Strange the mind and this thing called “thinking”. What is thinking?
It often appears to have sound…a voice, or many voices, a direction out in front, an energy in the head, a force pulling inward into someplace dark.
Someone says “hold on, I need to think!” and we know they are saying they want quiet. Thought overload. Fast thought.
The other day I went to a movie called Her. Friends had recommended it.
I was intrigued when they said that a man falls in love, and has a relationship that actually evolves, with a Voice. His Operating System, an artificial intelligence, called Samantha.
Samantha the OS, of course, and lives inside his computer.
While there are many short little lines in the movie that made me laugh (such as “falling in love is a form of socially acceptable insanity”) there was one interesting.
This man ventures off to a hideaway cabin in the woods, in deep snow. Inside this cabin is warmth, light, movement, safety, a hot kettle. Outside the cold is bitter, the snow so deep it’s way above his knees.
In this scene, the man is alone, apparently, with a body. But his mind is talking, connecting, laughing with his operating system. He’s thrilled to go on this adventure into the wild, out of the city and away from daily life.
One of his friends had pointed out that he was man on the outside but woman on the inside. True, when you consider he has this very powerful and loud female voice in his ear.
And what’s it like when WE go somewhere by ourselves? When we go to a cabin, or a room, or on a walk, or even reading a book, or writing on a computer?
Is there not a Voice, or several voices, talking?
Don’t you sometimes long for one voice to rise above the others that feels loving, kind, that knows you well and is imminently and unconditionally concerned with your best interests, and with understanding you, and who sees the world as a wonderful place to explore?
Because the thoughts that we are bad for ourselves, or we make “bad” decisions, or that the world is detached or dangerous, are often unbelievably painful. Also heavy, depressing and lonely.
Then on top of the mean, vicious self-critical thoughts, we’ll also feel guilty that we’re having those thoughts at all.
When Those Mean Voices are inside the cabin with us, who the heck wants to go hang out in a cabin in the snow, right??
But a really loving, intimate, supportive voice that asks questions, listens, offers answers, and wants to explore….that kind of inner voice is luscious.
And that’s the voice that you can bring to The Work.
Wait. Before you start thinking you don’t HAVE an inner gorgeous OS that’s just right for you….let’s consider with The Work.
Say you are freaked out, anxious, enraged, abandoned, full of despair, horrified, frightened….
Well, there’s a voice talkin’ and it may not be the most supportive one you’ve ever tapped into. It may be the worry wart, or the one that believes in violence as a motivator. It probably believes that something has to change, maybe drastically, or else….
- I’m too self-critical
- I sabotage myself
- I’m my own worst enemy
- I’m too (quiet, greedy, addictive, nervous)
- I should be more confident
- I can’t stop “x”
- I can’t stay motivated
- I’m an idiot
So, is it true?
Yeah. I’ve been here over and over again. Just the fact that I repeat negative self-criticism is idiotic. It’s true.
Are you sure?
Well. First of all, who are you referring to, this “I” that is an idiot? This “I” that can’t stop, that isn’t confident, and is flawed?
Is all of you too greedy, quiet, selfish, addictive, or upset? Are you sure you’re the ruin of yourself?
No.
Even if you answered “yes”, keep going.
How do you react when you believe you are “x” and it must stop? How do you react when you think you are flawed, and need to snap out of it, get a clue?
I thought this over and over again when I had an eating disorder all those years ago. I believed I shouldn’t binge, smoke, drink, or harm myself.
Whip, whip, whip.
When I believed these thoughts, one way I reacted was that I thought finding a Nice Voice would be a huge relief. I believed that kind, loving voice was somewhere else, not here.
It’s kind of needy, seriously.
Who would you be without the thought that you are too “x”? That you have a mean inner voice? Or that you are needy?
Without the thought that you need to fix this ridiculous being that you are….
….you may just stop, puzzled, curious, waiting.
Without the thought that you are a jerk, or needy, you may find that you’re open to NOT having the company of anyone except YOU.
You may find yourself to be quite interesting. Fascinating. You may like empty space, silence, other people, and be basically fine with what happens.
I turn the thoughts around and feel them, and find examples:
- I’m NOT too self-critical
- I save myself
- I’m my own best friend
- I’m NOT too (quiet, greedy, addictive, nervous)
- I shouldn’t be more confident
- I can stop “x”
- I can stay motivated
- I’m brilliant
Could these be just as true, or truer?
Yes. And you can feel them. Find the benefits of being these things that you were considering to be flaws.
You’re not even sure what this “I” is, so maybe suddenly the goofiness of that might come clear. If the other Mean “I” is evident, the equal and opposite Loving “I” is also evident, in this world of duality.
Who would you be right now in this moment if you were your own best friend?
And what if you don’t even need your own friendship? Are you still breathing?
“Your inner voice guides you all day long to do simple things such as brush your teeth, drive to work, call your friend, or do the dishes. Even though it’s just another story, it’s a very short story, and when you follow the direction of the voice, that story ends. We are really alive when we live as simply as that open, waiting, trusting, and loving to do what appears in front of us now.” ~ Byron Katie
If you’d like to get on a telegroup call three times per month and have a collective committee of voices all of whom are supporting your operating system (or dismantling your critical beliefs)….then come join YOI. It starts March 7th.
Much love, Grace