I love how anything we tell a story about, anything difficult, painful or annoying… contains information about the story-teller.
We often LOVE looking with child-like innocence at the projection, the story, not at the one doing the projecting…..
Imagine being at a theater show for children, and notice how they believe everything told in the story. Even if it’s obvious to us as adults that a person in a bear costume is a human, not a bear, the kids think it’s a bear.
But we adults also envision what is being said and we think “it’s true!” We can be the same way in a movie, with tears streaming down our cheeks at a moving moment, even though we know the whole thing is made up.
When we start slowing the mind down and looking more closely at our thinking, we start to see in our own stories how it’s all about us, our own beliefs and attitudes, what we get drawn to, how we look at things, what we’ve scooped up and bought; hook, line and sinker.
We start to see that every single time we tell a story, there are holes in it where we can’t be 100% absolutely sure that our version of the story is the WHOLE TRUTH. The way we see money, family members, food, our bodies, neighbors, co-workers, colleagues….all have to do with clusters of thought that we’re thinking might be true, past experiences, gossip, what the people around us also believed.
If we question our own thinking enough, with open examination, and realize how subjective all stories are, then when we start to hear other peoples’ stories we can start to think “Man, that person should do The Work, they should question their thinking, they would be happier if they didn’t believe so resolutely that they’ve been a victim!”
Someone says “I don’t have enough money” or “I don’t have enough time” or “I don’t know enough” and they are sad, anxious or depressed….they talk about the terrible things that could happen since they don’t have enough.
Another person says “I hate political conservatives” or “this world needs to change” or “my boss is so annoying” or “the 1% are ruining the economy” and we get a sense of this person who is doing the talking…and we start to have some thoughts, you may have noticed.
Once we have started to question our own stories, we begin to see how that person over there who is suffering and telling their story is probably not seeing a whole, complete picture. They are believing painful thoughts and concepts.
You may be easily able to think about someone you know right now who is telling a tough, difficult, hurtful story to themselves. Notice what you are thinking about them:
- they should stop taking their situation so seriously
- they should stop complaining
- they need nurturing, therapy, counseling, support
- they should to The Work
- they are too entrenched in their own story to find peace
- they need to relax
The thing is, these are also judgments and stories ABOUT THOSE OTHER SUFFERING PEOPLE.
Doh!
I love how Byron Katie says, if you think someone else needs to do The Work, then YOU need to do The Work.
If I think my neighbor or my clients or my family members are in a terrible situation, that they can’t get out of it, that their story is horrendous and they really DO need intervention, some major miracle, or a labotomy….then I need to go back into my own story and question it.
“What really matters is always available to everyone. Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing has ever happened that didn’t need to happen. Bringing inquiry to people is my job. After that, there’s nothing to offer. I know that ultimately people don’t need my help. I go through the world helping people, it appears, and I’m only selfishly helping myself. When you say Help Me, I understand that. I’ve been there. but even if I could give you freedom, I wouldn’t do it. I love you too much for that. I leave your freedom to you. That’s the gift.”~ Byron Katie
Everyone is enough, everyone has all they need to find their way, to transform their stories. We may not know when or how, but everyone is on the perfect path. There they are, believing their thoughts, in our presence, so that we can question our OWN thinking.
“When the Master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised. If you don’t trust the people, you make them untrustworthy. The Master doesn’t talk, he acts. When his work is done, the people say ‘Amazing: we did it, all by ourselves!'”~Tao te Ching #17
Those people close to you who are suffering….they need to know they can do it all by themselves. They are trustworthy.
I do not need to say the right and perfect thing, to plead, argue, talk, recount, explain. All I need to do is govern myself well, do my own work.
I heard the word “co-dependent” growing up, since it was popular then. Now I understand how not to be. Trust that person to take care of their own life….because they can.
Love, Grace