal I loved very much when I was growing up. Our family dog Albert.
We also had mice, gerbils, guinea pigs, cats and rabbits at various times, and I remember many dying.
But whatever your thoughts, when they are stressful and you feel pain, you can take them to inquiry.
I honor and understand anyone’s experience when they see animals and their suffering, and feel suffering themselves.
So what are your beliefs?
- It shouldn’t have happened
- The person who killed Cecil was horrible, wrong, a murderer
- Cecil should have lived
- Cecil should have been protected
- This is a tragedy
- The killing must stop
These thoughts are the same as in war, or about human life, about violent or sudden death and dying, about your own pet and companion dying.
And you can take anything, absolutely anything, through the four questions.
Let’s find out where it takes us.
This tragedy shouldn’t have happened. It was wrong. The killer is a horrible person. Cecil should have been protected.
Is it true?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Yes.
It’s OK to answer yes when something seems profoundly wrong. This is not about you making a mind-flip or changing what you feel entirely, or being in denial.
When it comes to violence, and shock, there is often a deep and tormented “no” and a great cry of grief.
I say, for me, let it be there.
In this situation, perhaps your answer to the question “is it true?” is Yes.
Keep going.
How do you react when you believe these thoughts, that the way this magnificent lion died was wrong?
Enraged. Helpless. Hopeless. Furious. Wanting justice.
What happens in your body? How do you feel about being a human being? What pictures move through your mind?
What I notice is….these are truly just pictures.
You were not there, at the death. You don’t really know what happened.
You can simply notice this. For me, it puts a crack in the answer that this is true. Perhaps I’m not so sure.
So who would you be without the beliefs that this was a terrible, cruel mistake and never should have happened?
For me, my mind simply goes a little blank.
It’s hard to capture who I would be without the belief that a death was cruel, and violent, when it appears that’s exactly what it was.
And yet, I can also notice the room I am in here on this continent. Very, very far away from Africa.
It’s not a denial of life and death happening out there everywhere, just a noticing that in my head there is a picture of a murdered animal, but I am not in the physical presence of a murdered animal.
Without the thought, I am in my own surroundings.
I am in my own alive body, aware of the temporariness of life, but right here, still living.
I am full of love for living creatures and all the mixed up ideas humans get about life and death.
Without the belief that it’s a tragedy, or unforgivable, or 100% wrong, or absolutely unacceptable….
….I take a deep breath.
What if it was OK to come and go?
Yesterday, a dear friend of mine died.
She had breast cancer, and the last time I saw her she was in terrible physical pain and I realized how very sick she had become. A huge mass bulged near her right arm and collar bone, her body was shutting down and not working.
It brought me to tears. I held her hand and looked into her eyes.
Without the belief that this was completely unacceptable and entirely wrong and without being against cancer and dying and pain….
….who would I be?
I would be with my friend even with my heart breaking, loving her and knowing she will be in my heart even without a body on this earth.
I would feel the fierceness of grace, the gift of moving on out of this body, the surrender to whatever is running everything around here, falling back into All This.
I will go too, one day.
If it is the same age as my friend, I would only have 6 years left in this life. The same age as my when my father died.
Whenever it is, it will happen.
There will be a birth date, a dash, and a death date one day for me, for you, for all of us.
And for the animals.
It appears that some of us go suddenly, with an arrow or a gun like Cecil.
It appears that some of us get hit by cars, or fall off cliffs, or drown in water, or shoot ourselves with a gun, or have diseases that begin to take over the rest of the functions of the physical body.
Some of us die in our sleep at age 98.
Who would we be without the belief that death shouldn’t ever come, or shouldn’t come violently, or shouldn’t come with pain, or shouldn’t happen?
For me, all I can see is that without these beliefs about death, I’m not arguing with reality.
If I even move past this awareness, and into the possibility of turning these thoughts around to their opposites….
….I feel a strange and deep sob that contains a flame of light somehow. An unknowing.
Something feels radical, radical, radical.
Like I’m seeing ideas that are wild, crazy, revolutionary…..and yet….
….possible, and maybe even liberating.
- It should have happened
- Any killing that happens is done out of innocence, out of believing thoughts, out of life living itself
- Cecil should have died
- I should have been protected
- This is something that can be overcome
- The thinking must stop
How could any of these turnarounds be true?
It’s not to become cruel yourself, or find happiness in death.
Only to see the way of it and bow to what is greater than ourselves with a question mark, a willingness to not know and not believe all our thoughts.
I see now that death should happen, because it does happen.
I’m not sure why.
