Someone asked me yesterday why I do what I do.
Why do I write Grace Notes, why do I love to work with people in self-inquiry in this particular way–identifying thoughts and questioning them–why am I creating Eating Peace, and why am I so passionate about inquiry?
I loved considering my answer.
Why do I do it?
It’s easy.
Because I’ve watched self-inquiry changing my life, every day, andthe lives of people I work with. I love swimming in the great question of what is real, true, what’s happening here in this thing called life, what the mind is, how things work most easily here.
I love experiencing liberation and being surrounded by others who do the same…and watching the numbers of people finding freedom build.
This isn’t just a little thing, a little life change.
It’s a massive, completely different change of how I’m walking through life, of how life is unfolding itself right in front of me.
Others feel the same who stop, inquire, examine their minds, feel what’s happening.
I didn’t even know, when I was a teenager and feeling very angry, disturbed and frightened, with my head hanging over the toilet throwing up food, or having a food binge, that I would no longer feel that way one day in the future.
But I was determined to figure it out, whatever it took to end the violence.
When I began my search for peace so long ago, I just wanted the pain to stop. My reason for doing what I did was to calm down, and get through this thing called life. Being successful would be a bonus.
I’d settle for no terrible pain and suffering.
Slowly but surely, something began to change. Like the world very, very slowly becoming living color instead of black and white.
“Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” ~ Dorothy
Since that time of hoping for the thorn to be removed from my brain (the painful and untrue thinking) I’ve been moved to pursue many things.
Some things started out passionately, and then I dropped them. Some activities fizzled out.
Classes, activities, houses I lived in, places I moved, school programs, training programs, hobbies, self-improvement plans, therapy, even some relationships.
My inquiry started long before I heard of many of the teachers I know of now, like Byron Katie.
My life took a turn, for what I now know was the better. Dropping out of college, focusing on my own personal stability, recovery, and therapy.
I was lucky that way.
But once I reached solid ground, and appeared to stay there, why did I keep going?
Because that person asked me yesterday, I thought about it.
I realized with a wave of tingling warmth moving through me that the reason I do what I do, today, is because I absolutely LOVE people.
I love helping people get from horror to hope to laughter to peace.
I love sharing their journeys, this crazy journey called a life. The intimacy and kindness is stunning, the joy is so very happy.
It’s like the way I love dancing!
Everyone joining together on the dance floor, no matter what shape you’re in, no matter what kind of physical condition, and moving to the music.
Everyone together. No depression, no violence, no prison.
Most of all, the reason I do what I do is the love I see opening everyone up, as they inquire into reality.
People stop feeling so afraid, they stop being so critical, they stop hating themselves, stop acting out addictions, they stop overeating (one of my personal favorites), they stop drinking, they stop obsessing and panicking, they let go of their very prison-like beliefs that hurt so much.
Why do I do what I do?
I love participating in a world that’s waking up all around me, in every direction I look, and being a part of this astonishing process.
And I want every person who has ever hated themselves (especially for eating, either too much, too little, too imperfectly, or some other complaint) to love themselves unconditionally instead.
Why are you doing what you do?
I always love a great question. Great questions change the world.
“We are each made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.” ~ Desmond Tutu
Much love,
Grace