Tag: what other people think

There is a store called Archie McPhee’s in Seattle that sells only what is silly, goofy, funny and often bizarre gizmos and toys.

Things like bacon flavored gum, rubber finger insect puppets, and mad libs.

I try to go there once a year on my birthday. My kids know this trip is a part of my birthday event.

Several years ago, they were selling these ornate, plastic framed pictures of saints that were decorated in the style of 15th century Italy. I bought one that looked like the Madonna.

She’s delicately exposing with both hands a red heart in the middle of her chest with light rays beaming out of it. She has a saintly blue shroud over her hair that falls over her shoulders.

I put it up on my wall in the living room in this high space that normally wouldn’t hold paintings or artwork. I thought it was funny, but also loved the drama of it, in a good way.

Love…beaming out of her heart to everyone and everything around.

One day, I realized that when clients come to do The Work in my cottage, they see that Madonna right up on the wall.

Someone asked me once “Are you Catholic?” and I said “No, why?”

They pointed at the plastic painting.

Then…someone else gave me a nicely framed little copy of a Madonna and Child also from the Renaissance period that sits near the entryway to my home.

Hmmm. Maybe I should move one of them, take them down.

What will people think?

I smiled. I had a stressful belief that people might be assuming something that is not true about me. I’ll give them the wrong idea. Oh no!

You may have this as well….about something.

I was once working with a man who had a lot of thoughts about his appearance. He said he couldn’t go out of his house wearing sweats or casual clothing. He had to be dressed well, even if it was jeans he had to look together, with a nice shirt, shoes, socks.

It’s interesting to notice when we think we know what other people are thinking, or what they MIGHT think….and try to hide it, change it, avoid showing it, just so we won’t be rejected, misunderstood, or judged wrongly.

I have to make the right impression!

Is that true?

No. Not really. People can ask if they have questions or need to clear up something or aren’t sure what something means about the way I’m appearing, just like that client did.

How do you react when you believe you have to make the right impression?

Oh man. This can be really stressful. More stressful than you might think.

What if it’s a person you’re interested in romantically, or a colleague you admire, or an audience, or your family and friends?

You think they might not like what you’re doing, what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, what you look like, how you’re coming off…and you feel anxious.

You change what you like, just to make sure it doesn’t come off the “wrong” way.

Embarrassed, ashamed, hiding, sneaking.

I used to say things to the cashier when in line with a bunch of food at the grocery store like this….”gosh, I wonder if I have enough for 12 people, that’s how many people are coming over.”

But only when I knew I was going to binge on the food.

It’s horrible, trying to cover up things about you, because you’re afraid of what people will really think. Very stressful.

So who would you be without these thoughts?

Without the belief, at all, that you need to make any impression whatsoever? That you have to do, say, act, be a certain way so that folks like you, or aren’t mistaken about you?

“You can get really good at this game of creating someone. And if the person you created is not receiving the popularity and success you expected, you can adjust your thoughts accordingly. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this. Obviously everybody does it. But who are you that’s doing this, and why are you doing it? Why do we let this happen to us? Why do we care so much whether other people accept the facade we put out there?” ~ Michael Singer

Without the belief, things may be weird and strange. You’re not attached to what you thought was necessary. You may lose your bearings.

Without the thought that I need to say, understand, do, think, feel or appear a certain way…to make a good impression…it’s total wide open infinite space.

“I noticed that things happen with or without me, people approve of me of they don’t. It has nothing to do with me.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought I need to be somebody, and make it a good impression, I discover something vast…a little frightening possibly.

But it’s very, very free and present. There is no concern, in a very gentle way, for what other people think. There is only noticing, seeing, connecting, wondering, laughing.

I turn the thoughts around: I don’t have to make the right impression, I have to make the wrong impression, it’s not possible to make any true impression, I only have to make the right impression to myself, (and even that is unknown).

“You have put so much energy into building a prison for yourself. Now spend as much on demolishing it. In fact, demolition is easy, for the false dissolves when it is discovered.” ~ Nisargaddata

Much Love, Grace