When I first did The Work on the death of my father, which happened many years ago, I was able to find that there were benefits.
It’s almost outrageous and frightening to see them, or confess them.
But because my father died, I had to stand on my own two feet. I had to find my own answers to questions I previously asked him. I had to earn my own living once and for all. I cracked open with grief and sobbed and sobbed, which is something I hadn’t been able to previously do in my young life back then, even during therapy. I got closer to my sisters.
There are probably more reasons why it was not just OK, but even of some importance for my own life, that my father died.
Today, I can’t quite see yet how it could be OK that Cecil died.
I can’t see yet how it is OK that my dear friend died yesterday.
But what I can say is that I know the light exists under death and bursts up through grief and change.
I have felt it, I have experienced it.
Can I see a reason to keep the thoughts that death and ways people die are awful?
I really can’t find a good reason to keep my thoughts about death and dying.
I see reasons appear and ticker-tape across my mind.
I see fear and worry parked to the side, and I can say I hope I don’t suffer, and I don’t think I want it to hurt too much when I go, and I wish others didn’t have to suffer either….
….but I really cannot find a good, solid reason to argue with reality.
Reality appears to contain death, in infinite ways.
“Whenever I argue with reality, I lose. Reality is something I can trust. It rules. It is what it is, and once it is, there’s nothing I can do to change it for the moment. Nothing….I mean, we’re breathing, then we’re not, the sun rises, it shines, it sets, I love the clear air, I even love the smog. I spend a lot of my life in airports, and I breathe in a lot of jet fuel. How else can I die on time? There’s a perfect order running. I’m a lover of what is. Who would I be without my story? Without my story, in this very moment, is where God and I are one.” ~ Byron Katie
Much Love,
Grace
The Agony of I Can’t Decide
A young woman in her 30s sat on my couch, her face tense as if to keep from crying.
“I care about my boyfriend so much, he’s the sweetest, but I could never live with him because his work life is so unsteady, he has lots of debt, and I want to find someone I can live with.”
She wanted to do The Work on her situation again with her boyfriend so she could get more clear about her relationship and where it was going.
But she really knew the answer.
She had already done The Work on money, debt, jobs and what her boyfriend should or shouldn’t have, and relaxed about his business.
But she never felt the urge to invite him to move in with her.
It didn’t go that way. It was a “no”.
The next time I saw her, she reported that she broke up with him and was going to start dating other men.
Many, many….and I mean many….inquirers have come to work with me, whether solo sessions or in retreats, on a topic that’s old, difficult, common and very stressful.
Should I stay or should I go?
Trouble making a decision to leave something, somewhere, someone.
When do I quit? How do I quit?
I can relate so much to this when it comes to business and work, jobs and career.
When I was starting out in business, I had a part time job. I thought I would have that job for two years (I even said one year when I first began) and I ended up staying for five.
It turned into a really great, simple, very part time job with less and less time required from me.
I did The Work on that job many times. The job wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t my life’s joy either, that’s for sure. It was stable, offered great health insurance for me and my kids, the environment was quite beautiful, it was fairly easy to get to, the people were nice.
I stayed because I felt it was required for relaxation, ease, and allowing myself to be supported financially by the service I provided for the place I worked.
It was almost when I stopped thinking about leaving, and truly accepted being there and staying put awhile, that I saw it wouldn’t be long before I really would leave. It didn’t matter how great it was or how comfortable I became with it.
I was leaving.
Could it be the same with primary relationships?
Maybe. But often….they seem even like an even bigger deal.
People feel the agony of wondering if they should stay or go in their marriage or committed relationship or someone they’re dating.
What are the thoughts that are so painful?
Let’s explore.
What I hear, and what’s run through my mind too, are thoughts like these:
- I have to make a decision
- There’s a right thing to do and a wrong thing to do (I need to know what’s right)
- I could make a mistake
- I will hurt my partner (hurt the employer, hurt the neighbors, hurt my family)
- I will regret leaving later (so I shouldn’t leave now)
- I will regret not leaving later (so I should leave now)
- I’m missing something better
- It could be worse (so I should accept/appreciate this partner)
Here’s the thing with all these thoughts.
All these very stressful thoughts may have some assumptions present that are in themselves very stressful. They may seem kind of weird, but just consider them.
They might be driving your worry.
- There is an “I” that needs to make a decision
- I am the one in control of my life with or without this partner
- I’m calling the shots if I leave, or if I stay
- This is up to me
- I’m all alone (and it’s terrible)
Starting with any of these thoughts and questioning them, from both lists, can bring greater freedom.
But I suggest deeply considering the four questions for this second list.
Because here’s what happens for me as I do this.
First, are these thoughts true? Am I in charge here? Is it really up to me?
No.
There’s another human being, who I’ve loved dearly enough to spend lots of time with, who is a dynamic living entity who has their own ideas and thoughts. There’s a room with furniture. There’s daily life happening and buzzing outside. There’s my work and so many other activities.
It’s a huge hodge-podge soup of life and I’m a part of it.
How do I react when I believe I’m in control, and I have to make the right decision, and that my happiness hangs on this decision?
Agony. Anxiety. Flip-flopping back and forth internally. Suppressing my deepest ideas, feelings, and words.
Worrying about outcomes.
Some people report that when they believe they are in charge, they consult everyone else about whether or not they should stay or go.
Pictures float through about what it will look like if they decide yes or decide no.
But who would you be without your thoughts that so much is riding on this decision, and you are in charge, and you must do the right thing, and that happiness depends on this decision?
Wow.
Without these thoughts?
I suddenly feel a grand lightness. Relief.
Without the belief that I am fully responsible, and capable of making a terrible mistake, I feel free to speak what feels most true for me. I communicate with myself, my partner. I’m very honest.
I stay present in this moment, here, now.
I notice. I slow down.
I let things move as they move, without trying to push, rush or force anything.
And if I get afraid of what will happen next, I can do The Work.
“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~ Byron Katie
Tell the full truth today, with love and honesty. Then allow life to move and see what happens.
Much Love, Grace
Eating Peace: When You’re Craving and Nervous About Darkness, Do This
I am sooooooo happy to be back home after traveling for three weeks.
I missed sharing with you all and creating videos, but today I was inspired to consider “home”.
The feeling of being home used to be completely foreign to me when it came to food and eating.
You might have felt this, too.
But there’s a way to pause (and it may require less effort than you ever thought) and picture what’s light about the moment, rather than dark, scary or sad.
Watch here to see what I mean, and leave a comment to let me know what you think.
Lots of peace,
Grace
P.S. Eating Peace is coming! A three day immersion in freedom from eating wars. October 9-11, 2015 north Seattle or November 13-15 near San Francisco. We begin Friday morning at 9:00 am. $347. Register HERE. If you need accommodation, there are 3 bedrooms in our retreat lodge.
What if you never need it to go smoothly again? The value of a mess.
Yesterday I was doing all kinds of business-ish work-ish errand-ish stuff after returning from a long almost three week vacation.
Writing, answering emails, deleting emails, paying bills, checking bank account, participating in a teleclass, fixing errors, updating spreadsheet of participants in Year of Inquiry, opening and throwing away mail, mapping out my year into summer 2016, creating a flyer for a cancer support group in Seattle starting in October, taking my daughter to high school to pay all her senior year fees, shopping for school supplies, moving the laundry forward.
You get the idea.
As I approached the late afternoon, I felt the excitement of a new year-long group starting at 5 pm via telecall.
As always there was a last-minute flurry of emails and phone calls about Year of Inquiry, even though really, it’s only just begun and people could start almost any time this month without a problem.
Then this thing happened that’s happened several times in the past few years of facilitating telegroups.
During this call, the very first one–and only the first one–my connection to the call drops.
People are emailing “I don’t hear you anymore” and “it’s saying the moderator has left the conference” and “is there something wrong with the sound?”
Last year, when I started the very first Eating Peace 3.5 month program (which happens next this fall and through the holidays) there was a storm on the first day, the power went out in my entire neighborhood, and I had to drive to the nearest Starbucks and sit outside while using their wifi.
The year before that, on the first Relationship Hell to Heaven course call, my internet suddenly dropped and I had to use my cell phone to dial-in and couldn’t find my own number at first, while people were waiting.
Last night, I was using a new way to connect to my teleconference with Web Call and it dropped and I couldn’t even tell it dropped–I was just talking away until someone raised their hand (which I can see on my computer screen) to let me know I was gone.
Weird that it’s been the very first call.
Isn’t that a bad way to begin??!!
Ah ha! Something for The Work!
Here’s the belief, the general thinking:
The first call should be informative, clear sound, no technical difficulties, inspiring to everyone on the call, fascinating, stimulating, “go well”. People should feel happy they’re participating. It should feel like YES and be connecting, fun, easy. This new experience should be good.
Like a first date.
Or a job interview.
Or checking in to your hotel on a vacation, or getting that perfect campsite on your backpacking trip.
Or childhood.
Or getting over a disease.
Or dying.
This is no uncommon thought system of beliefs.
It should go well. Smoothly, easily, calmly. Everything should be wonderful. There should be a feeling of happiness, humor, joy, pleasure and peace about it.
Any of it. Any of these things.
But is that true?
Sure! (Says my immediate answer from the seeker of enjoyment, ease and pleasure in life).
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Yes. Pause. Yes. It seems so true. It seems like it’s better if it goes smoothly and easily and well.
Although I begin quickly to see that I have my version of “going smoothly” and my version of “going well” and my propensity to believe in ease-at-all-times is better than messy.
And what if this is not “my” version? What if it’s just an idea, a belief, passed on from previous generations and shared by humanity?
How do I react when I believe something, anything, should go “well” (and I see what well means to me as clearly as day)?
When it doesn’t, I’m angry.
Sometimes furious.
I’m bitter, I’m anxious, I’m sad.
Who would I be without the belief that something should go well, the first impression should be excellent, that nothing should be upsetting or disconnecting….
….even death, for example?
About a thousand times more interested in whatever is messy, chaotic, wild.
Accepting of it all.
Unworried.
The first call should be uninformative, bad sound, technical difficulties, uninspiring to everyone on the call, uninteresting, dull, “go poorly”. People should feel unhappy they’re participating. It should feel like NO and be disconnecting, hard, boring. This new experience should be difficult.
OK then.
But really….funny as this sounds….how could this be as true, or truer?
I find three examples.
1) If someone is really freaked out or disturbed by one phone call, this probably isn’t the right place for them–they can quickly and efficiently withdraw
2) I can see how I am not calling the shots or in control–and how quickly someone wrote to alert me so that I could make a change. I notice I didn’t have to know before I needed to.
3) Messiness and Not Knowing (see yesterday’s Grace Note) is more the norm and when I get to practice inquiring into these disturbances, the end is laughter and relaxation, and joy
Without this belief that something has to go well?
I might try more new stuff.
In fact, that’s what happened with more inquiry, the more I did it.
Life became messier, more unexpected, full of mistakes, riskier (in a good way).
Today, I get to remember how much I like this new down-in-the-street way of life, gritty, real, throw caution to the wind….
….and smile with the feeling of Bring It On.
“You feel bad? But it’s pure innocence. If I believe it, I have to live out of it. I can try and try and try, I can use positive affirmations, but under these affirmations, what I really believe is what drives me to act. And it rules me. And I pretend, and I hate myself. Feel it. It’s violence…..We want war to end in the world, but basically we think that war works in our lives.” ~ Byron Katie
I notice being against even phone interruptions and technical difficulties creates a violent edge, or a frightened edge.
What if I were for whatever happened?
Whether a phone call dropping, or a terrible childhood, or dying….it would be a wild, amazing adventure.
Full of all the range of emotions, and love, and change, and messiness, and laughter.
And gratitude.
Much Love, Grace
Socrates, Byron Katie, and Rowing Your Boat
This is the first week of Year of Inquiry.
Words can’t describe how happy I am to be back to doing The Work with a small group of people who desire freedom from believing their stressful thoughts.
If you’re interested, you can plunk down a full fee for the year and call it done–you’re making time for yourself for slowing life down and questioning the mind and the way it thinks everything is true. You can also pay monthly.
All I know is….thank God (whatever you see as this mystery) for The Work and for the simplicity of the way Byron Katie formatted and came up with her process of questioning.
Self-inquiry has really been around for centuries, perhaps thousands of years.
OK, probably since humans and minds and thought have existed.
There have been questions.
Why? How? What is this for? Where are we? What do I do? Where do I go? What does this mean? Who am I? Who are you?
Socrates, the great philosopher who lived almost 2,500 years ago became known for his method of inquiry. He loved stimulating discussions in the form of questions and answers and debate.
He loved circles and seminars and people gathering together to discuss and ponder these great questions about the world, about humanity, about life and whatever is beyond life–he wanted to understand the truth, whatever this might be.
Socrates, in fact, realized along the way that he didn’t really “know” anything.
A friend of his even asked the wise Oracle of Delphi (the priestess who could answer great questions) if there was anyone wiser than Socrates.
The Oracle answered “no”.
Socrates believed the answer was a sort of paradox, because he was discovering that he really knew nothing in the end, absolutely.
He felt he was not wise at all.
And that in this knowing was actually great wisdom.
Isn’t it amazing to think that if you don’t know the answer to something about your life, or about anything, this may be the most wise position you could take?
Even if it’s difficult and agonizing at times?
Socrates began to test out the idea of wisdom by asking all the great people of Athens–including politicians, poets, artists–what they thought of the Oracle’s pronouncement that no one was wiser than he, and what they thought “wisdom” meant and who had the deepest or truest answers.
What became clear was that no one knew what the answer was.
They might think they were wise and knowledgeable, or they might not, but their opinions didn’t really matter.
In the end, no one knew.
Life was a mystery. A great contemplation. Full of pain and full of joy, full of life as well as death.
Since Socrates knew that he didn’t really “know” anything absolutely, he concluded and laughed that the Oracle must be right–because most other people felt they DID know the truth, and therefore they had blind spots and anger and suffering.
Socrates, as you may well know, was put on trial for corrupting the youth of Athens and of not believing in the Gods.
It was in his trial that he uttered the famous quote “I know that I know nothing.”
It is told that at his trial, he was asked what he thought his punishment should be, for being so influential and defying the status quo and not seeing anyone or anything as all-knowing, even himself.
Socrates said his punishment should be free dinners for life and a wage paid by the government.
I guess he had a sense of humor, too.
He was found guilty and put to death.
I love the Socrates story, although some would see it as quite tragic as many legal acts have been throughout human history when people defy the system and appear to be threatening.
But he was not willing to step down for the sake of saving his own life and speaking what the politicians and rulers wanted to hear.
He even may have been interested in death, certainly not afraid of it.
He was certainly willing to see how things unfolded, while continuously saying what was true for him–that he didn’t know what was really true.
Today, my thought is that we have greater capacity to be with the unknown.
Sort of.
What I mean by that is….it’s far more acceptable, and obvious sometimes, that we really don’t know why we are here.
We don’t know what created us precisely, we don’t know when we’re going to die, we don’t have answers for specifically why we were born.
Even if you believe in God or use the word God (which I love, personally) and have a religion, you know it’s a mysterious force.
Our lives are really very mysterious.
This process of questioning is very mysterious.
And yet, we as inquirers are willing to enter the mystery, most of us.
We’re sooooo curious.
We are willing to consider that we may not have answers to our “problems” and we might not even know how we got into this pickle we’re in, if we’re in a pickle (most of us are at some point, right)?
All of us have our dilemmas, and our thoughts about what needs to happen in order for us to be happy.
Or what we’re missing, or what we need to be worried about.
Our minds are so brilliant, they move so quickly, we don’t even catch our thoughts most of the time.
Things happen in our environments, and we decide almost instantly what these things mean.
We react.
Which is where The Work comes in as a brilliant tool.
When my reaction is stressful…..I know what to do.
Question my thinking. Ask if it is true? Ask who I would be without this thought?
And what I have found over time, is that when things happen, and I question them deeply with the four questions known as The Work of Byron Katie, I see what happened before differently.
More openly.
I see what happened with curiosity. I wonder.
I may even have appreciation and fascination, rather than horror.
And then what happens?
Wow, this is the most wonderful thing, and why I continue to inquire into the meaning I put on life and relationships and all things…..
…..because what happens after inquiry is the next time something similar occurs I have a different reaction.
I simply do not react so quickly.
I remember that I don’t know what I think I know. I’m aware that my thoughts are not absolutely true, I don’t have the complete and total “truth” and the full picture.
I react maybe with laughter. I respond with greater peace, and less anxiety.
Without even planning it.
I begin to see things as more mysterious, more full of unknowns, and I’m somehow willing to stay there without certainty, not because I’m trying to stay there, but because I REALLY AM UNCERTAIN!
Today someone shared that on Byron Katie’s facebook page there was this quote:
“The moment you project what’s going to happen, it costs you your life.”
I can so relate.
I have many thoughts about what might happen. I think about what might happen in an hour, or later this evening. Pictures flash through my head about what might happen next week, or in ten years.
I have thoughts all the time like….
- I have to get A done and B done before C (and C is critically important)
- My kid needs D or else E
- My relationship isn’t working because F
- If I don’t change G then my life will look like H in the future
- I need more J
- I need less Q
- This isn’t good
- This is fantastic (yes I included this one because believing it can be very stressful and make you grabby, right?)
- I know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I must implement it
What if instead of believing any of it is true (if you pause and ask if what you’re thinking is true, and walk through the four questions, you may find you can’t believe it) you are open to Not Knowing?
What if you trusted, somehow, that your answers may not be the complete package?
What if instead of your ideas, and being the one responsible (it’s quite a burden) you let go of having to figure it out and you let the world surprise you?
Because that’s what I find, almost every time I question my stressful thinking.
Life starts having a sweet flow, like I’m on a rowboat without oars and I’m floating down a gorgeous stream.
OK. I admit, sometimes the stream becomes a wild chaotic waterfall and it feels like it’s an emergency. Not so gorgeous, OK.
However, if I then question the emergency of going over waterfalls, and dying, and I find that even Death is not necessarily what I think is true about it….
….even these hard times I notice become soft again.
Even “death” is just a thought.
Without answers, without really knowing what it is until I get there.
All of this doesn’t mean I don’t take action, and move to another room when it’s really loud in this one, or run away if someone’s coming at me with a knife.
Maybe that’s the way of it. Running occurs.
But it does seem like less frantic running ever happens, now that I do The Work.
I am surrounded by amazing people who love to contemplate their thinking, and see what happens, and report in to each other the way things change and move.
Astonishing and inspiring events occur, in the mystery of all this, when gathered in a group of inquiring people (and when gathered in a group of non-inquiry people, for that matter).
That’s why I’m so happy to begin with everyone tonight, and many days every month, with schedule inquiry time.
I get to hear what happens in their lives, what they are learning, how things shift.
Sometimes the shifts are big, sometimes very small and subtle.
People don’t even always catch how things are changing in their lives with inquiry.
But you can see it by staying steadily in inquiry over time, especially if you’re with other people also doing inquiry.
You can see the magnificent, quiet, beautiful silence of Not Knowing that begins to enter someone’s life and allow them to relax.
Some close friends of mine call me an Energizer Bunny.
At “worst” (we could question worse/better/bad/good of course), I am a huge over-achiever, driven, compulsive, fast, kind of crazed about the process of “doing” and thinking and understanding once and for all.
Heh heh.
But at best I am in deep service to Silence and coming over and over to the conclusion that my thoughts do not have the answers and that I am clearly not calling the shots or in control.
It’s hilarious really.
This wonderful wild balance of being alive and participating in the middle of an incredible Life Force of Reality.
Undefinable.
Being comfortable with Not Knowing is the greatest experience I could ever practice.
I get to practice every single day.
And what I see is that The Work becomes a way of life.
It becomes steadily alive in the background of everything to wonder if what I’m seeing is real, or true, and to open up to new possibilities and new thoughts.
Wow.
This is the exciting place, where fresh new insights happen. Where very thrilling creative ideas come along, never before encountered.
Doing The Work with a group over a long period of time (like a whole Year, for example) allows me personally to see the change, the shift, the wonder of humanity and the way waking up happens.
It happens in a pace that’s just right for you, for me.
Sometimes it feels troubling, for sure. Sometimes it feels as expansive as if you just found out you can fly, and you didn’t know it until today.
I love remembering what Byron Katie suggests today in her awesome quote (that I’m grateful someone pointed out to me on facebook a few hours ago) that it costs me my life when I project what will happen into my day, or week, or year.
Instead, I can be with the opposite of all my thinking, and then…..
…..beyond the opposite and into Not Knowing.
Then, this is what becomes possible and true:
- I do not have to get anything done and nothing is critically important
- My kid does not need me, and his/her path is OK for him/her
- My relationship is working just right, and it will change when it’s required
- If I change, or don’t change, my life will look incredible in the future
- I do not need more of anything
- I need less thinking/believing my thinking
- This is good
- This is fantastic and it’s fine if it goes away–in fact, it will change
- I do not know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I am not implementing anything alone
Doesn’t that feel a little lighter?
Isn’t all this just as possible as the stressful thinking?
Flip flop into duality and two sides and opposites of everything, that’s what mind and thought can do.
Really, it’s pretty genius.
Who made all this up?
Oh. Right.
Just like Socrates discovered thousands of years ago, and many wise people afterwards, and Byron Katie in the 1980s…..
…..I don’t know.
Is this good news for you, or bad news?
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.” ~ English nursery rhyme
Doing The Work is the rowing. It helps Not Knowing become very, very good news.
Much Love,
Grace
P.S. Year of Inquiry starts today at 5 pm Pacific with the very first phone call. We’ve also got one tomorrow, then Thursday, then Friday. It’s the beginning of a wonderful year of tapping into the power of a group, and structured time for your inquiring life. Won’t you join me gently rowing down the stream?
Heaven Comes Into View After I Did The Work
I have to admit it.
I haven’t done The Work in writing in almost 3 weeks, until today.
And let me tell you, questioning stressful thought on paper is stunning.
I’ll tell you about it in a minute, but first…..
…..I can’t wait to start questioning thoughts that create suffering again with Year of Inquiry folks next week.
Everyone enrolled will receive an email from me with all the dial-in information on Monday.
You’ll have four time choices to come on board and do The Work–and yes, this will be your opportunity almost every single week for the entire year. (The last week of every month we generally don’t meet, so we can breathe, connect with our facilitation partners if we have them, digest, and….notice what it’s like WITHOUT inquiry).
The best way to stay in touch with the experience of inquiring into my sadness, irritation, anger, resentment or fear about anything in life is to have some scheduled regular consistent time to do it.
In Year of Inquiry, that’s what we’ve got together: Tuesdays 5 pm Pacific, Weds noon PT, Thursday 9 am PT, Fridays 10 am PT.
Come to one, or come to all.
Me? I’ll be at all of the inquiry sessions every single week, since I’m the organizer…..
…..and since, for some odd reason, life has unfolded so that this person called Grace Bell gets to do The Work a lot, and not quit.
I never planned this.
But because I have this role in life, doing The Work and being so deeply interested over and over again in questioning thought….
….there’s a freedom about being here as a human being that is brilliant and wild and truly astonishing that I always, always had but couldn’t see before (even though it was always there).
I created Year of Inquiry because I can hardly believe how helpful, how life-changing, doing The Work became for me over ten years ago, when I dipped my toe in the water.
And lately, like I said, I have NOT been doing The Work with pen and paper for nearly 3 weeks.
Yes, not one time of sitting down, writing out my thoughts, and considering what’s happening in my mind that’s affecting my actions, behavior, mood, connection with my environment or connection with silence in the rich, slow way offered by The Work.
There’s Good News and there’s Bad News about the way life’s gone without doing The Work daily, as I usually do when I’m living in the same place every day.
(I’ve been traveling for 3 weeks and my computer crashed, and my cell phone has spotty wi-fi reception and I didn’t bring a notebook or journal and I’ve been very busy seeing important things….and who knows what other excuses I can list all very legitimate).
I’ll start with the Bad News.
Because that’s where The Work starts.
We’re not trying to be positive or happy-happy or stiff-upper-lip or getting a new technique that will be The One that works for all time to allow us to be wonderful amazing productive successful people, like we always dreamed to be.
No.
The Work starts with the juicy, sometimes ugly, chaotic and wild beliefs passed on from generation to generation through being a human being and having a mind and the capacity to think, and feel.
The Work starts with feeling.
Feeling bad. Feeling upset.
And then, instead of trying to smash down, or get away, or escape, or go to war with the reality of this discomfort–sometimes heart-breaking agony–we wait.
We slow it way down.
We get to investigate what’s being “thought” and concluded and assumed. We get to identify the ideas and pictures and the feelings we carry within from experiences or interactions that feel threatening or difficult.
The way I always was before The Work is I noticed life and people and difficulties, and I thought what I was thinking was True.
Something terrible just happened. This is bad. It could happen again.
It hurts.
Quick, do anything and everything to make it not hurt. Make it go away. Please, make it go away.
Before I had The Work and knew what to do with stressful thinking, I was on a quest to feel better and end my suffering and I wanted angels, guides, wise mentors, a zap of lightening to the head, awakening, transformation, God, magic.
Anything to end the pain.
With The Work I see myself as having a spark of every single one of these qualities. It’s like I am my own guide, and I take me with myself everywhere I go.
Even if I am thousands of miles from my “home” (my home is really everywhere and nowhere) and I don’t know the people around me (not actually required or true, everyone is so beautiful and fascinating, and human).
These qualities of angelic guidance, wisdom, lightening zaps, awakening, transformation, God and magic are within me and available to me any time by becoming silent, slowing down, questioning what I’m thinking, asking if what I’m believing is really true.
They are available to me by doing The Work.
You have these qualities, too.
I cannot tell you today how happy I am to be able to borrow another computer (since mine crashed on Day #2 of this long journey) and sit down and do The Work.
I had thoughts zooming through. Stressful ones.
(You probably notice how fast the mind is….faster than the speed of light!)
My mind was giving me some Bad News.
Thoughts like “my son is going to get lost walking through the night-time dark streets of London to meet up later” or “my daughter is going to fall and hurt herself” or “when I get home, I need to get a regular job because this volatile income I can’t take anymore” or “the people staying in our house hate us because the dishwasher broke” or “they owe us because they broke the dishwasher!” or “the world is so full of human beings, what are we all doing here?” or “the weather is crap” or “traveling is overrated” or “I wanna go home.”
Now, because I have gotten to sit down and get quiet and spend time with my thoughts, I’m remembering the joy inquiring brings.
I’m remembering at a deep level the peace beyond all beliefs.
Being human means, apparently, I carry along a mind full of thoughts about everything I notice around me.
Which brings me to the Good News.
Remember I said there was some Good News?
The Good News about NOT doing The Work daily while traveling?
The good news is that in this moment AFTER doing The Work and questioning my very stressful beliefs, I have the most intense, deep, moving appreciation for investigating my thinking, and for this brilliant, powerful mind that goes along with me everywhere.
Here’s what I have found in my turnarounds today as I’ve taken time out to sit quietly:
“My son is going to be found walking through the dark nighttime streets of London to meet us later” and “my daughter is going to fall and then heal” and “when I get home, I already have an irregular job (facilitating The Work) and I CAN take it” and “the people staying in our house do NOT hate us because the dishwasher broke” or “no one owes me anything, hooray” and “the world is so full of human beings, it’s amazing we’re all here” and “the weather is gorgeous” and “traveling is just traveling” and “I am home, always.”
I notice how when I do The Work and I feel what it’s like without my stressful thoughts, and I find turnarounds, my thoughts all blend together and connect and expand.
I sink into a smile.
I am so, so grateful for The Work after noticing a pile-up of thinking without entering it more deeply.
It is no small thing to come across this simple way to question suffering.
Suffering appears to happen. Life bumps us up against hardship, physical pain, destruction, fear, confusion, and death.
There is no getting away from any of it.
But with The Work, I remember over and over again (just like I have today) that it doesn’t matter if I believe I can handle the suffering or not…..
…..I notice the truth is, I do.
If you’re here, you’ve handled it too.
Even if you think “that was too much, I’m too screwed up, it’s too painful, I can’t take it anymore” you can and you are.
You are amazing, really.
We all are.
The mind is busy, running on, doing it’s job of protecting and trying to understand and control the environment…..
…..and life unfolds as it does.
I notice my thoughts sometimes go to visions of bad events, or terrible things happening. My feelings sometimes move to sadness or terror.
But something brilliant and wild, beyond all thought, is at work.
Doing The Work, I realize for the thousandth time today, allows this mind to slow down, to rest, to Not Know what’s true.
It allows me to feel the Silence Present here where I sit (which happens to be rocking gently on a barge on the River Thames in London, England).
I remember, with The Work, that I have no idea what’s going to happen today. I can make a few educated guesses, but really, I have no idea.
With The Work, this is great news instead of alarming news.
The difference is so incredible, it’s hard to put into words.
All I know is, last night I was thinking “traveling is hard, expensive, pointless, tiring, scary.”
And now I’m open to the turnarounds “traveling is easy, priceless, expansive, restful, loving.”
It was my thinking that was hard, expensive, pointless, tiring and scary.
I even remember that traveling is wonderful, and not traveling is also wonderful.
It doesn’t really matter.
The most exciting traveling happens internally with The Work. It’s an exploration of the whole world of suffering and peace.
I hope you’ll join me for steady inquiry throughout a whole year, to learn, grow, rest, access silence and Not Knowing, refine your life journey no matter what age, circumstance or situation(s) you’re in.
I can’t wait to get started, and get back to regular inquiry again with others.
My appreciation after this gap in practicing The Work is bigger than ever.
If you know you’d also love the structure of group support and scheduled inquiry time, check out the Year of Inquiry (link below) and get ready for the greatest adventure ever (you won’t need to physically go anywhere, unless you come to our retreats in Seattle).
With The Work, I discover peace to be possible in every kind of place, in every situation. You don’t need to travel in the way I’ve been traveling, or do anything special, or find the golden key.
You question your stressful thinking, you Un-Believe the way you see your life, other people, and your world.
Your inner life becomes the Greatest Adventure on Earth.
Wow.
“So, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the thoughts that take you away from it. You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way, but becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way home to everything you need.” ~ Byron Katie
Will you join me back at home, your home you carry everywhere but may sometimes miss due to stressful thoughts?
It may sound a little crazy, but all you need is a pen, paper, and to answer four questions.
What you discover can become your new world. Heaven right here on earth.
Much Love,
Grace
P.S. Year of Inquiry starts on September 8th and you can attend once a week, twice a week, three times a week or four times a week. You can listen to the recordings. You can skip whole weeks altogether. I’ll work with you up to four times individually during the year, you decide when you need your individual sessions.
You do YOI your way. I create the scaffolding, you clean up your thinking at your own pace, what’s right for you.
P.P.S. You are awesome.